My 7 Year Old Is Having Unhappy Thoughts.

If it's only been a few days, I don't think you should make too much of it. However, I would beware of labeling her and creating a perfectionist complex. If you talk a lot about her being "good" and "smart" and "honest" and things like this, it sets a really high standard that she feels she has to continually live up to. It's not healthy to set the bar so high that it feels unreachable.

Start praising her for effort, and stop labeling her with innate qualities. Read up on Carol Dweck and Growth Mindset.

I agree with Diane that you shouldn't dismiss her thoughts by telling her to think of happy things, instead you could casually say something like, "Hmm, that's interesting, well everyone sometimes has some strange thoughts, I wouldn't worry too much about it." Treating things lightly usually has the effect of making the child treat it lightly and being able to move on.

If this keeps up and she keeps talking about unwanted thoughts for a few weeks or months, you could have her evaluated. But it's too soon to make much of this.

She's becoming aware of her consciousness, its a good thing! She should be thinking before she speaks or acts, it is a gift that she's doing this out loud at such a young age. Be proud of her for making good choices!!! She is letting you into her world, keep encouraging her to always think of the best choice. Throw away the bad thoughts and focus on the good/happy ones. She will be wise and make good choices for years to come. I would encourage you to get her plugged into a Sunday school or Awana program and get her reading her Bible. There is a free bible app with a kids section that will read out loud to you. She will feel encouraged hearing there are others who are good, that want to make wise decisions but feel that worldly tugging... and not feel so alone and sad. Try reading or listening to the book of Philippians to start. Xo

I know you mean well but telling her to think happy thoughts or distracting her from expressing herself seems very unhealthy. Don't we all have crazy, scary or negative thoughts sometimes? That's part of the mystery of the human mind, we can be good people with the best of intentions and still think of things we're not proud of or are entirely out of character to who we are. She's just starting to figure that out, it's a natural stage of development.

She's looking to you to help her sort out these thoughts that are below the surface. Talk to her about her feelings and things that pop into her head, how they do not define her as a person. Swear words are just words, not inherently evil, just words we don't use because they can be said in hurtful ways. I think it's totally normal that she thinks of saying "I hate you", it's taboo and seems dangerous to her but holds a sort of curiosity I'm sure.

Help her understand that thoughts don't equate actions. It's OK to feel what we feel at any given time, it's what we do that matters.

I think you have to acknowledge her thoughts without reading too much into them after just a few days. I think the "happy thought" directive is well-intentioned but is actually kind of dismissive - you don't want to get into the habit of her feeling that she can't come to you because you will be less than sympathetic. This is the time when you lay the groundwork for her coming to you when she is 9 and 11 and especially 13 and 15! The same goes for distracting her with a game - it may actually backfire on you.

If she has very high standards for herself and demands perfection (or perhaps thinks the honesty award puts even more pressure on her), she may misunderstand what's expected of her. You note that she is smart, a good reader, a helper and well-mannered - but some kids aren't comfortable being the "leader" or the "smart kid" or the "good reader" - they think they aren't supposed to make mistakes. She needs to know that EVERYONE has bad thoughts (wanting to punch someone, the "hate" comment she made to you, wanting to swear or thinking of a swear, thinking about stealing), and that there is nothing wrong with thinking, musing, imagining, "experimenting" with mental sentences, etc.

So instead of trying to cheer her up, let her talk. Probe a little, but don't overpower her with your answers or cut her off, even though of course your intention is to reassure her. Let her know it's normal - but not until she has gotten everything out.

I'm a big believer in using children's books to confront difficult issues - sometimes watching a literary character confront a moral dilemma or a mistake is easier to think about. Consult your children's librarian for suggestions you can just weave into your regular reading with your daughter.

And I don't think 3 days is a disaster. Kids go through phases of all kinds of things. And of course we don't want our kids to be sad or have hurt feelings or get bad grades, sometimes it's a better growing experience and confidence-builder if they realize that these things happen and they are survivable.

This has only been happening a couple of days? It's not very long...probably just a phase where she is thinking too much about these things. Instead of telling her to think happy thoughts (I used to hate it when my mom would write off my thoughts like that), instead ask her more about what she is thinking. Maybe tell her about when that happens to you and what you sometimes think about (I know, sweetie, I hate it when that happens. But it's normal. Sometimes I think....Sometimes our brains think all kinds of strange things. What is important is not what you think but how you treat others and your actions. And I have to tell you, you are a very kind person! Remember when you...). Tell her it's normal...sometimes we think things we don't mean. That is why there is the saying to "think before you speak". Tell her swear words and sayings like "I hate you" are not evil and thinking them does not make her a bad person...they are just words. Try talking to her more in depth about it and see where that leads you. Hopefully it'll just pass.

I just have to ask because there's been three "My 7 year old is..." questions in the last few hours - you're not the same mom who wrote the one about the wiping or the boo boos' are you? Because to me this all seems pretty intense for a otherwise 'good' kid as you put it. Sorry, whenever I see multiple posts that all sound the same, I can't help but wonder if this is legitimate or not.
If this behavior as you say has been up until the last couple of days - not sure why it's such a big deal. Has your daughter not had little phases before where she makes a big deal about something or is learning something new that's kind of confusing her? My kids learn new things, question it, come to me about it ... it's all part of the learning process. Why are you so sad if this has only been going on for a few days?
She sounds a bit intense - does she have anxiety? I mean, very little to go on here - to me it sounds pretty typical, and I'd let her talk, and I'd listen. It's ok to have bad thoughts - as K Bell mentions. I've learned from this site to repeat back what they tell me, so they know I've listened and someone at least is trying to understand. Often that's enough to comfort them.
I apologize if this is legitimate. If your child is deeply sad, as you say, and you're trying to distract her with a game, then maybe it's time to talk to your pediatrician if you are really this concerned.

If this persists, talk to the teacher and/or the school counselor to find out if more might be going on in and around school or if they think her behavior might warrant an outside evaluation.

Talk to your pediatrician. I think he or she could give you some good advice.