My 7 Year Old Daughter's Self Esteem

I have a 7 year old boy and know how difficult school can be at this age. Her personality concerns me, and I'm wondering if there's more to it. I think you should sit down with her alone ...maybe on a Mommy/daughter date...and try to get her to open up more. One way I open that window with my son is every night before bed we do "best/worst"... where we have to tell each other the best part of our day and the worst part of our day. That not only gets him to open up about his day to me, but it also gives me a chance to talk to him about the problem/solutions. There are also books on bullying that you can buy...that are written specifically for children her age. Reading them with my son (the victim, not the bully) and talking about them seems to help. Summer is almost here, and that gives you a great opportunity to put her in other programs with different children. Maybe you'll see the confident little girl come back. ;)

Dear N., It makes me feel sad that a 7 year old should change like that. Can you get her some counselling? I hope you talk to her and praise her for all the good grades and good things she does. She may just need some more time, but keep the lines of communication open. You are in my prayers. Sincerely, Grandma Mary

I think you should consider looking into the bullying incidents a little more. Is it possible that they were worse than you are aware? Your daughter may still need support with the aftermath. I was the picked on kid all my life, and I never really told my parents. I guess I was really embarrassed. Your daughter may be doing well in dance and cheerleading b/c the girl and her friends might not be there. According to my mom, a psychotherapist, even a young child can suffer from depression. She may need more intervention from you or even to meet with a school counselor. Good luck.
A.

I have a 5 year old on the second day of school I witnessed someone pointing there finger in her face on line talking down to her. I tried and let her handle it, but I was very close by. She walked over to me and told me the girl was yelling at her for saying she had on the same school tie on. I told her just talk to the other girls and act as she was not there. The next day my daughter came to me and told me that same little girl stopped her from getting a tissue from the teachers desk. I asked her what did she do when this happened, she said the pushed her aside and got the tissue. I was a little glad she stood up for herself. However I was concered this was going to be an on going problem. So I waited for the little girls mother and made her aware of what was going on. She right away pulled her daughter to the side and made her apoligize and they are okay for now. I keep an eye on her. Everyday when I pick her up we have a talk on the way home of what happen during the day. I want to start this because I know when she gets older it may become more difficult, this way we already have developed an openess between us. Maybe this can work for you, and maybe karotee can work. I think next year I will be putting her in as well. She is so very kind to others, to kind sometimes. :)She doesn't even know what others are not being nice. Good Luck! :)

It's entirely possible that the bully is still being a bully, perhaps more subtly, or someone else has picked up where she left off. I would encourage her to do things with her frineds from dance and cheerleading. I would also try to encourage her to do something fun with other girls in her grade. Perhaps you could arrange a special lunch date for just you two or the two of you and another mother-daughter pair from school. At age 7, mothers still can control their daughters' calendars, so you could also call another mother to arrange a playdate or two, after checking with your daughter that it's someone she would like to spend time with. She may be afraid of being put down again and may not have the courage to ask someone herself. She will get there with your help. Slip an "I love you" or "you're the greatest" note on her pillow or in her lunch, and ask your husband to do the same. Dads are really important for a daughter's self esteem at any age.

Hi N.,
I commend you for being so proactive about this and being a sensitive, aware mother. It's so hard raising girls today! I agree with the others' advice, about talking to your daughter. But in addition to that, I urge you to take her to a local Girls Inc if you have a chapter nearby - they have great programs to empower girls. And if you can get her in karate that's also a great foundation for strong self esteem, self awareness, and discipline.
Good luck.
S.

Engage her as much as you can and create "special" time just for the two of you. Tae Kwon Do worked wonders for my son who was getting bullied. Good luck