I have a boy - he will be 7 years old next week - and he keeps peeing and pooping his pants at school or when we are out. He will poop just a little and not tell me about it, or won't tell his teacher, because he says he is afraid he will get into trouble. When we ask him why he is having accidents, he says he just doesn't want to take the time away from playing to go to the bathroom. This has been going on for about 4 weeks now, and happens about every other day. He has been fully potty trained since age 2, so I am beside myself here. I have no idea what is going on. We have tried to be very patient and I tell him every time it happens that it is just an accident.....but it is getting a little overwhelming. I am afraid the kids will remember this and make fun of him later.
Anyone have this happen? How did you resolve it, or did it resolve itself without your intervention? I will try anyhthing to help him!
Some more info:
- he doesn't get in trouble at home or school, so not sure why he is saying that. His teacher is so sweet and patient. She has him go to the bathroom about every 2 hours now, and it has helped. She will also help him change clothes and keep it from the other kids as best she can.
- No major changes recently. So, no idea where this is coming from.
- Regarding the encopresis - he has regular bowel movements (usually once daily) and pees regularly, so I don't think he is holding it in.
I will make a doctor appointment asap. Thanks moms.
I suggest that the first thing to do is make an appointment with his doctor to rule out a medical issue. If there is none then I'd believe him when he says he doesn't want to take the time from playing. It's only logical then that he cleans up after himself.
My oldest did this, he didn't pee, but there was often a little bit of poop in his undies. I think it was a control issue (holding his poop and then finally not being able to hold it all the way), however he did outgrow it at about 8 or 9.
My 3yr old grandson is at a Montesorri school/daycare and the way they potty train is to encourage the child to go potty and not to wear pull-ups after the first week or two. From then on they wear regular undies and if they have an accident they have to clean it up on their own. This takes more time away from playing with their friends than if they just went potty. And it doesn't take long and the kids get it.
So I would say for your son explain to him that if he goes in his pants again he has to clean it up. He has to wipe the floor, rinse out his undies and pants or shorts, socks, shoes ect. He will soon realize that all the clean-up takes more time than just going potty.
Also going in your pants is a control issue. If he feels out of control in a part of his life, moving for instance or the death of a family member, he may be trying to gain control by going in his pants. The idea is similar to an eating disorder, but not related to an eating disorder.
I haven't gone through this personally, but I have a very good friend (plays with my son your son's age) and this happened to them.
They did the same thing you did. They approached it in a nice, calm way and didn't punish him. They took him to the doc for fear it was a medical issue. It wasn't.
Eventually they had no choice but to start punishing him for *accidents* because it as clear he wasn't having them because of anything else other than "I am too busy to go". And when I say punish, I don't mean beat the poor child. They would simply make him clean it up himself and then no playstation for a week, or what have you.
I do know that this is not uncommon, and I also do know moms who have dealt with it successfully only to have it return after a month or so. Do not give up. Has there been a major change in his life lately?
Good luck to you.
Gosh, that's tough! I'd almost say go back to "making him" go every hour, like you do when you're potty training... Maybe? I don't know. By saying "make him" go, I mean you could have the conversation with him. Tell him that each hour you're going to have to find a bathroom and he'll need to sit and try to go so that he doesn't have the accidents. Of course, stress the part that he's not in trouble, but that it's something that needs to be fixed because being in dirty pants all day is not okay and it is bad for his bottom. I might start there. I don't know a first grade teacher in the world that wouldn't be willing to have him go at regular breaks - it might be hard to remember every hour, but maybe at certain transitions during the day that you could set up with the teacher and your son?
I'd also say having the teacher talk with him, maybe even the three of you, about how he will not be in trouble if he tells her about the accident. Maybe have an extra set of clothes there. On the other hand, it shouldn't be too easily fixed either because then it's like it's no big deal. But I think it's best to start with the "no big deal" stance so that it doesn't become an issue that causes anxiety. So frustrating, good luck!
Look into encopresis. Talk to your pediatrician. He may actually not be able to feel the "poop" leaking out and the peeing "could" be happening because he has an large intestinal blockage that pressing on his bladder. He may not be able to control it before it is too late. Encopresis is common in boys. Don't punish him. Take him to the pediatrician asap.
Some will say make him wash out his own underware and that will make him decide that he needs to stop playing and take his behind to the toilet. This could work. Some will say punish him by taking away something he likes until he goes to the washroom like he should. You first need to stop calling them accidents since he told you he just doesn't want to take the time to go. It is not and accident, he knows what he is doing. Now in school you can let the teacher know and maybe she can make sure he goes more often. I think having him wash out his own underware that he soils because he doesn't want to take the time to go will work. He will see how gross it is and stop.
Once you've ruled out any medical issues, consider it a control issue. Try going back to an awards system similar to when he was potty trained back when he was 2. Rewards for good behavior, try and remain neutral and not get angry when he has accidents (this is the most difficult part, I know). Make a chart or have him make a chart that involves stickers or crossing off or coloring in shapes etc. One strategy would be a sticker for each day he doesn't have an accident and when he gets 5 stickers he gets a Lego set or a trip to the ice cream store or you take him to a movie - let him pick somthing that he really likes, enough to motivate him. Also don't make it expensive, like a iTouch, start small. Maybe you could agree on a more expensive thing as part of a long term goal. You can modify things as time goes on but just make sure that he understands what the reward is and what he has to do to get it. Don't change things while you're working on a chart, make changes after you finish a chart.
Just send me a message if you need more info!
Not sure about the BM accidents but I would make sure he does not have a UTI ( boys get them too)
I would definitely talk to the pediatrician to rule out anything serious.
I have a friend who dealt with this with her son at about this age. Their doctor called it encopresis. Here is some info:
Yep, def see your doc. My 5 year old had this very same problem this past spring. I let it run it's course because his doc said it wasn't a medical issue. My son was going through lots of 'changes' though. Spring allergies and meds, big growth spurt, sleep apnea and snoring became worse and he began to struggle in school because of all of those things. It went on for about a month and a half...the last 10-15 days he was responsible for ALL cleanup...not as a punishment but as a reminder that playing is fun but if you don't take the time to go potty in the toilet you will have less time to play. He is doing well now. Good luck to you and your son!
Not only would I check for a urinary tract infection, but I would also have his throat swabbed for strep. My daughter has a reaction to strep that causes her to wet her pants (called PANDAS) which I am happy to discuss. Most doctors don't mind running a quick strep test if you're worried. Most quick clinics run them too (CVS, etc.)
-M.
Both my 3 year old and my 5 year old have had accidents. (They have peed at night in bed) If they do, they are not punished, but have to help us clean it up.
I would think there is some stress in your son's life. It does not have to be major in your books - major in his books. For a child this could be some friendship not going well, a teacher they don't like, a bully, or maybe he likes a girl and doesn't know how to tell her - who knows. Try and find out.
Also check with your ped.
Good luck!
Maybe something has changed or happened. Try and find a way to get him in his comfort zone to talk to you or his father. Whatever the case may be take it to our Father in heaven with prayer.
Maybe some real punishment is EXACTLY what your child needs... since obviously, the being nice, patient and talking about it doesn't phase him in the least and doesn't show him his behavior is not acceptable.
I'd ground him from playing with friends and take away all his toys for a week until he stopped pooping and peeing in his pants. Once a month as an accident at his age I can understand and allow to pass - but daily or every other day - ABSOLUTELY NOT.
I don't have a 7 year old that did this but when my little one was potty trained and started having accidents I gave her the underwear to wash, needless to say it was over before it got out of hand! It sounds harsh but sometimes we tend to sugarcoat bad behavior.
Good luck!
