My 5 Year Old Son Still Refuses to Poop on Potty!

Have you tried buying one of those seats that fit on the toilet, they are just there size and they won't have to hold on to keep from falling in. and they can be taken off when he goes, that way he can put it on and take it off by himself.they make them in different designs, you can buy them at walmart or target. That may help. It could be that maybe he is scared of the big seat. Good luck you have more patients than I would at this.

Have you tried feeding him foods that will facilite going to the bathroom so that when there are no more pull-ups, he doesn't have as much of an option to just not go? My sister did this with her son as he would just refuse to go and after a few days he was constipated. Her pediatrician suggested fruits and the like to get things going and then to continue with them without the benefit of the pull-ups. Short of going poo in his pants...he had no choice but to use the toilet. Good luck!

My son was very hard. I couldn't get him to even pee though. With my kids I just stopped catering to them. He asked for a diaper and I didn't give it to him and if he chose to pee on himself then he had wet clothes and he hated the wet pants sticking to him; but this was to pee so I realize that is different. So I will tell you what his preschool teacher told me she did with her son. She put a supository in and held him over the toilet. Then he couldn't hold it in.....

I have two children and to help them not poop in their pants I let them clean up the mess. Rinse the underware and clean themselves in the shower. Yes, it is more messy this way but they don't enjoy it either and then the poop got into the right place. I've read on hear about giving him something at this point to make it hard to hold and he will have to go.
Good luck, stay strong.

You can always tell him the next time he poops himself he can stay in it, that mommy isnt helping you and then go with the previous post. Does he like taking baths, sit in the bathroom with him shut the door and tell him to poop in the potty, no bath until he poops. How can a child go to school if he isnt fully potty trained, they wont take him in school while still pooping in his pants. Try putting toilet paper across the toilet lift up the seat and put some toilet paper across the seat, put the seat down have him sit down and tell him to poop its like pooping in a pullup, he will feel the toilet paper on his bum and it will hopefully get him to go.

Good Luck

Whats the one thing he loves doing, tell him he cant do it anymore until he poops on the potty.

you poor thing! i can imagine the frustration - my son is 2 1/2 and we're just getting into the potty training thing - i'm already frustrated! lol. it sounds like you've already made up your mind NOT to buy any more pullups - you go girl! just keep reminding your son that he made a promise and that it is so important to keep your promises, and you'll be hurt if he goes back on it. unfortunately he will probably go in his pants before he caves...but you can get through this! you're sooo close to being done with the potty training thing...hang in there!

I'm sorry , but don't give in to the pulls ups there just like dapiers ! make him clean hiself and maybe just maybe he won't go in the pull ups anymore! good luck

Our son (will be 5 in June) had problems with wanting to go on the potty. Ooohhh, the screaming and crying! You would think we were sitting him on an electric chair rather than the potty!
One thing we did to ease the situation was to start giving him fiber wafers (Metamucil, I think). They taste pretty good and he liked them (picky eater). He would get plenty of fruits and veggies, but I guess it wasn't enough of the right fiber.
Anyway, we started with a half of one a day...moved up to a whole one a day after seeing that a half of one was kind of working...and now it's only occasional.
The problem was that because he didn't want to poop on the potty, he wouldn't go for days and things would get backed up. Then, when he finally had to go, it was so big and painful for him.
Now that he's gotten over the fear of it being painful, he goes regularly all by himself!
Good Luck!
lb

Unfortunately, I don't have advice, just sympathy. My 4-yr-old is super-smart, debates as if she was 14, and has been potty trained for well over a year. Yet, after all amounts of rewards, promises of gifts, laborious time having "poop sessions", etc. she, too, refuses to poop on the potty. We keep her in panties and wash a LOT. We find she is more receptive to the idea of pooping on the potty as long as we stay calm about it. So one day... well, I figure she won't be a teenager still pooping in her pants. I hope...

I would sit down with him, and calming explain in a very matter-of-fact matter that as a 5-year-old, he can no longer wear pull-ups. I would present him with some really fun underwear with character prints you know he will like. I would not leave a single pull-up in sight. Have him model the new underwear, and let him know how nice he looks, how grown-up he looks. Explain that we don't poop in our underwear. Again, be calm, matter-of-fact. Then when he poops in his pants, let him clean them out in the toilet (offer instruction and support ONLY). The key is to leave emotion out of this. Don't be lovey, but don't be cross. It will likely take only a time or two, and he'll be pooping in the potty like a big boy.

A recommendation that was given to me for kids pooping on the potty is to have a "poop party". Sometimes kids are afraid of what is happening to their poop. They feel it is part of them & hate to see it flushed down a dark hole. So, invent the poop party - explain to the child that his poop wants to go party & play with the other poop. You can even go into extreme & have party hats in the bathroom for when he has to poop & a few candy sprinkles to use as confetti & flush down the toilet with the poop. I thought this was a crazy idea myself, until I used it & it worked. I agree completely with you. Please stay strong & do not give in. If you do, you will re-enforce once again that your child is in control. Stay strong. You can also consider giving him Miralax on a Friday am so he will be needing to go while he is at home over the weekend (vs. being at school). If it is lose, maybe he will have to go on the potty. Good luck.

wow! I feel for you on that note. If the doctor doesn't see any physical reason for him not to go, then he should be using the toilet by now (which you realize). 1st, definitley don't go buy anymore pullups - he'll know you lied & you don't stand your ground. Then if he has an accident make him clean himself up. You may want to put him in the tub for this because it can get messy. Give him clean clothes, wet wipes, and a trash can, stand him in the bathtub (no water necessarily) & let him change himself by himself (you leave the bathroom). Don't give him any atention for this. They usually don't like to have to have to clean the poop up themselves & when they realize it's clean it or use the toilet they start choosing the toilet. The reason for the tub is so after all is said & done, it's easier for you to clean than your whole bathroom. I know this isn't the best advice, but I have seen it work. Hopefully others will have more for you! Good luck..

See a shrink to find out why he won't go on the toilet. It could be a power struggle, or it could be that he views his poop as a piece of him and doesn't want to see it get flushed away. Either way, you know it's something psychological so you might as well see an expert on those types of issues.

I'm having the same problem and I really think it's a boy thing. I have read several responses on here and just really think some people have it really easy when potty training their children and don't know how some of us have it. It's not that we're being to nice to them or letting them get away with something. Some kids just don't have that will/want to go and yes we need to help them with that and I am working on that myself here with my son. But to say this is unacceptable blah blah blah is wrong each child is different each child learns at their own speed and at their own time. I don't know why this bothers me so today but to come down so harsh on a mom that is coming here for advice and feels insecure herself is no way to give advice. My thoughts and prayers to you K. I hope we both get through this mine just turned 4 in Dec and we are still trying :) Fingers crossed for you hun!!!

Hi K.,
I don't think this is about poop,pullups or the toilet. Its about a 5 year old in control and driving mom nuts.
Did he get in trouble for lying to you about going after he was 5? That should have had some consequences.
Go to dr.rosemond.com, he has some great ideas.

You have got to get yourself out of this tug of war. As in
"I'm so sorry honey, but you can't go to so and sos house because you might poop in your pants". "Oh honey, I am sooo sorry you can't go with your friends, you might poop in your pants and then you would be so embarassed,and I can't ask another mother to clean up your poop. Sorry."
You can be so sympathtic about it but he just can't go or do anything until he goes on the pot. He'll be able to go to school but you will have to go and take clean clothes, and clean him up.
Hon when you caved all those times and ran out and got pullups, you let him know that he could be in control if he could just outlast you and of course what else do kids have to do with their time but to outsmart, out last mom?

For any of you moms out there the best way to potty train is make sure you have the time to spend for about 3 days, if you work take a couple of days before your days off to give you plenty of time. then tell your child what your plans are, and then plan to be home for the duration of this training. Then REMOVE ALL DIAPERS, ALL UNDERWEAR, and they go naked, tell them if they make a mess on the floor they will clean it up (with your help, of course, to make sure its done correctly, they need to learn how to clean up a mess anyway) I always planned on doing work in our basement because it didn't have carpet, and it only took about 3 DAYS and we were done, worked on 3 kids and 3 grandchildren, my daughter would plan hers in the summer and she would plan outdoor things to do and the kids would be outside naked, they lived in the country. As soon as they get use to potting without a diaper next to them, then going on the potty is no problem. We always had the potty chair right where we were and would remind them to use the potty when they needed to go. good luck all you moms.

Hello I feel for you. I went through the same thing. My son is very smart and extremely stubborn too. You are right, you should not give in this time. He is smart enough to realize that you have given in before so you will do it again. Once he realizes that you will not give in and are sticking to your guns things should change. My son when in preschool never pooped in his pant, but when the summer came around he started to. He told me that he did not want his friends to know he pooped in his pants, so all school year he did great no poop at home or school. I had no idea he was waiting for summer to come back around. So after so long of being potty trained I thought something was really wrong. YOU KNOW MAYBE HIS BUTT WAS NUMB! LOL So finally after a couple of months of working, begging, crying,spanking, buying things, grounding etc... I told him if he was going to poop in his pants he was wearing a diaper. Well of course he had to test me and poop in his pants. So we went and bought diapers together. Boy he did not like that, and YES I PUT IT ON HIM. Had to otherwise it wouldn't work. He had to wear it everywhere we went and I did not let the begging and pleading change my mind, because it never changed his when I was begging and pleading. Oh I bought the cheap ones too and girly because at his age they don't have cool boy diapers.(LIE) If he is like my boy he thinks he is smarter than I am. He uses child Psychology on me. The diapers are still in his room and it has been a year. He did test me more than once of course.

Boy have you been patient!! The potty whisperer would make him totally responsible for the behavior. The children get trained very quickly because they have to clean up their own messes (with help of course). It is possible he doesn't want to wipe himself. I had a friend's son who was 5yo and still wouldn't wipe himself because he feared getting poo on his hands. So, you may tell him that if he poos on the potty, you will wipe him until he gets the hang of it. Otherwise, if he chooses to go in his pants or a pull up, then he will have to clean it up. Whether he showers himself off or uses wipes to do it. And, do not let him out of the bathroom until he is clean enough. You could run a bath for him when he is. Once he realizes how gross that is, and he could just drop his poo in a toilet that flushes, he will catch on. I think ignoring it was bad advice, but it is too late for that now. I think you make him responsible, and he will catch on.

I agree with a lot of the advice that people have given. The one thing I will emphasize is be careful how hard you push and how you do it. If it ends up a battle of wills he might win. Constipation can be long and not pretty. The longer they hold it the larger it gets and the more it will hurt when it eventually does come out. If he has rectal tearing and his bottom is sore he will not want to go at all. It can then become a cycle that is hard to break out of.

My strong willed son would hold it for weeks. For some reason, laxatives, fiber, and prescription meds did little or nothing. When it gets to the point where it hurts when they go, it is hard to talk them into going at all. It is self preservation.

We went through potty training induced constipation at 3 years old. A well meaning preschool teacher told me to push him when he wasn't potty trained then. I did in what I thought was a gentle but firm way. He won and was constipated for two years. To try to get over the constipation I took him to a counselor; a pediatric gastro specialist at Children's in St. Louis ; had him on meds etc. tried sticker charts, rewards, etc. None of this worked. I stopped pushing it, eventually he got over his fear and is fine. Interestly, the specialiast said that in boys they don't see not being potty trained as a problem until they are 7. I am not sure if I agree but that is the doctor's philosophy. I would check out some of the constipation websites. Although your son may not be constipated, some of the websites do talk about kids who will only poop in diapers. You might find some good advice on some of these forums

Have you talked to him about WHY he doesnt want to go in the toilet?? If you can start to get a handle on what it is about using the toiled for his bowel movements that doesnt make him comfortable...then maybe you can see a "logical" way to convince him. Maybe get his older brother involved somehow...showing him that "everyone" does it. Especially with you getting ready to go back to school ( way to go!!!) you really need to get a handle on this(I Know I am not telling you anything you dont already know)...I cannot imagine a babysitter being thrilled about taking on a 5 year old who still needs pull ups and then needs to be cleaned up after a BM!!!
I hope you will keep us updated on your progress...I am interested in what you finally do to find a solution.
Good luck!!!
R. Ann

I really feel for you, I was just as frustrated with my 3 1/2 year old boy who was the same--peed in the potty fine for 6 months but would not poop. I knew that he knew what he was doing but nothing (presents, stickers, etc.) would change his mind either. Finally I told him that EVERY time he ate he must sit on the potty for 15 minutes (I set a timer) thinking that it might just 'happen' without him trying and I told him he was old enough to clean up his own messes. He wore underwear, I didn't use pull-ups at this stage. It only took 2 days of him cleaning up his own poop off of himself and cleaning out is underwear (I always cleaned up his hands and made sure he was definitely clean) before he 'did it' while sitting on the potty one day. He didn't like cleaning up after himself (he gagged and complained about the smell alot!) at all, but I think it did the trick! He has been 100% potty trained since then. Stand up and be strong and he will give in--he knows exactly what he can get away with. Good luck!

I agree with Jennifer C. Please do NOT buy any more pullups. My son is 3 and has been potty training for 1 month now and doing great, except for the pooping part. He will poop in his underwear, right after I take him to the bathroom! I refuse to let him poop in a pullup and I think it only prolongs them using the toilet. My son has pooped on the potty 3-4x but still doesn't like it. The last time he pooped in his underwear I gave him a wipe and let him clean himself to see how "yucky" it is (luckily we haven't had any big messes in the underwear) If you are worried about him holding it in, try a natural laxative (apples or prunes)to help him go. If he is in school, make him try to go when he comes home...that's the time my 2 older children still go #2! I hope it gets better for you and your son! I know it will for us!
V.

My first thought is, "Is there something that he is afraid about pooping in the potty?" Maybe falling in. Explore that. Then give him some raw fruit and veggies, eliminate the white food and sugar and he will eventually poop. If it runs down his legs, he may not like that feeling. My heart goes out to you. He won't be going to school in depends.

Just feed him lots of prunes/prune juice/raisins/high fiber foods and tell him he has to sit on the potty every so often (once/twice/three times a day or something). Tell him he doesn't have to poop, he just has to sit there. Try to get him to stay there for at least 20 minutes with books, toys, playing games, etc. Anything it takes. He will eventually go.

Well i don't really have an answer for that cause my son is the same way yours is on everything but the whole pullups thing..I don't know what to try cause im doing it for my son that is almost 5 yrs old

I feel so sorry for you, but if I were you I would not put up with it any longer. I would make him clean himself up. After he has to clean it up every time he does it, he may decide going in the toilet is better. You need to refuse to clean him up, and let him wear the pullup or underware, until he cleans himself. Don't give in to him. I don't think he will like being smelly and feeling the mess too long. Next time he comes to you to be changed and cleaned up, tell him he is 5 now and it is time for him to learn to go in the toilet, or clean up on his own. He is a big boy now, and will be starting school soon.

Stick to your word! Do not buy any pull-ups. Let him poop in his underwear and make him clean it up. My nephew was doing the same thing until he had to clean it up.

Thank God I am not the only mother out there with this problem. I get so much "negative" words from people I know about what a terrible mom I am because of it. My husband tells me all the time, don't buy him pullups. Let him wet his bed at night, but my husband is not the one getting up 2 or 3 times a night to change sheets, etc. I am with the others that my son has 3 pullups left and after that I am just not buying anymore. I went and bought some flushable wipes so we can us them and flush them down instead of stinking up the trash. My son has had constipation issues since he was 2 so we have been told to give him myralax (sp) for 3 days straight until his poop is no longer hard or marbly. He has had several enimas in his life because of the constipation issue. I feed him fruit for snack and with our lunch and then he has veggies with dinner and still get constipated. I would love to hear if holding out on buying more pullups works. Please keep me updated on your situation. Good luck to you. my son will be 5 in april, so I feel your pain.

I think if your son is smart enough to tell you when he will be ready to go potty and is also smart enough and stubborn enough to hold it until you get a pull-up, then he is quite aware of what he is doing. He sounds as if he is spoiled and is used to getting his way, (not trying to be offensive). But if that is the case, it seems a little tough love is required. If he is refusing to go to the bathroom, then you need to bring the bathroom to him. I would tell him that he is too old for pull-ups, because believe you me, unless you are going to home school him, when he goes to kindergarten they are not going to change his pull-up, teachers don't have time. I would put a pot in his room and tell him that since he wont go poop on potty, then he will be in his room with a smelly poopy pull-up, that he might have to wear all day, of course dont actually do this, but tell him that you will do it, then see what his reaction is. Otherwise, I think you may have to take him to a child psycologist to find out why he wont go to the potty and what strategy you can use to get him to go.

Does he go to school? Do you make him clean himself. He needs to understand this is his responsibility. My oldest would poop away from home but that only lasted until 1st grade and he got more regular, most children have iregular bm's until age 7 so him not going a couple days should be ok just make sure his diet is good so he doesn't get constipated. It seems as though he is too comforatable about using pull ups to poop. My boys would have been mortified to use a pull up but I would not have them change right away and they would have to clean themselves. That way it is understood this is unacceptable. Show him his word is important and the pull ups will not be used and he promised to use the potty so that is what is expected.

My son did the exact same thing. I thought I had the only 5 year old who wasn't pooping on the potty. This is what I did. Everytime he had "to go" he would get a pull-up and put it on himself. If he didn't see any, then he would come to me and and say there were no pullups. He also had a little brother who was beginning potty training, So I always had the pullups in their bathroom. Finally, I hid them, and when he had to go poop one day he couldn't find any, I told him he used the last one and didn't buy anymore yet so he had to go on the potty. He refused, said he didn't have to go and decided to hold it. Well that didn't last for long because after about 2 hours of trying to hold it (and his funny "I gotta poop dance") I sat him on the toilet and made him go. I told him if he didn't put it inthe potty, it would get all in is pants. He cried, I sat and held his hand, but when he could no longer hold it and it came out on it's own since he couldn't hold it any longer, I praised him so much and we went out for ice cream. It took about a week for him to get comfortable going on the potty, but after he finally went, I never looked back at the pullups.

Hi K.,
Boys can be so smart and so stubborn! My son's the same way. He turned six last December, and even though he does go poop in the toilet, he always has wanted us to wipe him afterward. And we have, with the idea that he would clean himself after he turned six. (This after I saw an episode of Supernanny where she was mortified that the mom was wiping the 6-year-old boy's bottom after he pooped!) Determined not to let this go on any further, we begin insisting that our son wipe himself, with the idea that, once he turned 6, he would be doing it consistently by himself. So, since December, he has pretty much done the wiping himself. Now, he does sometimes call for one of us to come, but we just say "No, honey, this is a skill you need to learn and do for yourself." He would get mad, scream for us to come, but we held strong and eventually he started handling it by himself.

We did do a star chart; if he earned 10 stars for cleaning himself, we would do something fun as a family together, go where ever he wanted. Then we did another round of "star chart"; that time he had to earn 14 stars. He rarely asks for help anymore, and, if he does, I remind him that he can do it. In his case, it was so much about confidence. He didn't think he could do it well, and, frankly, I'm sure he doesn't do a perfect job, but I figure a bath at night fixes that. He's in kindergarten, so I know he has to wipe himself at school (or maybe he just doesn't poop there? I don't know and I try not to worry about it!).

So, good luck and be strong. It's a life skill they just have to learn, but, man, is it difficult to teach. Just know that he will be so proud of himself when he finally makes up his mind to do it.

I am sure that you wrote this knowing this isn't normal or ok that you are allowing this to go on. You said yourself that the only way he can put on his own pull up is because you buy it. I wish I could be so sympathetic to your situation as the other mothers have been. But I can't help but see that your letter screams that you aren't ready to let your boy grow up. Please for your children's sake consider therapy with your attachment issues, potty training is by far the easiest milestone you will have to pass in thier lives. The biggest issue with potty training is learning the signs you are going to go, he mastered that years ago, it is now just a matter of you staying consistent enough to say something and follow through with it. He is going to poop eventually and frankly you already clean him up so it will be no different than it is now.

Hi K.,
My oldest daughter did this type of thing to us. From the time she turned two, she NEVER peed her pants again. The poop was ANOTHER story. She was four when she finally stopped. We did everything too from just letting her be, reward charts/bribery, to begging and pleading. Finally my husband had reached his limit. He put her on the toilet and said you don't move until you go. She went and that was the end. At that age, its a power struggle that you must not back down on. Its different from when they are two or three. I agree w most on here...don't back down.