My 8 Year Old Is Having Trouble Adjusting to Changes and New Baby

I also had a son that was acting out while I was pregnant but once the baby came he settled down and was actually a very good brother.Give it time and he will come around.sincerly A. h

J.,

Those are alot of adjustments in a short time, but change happens (my oldest, at 8.5 years has already moved 5 times, with #6 in the works!) My guess would be that it's the school stuff affecting him most.

I would touch base with his teacher and get her take on how things are going. I would also get the school counselor involved. They are a great resource that people often overlook.

It's great that he loves the baby. I would be sure to focus on two things. 1st: Allow him the take as big or little a role as he wants with the baby. If he's feeling bullied and belittled at school, being a big brother to a baby that will adore him will boost his self esteem. I know babies are fragile and all, so I'm not saying they should play football, but let him be a great, useful, bottle feeding, pacifier holding, stroller pushing big brother. 2nd: Leave the baby at home sometimes and give him alone time with you or your husband.

Finally, don't let any guilt you may be feeling about the changes going on affect his being challenged for bad behavior. (ahh...mother's guilt, right up there next to Catholic guilt, since I'm both, I'm doomed! lol) When kids are feeling stressed and out of control is when they need boundaries, rules, and limitations the most. Keep him grounded within your family unit, and keep the lines of communication open so he will talk when he's ready.

My 8.5 year son old went through a hairy patch for a couple of months last year. Mad one minute, sad the next, it was like having a 13 year old girl with hormones raging wandering the house. He got through it. They go through growth spurts phsyically and mentally, and just like their legs cramp from growing, their emotions sometimes get cramped up too.

Good luck,
J.

All I can tell you is to just give him some personal one on one time just you and him...Go to the park or maybe just to McDonalds! It is normal for a child to act out to get a mother's attention...I would'nt punish him just tell him that you love you just as much as you love his brother! He will adjust and before long things will get better...I hope things get better for you and your family......God Bless!!

I think that counselling is a wise decision. Most kids have a hard time with either one of the above mentioned situations alone. He probably acts out at school trying to fit in. I am finally getting counselling for my 7 year old. She has been thru too much for her young age. Her dad and I broke up about 3 years ago and it has been really hard for her, It was a violent marraige and he used to kidnap one of the kids to get back at me. She used to witness him beating up on me. On top of all that I have 2 more kids close to her age. She had been showing out at school and I found out that she just wanted to fit in. The other kids used to talk about her because she was different. She has changed a lot since she started counselling. I hope you have some results from whateever your decision. Good luck!!!!!!!!!!

I think counseling is a good idea. Have you and your husband tried talking to him about what's going on? Maybe he'll open up to you about what's going on.
Good luck to you and your family.

I would make special times, projects, outings with your 8 year old. Maybe make a play date with some from school or a neighbors child.

New house. New school. New baby. WHOAH! Lots of change for an 8 year old. All children handle change and transitions differently. Open up the lines of communication with him. Make time to really listen when he talks. Take the issues one at a time as they come up. Ask him what you can do to help him. Offer options if he doesn't know what you can do to help. Sometimes just listening and giving him a chance to vent is enough. Sometimes he needs you to take action, for example-advocating for him at school when kids are picking on him. Ask him what he needs from you to help him.

New baby. One of the things I did when we had a new baby in the house was to read to my older child while I nursed the baby. It made the "baby" time become "mommy" time for both children. The other thing I did was to involve the older sibling in taking care of the baby. "Please bring mommy a diaper for the baby." And then I would say, "You are such a good big brother." or "Look at the baby smile at you. He really loves his big brother." or "The baby always give you the biggest smiles. He must know you are his big brother." Another way I would involve the older child with the baby would be to say, "Can you sing and talk to the baby while mommy makes supper. He just loves it when you sing and talk to him."

Call a local agency that works with children--i.e. Child Advocacy Center, Exchange Club, Boys and Girls Club, etc. and ask for the names of the three best children's therapists in town. If it doesn't seem to be getting better he may need someone else besides momma to talk to. All therapists may not be a good fit for your child. Call the therapists or go and visit them WITHOUT him. Make sure YOU like the therapist BEFORE you take your child to them.

the best thing you can try to do is to include him in all the events surrounding the baby and help him adjust to the big brother role. let him help by feeding the baby with you, changing diapers, all the fun stuff. constantly reassure him that you love him as much as you always have and that the baby is not going to change that in any way. you will find he will gain a sense of pride in being the older sibling and form a special bond of his own.

Hi

I'm an army wife, and mom of 3 kids. Sometimes adjusting to a new enviroment takes a lot out of anyone. Adjusting to a new room, new people, new friends can be a little hard. Then at home he has a new little brother.

It sounds to me he wants a little bit of your attention, and willing to get it even if it is negative attention. What I had to do with each of my kids, is give them alone time with me & hubby. My husband and I take turns taking each child out, even if it is to run to the gas station real quick. My youngest calls it date nite. He and I will fill our pockets full of candy, and go to the movies.
They are all close to pre-teens & teens now. And they've figured out with a delima in school or needing an opinion about friends. We tell them to tell us..it's time for a soda, and we ride and sit to listen.

If none of those things help, and he behaviour worsens. Then yes, it seems he may need other help.

Nevertheless, I think he just wants mom and dads attention!

To much has been thrust upon him at one time.In his world I'm sure he is quite overwhelm. look at the age difference betwen him and his brother. Set aside some me and mommy time with just the two of you to reassure him he is still mommy big guy and ask him how he feel about everthing thats going on. Try setting up playdates with some of his friends at the old neighborhood and old school. Get him to talk about one kid in his class room that he thinks is cool and suggest to him that he ask that individual f they want to together during recess. This should help with the transition.

I haven't been through this but sometimes you can see better on the outside looking in.
It sounds like he probably misses his friends. Make extra time (leave your baby with your husband) and go see some of his friends or invite them over to play. It would probably help if you and him had a mommy and son time together and go to a movie or to the park every now and then without the baby or the dad. THat way he will know that HE is still number one TOO. I think that whatever you can put into his life that was like his old life (before the move and that baby) that will be familiar to him and it will be easier for him to ease into all the new stuff in his life. It sounds to me like he is just having trouble adjusting.
But kids bounce back easy so I wouldn't worry too much. Just make some extra time for JUST him and then see if he would like to go and visit his old friends or have them come over. I think that you will see a difference.

Hi! Melissa Felder is a children's counselor in Huntsville. She is great! If nothing else, she can talked to your child and possibly give you advice on how to handle the situation , rather than ongoing counseling. She may even tell you just to give it time. She was highly recommended by my pediatrician.

I feel he is feeling neglected since the baby has arrived. Ask him, "Since you are my Huge Big Boy, Can you get a wet wipe/diaper/etc. for the baby?" Then reply, "Man, I hope your brother grows up to be just as big as you." You are a Huge help to Mommy and the Baby. I am so glad I have you to help Mommy. Talking to your son~~"We are going to need your help alot in raising our son/brother to teach him the right thing to do. Can you help us by being big so your brother will know exactly what to do?" But still keep in mind that your older son still needs your time. He still needs to feel his special place~~with whatever you guys did together before the baby came along. C. H

My daughters are 5 & 7. My oldest has had trouble adjusting to a new school even though she loves her teacher and classmates. I read a book, Parenting With Love and Logic, that talked about giving kids choices. The younger they are, the more narrow the choices are. I started that and I also started giving them a small allowance. I sometimes remind them of their options but I do not tell them what they are allowed to buy or not buy with their allowance. If they get ready for bed on time they get the choice of leaving a lamp on for quiet activities. They choose in what order they accomplish responsibilities (i.e. get dress, brush their hair, brush their teeth in the morning). I didn't think I'd see it at school but there was a significant change in the level of listening to the teacher at school when we made these changes at home. I would highly recommend this book and its principles.

WOW! He has been through a lot in a short period of time. Any one of those things can be stressful for a kid but all 3 at once. I can understand why he ois acting out.