My 9 Year Old Driving Me Insane

Mine is 22 and still does it.Only way I know is to ignore.
She was in the gifted program and was told by the teachers they were smarter, Academics were greart but her social life is awful, becaue she does it to her friends. And No one likes a know it all. I started putting things in writing such as house hold chores. Middle schoolis the worst be prepared. I'm waiting untill she is on her own and all the little things in life hit.

I have a 10 yr old daughter, who is in the "Eagles" program at her school (Honors program). She is a great girl, very helpful, funny and involved in several extra activities. We are also going through the "last word in", interrupting to argue her case, talking back. After trying numerous things, my daughter & I came up with a system last year that seems to be working. We developed a "trigger word". It can be any word you decide on. For example, the word is chocolate. When her mouth or attitude is about to get her in trouble, I interrupt with the "chocolate" and she knows if she doesn't want to get a punishment, it's time to stop "cold turkey". She is not allowed to finish her sentence and the subject isn't to come again. So, basically, she knows what will get her in trouble so we don't need to discuss the incident again.
Hope it helps you.

I am the mother of a now 27 yr old gifted daughter. It IS part of the gifted phenomena. However, gifted kids have to live in the real world with the rest of us. Social skills are always a challenge for these kids. I agree with some other responses that you should sit down and calmly discuss what you feel and what others-potential friends-would feel about her behavior. In spite of the IQ she is still a little girl, not a miniature adult and needs guidance. Don't give up. Keep parenting her. Maybe putting her in some situations that make her feel empathy would help-like volunteering with the elderly, handicapped kids etc.

L., I honestly think this is a phase at this point. My daughter is the same exact way! She always has to have the final say, she never listens to anything I say, gets very snotty with me and consistently talks back. I feel like I am ready to pull my hair out with her. We have a 3 yr old that she contantly nags at...it starts once they open their eyes in the morning and doesn't stop till they are sleeping again. The sad part is, she used to actually like her sister. Once we had the baby who is 1 now she started being so mean to her 3 yr old sister. We have even had issues with her smacking and hitting her. Everyone tell me just to be consistent. Spanking never helps cause all she does is scream like we are killing her. The old soap in the mouth trick...yeah..not worth it. Too much wasted energy trying to get it into her mouth. I have found that she does not like loosing her computer time on Webkinz...so we use that against her. I have also made it a point that she knows I talk to Daddy about her actions. As soon as he comes home I announce it right in front of her. She seems to fear Daddy more than I...not sure why...but whatever works. I wish she had the same fear of me, but I think it comes from when they are born. We tend to baby the first one the most...in her case for five years. Good luck and let me know if you figure out a method to help this. Just want you to know, you are not alone :)

L.,

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This will be a process. Whew. Have you and your husband gotten together and decided what the parameters of her behavior should be? Make sure you can communicate very clearly what you expect, praise when it happens, clear consequences when it doesn't. Consistency from you both will be key.

Wish you well. Let us know how it goes.
S.

That sounds a lot like my 11 year old niece. I know that you have to sit her down...just the two of you, w/no distractions (tv/radio off) and tell her how it makes you feel when this behavior is exhibited. Using "I feel" instead of "You" phrases will not allow her to become defensive. Also, maybe explain how she has to be a good example for her little sister and how she has to protect her little sister & not be the one she needs protection from may work. You ARE the Mom...she IS the child. Is she like this with Dad, too? If so, then both of you need to be in the room for the discussion. Respect for you and other elders is a MUST and you really need to address this so that she doesn't have issues in the future...w/college professors, management in her career, etc. Good luck & God Bless you and her. And congrats on raising a bright child.

L.,

Been there, done that, and I know exactly what your are going through. I have a 12 year old stepson and a 5 year old. My 12 year old was a straight A student even received the Govenors Award for his FCAT scores. He also went throught a time of smart mouth statments,back talk, and testing authority figures in his life. Every child is different and every child places value on something, each is quite different. Our 12 year old valued his "stuff" computer, playstation, ds, exct. We sat him down told him this was a family where we all respected each other and made sure he understood the meaning of respect and what the meaning of rude is. Then if he continued with bad behavior he lost items one at a time. Oh how he tested it too, the first couple of days loosing his ds "oh well" he said "I can still have my computer" that was considered a "smart mouth" statement and that too was taken. After about a month of loosing his stuff he realized how much his behavior had cost him. I am glad to report that he is a very respectful young man now and that phase was only temporary. I can't even imagine what phases await for us in his teen years :~).

D. J.
Married-Working Mom of two boys

i have a son that is 13 now. he is also gifted. he's been to counselors, anger managment, etc. everytime i talk to his teachers and counselors, they all tell me this is common behavior for a gifted child. i go thru the same thing with my son. and it doesn't matter what i say or what type of punishment i give. he is controling with his siblings as well. and all this started when he was about 9 yrs old too. but as he has gotten a little older and just a little more mature he has calmed down quite a bit. seeing the school counseler helped him out alot. it was a special counselor that would actually come to the house once a week and talk to all of us. gifted children thrive on attention, and having things to do at their level. i make sure everyother day or so i give him at least 30 minutes of my devoted time to him. play monopoly cards or something he wants to do. he always beats me at monopoly too....but that 30 minutes has helped out alot. that was a suggestion from the counselor too and it has helped out tremendously. i think its funny that when your pregnant, all you ever want is for your child to be smart, gifted, and excel in life. but i tell people now not to wish for a gifted child because of what i've had to go thru with mine. especially when all his teachers and counselors tell me this is common behavior for a gifted child. but try the 30 minutes, it made a big difference in my son.

I have had the same issue with my 8 year old. We are a very christian family so when she would give me her "attitude", I would remind her that God said "to honor your parents" and that her talking back was disrespectful to us and to God.

We then have her appoligize and pray for forgiveness. This usually works for us and has made the incidents happen less frequently.
Best of luck to you, and God bless!

Hi L.
I have a daughter very similar to you and I have learned to enjoy her unquieness I thank God for her everyday she is such a wonderful Blessing.Your daughter sounds normal she is learning who she is in the world and she is trying those tester wings out on you. Praise God you have never had your child taken from you or your child has never been the victim of a violent crime,or failing school or have some horrible medical condition.See at one time or another my child had all those things happenen to her so I have learned to take the normal things and find the blessing in them be glad she is independant she may be a lawyer some day.

Hi L.,

We too have a 9-year-old son with similar problems, but nothing has worked that we have tried, so please let me know if you find a fix. We have taken privileges, added chores, ignored the problem...I'm sure there is anything we haven't tried. He too makes the grades and behaves at school, but home is another ballgame. So if you have any remedies, please share.

Mine was too!! So was my friends son. We created 5 tickets (warnings). At the first sign of attitude, just say "Go pull a ticket, please" very calmly. If they give you more attitude, say "Please go pull two tickets now". When the 5 tickets are gone, there is a pre-determined consequence. In my daughters case, if she loses all 5 tickets during the week, she doesn't get to have or go to a sleep over. My friend takes her sons' video game system away. You can adjust this as needed, whether its 5 tickets per week, or 5 tickets per day, etc. We both noticed a much more peaceful household.

Hi L.,

I have a son who turned 10 in October and does the same thing. He is also a straight A student, but he is conscious of what he is doing. Our children are testing us to see just how far they can go. They are smart and they know it! One thing I have found that works is to take away playtime with friends or allowance. Those are two very important things with him. Maybe you can try taking away something of your daughter's that will make her think twice about being mouthy? It is very hard to stay composed when dealing with this kind of behavior...I have lost it a few times dealing with my son. But he is doing a lot better now that he has seen the limit. He knows that there is a consequence that he is not happy with if he doesn't shape up. I would say that he has been compliant for the last 2 or 3 months now.

Good Luck:)

S.

Check with "Love and Logic". They always have great advise. Sometimes you can find their programs on Public TV. Very witty. Best of luck.