My "Explosive" 4.5 Year Old Still Wants Milk Warmed Up...

My son (only 2) also needed his milk warmed, and drank A LOT of it - also comfort. What we did was to take the amount of time that I warmed it, say 45 seconds on power 3, and reduce the time by 5 seconds every week. We tried it before and I went too quick. When I went slowly, it worked. We then switched to 1% milk. Finally, we switched sippy cups to one that doesn't allow him to drink it all down at once. That was a struggle for a couple of days, but he was great after that. Now I think I need to get him to start drinking some more! :)

i have a special needs child as well, and rigid consistancy and structure were exceptionally helpful for him. i would removed the sippy cup unless she has some sort of major fine motor impairments. from what you're describing, she's basically a 4.5 year old still drinking a bottle. to allow her to feel like she's "in control", give her two clear options that you are OK with, and let HER choose from there(you may have cold water or cold milk in your pretty purple cup - you may even help me pour it since you're such a big girl!). that's a LOT of milk for her to be getting at that age too, so i'd be concerned about that as well. my child had some beverage related sensory issues, and refused ALL liquids for EIGHT MONTHS, so i can totally relate to where you are. i'd consult with a mental health professional and decide where you want to head with your little girl. is she "so challenged" that you need to create her an alternate little world that she can function in? or is she functional enough to learn to cope and function in "the real world"? those are the questions my husband and i asked ourselves many times in our son's younger years. by the time he was 3.5 or 4, it was clear he could learn to function, and it's been a struggle, and by no means easy for any of us, and there were periods of time that i took an anti-anxiety medication to help me get throught the hardest times. good luck!

I would probably make her the milk. But it does seem like a LOT of milk to me for a 4.5 yo. Does she eat well otherwise? Can you reduce the amount per cup or reduce the # of cups per day?

I've only part-way through the "Explosive Child" book and I have not dealt with this exact situation. But I think the approach would be to give her the control over the choice: "You may have a sippy cup filled with milk straight from the fridge, or you may ask for an empty cup and can fill it with (tap) water yourself. But remember...you can also put the milk aside for a couple minutes so that it warms up a bit if you choose."

I don't know if this will work, but I love the approaches I've read in the book. (Since you keep using "explosive," I'm guessing you've already read the book too. If not, please get a hold of it -- it will be a great help.)

One last thing...I would only work on ONE change at a time. Either choose the temp of the milk, or the sippy cup, etc. Don't throw multiple variables at her.

Good luck!

LOL...

Well, my almost 8yo adhd-c (2e) kiddo has been having "hot chocolate" (warm milk + chocolate syrup)... for.... forever. 110-115 degrees.

Though he *could* drink out of a cup we only tossed the Playtex Double Wall giant sippy cups last year (and this year has been hard). In addition to being adhd, he's also hypoglycemic... and boy oh boy when you add hypoglycemia + adhd mood swings we *definitely* get a **kapow** child if his blood sugar is low. Sigh. Before we tossed the sippy cups, he would drink at LEAST 1/2 gallon of milk a day. This past year it's been a struggle. (aka lots of hypoglycemic loss of temper, even though he eats 5-6 times a day). The warm milk was just the *perfect* thing. Quick sugars + proteins and fats for long lasting effect. He still has mugs of hot chocolate throughout the day... but if we're going anywhere... he won't drink it out of a water bottle of any kind. And milk boxes (which he will drink out of) are pricey.

Personally, I'm a "whatever works" kind of parent. Sippy cups (the big ones) were in use in our house until he was almost 7. And I reeeeeally miss them. You know adhd has the whole sensory thing along with it, and we just. have. not. found a good replacement yet. The warm milk, we absolutely still do. Easy peasy. It gets him what he needs in a way that he enjoys and is comforting for him. Which, with ADHD is HUGE. If it's not enjoyable, it just doesn't happen. We're still working on finding an alternate "delivery method". ;)

I've never seen a problem with the warm milk, in and of itself. I DON'T like warm milk. Ugh. So I drink mine cold. He doesn't like cold milk... so he drinks it warm. I don't really see a difference.

I wondered when I read your request whether you have ever tried detoxifying your home. I have become severely affected by chemical sensitivities, and have notice when being tested in group situations that children frequently lose it emotionally when exposed to various chemicals. I have mood swings myself that are hard to control even as an adult.

If you want to check out this possibility, you can bag up all cleaning products, air fresheners, laundry products, and questionable toiletries for a few weeks. Buy an unscented soap and shampoo, laundry and dish detergent. Baking soda or vinegar will effectively clean just about every surface in your home during the test period (I still use these almost exclusively at my house – cheap and effective.)

If you don't notice any changes in your daughter's moods or coping ability after 4 weeks, then this is probably not an issue. But if it is, you might be amazed at the improvement. Good luck.

I have an Explosive Child, I've read the book, which saved us, and that inflexible personality fits my 8 year old perfectly. When she is in that frustrated mode, there is nothing you can do to please her. She's just mad. She needs to learn how to fix the problem herself. At explosion point, all they want to do is fight. Here's what I would do. When she is calm and happy, tell her you are going to teach her how to make her own milk, so she can control herself exactly how warm it is. Then walk her through the steps, having her do it herself. Make sure the milk and microwave are kept within easy access for her. Tell if she asks you politely, you will remind her how by talking her through it, but you will not do it for her. Tell her another option is to drink it cold like most all kids her own age do, or to drink water, which may be quicker for her to get. Be prepared for the mother of all tantrums the first time she begs, pleads, and demands you do it for her. Don't give in. And keep doing what you're doing by having her clean up her own messes, that's a good natural consequence. If you don't give in, she'll either start doing it herself without a fuss, or give it up.

I had to go cold turkey on my child for selecting clothes for school (she's responsible now to do it herself) and tying shoes (she can do it, but used to prefer them being tighter like used to do for her). Cold turkey can and does work well, if you explain it when they are calm, and don't give in! During your calm talk, you can also ask her to help come up with some ideas. Emphasize that you are concerned, because you see how stressful this is for her, and you don't want to see her go through such sadness and frustration. You are going to help her because you care about her and don't want to see her so upset when she doesn't have to be. Good luck!

Tell her to make it herself.

TEACH her how to warm it up. At her age, I believe she can.
Show her how to warm it in the microwave... and put her bottles in a place where she can get it.
My son is 3.5 years old, and he can scramble eggs by himself and cook it. With our supervision.

next, even with her issues as you mentioned, I am sure she still needs rules and boundaries. Not everyone being at her whim.
Is she seeing a Therapist? Maybe that would help, and for you, getting tips from the Therapist.
AND in teaching her and you, "coping skills" and strategies. She needs to learn that. She has no coping-skills. I can't imagine, just going by her conditions, and entertaining her every whim. That will not teach her anything. And it will only get worse...

Does she know how to communicate? How to express herself?

My friend, had a son sort of like that. So she told him that if he wants his milk... he had to go make it himself. Well that just stopped the problem. And it solved it, for her and him.

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Maybe only milk out of a regular cup. Seems like she has other things for self soothing and this could be eliminated. If the only issue you are having is you not actually wanting to warm it up and not worried about her drinking it out of the sippy cup, then just try to remember exactly how long you warm it for so you are not going back and forth. I think making the adjustments is a controlling an unrealistic behavior on her part and that should be out. If she doesn't like it at the temperature you've made, then tell her to take it or leave it, but you will not be making adjustments.

My 2 yr old will not drink her before bed milk without having it warmed up. She will give the bottle or cup back. This is the only time she gets a bottle and I figure, whatever, and decided it is her way to wind down. But when she gets milk at lunch in a sippy or regular cup, she doesn't mind it cold. I figure she will eventually outgrow it and not worth battling over. Maybe just let her have this since there are so many other things to worry about.