My Friend Fed My Baby?! HELP!

I would say just to let it go and keep her with you the next time you see her. If you need to talk about it try not to be angry and just explain how you feel. Hopefully she will understand.

Get a hand-held baby food grinder that you can use to grind up meat, pasta, fruit and cooked veggies so that Grace can have some when you go out or at home.
Then you won't have to worry about her choking on pieces of food.
Then relax about it all.
From a mother of 6 and Grandmother of 10.

I'd be po'ed! Don't take her around that friend and if so, be LOUD and tell her...NO MORE! I'll feed my child what and when I want thank you very much!"

Grr...I'd be so mad!

You are allowed to be a psycho! And I know how you feel. You are her Mommy and you want to have all those adorable firsts all to yourself. And you are entitled. Take a deep breath and be 100% honest with her. What do you have to lose anyway (because your friend obviously doesn't sound like she will really HEAR you anyway)...a judgemental self righteous friend. Oh well. Friends will sadly come and go. But you have a family now. So tell her everything and feel confident about it. Then just let the cards land however they fall with that friendship. There is a bigger picture to worry about now and you cannot afford to surround your family with negativity! I have sadly had to not take my son to my sisters because he is still crawling and she will not clean all the nasty dirty dog hair off her floors. My son comes first and everybody in my life is well aware of that. Horray for all the psycho Moms!!!!!!

Although she should respect the choices you're making for your daughter, it's going to be hard to come out of this one without looking at least a little bit psycho. Most people start their kids on solids at 6 months.

If I bought it up to her, you'd have to approach it from the angle of her needing to respect your choice for your child.

B.,

No one knows your child better than yourself and her dad. I would call her up and let her know that you are upset and that you asked her politely to stop feeding her table food and she did not listen to you. Because of her choice not to listen to you, your daughter had gotten sick. You would appreciate in the future, that she respects your wishes. If she gets upset with you, politely let her know that what she may do with her children are HER choices, but you feel your daughter is not ready for table food. Her dad and your friend should not of fed her table food and respected your wishes. You will know when your baby is ready for table food.

first of all, i think that she is ready for table food. mine started at six months eating table bood and baby food. but that being said YOU ARE her mother.....what you say goes . i tell people you may not think what i think but this is my child and what i say goes period....i know how you feel. my son is almost five and he has low muscle tone in his mouth so even at 3 and half he could not eat certain things with out choking and people would say he is 3 and half he can eat it. i said no he cannot.( you almost have to be a witch) and you are not crazy, it is just what you believe in and that is ok..

It's a shame that your friend went ahead and fed the baby after you had already told your husband to take away the dressing. I'm hoping she just felt too guilty and embarrassed after the baby threw up to apologize. If you haven't talked to her yet, you might give her a call to just clear the air (she may think you're mad at her, perhaps?) and very nicely tell her that you appreciate her advice (if that's true :-) but that you're following the pediatrician's schedule and your baby's and she's just not ready for that yet. You could even go on to ask her what her ped recommended when her child was a baby - she'll probably love to tell you all about it! At the same time, if this is a friend you won't talk to or see until baby Grace is eating regular food and is at a stage where you're trying to get her to try everything then I would probably just let it go (as hard as that may be :-) Good luck!

I understand what you are going through. It seems that as soon as you get pregnant the advice and opinions come out of the woodwork and it only gets worse after they are born. I know quite a few parents who do this to other parents when they themselves were upset by someone doing the same thing! Just remember that you and your husband are the parents and you are capable of making all the decisions for your child. You can be firm and polite (remember to smile) when reinforcing this. And, nobody needs an explanation.

You are not overprotective. My daughter will be 9 months this week and I still don't give her alot of things. My inlaws kept insisting to give her icing from a cake and almost did until I saw them. I screamed no and told them how a friend of mine had to rush her child to the er because someone did that and the baby was allergic to eggs. I find nothing wrong with you telling them no. You are the parent and they respect your wishes. I am glad she is ok and didn't choke to bad. Just keep speaking up and tell your friend she is your baby and you will give her things s you chose.

M.
Medina

First of all, this has nothing to do with whether or not your daughter was ready for a particular type of food. This "friend" was being completely disrespectful to you when she ignored your wishes about your own child. I agree with Melissa's advice about what to say to her. Sometimes it's difficult to be assertive with people you care about, but you need to stand up for your child no matter how uncomfortable it is. Just "letting it go" and feeling forced to hold your child on your lap every time you're in public is not fair to you or your child. You deserve respect and it's up to you to demand it!

Tell your friend that while you understand and accept that she may have a different opinion, Grace is your child. Ask her to respect your decisions on how to raise your baby. You don't owe her anything else. If she is angry with you then you may want to consider this friendship as a casual one instead of close.

I'm a mother of two grown sons, a grandmother of four and have two beautiful daughters-in-law. I worked most of my adult life and now care for the two youngest grandchildren. The most important rule in the house? Whatever mom says, I do. Even grandmothers must remember they're not our children.

You have a right to tell your friend not to feed the baby. Salad dressing at 8 months is just a little over the top even for me!!! It would never have even entered my mind to give lettuce to an 8 month old!! You aren't being overprotective or crazy, these are not foods she has been introduced to yet. They weren't the ones who had a baby with an upset stomach to deal with or the mess to clean up. I might have asked to slip her something like jello, jello squares, pudding, a little whipped cream, or maybe ice cream if it was there, but nothing without talking to you first. Not being the parent I don't know if she has any allergies and what might happen.

You have to sit down with your friends and explain to them you found their behavior to be unacceptable and in the future to please check with you or your spouse before giving food to the child. You could call them instead or write them a letter, but in any event you have to be firm about this with them.

Stick to your guns, you had a right to be upset. You are not crazy or overprotective.

P. R

If wanting respect as her parent and worrying about the welfare of your child makes you psycho, then I am too. As Grace's mom, you know what she can and can not handle. I go through the same battle with my in-laws. My daughter is 10 1/2 months old with 8 teeth. She can handle most table foods by now, but she can't manage to eat stage 3 babyfood. They push me to feed her things I know she can't handle. It chokes her. So she still gets a mixture of stage 2 babyfood and table food (very little pieces). They babysit her 3 days a week, so I can't control what they give her there. My sister-in-law told me that they all went to lunch one day and they gave her something new. She choked to the point that they were beating her on the back to get her to breathe. My mother-in-law never told me about it... I try to give her the next stage of food every 2 weeks to test her out. Still no luck with it so I mention to them that she still can't handle the next stage because she's still choking on it. That's seemed to help a little. But we have the right to raise our children at the pace we see fit. Firt time mom or not! Grace doesn't have any teeth yet, so there probably isn't much you can introduce to her at this point. Every child is different, so to everyone telling you that your child is behind on the food schedule, ignore them.

I understand your point though, your friend didn't respect you. I would suggest cooling off first, then just letting her know that it really upset you. She might not have realized how upset you were. I'm sure it wasn't her intention to harm your daughter, although a piece of bread that big was insane to give to a baby. Common sense. Good luck!

You are right to be upset. I am sorry that your friend did this. If the friendship is really important I would say you should confront her. She has the right to parent her children in the way she sees fit and you have the right to parent your daughter in the way you see fit. She was being disrespectful of your choices as a mother. You know your child better than anyone else. If you want to add foods, you may want to add more natural choices, and it was wrong to give such un-healthy foods to a baby. I would have been furious if someone had given my child food like that for 'first foods'.

I wish you the best of luck working through this. Oh, and I am sure your daughter will be just fine. She may love trying out banana for a first food, or avocado.I started my son on Banana around that time.

in my opinion i think you should simply address it to her in a mature calm but strict fashion, but make it known to her that you will not have your parenting perspectives defied by anyone unless of course it were abusive parenting. if your friend or even significant other disagrees with you just make it known that you will confront your child's doctor before you make any changes in diet. people should respect your decision, not go and intentionally defy you after the first incident was already created. as a first time parent we all are afraid to do things out of harming our child and wanting to do things right. many experienced parents already know that you dont have to be so fragile with most children in such circumstances. i was the same way with mine. I said no and everyone else claimed yes. I got mad and they still defied me. Hated it. even if they are right in most circumstances it does not give them any right to go against your wishes. and if they are your friend or whomever..... it boils down to respecting you!

Well ask her how she would feel if someone did stuff to her kid despite her asking not to do it. She'll probably say she would be ticked off.

Reminder her we all parent differently, and as long as it is healthy for the child there should be no problems.

Good luck!

Tell them to back off! Who cares if you are a psycho mom?! It is your child. You make the decisions for her, period. It is one thing for a friend or family members to voice their opinion, but she took it to a whole other level by giving your baby food to eat right after you said no. AND, she made her choke and puke! If you were doing something that put your baby in harm's way that would be one thing, but a difference of opinion in mothering skills is none of anyone else's business.

I wouldn't try telling her who mad you are, but the next time she is around, or you are at a gathering where she is, you can explain that since she doesn't do as you ask with your child, you don't want her to hold her. If she continues to balk at you, remind her that she can do whatever she wants with her children but that you know your own child and it's yoru job to take care of her.

But, I wouldn't waste time bringing up until then...she won't probably understand and you'll just get worked up about!

Good luck!!

Dear B.:
This is your child, no one has the right to feed your child if you don't feel that it is appropriate food. Don't take me wrong I don't think you should discontinue the friendship however I do believe you should first take it up with your husband. He was the first issue, Affirm your relationship and that he is the father of your daughter however as her primary caregiver you felt it was inapproprate for her to eat such food. I also belive it was inappropriate for him not to stop this women from ignoring your wishes. Try not to loose your temper with him and make sure you explain how this all made you feel. You are this childs mother and you do have rights.
As for your friend, pending on how close you are to her I would sit her down and explain how this made you feel. Explain that while she may believe your being over protective you are simply following what your Medical professional has advised. You have every right to be angry, and your friend pushed the boundries. But try to find a way to put the shoe on her foot. And set the boundries as a friend.
Good Luck

Hi B.,

I'd be furious too!!! You are her mommy and you decide when/what she its. Your friend overstepped her bounds and was pretty rude to you in the process. That's dangerous to give a baby that young bread that sticks to their mouths. In conflict, I often do better if I write it in a letter. That way, I can go over it, have my husband go over it and make sure it says everything I want to say in a diplomatic way. Perhaps you could do that and send how you feel in an email? Just a thought. Best of luck!
L.

My opinon....you have every right to be up set!! You feed your child what you want when you want and not untill then. It's your baby!! I am a new grandma and i would have a fit if someone did that to her!! My daughter wants to raise and feed her daughter a little different that i did her and i would never cross that line, ....if mom says "no" no is what it means. I would tell that friend, that i do what i do and you do what you do, but don't go against my wishes, i would never do that to you!! Stand strong, you are not psychotic!! You are a normal mom!!!

I believe your baby is still too young for table food....most pediatricians tell you to wait until a year old. I have 4 children and they were all eating chunky baby food by this age. Some babies have a more sensitive gag reflex than others and tolerate chunky foods less. I would have a talk with your husband first and ask him to set a good example by not giving the baby table food. Salad dressings are very rich and more likely to upset a babies stomach than a piece of bread. Also, the lettuce would be harder to get out/down if it got stuck. You know your baby better than anyone else and if she doesn't tolerate table food very well then you should be firm in your decision. Tell you friend that she is your child and this is the way you have chosen to raise her. If your friend can't follow your rules for your child then perhaps she shouldn't be around your child. But remember that your husband started it with the lettuce and dressing.....sit down with him and calmly talk about your concerns as well. There are a lot of people that think it is cute and fun to feed infants table food when in reality it can be very dangerous (choking, allergies, upset tummy).....you have to be your childs advocate! You will know when your child is ready for table food :-)

Your friend is WAY out of line here. Anyone with any sense would STOP doing something that a parent says not to do with their child.
It doesn't matter if she thought you were wrong or not. You said no, and that's what matters.

If you must say something to her, tell her that it's your baby and what you say goes, period. She can do with her (future?) baby whatever she wishes.

First of all you should have told her then take her off to the side.Let her know that you did not appreciate her doing that. And did not your husband know how you were feeding the baby?
The fiend can give you advice, as I am going to do now :)
Why havent you fead Grace and solid food? It helps her to cut teeth and learn to start her digestive system.
But as far as your choices, it should be between you and your HUSBAND. It is your choice as a parent.

frist of all i wouldnt care if you looked like a psycho or what that your baby you did all the work and u know your baby better then anyone else just like every prego iis diff every baby is to my family try to do the some thing i would go take may baby and tell them know demand respect, may family ask me befor they do anthing or give my child anything because i dont play u rather be self then sorry, and if she was a real friend she would have just listen seen that u were un easy and let you do thing your own way and you need to let her know when it comes to your child she can become an emeny her but her needs before all and tell her u feel she need to apologize and why give her an example like what if i gave your soon a a spoon of suguar and say the point is that it could mess up the tummy just like u did my childs soory you had to go through this but just get your respect and u will be fine

OK, both of you are kind of right. Your daughter is plenty old enough for "adult food". However, it should be small pieces of mushy things. There's no reason to let her eat salad dressing, but little cubes of bread are god for teaching dexterity and working on her pincer grasp (thumb and forefinger). You are right to keep her close to you if people aren't obeying your wishes, but you should also let up a bit.

Technically, no baby ever needs "baby food" i.e. watered-down purees in a jar. They were made back when foods were introduced too early and you had to teach a baby to swallow instead of tongue-thrusting everything out. After 6 months, babies can eat anything from your plate as long as you mash it up or chew it first. I don't know of a pediatrician who tells you to wait until a year to start table foods. Most say finger foods at 8 or 9 months.

B.,
I think it was probably the salad dressing from Daddy rather than the bread from your friend that made your baby throw up,but that isn't the point. Your friend showed complete disregard for your wishes and a complete lack of respect for you as a mom. Can you print these responses and present them to her saying something like "I was so upset that you ignored my wishes and took it upon yourself to feed Grace solid food that I asked this on-line group for advice. This is what they said. I just want you to know how upset I am and that other moms side with me on this." Don't let it go, it could be toxic to the friendship. You need to discuss it if you want to keep her in your life.
Good luck.

Don't yell at your friend or anything but politely tell her to please not feed your daughter anymore. She is ok to eat some regular food as long as she has enough teeth to chew the food. I would suggest starting with veggies that are mashed up so it will be easier for her to chew. Also, if you can you can put fruits into a blender and mash them that way. Her main food though should still be baby foods. It is very scary when you start them on regular foods because they will choke on stuff because they are used to baby food which is pureed. In another 4 months she should be able to eat regular table foods mashed up and cut up in small pieces like finger foods. You will not look like a psycho parent if you confront your friend and do it in a fashionable manner.
D.

I am 31 and have been married for almost 12 yrs. My husband and I have 3 boys ages 10,7 and 4.

B.,

First of all, every baby is different. If your friend's child was eating table food at eight months, that's great - but that's HER child. Your child is a different child and may be ready for table food and may not be. (My little guy has a pretty low gag reflex, so we are taking it very slowly - and he's ten months old!)

So that being said, your friend should have listened to your wishes and respected your parenting rather than telling you you were overprotective. She was completely out of line.

What you intend to do about it depends on how good a friend she is and if you want to keep her. If she's just an acquaintence, consider yourself lucky that you know how bossy she is and that you can cross her off the babysitter list now. If you want to continue the friendship, than you have to tread lightly - even though you were right and she was wrong.

I would call her up in a few days and let her know the comments about you being overprotective hurt your feelings. That you really value her friendship and appreciate her being there for advice. I mean, I am so grateful I have my older sister a phone call away to ask even the smallest mommy question. She's put my mind to rest about so many things and reassured me I'm doing the right thing. So let her know her source of information is invaluable to you. But I would add to your friend that you are the mom in your house and in the future she needs to respect that. Remind her that you are the one with your daughter every day and that you know her limitations and abilities. Overprotective or not, it is ultimately your call. And hopefully, you'll get an apology.

Good luck to you,
J.

i have to say, you sound just like me!!! it always makes me mad when my brother (who has two kids 2 yr, and 4) feeds my son. i don't know of a great way to make them aware other than telling them not to. my brother still tries but i try to sound stern and say "i never fed your kids, so don't worry about feeding mine". i sound controlling but it's gotten to the point that i just don't care what they think of me.
lots of luck to you!!! i'm glad i'm not the only one in this boat

You'll learn everyone has their own opinions about raising children. If you value her friendship, move on. If she brings it up again, state your opinion, but respect that it won't change hers.

Politely say to her...look, I appreciate your advice and support. However, she's my daughter and I prefer to do things a different way. I ask that you respect my decisions as her parent. If she's offended...then she's really not that great of a friend.

Also - any food at this stage should be no larger than the tip of your pinky finger to prevent choking.

I don't know why everyone is always in such a hurry to feed babies big people food. My 2 kids, now almost 3 and almost 1, didn't even start eating "solids" until 6 months old. We started with cereal, baby veggies, then baby fruit. We started some mashed table foods around 8 months, but that was things liked mashed bananas, potatoes, yogurt, and applesauce. We started pastas, cooked carrots, green beans, and other things we could cut up and let them self feed around 10 months. Many people seem to be negative about baby food, but it has so many nutrients without all the added bad things like salt. We just went out to eat this weekend and my son decided (who is almost 3) that he wanted a jar of baby food peas instead of pizza. We had extra jars because of his sister. We let him eat it because we wanted him to eat and it was really better for him than pizza anyway. Bottom line, she is your child and you should be able to feed her how you want to. I would talk with you friend and just let her know that you understand that she didn't mean to hurt your child, but that you would like her to respect your wishes when it comes to what you do and don't want to do with your child.

I would hope that your husband understands your concerns. As for your friend, she probably knows you are upset.
You are the one who knows your child best and you are the person raising her. Not your friend. It is your decision as to when to feed her. You have every right to be "overprotective".
I don't think I would say anything else about the subject, unless she brings it up.
J.

i would just politely tell her that your daughter has a sensitive stomach and you want to keep her on the diet that your doctor recomended. if she doesn't understand that, then she's not too much of a friend. not to sound mean or rude, but a friend isn't supposed to go against you especially when it comes to your kids.

Hi B.,
Your friend may have went about it wrong and she probably thinks she is right. You are the mom and should set the rules and other people should respect that. However I would say that at 8 months she is way past due for starting on real "adult food". Slow gradual little bites. Good luck.

first, how about not telling her that you're mad, but hurt and disappointed, you should make it perfectly plain and clear that while you MAY consider her advise you will do what you're comfortable with for YOUR child. and that b/c you and your friend have a difference of opinion that doesn't make either one right/wrong, better/worse. if she can't respect you and thinks your crazy and overprotective(which you should be in my opinion), you might need to reevaluate how much time you invest in this 'friend'
*on a less helpful note what i really wanted to say was "who made her the expert" and "who is she trying to impress anyway"!! and ps. sometimes psycho is a good thing!

B.,
I hate to say it, but you have a case of the "first time mommy blues". That is okay. You are cautious and protective
, which is very natural. I call it the "mama bear" instinct. I have this, but I have learned when to use it and when not too. When it comes to your friend, I am sure it was just an "honest act". I put it that way because, in her heart, she felt it was okay, but she did not respect what you had said to her. It isn't worth getting all upset about though. If she is really a friend of yours, you need to take a step back and realize that she probably meant no harm to Grace or disrespect to you, she just wanted to show you that she was okay to eat a piece of the bun. I would give it a few days and call her and just talk to her. She will listen if she is really your friend. Honestly, both of my boys ate table food at a very early age. I have 2 of the best eaters I have ever seen. They will beg me for all kinds of healthy food such as broccoli and cauliflower and many other things. I also breast fed my boys for about 14 months. It is good for them to experiment and explore with foods. It will also be a joy and a relief for you. She will be full longer and have "better" diapers if you want to call it that!! If you know of allergies in you or your husbands' family, then be aware of that and use that as a guide to what you feed Grace.
I know its scary to step out and let her start to not be a baby any more, she is growing and she needs these steps for proper development. I wish we could keep them as babies sometimes, but there are so many rewards out there, don't be afraid!!! One of my favorite pictures of my oldest son is when he was in his high chair eating cheerios, he had them all over his face, it was so adorable!! I wish you the best!!
Mom of 2 boys
6 yrs and 4 yrs

You are not psycho! This is your child and you have every right in the world to say what and when your child eats! I cannot tell you how livid I would be if my bf gave my son something I didn't want him to have. It sounds like she's not much of a friend at all! I would tell her that if she doesn't like it that's fine, but not to ever tell you how to raise your child!
Good luck!

I think that I am learning little by little that it doesn't matter what other people think, you have to do what you think is best by your standards. Not that you don't take advice from trusted sources, but don't be a doormat. There are boundaries and your friend crossed one. I think you are smart to have waited to express your feelings and now you should be able to address them outside of the situation and without anger. Be kind, but be firm in explaining that you make the rules for your child and if they expect to be around them then they have to respect your choices! Good luck :)

B.--May I ask you a question? Why do you care if your friend(?) thinks you are the psycho parent?
You are Grace's mother and you have been around for the first 8 months of her life - we make a lot of mistakes with our first child because they do not come with a how to manual. BUT we do learn a thing or two about our child that only a parent can learn.
If I were in your place I'm afraid I would ask your friend(?)why she would imply that I do not know my child? But more important, stress the fact that you are Grace's mother and if you need advice on what to do for your child - you will ask. But until you ask for advice ask her to take care of her own child and you will take care of yours.
Sincerely D. Y.

B.,

I wouldn't have a friend that I couldn't trust around my baby.

I have to agree and you need to take a step back. Since this is your first baby you are going to be very protective and nervous about things. As for talking to your friend, you should have done it today at the BBQ. Bringing things up after the fact usually doesn't have much of a punch. You should have spoke to her in private also, not in front of a bunch of people. And if someone had told me I told you so after their child had thrown up I would have serious doubts about inviting her back to my house since that sounded kind of smarty pants and immature. Sometimes you have to be diplomatic when it comes to things like this.

Hi B.,
My name is M. V.and I'm 41 years old. My children are grown now ( I do have a grandson)and I can remember others thinking they knew what was best for my child. Any way, there are some books on boundaries in relationships available at your local library or bookstore and I would recommend checking them out. Because your friend has repeatedly crossed her boundaries with you...and should be told. Hopefully, the books can help you to tactfully discuss this with her.

Many Blessings,
M. V.
Independent Marketing Exec.
Melaleuca-The Wellness Company

It's clear that you are going to have to hold your child at these kinds of gatherings if people are trying to feed her and you don't want them to. You aren't being a psycho parent at all! You and you alone know your child and you shouldn't have to defend yourself for doing what you feel is best for her. Food allergies and other problems can be caused by introducing foods when kids aren't ready. Politely tell your friends that you just fed her or that you are about to and then let it go.

She is certainly ready for big people food. Just make sure it's not too spicey. If you hold off giving her solid/ big people food too much longer she will be like our grandson who is 2. He won't eat hardly any solids and has digestion problems because he doesn't eat the right stuff. Chicken nuggets and fruit loops and fries. That's about it until Mom had sitter issues and Granny was no longer working so I took over. He gets offered EVERYTHING we eat. Sometimes he tries it and other times not. Just make sure to chop things up. I still do. Nothing worse than a chocking child.

You are not a psycho mommy. My husband often chokes on lettuce, as an adult! So if your daughter choked on it from tasting the salad dressing, it could have been catastrophic. Lettuce would be a terrible thing to deal with in a choking situation.

Your friend was completely out of line. Was she drunk? If your child has not experienced adult food, she does not kow how to chew it, and she could choke on it. Fortunately, she threw up. If your friend cannot keep her hands off your child, when the friend is acting like a showoff, just stay away from the friend. She owes you a HUGE apology!!! Your daughter's LIFE was endangered.

Your baby is YOUR baby and you decide what is best for her. Your friend was disrespectful and defiant when she fed your baby against your wishes. You are the mom, you make the rules. I would just tell my "friend" that in the future, you would appreciate it if she could do as you ask when it comes to your daughter otherwise I would not allow her around my daughter anymore. If your friend cannot be trusted in this "smaller" area, what else would she do with or to your daughter if you were not paying attention or were not around? You will definitely have to resolve this with your friend - the sooner the better.

Hey, B. --

I was you ;)! My daughter is the eating queen, and when we were told @ her 9 month appointment that she should be 100% on tablefoods by the time she was a year, I was bowled over and freaked waaaay out.

We worked up the gumption to start her on tablefoods during the last week of her 8th month, but then she got a stomach virus and then we took a trip, so we had to postpone the reintroduction until she was about 9.5 months or so. Anyway, in the grand scheme of things, what's a few weeks or months? Right? RIGHT!?

Anyway, she had no trouble making that 12-month milestone, much to our amazement. She was a tablefood champ. But believe me, I was terrified every single time she took a bite of something!! I guess it's a survival thing -- small humans in the stone age had to get to the point of being able to eat what they were given to survive, and even these little buggers with very few teeth can manage some foods that would surprise you.

So, my first reaction is -- You're 100% within your rights to be highly P-O'd that your friend would take it upon herself to override your parenting precautions and feed your daughter something. That is NOT someone else's business to do as they are not familiar with her level of development or her needs. That was WAY out of line. Some people in my life often threatened to feed my daughter things I didn't want her to have, and I thought that was very adversarial and presumptuous to even confront us with that kind of thing.

Parenting is the great experiment. Your friend had the opportunity to do as she's thought best with her children, and that is her right. I think you should tell her matter-of-factly that, though you think she's done just fine with her kids, your child is YOUR domain. She doesn't have to approve or support your method but she DOES have to recognize the boundary that exists between her opinion and your child. And, you know what -- if she doesn't respond to that and your honest request for your parenting prerogatives to be respected, then perhaps there needs to be some distance put between you so that you don't have to be put on the defensive. No parent needs that, unless they're harming their kids, which isn't the situation you're in.

That said, I do agree that it's time to start progressing toward solid foods. I have seen the fallout from parents not introducing varied foods and textures during this magical time window... some kids will be fine, but others -- well, you could be setting yourself up for a big hurting via picky eating down the road, and believe me, that's something you do not want. Just take it slow, but do set some objectives. Try not to get complacent or let your fear rule you. I know it's hard because I am the ultimate paranoid mother. But I do think that kids have an amazing adaptability and propensity for growth, and your daughter will astound you. Also, you don't have to go from babyfood to filet mignon over night. Just a nice, steady progression of tastes and textures to get her ready for the next step with the kinds of foods she will need to grow and stay healthy.

You're not a psycho parent at all. I always feel my chief job is protecting my daughter because you can't have fun if you're dead or injured, so it pretty much all starts from ensuring, as much as I'm able, that she's operating in a safe and healthy environment. You're wise to not be a lax parent and take things all laisez-faire.

I wish you luck in standing your ground and receiving the respect you should. I hope your friend can be made to see that her kids are her domain, but your child is not.

Take care,
H.

I'd be mad too. Your friend should respect your wishes for your child. I wouldn't yell at her, but polietly ask her not to feed your child, you haven't started table food yet and would like to monitor what your daughter was eating

My first advice -- don't worry about what others think. She's your child and you are her parent. Stand up for what you feel is correct -- even if that means making a "friend" feel bad. I would recommend saying something like "Hey, I know we're friends and I don't want to change that. But I need you to know that it upset me when you fed my daughter when I specifically asked you not to. I know you didn't mean any harm, but it was still hurtful...and my baby could have choked. I would appreciate it if you respected me for my parenting abilities whether they are the same or different than your parenting abilities." Something like that...

I've been in your situation, and I've had to stand up for what I believe. It does make the situation uncomfortable, but I feel like that's what you have to do at times. Then, others know where you're coming from. If they try it again, simply remove yourselves from the situation -- even if that means no more gatherings until your daughter is older.

Just my advice. Good luck & I pray that God blesses your family! =)

WOW I think you ahve lost that one. 8 months and no real food. I breast fed all my kids ( 4) for 2 years each and they all had real food by 4/5 months. Albeit little pieces and not lettuce.

Honestly, your child is missing out on a very important stage in life and needs to be sticking food in her mouth, the choking is really just gaging and is normal and it is VERY IMPORTANT how do you think they learn to chew and swallow properly. Their muscle development of the throat is now and actually, you are a bit late....... I am not saying start feeding your baby only food but really chill out and start exposing your child to solid foods.

By one year they sould be eatting solid foods and they have to deveop the musclues, ability and familiarity to different textures... sorry I hope I am coming across kindly but, you are being paranoid and need to relax and let your baby grow and experiment. yes they will gag, its normal and its normal for you to freak out inside but you really have to let your kid take this next step.
You probably should ask your friend for some adice on what to start yoru child with I wold say to yoru friend.. I am sorry I freaked out I am really very nervous and afraid my baby is gong to choke, can you help ME wiht MY issue and help me to expose my child to the right foods slowly.... I kind of thing sh/he did this to prove to you that your kid is MORE then ready for solid foods. i wonder if they have not been telling you this for a while and you are not listening. Maybe a visit to the pediatrician for some advice on foods to start feeding your child.... Just trying to give alternatives but please, I have a freind whose child has an eatting disorder he is 6 years old and has an aversion to any food with any texture because he too missed out on this very important step in life because his mom was paranoid and now the food therapy bills and time being waisted with a therapist because she wouldn't let him eat.... think about it.,.,,

I would firmly tell her that you would prefer she not make decisions regarding your daughter's diet without your consent. I had to have this same talk with a family member last year. Once they understood why I didn't want them to feed my son then they didn't try again. We were worried about a potential allergy so we were extra careful about what we let him have. Fortunately, we are allergy free but it never hurts to be on the safe side. On a side note, it would be a good idea to keep foods that are on the approved list available so that others can help her. Lessen the likelihood of getting a food you don't want her to have. We started both of our kids out on solids at 4 months and then by 6 months table foods (no meat). I always keep a box of cheerios in the car so that if someone just can't help themselves I give them the box and tell them this is what he can have. Good Luck!

Well, I'd approach it in a not-so-serious manner, so she hears what you are saying and not how you are saying it as much. Start off with your last comment... I know you probably think I am a neurotic (psycho) mom and maybe I am being one, but I have ideas about what I want to give my daughter. I only want her to have the best food and I know you think she should be doing this or that at this age, but I want to do it my way and I hope you can understand that.

A real friend should be able to tease you and you should be able to handle that, but she should also respect you and how you choose to raise your child.

Good luck!

Hi B.! I would be furious as well. I would wait til I was calm and let her know that you love to get advice that is asked for, but you deserve to raise your child as you see fit. Did you tell her how to raise hers!? She had no right to do that! This isn't a very good friend if she can't respect your wishes and your feelings. God Bless and good luck! N. L.

You are exactly right , she is your child and if you don't want her to have big people food then that is your choice.If you would like to introduce her to something new, myself I found blan mashed potatoes to work very well. She can't get chocked on them if they are given in small enough bites, like maybe just enough to cover the tip of the spoon, but as far as bread it can ball up. Maybe try the potatoes and next time if she insist on feeding your daughter something you can hand her them. She is your daughter and it is your call and she needs to respect that, I'm sure you know better than anybody how she is and what she might be ready for. If it becomes a big issue, then just don't go to her house for a while. Teething biscuits are another thing she can knaw on, but never leave her alone with one, they can soften it up and break a chunk off. God bless and good luck.

B.,
Your friend was completely out of line. You are the Mom...what you say goes, regardless of whether your friend agrees with you or not. Some children are ready for food at earlier ages than others, and you know your baby best. Because she is so young and you have not done a lot of food you also don't know about potential food allergies yet. So many children today do have food allergies...my youngest is allergic to bananas, kiwi, macadamia nuts and MSG. I am sure your friend knows that she was wrong, and is hopefully sorry. Some people however will never apologize. Once you have calmed down you can tell her that you were very upset with her and that you'd appreciate it if she would respect your wishes when it comes to your child.

In my oppion it doesnt matter what your friend thinks. You need to tell her that this is the way you want to raise your daugther and thats final. I was the same way with my daughter. She is 16 months and still cannot handle alot of adult food. At this point I try feeding her what we are eating but she still spits out and gags on alot of food. Unfortunity, I still have to feed her baby food. You would not believe the comments I get for that one.

First of all, your "friend" is not being a FRIEND by acting that way and saying those things to you. Second of all, YOU are your daughter's mom - and your friend is disrespecting your wishes - who cares if she thinks you are crazy? She obviously doesn't care about what YOU think is best for your child. If you aren't able to sit down and discuss this situation with her civilly - and you should be able to let her know it upset you and you felt disrespected and concerned for your daughter - then she is certainly NOT the kind of friend you need to keep - for your sake OR your daughter's. It may take some time for her to come around, but if she is unwilling to consider YOUR requests and concerns for YOUR daughter, as a mom, your daughter has to come first.

She needs to respect your wishes and parenting guidelines as a parent. Every child is NOT the same and maybe his & hers were ready at that age. Tell her that. Bottom line.

If you feel you "need" an apology, tell them so, too. If you get one, move on. If not, might want to spend time with your "real friends" instead.

I would not try to correct her perceptions of what is right to feed a baby... as that is likely a losing battle. But I would address the issue of respecting another parents wishes, as you children will possibly be playing together, and there will be things that one of you feels is ok - while the other doesn't. I feel that this is a case where the parent knows her child best and the parents wishes should prevail. As harsh as it sounds, if another parent cannot respect my wishes as far as my child's diet, etc. goes, when they are too young to speak up for themselves, then I do not leave my child with that person. My son got solid foods later than most because he gagged easily. So it was an issue for us too.

To be honest, your friend is right that your 8 month old child is ready for solid foods. However, since you have not started her on solid foods, your friend should respect you as a parent not to do this. Children have to gradually be introduced to semi-solids like oatmeal, cereals, and mashed fruits and veggies then introduced to solid foods. They have to gradually learn how to mush up foods and chew. Since your 8 month old doesn't have that training or practice yet, she is likely to choke and throw up.

At 4 months many parents are introducing baby cereals and baby foods from jars. At 6-8 months parents are usually introducing soft foods like yogurt, cottage cheese, bananas, yams, steamed veggies, etc.

Tell your friend although she may think your child is behind in beginning solid foods, you are the parent. You know what's best for your child. Giving your child solids too soon can encourage choking because your child doesn't know how to mash or chew solids yet. Additionally, it's important to gradually introduce new foods to identify allergic reactions when they occur.

Simply tell her that it is your policy that no one gives her food without asking you first, and that you are upset that she violated it. If she can't understand this, then maybe there are other problems with your friendship.

Good luck.

You have every right to be upset. Explain that it is your job as a parent to potect your child and that you know everyone has different ideas about parenting. Explain that it is in your nature to be on the more protective side and that you would appreciate if she listen to what you request regarding your daughter. Keep it short. If you want to stay friends, make your point and move on. If she starts to argue,she did not listen to you feelings, walk away! She'll get the point.

B.,

I have to say I am furious myself. As a mother of a 15mo old who still chokes on "real" food, I have to say that friend of yours was in the wrong. I have tried to feed my son regular food since about 9mo old, however, he has reflux and it will take him longer to eat real food. I have taken him to our pediatrician for advice and she just said he will grow out of this. Your friend should have never given your baby a bun. All babies learn to eat at different paces and she was in the wrong to assume your child could handle the bun. If she disregarded your words by saying "no", I would question your friendship. She should have never done that.

Hi B.. First off your the mother and you know your child. Does your child eat more than usual when it comes to the bottle? Do you feed her any baby food at all? She should be eating cereals and bananans, and other foods. She's too small for bread, meats (unless very well processed), peanuts/peanut butter, jams, things with too much sugar and stuff that she could choke on. Your the one who would know what is best for your child and as far as I am concerned everyone else needs to respect that! Including the daddy. Your friend is over reacting to your parenting. And as for you to let your friend know how you feel without sounding "PSYCHO" is to just say it in your best words and let her know that you don't mean to sound like your crazy or whatever..just tell her that you don't feel right about your baby eating the breads and other things without talking it over with your pediatrition/family doctor. Let your friend know that there are somethings that might hurt your daughter that she don't know about or anyone else does. That you want to be the one to give her the things that are good for her. I would demand respect for you and your daughter and if no one likes it than they truly couldn't be much of a friend in the first place, especially if it comes to your child. Good Luck.

I understand that you are concerned about her having table food, but in my opinion it's okay as long as it's little bites. My daughter was eating pieces of bread at 6-7 months, but she also had 6 teeth by then. Everyone has their own opinions though and if you didn't want her to have it then your friend should have respected your wishes!! You are her mom! I would have probably pulled her aside then, but if you guys are really good friends then you should be able to talk to her calmly and explain to her your concerns. Hope this helps! Good luck

Really there is no need to be so upset. To me there isn't anything wrong with her giving your baby a piece of bread. Its no different if she was choking on her milk or the baby food that you give her. She should've apologized but there really is no need to be so upset. At least not in my opinion.