My 7 Year Old Daughter Fights with Me Non Stop...

Try to 'bond' with her somehow... when I do that with my daughter... she gets calmer and more cooperative.

Sometimes as Moms in this situation... we get in the 'habit' of being either a scolder or a punisher or an antagonist... due to the nature of their tantrums etc.
If you step OUTside of that storm.... and see her for a mere child with a tender heart... approach her that way, and try to nurture a 'relationship' with your daughter.... "bonding" with her... for my daughter, that means even if she is in a rage/tantrum... she still "needs" me, her "Mommy" and if I calm my voice and just sit with her on my lap... even if she is a big girl and just hug her... she calms down... I have learned, that when my daughter is like that... she actually NEEDS me... because she is feeling out of sorts etc.
A child... sometimes acts like that... because of an unmet "need." Try to see... how you can 'bond' with your girl... play with her, talk with her about things letting her just talk.... and openly without lecturing her etc. For my daughter, she LOVES our moments when we just talk and hang out and she can tell me about her feelings/ideas/hopes/dreams/anything. THAT for my daughter, is her 'need' FROM me.... and my not 'judging' her, nor lecturing her.
My daughter is real close to me.... and bonded.... but when she feels marginal.... because of everyday busy-ness... she acts out more. So I HAVE to, make time for her, not just "doing" things for her or with her... but FORMING A RELATIONSHIP with her... which a child needs... always everyday... not just sometimes. For me and my daughter, that means talking.... and chatting... that is how my daughter "CONNECTS" with me... and brings 'balance' to her.

So see what will 'work' with your daughter.... not when in the midst of a tantrum... but in a nice moment.... or even ASK her "WHY do you act this way? I am not your 'enemy'... I am your Mommy.... I am here for you.... but you need to tell me... why you act this way...."

My daughter is 7, almost 8. But not ADD.
Yes, the are like little PMS'ing mini women....

Next: you NEED to address her ADD condition... and research it... and talk with the Doctor..... see how she can be treated or what is best..... it is a learning curve. And for your daughter too. Maybe she even does NOT know what "ADD" is... so explain that to her. That 'label' could be something she does not understand nor know how to deal with it....

IF your daughter is on medication... maybe it is not the right meds for her... so tell the Doctor about her behavior. Maybe try another med...

And if she is acting this way in school.... you NEED to also tell the Doctor this.... so she can be evaluated...

all the best,
Susan

What does her dad do that works? You indicate that she listens to him and treats him with respect. is that because he deals with her differently then anyone else does?

I would say if you are doing all those things and they are not working then stop doing them. I don't have a child with ADHD, but I do have a friend with a son with ADHD - she deals with him very simply - the less is more philosophy. simple commands, she waits until he is done and then gives him something else to do. he has a chart of this responsibilities and she just kind of keeps him on track. Their routine is INCREDIBLY structured - which will take work and discipline on YOUR part. Does she always know what you are going to be doing? does she always know what to expect if she misbehaves? Consistency is the key, I think.

He is medicated and it has made a world of difference. is your daughter medicated?

Ignoring and slamming doors is not OK - she should go sit in her room (which should have very little in it) until she can act correctly -then she gets to join the family. Anything 'extra' that you do for her should stop. She should be doing homework or helping you and that's it.

Good Luck

It takes two to argue. Dont fall into her trap.

Is your daughter on any medication? Though I'm cautious about getting kids drugged for every possible diagnosis of ADD, I have also seen kids whose lives were transformed for the better – and when dosed correctly, the kids don't seem drugged or stunned at all. They are just calmer, and more in control of their own behavior. So if that's not already one of the things you do to help your daughter cope, it might be worth speaking to her pediatrician.

I've also seen a number of kids with some pretty alarming behavior turn around quickly after their parents started using the techniques offered in the book How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk, by Faber and Mazlish. The authors have let highly effective parenting workshops for decades. You say you've tried talking nice to her, and asking her what's wrong. But this book teaches you specific ways to do it that might be quite a bit more focused and intentional, and could make a positive difference.

L.,
My heart goes out to you! It must be so difficult.........
Here is what I would try :-) ONE reaction to any food, can turn into
horrible outbursts.....
My son can be argumentitve and also having attention problems.............
Please give this a fair shot~ it's not easy though....
Ready?
1. NO sugar AT ALL..............a tiny treat only on the weekends.
2. Take these specific supplements: fish oil (you can get it at the health store, in childrens flavors. *Multi vitamin, *2 B-6's a day..............
and if you can mix FLAX seed oil in a smoothie and cloak it...please do that.
3. NO DAIRY.....you can have almond milk, rice milk, etc...
almond cheese.....There are many alternatives..however, you cannot
continue on dairy
4. NO WHEAT...you must replace with gluten FREE...There are many
amazing replacemnts...it is costly, but worth it.
5. Dietary support
6. Light Chiropractic adjustments/no popping the head of course............

(There is also a book by Dr. Bob for adhd)

My 8 year old and I are on day 10 :-) Has it been easy? HECK no.,.....
Do I see changes? Woot Woot! yes!

He was not able to focus on work, had crying outbursts, no attention
span at all....I had even posted on this board!
NOW, he is 40% better and we will continue :-)

Think WHOLE foods: fruit, veggies, protein, salads..etc

AGAIN: NO koolaids, sugar, processed foods, chocolate, puddings..
NO corn syrup...(read sugar labels..very important)........

There are gluten free waffles, cookies, pasta...bread.
The only good Bread i found was UDI's. You can get it at sprouts.
Feel free to email me: ____@____.com

YOU are NOT alone~ This too shall Pass............................

It seems your daughter has full control, 7 or not, ADD or not. She has proven she has some control of emotions, since she seems to know better than to act that way with her father. You have to keep searching for that special something that pushes her buttons and gets a reaction out of her. It may just be a stand off, but I am quite sure her ADD doesn't make her lose it with you and under control with Dad.

This is going to sound strange but I have to offer it because I had this issue with my daughter, it seemed to be primarily directed at me and all attempts at discipline failed. Biologically, some children have trouble processing emotions and their severe, sometimes unstoppable tantrums are because they are confused with what they are feeling. If you don't help them process the emotion, they can end up with very unstable emotions going forward. So try validation and see if it helps. Validation is a technique where you acknowledge what they are feeling, so they know it is okay to have that feeling (i.e, you seem upset, are you upset? let's talk about what's happening), try to get her to express in words what is going on and whatever she says, find something you agree with and empathize (I understand why you would want to keep playing right now, you're having fun and I'm asking you to give up this fun thing and go to the store with me. So that's very disappointing for you.) This step is very important. Sometimes we ask kids what's wrong but then we defend when they answer instead of validating their feeling, so we say I know you're playing, but I have to get to the store! This is non-validating because she then thinks there's something wrong with what she's feeling. Then transition to what you want her to do (you know though that I have to buy groceries so we can make dinner so it's a big help for me if you get ready now). I think this is really hard to do but I wish I had learned to do it. Please give it a try, I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

I know she is 7, and I am just now possiby entering the ADHD world with my son, however something that my mother did with her three daughters and I am doing with my son is to the best of my ability treating him like an adult. Allowing him choices in everything.
So when you do need her to help out with chores, say we have two things to do right now and 15 min to do them in would you like option A or option B and make sure she understands how to do both options.
Something that worked with my nephew is 30 min of homework and 30 min of "play" so say you have english and math homework what would you like to do first? after the choice has been made, you have helped set her up for success and it is completed correctly (30 min tops) introduce two 30 min activities then go back to the math homework with the same attitude.
Adults have choices, and if you are of the mindset to raise productive adults begin to introduce adult like behaivor and choices, we choose what to clean first and what activites to do all the time why can she not begin to make those same choices? Just a suggestion hope you find your solution sooner than later.

Is she on medication for the ADD? If not, is it possible she would benefit from it?

I am sorry that I don't have experience with ADD first-hand but I recently read 2 books that you might find helpful, and they both state that the techniques outlined in each of them can help regardless of whether your child has ADD or not. "Parenting with Love and Logic" and "How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and How to Listen So Kids Will Talk." Take the time to check them out from the library, read them both, then decide if they seem like they could be helpful, you can purchase them to keep.

Good luck to you...

is she on medication? there are some alternative treatments--besides meds that can help--i would ask your doctor or a nutrition doctor....don't really have any answers but it could be diet, attention craving ...she may need some natural harmless Arurvedic herbs to calm her down...i would focus on her diet, rather than giving her ADD drugs---more damage than good in my opinion...Good Luck --I hope you guys can find some peace--so sorry you are going through this....She is hurting too.

This does not sound like ADD behavior, but general disrespect. Just let her know it is not going to be tolerated and she will get nothing except food, clothing and school until she cleans up her act. No TV, computer, games, extra curricular activities until she can be respectful.

She is doing it because it is working for her on some level- attention, getting what she wants, whatever. You need to find what that is and cut it off.

Good Luck!

L., I have encountered the same thing with my son. I know it's very frustrating but it will get better. What worked for me is consistancy. Do not waver not one ounce. Stay on a routine and try very hard not to change it very often. I made a chart & we did it together so for example, If he disrespected an adult this was the consequence like no friends for one day or losing a toy or what ever you come up with. We also included reward things too so he had something to look forward to and to work towards. When it came to the consequences, I would ask him, "What do you think should happen if one of your friends says something ugly to the teacher?" He would say something like he needed to get a bad color at school and his mom should not let him play outside. So he really made up his own consequences and understood them. Also, I stopped the yelling because that got me no where and all it did was get me upset and he started yelling. It was very hard at first but when I stayed consistant, he started to learn that I wasn't going to give in an ounce. I hope this helps & best of luck to you.

My daughter and I have always clashed. My husband used to think I was doing something wrong until I stepped aside (at the advise of our therapist) and let him deal with her even though I'm a stay-at-home mom. She started doing the same to him. Is your daughter on medication or in therapy? That might help. We now have our daughter, who is teenager, in therapy and medication. That helps tremendously. We were reluctant at first but after have to take down the bathroom door because she locked herself in, we had do something. It's not easy but hang in there. You need to take care of yourself as well. I started working out every day to help me deal with the stress. I've lost 25 pounds! Good luck!