My Child Won't Sit Still Enough to Eat - Need Suggestions!

When my children were that age I had a small table and chair set that was their size that I had them eat at. They loved it and seemed ready to stay there even for snacks. If possible try this it might work for you. Good luck.

We had the same problem for a while. I finally decided I just wouldn't fight with him. He could eat what he wanted from his plate, but when he was done he was done. He learned pretty quickly that he had to eat what he was given and wouldn't get anything else until the next meal/snack.

Boy, does he know how to work you, and he'll do it all his life if you don't get a grip now. you didn't mention the age of the other child. Is this younger one vieing for additional attention away from the other one? Do you compare the two? Don't let him have snacks between meals, except for water, then he'll be hungry, and believe me, he won't starve. If he goes to bed hungry, just let him cry. He needs to learn at an early age that mealtime is for eating and not playing, and he is old enough to ear on his own. Once he begins to act right, then he can be rewarded with light between-meal snacks.

Hi D.,
I laughed out loud when I read your post. That was my son 29 yrs ago. He was not hyper, he just wanted to keep making choices that were different from mine. I showed him a book on astronauts and how they float around all over the spaceship if they don't have their seatbelts on. Let's play astronaut. I used my husbands belt and strapped DS into his chair and said "3-2-1, blast off. Time for dinner Astronaut." If he gets up, the astronaut game is over. Tell DS that he needs to get/do everything he needs Before his astrobelt goes on. Change spoons, get a bib, whatever. If he wants to resume eating, he will have to do it alone, because the rest of the family stayed for the astromeal, and now they are doing something else. Do not allow him to carry his food to where bathtime is going on or where Daddy is watching tv etc. Table, seatbelt. If he doesn't eat enough one meal, he will not suffer. He may cry because he wants to be in control, but, like the Astronauts, Control Central is on the ground--that's you, Mom. Everybody has to learn what is acceptable behavior for all different situations.

My son loved it so much that if we ate out or at someone else's house, he would cry for his seat belt. lol

What works for us is a set routine. The best way to teach our kids what is expected of them is to set up the routine in the home so that they know no other way. For example if you want your kids to know how to behave at a restuarant, then you have to instill those rules at home so that they get to practice them daily, then when you do go out then they behave without you constantly correcting them. So, we eat at a table every meal time. We don't let our kids get down unless it is to use the potty, just like in public. We don't allow toys at the table nor do we watch tv, just like in public. We act as role models and make a point to use our manners, so that the kids will know how to behave properly. I have a 2 1/2 year old boy and a 3 1/2 year old girl and I may have to remind them to use their manners, but rarely anything else because this is all they know. If they do not wish to participate in the family meal by acting up and preventing anyone else from enjoying their meal, then they are allowed to go and sit in time out until dinner is over and they do not get anything else to eat until the next meal. I have had them sit in time out and after a short while change their minds and ask to join the family and eat properly, which I did allow. They do not die from missing a meal and learn to respect you loads more if you guide them with love rather than give in to their wants.

You just described my daughter to a T! I fixed this problem easy. I fixed her favorite meal which happens to be spaghetti. I did all the fixings Cesar salad garlic bread and even angel food cake with strawberries for desert. So I had her help me with everything which was already helping with the attention span during dinner issue. It was not totally better but she would at least come to the table and sit. So I served this big meal and she took 1 bite of her spaghetti and got up to go and retrieve a toy. I took everything off the table and put it in the sink. When she came back for a bite she was like where is it??? I told her oh I thought you were done so I threw it away. She looked at me crazy and then cried and cried. She went to bed hungry that night, but has NEVER done this again. This is what my pediatrician suggested and it worked!!! You could try doing what my mom did do not even set a place for him and see how he reacts. Then have you and DH talk about how good the food is etc. You may have to do this for a few nights but he will get it and eventually will ask you for food. Tell him ok, but only if you sit quiet and eat! Good luck.

He's old enough to sit for at least 10 minutes and feed himself. (If not longer) We have an almost 2 1/2 year old as well. He is expected to sit with the family and eat his meal. If he gets up or does something unappropriate like throwing food or yelling he gets a warning. i.e. If you get up again you are going into time out. If he gets up again, he goes straight to time out for 2 minutes. Once time out is over he can come back and eat. This works for us. Good luck and remember, you are the one in control, not your 2 year old. :)

If he sits in a high chair still that will solve his getting up and out. I personally would place his food on the tray for him with his utensils and then go about eating my meal, doing my best to ignore him. He will eat or he won't. If he doesn't, don't fret - he won't starve. When he is hungry enough he will eat. You must stand firm on this issue - high chair - food presented - utensils - go about eating your meal - carry on conversation with others - give no attention - some kids thrive on even negative attention. When meal is over, clean him up and let him down. It may be difficuklt for a day or two, but you can do it!

Sounds like my son!!! The other night I made him a peanut butter sandwich because he already never ate the food we ate. He kept staring at the tv. I gave in and threw a towel on the floor so he could sit in front of the tv and maybe get a little bit of food. Sometimes I can tell him daddy will eat his food, or the kitty cat will. But that doesn't always work.

We used a booster seat with a strap to hold them in!! Then if he wants down, take his food away and let him be hungry, he will learn real quick to eat when food is presented. You have to be the strong one here and it won't be easy. Teach him that he canmake choices, good and bad and choices have consequences, you leave the table-the food is done-you WILLbe hungry- and DO NOT give him more food until it is the next meal time. And NO JUICE or MILK to fill his tummy. They learn quick how to manipulate. It will be hard at first but he will learn in a day or two.

This is normal for 2 year olds. Mine never want to sit to eat a whole meal. They usually pick all day. But, if you don't want him doing these things then you have to insist on it. I put their food on the table, if they don't want to eat it, it will be there when they are ready (and for during they day they can graze from the same plate). If it's time for nap, and all of sudden they want to eat, too bad. It will be there for them when they wake up. At dinner, if they don't eat, they don't get to eat when I say it is time for bed. I will remind them some time before that they need to eat or they will be hungry, because once it is bedtime all they get is a cup of milk. My 3 year old is horrible at eating when I ask him to. This solves a lot of my frustration. My other son is this way about breakfast. I started putting it in the fridge and we came home starving for his snack (which was never enough) I gave him back his breakfast. He now eats most of his breakfast at breakfast. I was too like you, trying to please, worrying about hunger and nutrition. My husband, family doctor, several wise friends, all told me basically the same thing. I was going crazy. Now, I make exceptions at times, but this is the general rule. You must sit at the table while we eat even if you don't want to eat. If you don't eat, it will be waiting for you later and you may not have anything else until it is eaten - and it won't be as tasty. If it's too late to eat, then you will go to bed hungry. So sorry. I'm not as stressed out as I used to be in this area. But, remember, most 2 year olds don't want to sit that long. So, if it's not a family dinner, I let them pick a little, play, and come back for more. But, I don't offer anything else. And the timing rule still is in effect.

I agree with Karen and Vanessa. Our three year old now also is allowed to leave the dinner table (with permission) wash his hands and watch a little tv. This gives us, mom dad and older brothers some extra conversation time.
Pick your battles, be consistentant and enjoy them while you can because, as I am learning, they grow too soon.
M.

Hmmm, this describes my 3 1/2 yr old granddaughter who is strong willed like her mother (my daughter). I have thought the problem was that this wasn't modeled for her because all I ever see when I'm at my daughter's is her and her husband eating in the living room. What child would want to eat at the table if the parents were getting to eat relaxed on the couch in front of the t.v.? It didn't look like they took the time to teach her and firmly discipline her to do what they were expecting her to do. I know they let her walk around and eat off their plates when she was younger. At my house there were times I put her plate on the table before the rest of ours were ready and I felt like she was lonely sitting there without any one. So, I tried to have someone with her and I did what others posted about picking up her plate and letting her know the meal was over since I had warned her not to get up until she was done. It helped but she hasn't been over for a while so I don't know if it stuck. Last time I saw her we were at a restaurant and she was all over the place! Her mom was complaining about her behavior. Now I think she doesn't get enough positive attention so she vies for negative attention but hey, I'm her grandma. I adore her and she adores me. There are a lot less problems at my house because she gets treated like she's treasured above all else! :-) Doesn't every female want that?

I have a child that was like that. I stood my ground. I explained to her she was not going to eat unless she did it one way. If she refused, then she got down and she did not get anything else until I offered it to her. Not even bites off my plate. If they are hungry they will eat and not with all the need to cause distractions.

Hi D.,
I have a little girl that is just over 2 and she drives me crazy when she eats. She flops all over the place. But I'm pretty strict with her. I make sure she has her drink, a napkin and all her food then I sit by her. I sit and I just focus on her: take a bite of your salad, sit up, put your fork down, don't flop, no-turn around...If you're stern and consistent and say no, EAT, and he sees there's no room to wriggle then it helps. I've noticed that when I need my little girl to sit still during church (when she was a little younger) if I just sat her on my lap she'd squirm all over. BUT if I held her very tight to where she didn't have any room at all to budge she would calm down pretty fast. I hope that's help. best wishes- I think it's a phase and I'm just trudging along with you :)

Most all kids eat on their own terms. Don't make meal time a battle ground. If he doesn't want to eat, put the food away for later and try again in a couple hours. While you are the best judge for WHAT your child eats..your child is the best judge for HOW MUCH and WHEN. Don't force him to eat, and don't let him know you're frustrated...and ESPECIALLY DON'T GIVE INTO feeding him yourself. He's old enough to feed himself. If you keep this up you might end up hand feeding a school aged child. A couple of missed meals is OKAY. I wish you luck. I have TWO very strong-willed kids..a 3 yr old boy and a one yr old girl. I learned this from my kid's pedi..because I had the same battles with my boy.

Another slight possibility is that he has ADHD and can't concentrate on eating. You should get him checked out maybe. Specially if other times besides eating is a battle. My son had it and he could go for hours without eating, simply because his mind goes too fast to tell him that
he's hungry.

I FEEL your pain. I have a 2 1/2 year old son, that is sweet, energetic, spirited and all two. Getting him to sit still for a whole meal isn't easy. If you find a way that works, please post an update so I can try it. Good luck from one tired mom to another.

My daughter is the exact same way. I have nutritious foods available to her. She can come and choose what she wants whenever she wants. She mostly grazes, but will eat in a social setting. I keep a mental tally of what she has had during the day and make suggestions if she comes to me hungry.
As far as sitting at the table, this has become my husband and my time to enjoy one another. My daughter (3yrs old) knows what is expected of her when we go out or go to a friend's house. To teach her table manners, we do mock tea parties, and pretend picnics, and I take her to nice restaurants on the Riverwalk. She gets to get dressed up and choose the place...as long as they have table clothes or real napkins.
I believe that we are all born knowing how to eat and what our body needs. I feel like if I order her to listen to me instead of listening to her stomach that we are just asking for trouble down the line. My daughter is in the 97% for height and 93% for weight. She has a defined stomach and I ...well, don’t. Who am I to tell her how to eat? LOL. My job is to teach her how to eat (we use the “eat your colors” method) and provide healthy choices.

I have a little girl that will be 3 in January and she is very strong willed as well. Alot of times she eats better if we let her stand at the counter (she has a "Learning Tower" that she stands on). I don't know why, but she likes to eat that way. I guess she will grow out of it. It's just not a battle that is worth it to me. The other thing that I do is if she doesn't want to eat her dinner, the only thing that she can have before bed is wheat bread (something boring). I also let her pick which cup, plate, fork, spoon she wants...let her have that control. Good Luck!

Hi D.-

You just described my daughter! She is now 4 1/2 and is much better, but we had some real issues when she was younger. My husband and I have always had the attitude "you have to choose your battles" so we applied this to dinnertime. Some things we would not flex on: she had to sit at the table, in her own seat, etc. We did allow her to choose her eating utensils out of the drawer and she chose the color of the plate to eat off of (these things were accessible to her so she set her own place at mealtime). When preparing dinner I would often let her choose the vegetable that I would cook for the night or the other side dishes if there was a choice to be made. I also started giving her much smaller portions of everything so that she did not have to sit for as long. She could "clean her plate" fairly quickly and we would praise her for eating so well and excuse her if she was done, but often times she would ask for seconds. My daughter also loves to help with almost anything, so she was allowed to help clear the table if she sat patiently and waited for dinner to be over.

Oh, the other thing we did was reward good dinnertime manners with a special dinner night. If the kids used their manners for a week we would order pizza for dinner on Saturday or we would go out for ice cream for dessert.

Good Luck,
K.

My daughter-in-law had this problem with my grandson. She couldnt understand why he would come to Nana's and sit and eat a plate of food, but she couldnt get him to do it at home. Heres what I told her... Stop giving him treats, crackers, hot dogs and what ever else he asks for in between meals. Then they will be hungry enough to sit down and eat meals. Once they start eating real meals, work the snacks in, but only give them a snack size portion at key times in the day. My boys get a snack as soon as they get home from school, and they get a designated portion, so I know they will be willing to eat their dinner. After dinner they get a dessert. The same thing goes for my grandkids, however they are not in school yet, so if they are at my house, I give them a piece of fruit, or something similar, at a midpoint between breakfast and lunch. In our house we eat dinner as a family, at the table. Its a time for us to discuss our day and connect. Include the little ones in the conversation, and let them know they can have pudding cups, and junk food for dessert...AFTER they eat the "good for you" food. They'll get it sooner or later.

This may not be the best advice, but it works for us and my son eats. He has a little table for drawing etc. We just keep it in the family room where the t.v. is, and he eats his meals at his little table watching his shows... It is a bad habit, but he eats much better that way, he gets lost in watching the t.v. and doesn't realize he is eating. If he is still in a high chair, we would do that with our older son when he was in a high chair, put it in front of the t.v. good luck.

If your child is stubborn and spirited, he is testing you. You need to set firm rules that you know you can follow. For example, if he gets up, dinner is over. Throw his food away. Don't respond when he says he is hungry other than to remind him he didn't sit down and eat when he had the chance and maybe next time he will. This will only take a few times, but you have to be consistant and not give in. He will not starve, and it's importnat for him to learn these rules. Any time he yests you like that, be sure you ultimatley win, or he will keep doing it. My younger one is like that, and I never let her win. Now she knows what I say is really the way it works, so she doesn't test me as much. Just stay the course, and he will learn, and don't let him wear you down. You will also start to notice when he askes for something and you say no, he will continue to ask and beg and reason to try and change your mind. Don't ever let him win that, either, or he'll do it all the time. You'll need to cut these conversations off early, because the more he will beg, the more frustrated he will get (and you). Say no and change the subject. If he continues to ask for something you have already said no to, have him go in another room or to his room or something to get him off it. Good luck-this is a tough challenge for a mom, but you'll be glad you drew the line.

Get a booster seat with a buckle. Meal time is a designated event at my house not time for self-grazing. They can sit there for as long as they want if they are eating. If they sit there for 10 minutes and don't eat anything, then they must tell you they are all finished or ask for permission to be finished. You take the plate away, wash hands, and unbuckle them. Meal time is now over.

It's a very specific and designated and LEARNED rountine. When they've got the routine down... then keep the booster unbuckled. But the rule is they MUST ask for permission or tell you they are all done before they leave the table. Once they are done, the plate goes bye-bye.

If they get up without asking permission, you gently guide them back to the table and tell them to tell you they are all done. Even if you have to do this 20 times during a meal, they will get it very quickly.

I kept mine in a high chair until he was two and a half. I put stickers on the tray and it distracted him.

You can get a placemat and put stickers on it or buy one of those lamanated plastic ones from walmart with the sesame street characters and numbers on it. While you are asking him to find specific colors or shapes etc, you can be spooning food into his mouth. I still have trouble with my four year-old feeding herself and my three year-old is hopeless. They just get distracted and will chat and chat...I still have to spoonfeed them to get them to eat decently. Good luck.

Put him back in his highchair or get a booster w/ a strap. He'll hate it but until he learns to sit still during meal times then it's back to the baby chair. I've got a 3 yr old, so I know too well about the "negotiation" phase and you have to set the rules and stick with them so they understand when it is ok to play and when it is time to sit and eat. Good luck!!

D....I wish you all the luck in the world. My son is extremely strong willed and stubborn. Not only that, he has an extremely high tolerance for pain...so spanking doesn't work for him (he just looks at you like your crazy or gives you an angry look and says "Mommy, no no!"). Meal time has always been a challenge for us as well. We finally resorted to separate meals for him. If we eat pot roast, he may eat a hot dog or if we have pork chops, he may have an apple and a mozzarella stick...anything that will get him to sit at the table for more than 2 seconds. If he doesn't sit at the table with us, we have a Spongebob table that I set up for him in the middle of the livingroom floor where I can see him from my seat, and place his food there so he can eat as he feels he needs too. He runs around for a few minutes and takes a bite, then plays for a few minutes and takes another bite. When he gets really hungry, he'll just sit in his little chair and scarf down everything before he runs to play...LOL. As long as he is eating, I don't have much to say to him on that subject. My mom said that I was the same way. She said by the time I was 3 1/2 or 4, I was eating with the rest of the family, so I choose not to fight this battle with him. There are too many other things to focus on, like not terrorizing your older sister or not pulling the doggy's tail and hitting him in the behind to see how fast he can pull you all over the house...you know...stuff like that...LOL.

This is where my husband and I had to learn tough love. We set the timer for 20 minutes and when it went off dinner was over. IF BRett hadn't eaten then he would have to wait util breakfast, we told him it was his choice. IT only took a couple of times until he figured out we meant business. But you can't give in when they put on the cute face and beg for foo. HE won't starve to death if he misses one meal. if you go back on your word then your son will know he can play you. When my older daughter wouldn't sit still at the table, we took her chair away for the rest of the meal and told her she had lost the privelege, now she needed to stand. She didn't squirm around any more. When she does we ask her if she needs to stand to help remember the rules.

I am a stah mom of 5 awesome kids. ages from 11-5. These are a couple of tricks that worked for us which let the kids know they weren't running the show, but still had the free agency to choose their own consequences. I have found that when I keep my cool and put the situation back on them, they behave better. For instance, "Brett I'm sorry that you chose to leave the table during dinner time, the timer has gone off now. Your consequence is having to wait until breakfast to eat. Next time I hope you will make a better choice."

Good luck. And just keep trying but remeber to be firm when you need to be. Hope this helps.
A.

I eliminated snacks and it helped with meal time. He may not be hungry enough at the meal. Also remember that at this age they don't eat quite as much as they did.

S., mom to 5!

I have had the same problems! I feel your pain.

Buy a booster seat that attaches to your chair and to the child. They have them at Walmart, Target, Babies R Us, etc....

I would put an empty plate in front of him and my husband and I would begin to eat our food and talk about our day (including our son of course). Eventually, he would see us eating and talking and would ask for the food on the table. He likes to do everything on his own so I would ask him if he needed help (because he eats more if I help him)...

I would also let my son know that if he ate all his food, he would get a treat (extra cartoon, sugar-free snack, etc). Sounds like a bribe (because it is) but sometimes that is what they need to get motivated.

Good Luck! Again - I FEEL YOUR PAIN :)