Who, hold your horses! Why did you mention medication? I have plenty of information to help you, I am an educational advocate, and I have seen this issue many times, but let met get this rant out of the way first, because it is so often spoken her on this site, and it is a huge injustice to children, and I feel like it spreads the fear like wild fire. PLEASE, please do not perpetuate that aged old unfounded fear of medication being the answer to all that ills kids in school. Kids with medical issues that impact their educational pefromance need medications, but you have not mentioned getting him a proper evaluation that identified any of the medical issues that effect brain function and respond to medication, so put that way, way, way on the back burner, and for the sake of your child, consider it when it is appropriate, just as you would consider it for ANY medical condition for which medication could make them feel better. If they had a unirinary tract issue, you would not hessitate to medicate them if it meant that they would no longer pee themselves, right? Well, honestly, if, IF, you get a diagnosis that suggests medical intervention because it impacts his brain function, insert the word "pee" for every behavior or trouble that he has, and you will see just how unfair it is to say that brains are not flesh and blood, just like the rest of our bodies.
First, you do not do homework. Your son does homework. If he cannot do it, then he has an issue, and the more time you spend propping him up, the more the school will ignore his issue, because you are doing thier job for them. Stop. Hard, yes, but stop. You need to see what your son is capable of, and so does the school. Neither one of you knows, and what he is capable of is also what he is able to do independently. Independent work is impacted by many processing issues and relative weaknesses in intelectual functioning and acheievment. You need to find out which one is causing his issue.
The quickest way for you to find out is to call a Board certified Child psycihatrist, and make an appointment. As that your child be refered to the Neuropsychologist that your psyciatrist preferes for an evaluation to bring to his first appointment. Get the evaluation done. You will have many of your answers. He may have executive funcitoning issues, he may have highs and lows in his IQ, meaning that maybe he has the ablity to understand things that far exceeds his ablity to produce writen work, this is frustrating, and kids his age would rather not put forth the effort if they are going to fail (in relation to what they know they should be able to do...if you knew how to build a sky scrapper, but your hands and organizational skills only let you dig a hole, how often would you try?) It could be visual processing, it could be auditory processing, it could be any number of things. All require specific interventions, and just having the need to do better and try harder explained to him over and over again is not going to help him if what he really needs is his visual motor skills remediated by occupational therapy (which, if you will note, has zero to do with medication!)
If one of these issues was your problem, and you knew that you were smart, and you could not figure out how to access it by yourself, wouldn't you be angry? Get him an evaluation, and find out. You will be suprised that everything, everything that you have mentioned is going to be identified by what you find. Kids this age are not just "lazy." Older kids, sure, but not kids this age. I have been working as an educational advocate for 16 years, and I have never, never, never found a kid in elementary school whose issues could not be explained by the evaluation data. It is there, go look for it! In the mean time, lay off. Help him do the things that he does well, and praise him for it.
Tell the school that you are going to stop so that everyone can see where he really is. Then, write to them, and ask for an evaluation from them. You need to hold your own private evaluation, you never what to know less than any school about your child, and you need it to keep them honest.
Log on to www.wrightslaw.com. This is a terrific site for kids whose parents need help to get their children the help they need. Start with "Understanding Tests and Measurements for parents and advocates." Read about processing disorders too. Wait for your evaluation data. Get a book by Dr. Mel Levine, "The Myth of Layzness." You will see many things in the book that will make sense to you.
Good luck, I hope you don't think I am blasting you, I just get so tired of the idea that every child with an issue will, or should, be offered medication. Parents need to know what to ask for, and when to drop bad pedicatricians who give them perscriptions "just to see if it works." That is not how it should be. Pediatricians do not do the kind of educational and psychological evaluation that is needed to fully identify kids who need medication for thes issues, Developmental Pediatricinans and Board Certified Child psychiatrists/ Nueropsychiatrist combos do. Don't settle. Find out exactly what your son needs, then get it for him, and put your effort into driving him to the therapy he needs, doing his theraputic homework (ot, speech, vision, etc) and in advocating well. You will not be sorry.
Finally, if your son gets a diagnosis and his specialist thinks that medication is worthwhile, find out a great deal more about it before you reject it. Medication is a small part of the treatment for kids who have these issues, but it can make the difference between wandering in the dark, and turning on the brightest lights, but only for those who truly need it, and if that is your son, I promise you, you will want that light burning as brightly as it can!
Good luck,
M.
