My Daughter Doesn't like Presents?????

Does she have any interests? Perhaps Santa could bring her a year of Yoga classes or Piano lessons?

could you get her something like gymnastics for a year? giftcards to the movies. a pass to the local pool (rec center) Ive never had that issue all I hear is I want this and I want that. It would be nice to have a happy medium

I would talk to her. I would ask her why she doesn't want presents and what she would rather have - like an outing. Maybe tickets to the movies would appeal to her more, or a gift card to get what she wants vs having people choose for her. I would only be concerned if her behavior seemed to be that she was unwilling or unable to see her own value or extreme in her need to control the situation.

Maybe she's just not up for all of the attention that comes along with receiving gifts. Everyone staring as you open the packages, eagerly anticipating your excitement, and maybe sometimes having overly high expectations of how excited SHE should be about how great the gift is. Maybe people were getting things that just didn't match her interests? I'm thinking with all of the grandparents doting on her, she may just want to not be in the spotlight so much. She also may be very smart, and she's using this little tactic, saying she doesn't want gifts to get a reaction and attention from people. I wouldn't make a big deal of it. I agree with more of the "experiences" gifts, and also tell her it is OK she doesn't like gifts, but you still expect her to be polite and thank anyone nicely who brings her a present. Later, she may choose to donate her gifts instead of keep them if she'd rather. It's OK if she does not want them, because another little girl who has very little may be really happy to receive them. I would have no problem with requesting no gifts from Santa, or maybe just one. Nothing wrong with that.

my dd might be like this a bit, She would rather BE with us than be given a toy and told to play in her room by herself.

Is the problem the fact that when she gets gifts she HAS to be the center of attention and HAS to say thank you and HAS to kiss Grandma Gertrude who smells funny.

Or is it that the gifts she is given aren't suited to her interstest and age level? so she has given up on caring or getting excited.

Think about that a bit and see if you can figure it out more, I mean she has to be the boss of the situaton sort of sounds like she only wants attention on her terms. but i'm a ilttle unclear on what you really lmean by that.

If it is just a power struggle, is it because she wants to hurt peoples feelings or that she doesn't want to have to say thank you.

intersting quesiton.

Nearly. I once baby sat a kid, who as about 7 at the time. He absolutely hated compliments and was outspoken about it.

I explained that while he might not enjoy the compliments, he should nonetheless recieve them gracefully because no one meant him ill by voicing them, in fact they were trying, in their own way to be nice and kind.

You might try the same lesson on your daughter and explain that there is joy in giving as well as in receiving, and that she should be careful not to ruin the joy others have in giving.

As for the bossiness, let that play out in a good way, she can take those unwanted presents and re-gift them to charity.

Another, and empowering thing you can do for her is allow her to take a stand. Have her explain that she doesn't want gifts, but those who feel so inclined can donate to XYZ instead.

Have her send a heartfelt thanks for either abiding by her stated wish not to give her a gift, or for making a donation to charity. A cordial thank you will do in the case that a giver chose to give a gift to her instead.

Good luck to you and yours,
F. B.

Have them donate to a charity in her name. Let her pick the charity.

We are asking for season passes to the local water park for the four of us. Maybe something like that.

There was a kid in my class that was this way (also an only child). He was just tired of so much stuff. He turned down a new car for graduation because his old bronco worked just fine, thank you. He turned out very nice and level headed.

When people ask, tell them she is more interested in experiences than things. Gift cards, memberships, magazines, and tickets would be more to her liking.

I haven't had this issue, but I love your idea of asking for gift cards. Let her pick out the gift. Another idea I had was asking for family memberships at places she likes to go, like Science World, Aquarium etc, if you live close enough to one of those, or a money to use toward lessons of some kind - swimming, skating, dance, horse back riding, biking...whatever she is into. Do you have a theater in town? You could ask for tickets to movies, live theater productions, ballets, concerts...what does she like to do?

Our out-of-town relatives to purchase "event" or "membership" gifts online, and then a card arrives for us in the mail. Another option is a magazine subscription for her (who doesn't love to get mail?). My kids get a couple of Science/Nature magazines that they really enjoy. (check out the National Geographic website for ideas)

This is curious for sure. I think Lillym brings up some food for thought though.
You may want to ask her some of those questions....like is the presents she doesn't like or that she doesn't like to be the center of attention, etc. I know she's only 6, but she probably has a reason.

After that I guess I would just ask her what she wants to do...like straight up tell her that the gparents are asking you about what to buy her for Christmas and you don't know what to tell them.

Give her some options...Ask her if she wants gift cards for events or places (like zoo, museum, etc.) or for clothes or for things like toothpaste, shampoo, etc.? Some kids like to have gift cards so that they can be in charge of what is purchased and this is a good way to let her be in control. I know grandparents don't necessarily love buying gift cards, but if she's up for it maybe that would work.

If she isn't thrilled with that idea then I would ask her if she'd like to collect money or toys for a charity, hospital or shelter. If she's attune to that idea, then I guess you'll just have to tell the extended family to buy for that. As far as Santa...geesh, well I guess maybe Santa will have to follow suite! If you go this route help her find a charity that she likes and maybe look specifically for ones that take "things" like toys, clothes, etc. so at least the shoppers are shopping for something.

Let your child be the giver.....take her to a children's hospital and a shelter so she can see how much those children will appreciate her kindness.

If she doesn't like to get things, perhaps get her "experiences" - trip to the zoo, aquarium, etc. Sometimes quirky is good. Or gift certificates so she can buy books, etc.

Some kids aren't into material things. I've noticed that kids who like to be in control get overwhelmed easily by lots of "things." Also, people who are picky get overwhelmed by things as well. I'll bet she likes things to be at a minimum--and there's nothing wrong with that. I think it's less the idea of receiving a present and more the idea of having too much stuff.

I've noticed that grandparents like to give THINGS. They like to see the face of the child when they open the present. I would suggest that you tell the grandparents that Christmas is overwhelming to your daughter. I think they would understand that more than saying that she doesn't like to receive gifts. Then I would let them know that FEWER gifts are better.

Hopefully that will help! You can always donate the gifts to those in need and the grandparents need never know. You told them, they chose not to listen.

Good luck!

You've received some great suggestions (I especially liked Annette's & Fanged Bunny's responses).

As for the attention of the 6 grandparents, you may have already thought of this but how about contributions to a college savings account (a 529, if you can). Four years at a decent college will cost at a minimum $200,000 -- more, once you add in books, any travel or extras. This would reduce pressure on your daughter and help the givers feel like they're really helping and giving what she needs.

Good luck!

Wow, I am a little shocked : )But what about seeing if she would like to volunteer this holiday season? She may enjoy giving out gifts to needy kids and families. Then you could tell gparents to give gift cert.s for fun places she enjoys or you could save towards a trip to disneyland?

Hi D.,

I'm not sure how quirky quirky is in your family, but I have a very quirky little boy and this doesn't sound too unlike him. Our DS has "social function disorder" (think VERY high functioning Autism. Intellectually "gifted" but socially very quirky).

He does not like SURPRISES of any kind. When it comes to gifts, he only wants things he specifically asked for and KNEW he was getting. He can seem bossy or like he wants to be in control, but what he actually wants is certainty. Even gifts that AREN'T for him really bother him if he doesn't know what's inside. Around Christmas we have to either hide wrapped gifts in our closet or tell him exactly what is in EACH box under the tree so he can relax.

That being said, I'd encourage people to get her gift cards so she can choose something she wants and then have her write a nice thank you note telling what she got with it. Otherwise, maybe they can get her savings bonds or deposit money into a saving account for when she's older and will appreciate it.

Hi There, I just had to post this to tell you that your kid is not the only one like this. My daughter had her 5th birthday last Friday, and I have 10 photos of her totally disinterested in her own birthday party at PreK. Afterwards we took her to 3 different toy stores before she finally picked "something". We discovered that she was nervous about the whole party thing and in general, she's just not excited about toys. Last Christmas, we got her a princess ATV and a ton of other "stuff" that we thought she would love. She was grateful, but not overly excited about any of it.

I've been told that children who do not have siblings, are more adult like because mom and dad are usually their playmate....

By the way, I returned her birthday present (cause she did not want it) and purchased her some kid friendly bakeware and we have been baking cookies, making jello and all sorts of mom/daughter stuff in the kitchen.....she's been really excited about that. Maybe you can give that a shot.

Wish you the Best,
Christina

Never heard of it, but I love it. Support her in every way you can. Tell your family honestly that they can contribute to her college fund if they wish, or the charity of their choice. They might adopt a whale from a research lab, a child from a third-world country, or donate a goat to an African family, then tell her about it over lunch. I think your should cherish this anti-commercial vein as long as it lasts. More power to your quirky daughter!

How about telling the family that she doesn't really need anything and rather than get her a bunch of stuff she doesn't have room for or need or want tell them to get her savings bonds or contribute to her college fund. I do not remember much thast I ever got for birthdays or Christmas but when I was 35 (4years ago) I cashed in a bond my grandfather (he died in 1980) had bought for me and I bought a great digital camera that I love with the money. I could have never got the camera I did without his help 27 years AFTER his death! That was really special for me!!!! He thought ahead and I benefited years later. Money in a college fund helps just the same way. If she can do some of (or all) her college and come out with little debt or debt free that is so amazing in this day and age. They will give her more that way than they ever could with toys! (Tell them about being able to benefit long after their gone and it will go further!!!)

Lol, every single commercial my daughter sees she wants Santa to bring it for her, even boys toys, cookware, things she doesnt even know what they are.

Does she like to draw or craft? Fresh markers, crayons, colored pencils, paper, glue, beads, any art stuff is good, as it runs out, dries up. Maybe beginning sewing kit, with fabric and large needles and thread.

A camera?? They have kiddie ones that are real digital cameras.

Does she like to help bake or cook in the kitchen? Maybe her own small pie dish, cake pans, mixing bowls and some cake mixes and frosting.

Board games you can play together? Or a video game system with games, maybe a wii or xbox kinex.

Books or an e reader? An ipod with gift card for downloading music?

homeade gift cards for things she likes to do, or not do, like get out of cleaning my room today.

Get her experiences. Dance class. Art class. A special trip to holiday events. Go to the zoo. Go sledding or skiing. Get something that goes with the event, like a leotard, art supplies or a stuffed animal. Let her bring friends or cousins if she would like. And maybe she would like to be in on the planning of the event. Maybe set up a night for making homemade wreaths or cookies with the grandparents, and your dd gets to pick out the materials or ingredients. Maybe she likes watching things grow--get a plant. Maybe you don't call it a gift. Maybe you just say, "What would you like to do special with G-ma this Christmas?" and let her plan the day. Sounds to me like she already has the true spirit of the season. Let us know what happens.

That's odd. Really odd.

Perhaps you could get her excited about giving gifts. Go through the process of thinking about what each family member likes to do, collects, or likes to wear. Make a list of gifts for each based on that information.

Then put her name on there and ask her what SHE likes to do, collects, or likes to wear. Maybe she's crafty, collects pretty stones, and likes to wear necklaces. Viola! Make a box of necklace making supplies with lots of pretty stones and crystals from Hobby Lobby. Maybe she likes to play soccer, run a lot, and likes to wear sporty clothes. Viola! Get her on the soccer team and give her soccer gear and a ball her size for Christmas.

Basically, instead of giving her some toy that's hot right now, give her what you know she loves and is interested in, based upon what she tells you.

We're remodeling our basement this year for a family gift...there will be a movie area and a air hockey table (probably used) down there.

My oldest is getting guitar lessons, and my youngest is getting signed up for a hip hop dance class.

i was like that for a little while when i was younger.. i was an only child and only grandchild on both sides.. every time i was in a store with anyone if i even so much as glanced at something it would be like o0h do you want that? you can have it ill buy it if u want.. i was spoiled but looking back on it i never asked for any of the things i had.. i wana say around middle school that changed lol and i would actually say what i wanted for christmas or my birthday when asked instead of just saying i dont know.. once i got out of highschool i went back to the i dont know i dont need anything really (once the real world kicked me in the butt n i realized how much money it costs to support yourself lol)

She sounds like me! When my husband asks what I want for Christmas I ask for things like theatre tickets, underwear, shampoo or stuff I need for the house. I already feel like I have everything I need, and it is exhausting trying to figure out what to do with everything if people give me more stuff that I don't need. I think the gift cards are a great idea. You could also suggest memberships or passes for places like the zoo, the museum or the YMCA.

Maybe the relatives can give her a present that she can take to a children's hospital or other childrens charity. She may enjoy giving the gift to a child in need.

It's not strange or weird. She's just being herself, and I really do not think it's about being in control. Something happened to cause her to feel this way, and you need to carefully find a way to find out what. It sounds more like a fear of attachment. Children get attached to toys to the point they have a favorite toy. If anything happens to that toy, they become heart broken. Something happened. It could be that her favorite toy broke, it was given away to charity, it was used as punishment, or some other kid stole it from her. I remember when I was in school; a little girl stole my doll, a little boy stole my mini yoyos, and a little boy stole my matchbox trucks so I learned to never take my toys to school again. I still remember their names too. My father used to give my toys away to my neice and nephews after I only got to play with them for a week! (Dad said there was no room for a saucer shaped ride-on toy that you power with your arm; even though, both mom and I played with it, so he gave it to my nephew and it was thrown ouside and distroyed in 1 week.) I was left with the toys I really didn't care about.