My Daughter's Smart but Will Not Answer Questions at School Help !!!!!

Is she a shy child? I was just talking to someone yesterday who said her daughter did not say one word in preschool until after christmas. It had nothing to do with intelligence. She was just very shy.

Hi A.,
Long story, my son is 5 1/2 and he did the same thing in his first year of pre-school. We found out that he is Hyperlexia. He is a very bright boy that understands what he reads but has a hard time with verbal direction and questions. His hearing is perfect. If a question is written down he understands it and will answer the question. Like his doctor said he has a slow processor. We too have him in speech and you wouldn’t believe all the problems his pre-school teachers have given us. For 2 years they have had me up set every day after school. We had him evaluated by privet doctors but the teachers were pushing for the county run program to evaluate him. So we gave in and had it done. There evaluation was so inaccurate. But they wanted him to get speech and that was the only thing we agreed on. Since we were paying out of pocket for privet speech I gave them a try. I love the lady that does his speech and dropped the privet therapist. Not that I didn’t like the privet therapist, just more economical for us. Come the start of this school year I received a paper that early intervention wanted to evaluate my son with an Occupational therapist for reasons that were not valid to my son. (Just a way of getting more money for the county program) That is where I put my foot down and told them that is enough, he will get speech from the county and that is it. They haven’t bothered me again. Just like my son’s privet doctor said his 2nd year of pre-school will be so much better than the first and by the time he is in 1st grade, if we hole him back one year (which we did with the 2nd year of pre-school) he will catch up. Long story short, Kids don’t all develop in the same order or at the same rate and not every child that is a bit different has a major developmental problem. Some where a long the line these teachers forgot this and are making good parents worry needlessly.
I'm not saying this is what is wrong with your daughter but ask the teachers when they ask your daughter a question to give her a moment to answer. Some teachers expect answers right a way. If she doesn't answer them ask them to make sure she heard them and help her answer the question. Just a few times of this may get her on the right track and feel more comfortable answering questions in a group setting. It may just be that the new situation is a bit over wheeling or she is shy. Tell these teachers to cut her some slack. I have to say this; since she is in speech there is a good chance she is just under a microscope this year. If you feel there is a problem or you just want to stop this call your doctor and get a referral to have your daughter evaluated by a developmental pediatrician. Also if you can, sit in on a couple of her classes and see what is going on? Just a few tips from you may make a world of difference.
Good luck and don’t let this get you up set. I did it for 3 years and it’s not worth doing that to your self. If you would like tot talk any time just drop me a line. I know what you are going thought and it will get better.
T.

Sounds to me, your daughter might just need time to mature. She also could be shy or unsure of herself. I have 6 kids and most are older than you but one of them was always distracted in school. He caught everything the teacher had to say and went on with his thoughts. If she asked him a question he was so far gone in his experience of class it seemed like he wasn't getting it. But in testing or asking questions at home he knew his stuff. She is only four and it is all new to her let her go at her own pace and encourage her to be confident. She may just need to focus better in school and that will come with time.

Hello.....Ask her speech teacher about auditory processing. I don't know alot about it, but they should. Good luck!

I would not worry yet it is just preschool right now. My daughter had some issues as well with school and we believe it was a maturity thing. She is 6 now but until she was 4, she was a very spoiled only child. She knew alot and was very smart, but would not participate in class. We placed her in a transitional first class. (a class between kindergarden and 1st grade) Now, after an extra year to mature, she is doing VERY well. She is reading, writting, and loving every minute of it. She is seriously enjoying school, where before she dreaded it. My advice to you is to let her play and be a little girl this year and hopefully when she matures over the next year she will grow out of it. Consider waiting a year to send her to kindergarten even if you can. We were amazed at the difference a little time can make.

Tina Y has a good point. My son was the same way. He is now in 1st grade and has more confidence to answer questions out loud. I will say, however, it take a really great teacher to recognize that every child is different, it's not one-size-fits-all teaching anymore. His teacher this year is so good at allowing their own personalities to come through...it's as if she actually has respect for their differences!!
We have to stop being so hard on these little guys who are still "babies" and allow them the opportunity to mature and become individuals!

Do not allow any one to bully you. Discuss this with the speech teacher, but also with your pediatrician. they may beable to give you some idea if it is just fear or an actual problem. You are the only advocate for your child. Have a parent teacher conferance without your child present to truly discuss the matter. you can also contact the child study team in your township. I have numbers for some of my local towns and a contact name and email. you can also try looking on www.state.nj.us/njded/specialed. Feel free to email me. good luck

My son did the same thing. It's frustrating, because you are so proud of what you taught your child, and then you take them in to kindergarten and they act like they don't know anything. lol I don't know, it may be shyness, or maybe they just don't want to talk to a stranger, or in front of strangers, maybe they think that's personal. It'a funny thing. My son told the teacher straight out when she asked him that he did not know his colors. She showed him something and asked what color it was and he said "i dont know" He had known his colors since he was 2. It's a hard one to figure. My son is 15 now and I still don't know. Maybe he was afraid of her. She turned out to be a mean teacher. Maybe you should homeschool, or cyber school your child. I don't know how many people realize this, but there are free programs, like k12, that you can get to cyber school your child. You may want to concider this if problems persist. Maybe it's not your child, maybe its the teacher. They can intimidate kids. I could tell you some horror stories about public school. Here is the address for the cyber schools. www.k12.com Here is the one my son goes to www.agora.com It's great. I wish they had that when he started. I wish they had that when I started. Good luck.

Hi. Don't freak out. Your daughter is not unusual at all. She just may be a bit shy. My youngest did that through kindergarden. The teacher intimidated her to the point that she would not answer any questions...not even on tests! It wasn't that the teacher was mean or nasty, it was just that my daughter didn't respond to her or her teaching methods. Sometimes that happens. If you don't feel your daughter needs speech then pull her out. You have that right. Don't be afraid to step on a few toes to be an advocate for your daughter. Talk to your daughter, ask her why she won't tell the teacher what she tells you. Ask the teacher what methods she uses, and tell her what you do...maybe you two can work something out. Maybe not. I never could convice my daughters teacher that she knew what she knew. I had to fight to get her into 1st grade (they wanted to hold her back) and I am glad I did. She is in 5th grade now and has carried an A/B adverage every year since she got out of kindergarden. You don't want to make anyone angry, but you do have to stand up and be heard and acknowledged. Hang in there...Best wishes and Congrats on your engagement.

I have a 5 yr old daughter who is the same way. She complains about her pants being to tight and hurting even if they are not. I have tried buying looser pants or the strechey pants. Sometimes this helps and sometimes it don't. I also am at witts end with this and not really sure what the real problem is.

I have three children, two of which have already gone through preschool and both of them did this. I think it's a very common stage and I'm a bit upset at the teacher for having you so worried!

My oldest, he would answer them but not the way they wanted. When asked where he lived he would tell them in a house. When they asked where his house was, he would tell them on the lawn. For him I think he was bored. He's in fifth grade now and has never gotten anything less than a B on his report card.

My daughter, had some problems as an infant, she has a stroke which affected her speech. So of course she was "labeled" right away. She also wouldn't answer questions in preschool, even though she knew the answer. They made a huge deal about it. With her I think she just isn't a "test taker". We went rounds all the way through till first grade. Even though she was a straight A student. I finally told the school, Not every child can be a rocket scientist, I've come to terms with that why can't you?

My point to all of this, is it really can be anything and if she knows what she needs to know and expresses it to you, then don't sweat it. She'll mature quite a bit before kindergarden. You'll be suprised how quickly they mature from preschool to kindergarden!

My daughter is also 4 and she's in her second year of preschool. Last year her teachers expressed some concern about her being so quiet. By the end of the year she was barely whispering to her teachers. They simply explained that it was difficult for them to fully know what she understands since she had limited expression in class. Before having her, I was a kindergarten teacher so I do have the training to know appropriate early childhood skills. I know my daughter and she was well beyond expections for a 3 year old curriculum. Children often grow in spurts and not evenly across the many developmental domains. So while she was strong academically, socially she is weaker. She has been a perfectionist from the beginning (took 5 months between standing and walking - but walked without falling when she did!). She is also uncomfortable being the center of attention. She does better in smaller groups and when she feels that no one is watching her. She would come home and repeat the entire class day while playing so she clearly knew what was going on and was learning.

Over the summer we noticed growth in seeing her interact more openly with family and friends. Her teacher from last year is her science teacher this year and she has the same teaching assistant in her class and both have raved about how they see such amazing progress in her socialization this year. She participates in class and talks to the teachers and other kids. I see it in dance class too. Some of them just take more time. Just because they are standing back and observing, doesn't mean they aren't learning or understanding what is going on. All children learn differently.

Maybe she's just anxious about answering due to her past speech issue. Ask the teacher to let her point at the right answer and gently encourage her to say it as time goes by. Some kids never like to answer out loud and the teacher surely has some other ways to ascertain her knowledge.

It may be that she is quiet and don't want to talk to them. She could also just be shy. How is she at being in new enviroments? Does she interact with the other kids or only engage in self play? How is the materials being presented to her? Are they varied and interesting to her? It may be that shes bored! Good luck!

Maybe she is afraid of being wrong. When my son was young, he was afraid to answer questions when other people asked for fear of being wrong. I reassured him that everyone is wrong sometimes. I also pointed out to him when adults like myself make mistakes so he knew that it's okay to make mistakes. He is still a perfectionist but he is no longer so afraid that he won't answer. He just gets frustrated with himself sometimes if he makes a mistake.