My Husband - Ayden,NC

Even if you choose to divorce, that does not mean the father can't be part of the child's life. Besides, you wouldn't want to jump right into a new relationship before you have time to recover from this one.

Oh Mama, you need someone that will love and respect you, and clearly he has already shown his true colors. Get out, and get out now. Having a baby is difficult, but if you're with someone you can't trust, that it's not a healthy relationship for you or the baby.

H.--I'm so sorry to hear about what you are going through. I wanted to mention something that hasn't been brought up (and I don't do this lightly knowing that it may add more stress), please tell your obgyn that your husband has been having an affair so she/he can test you for stds....just as a precaution. I would hate for you to have unknowingly contracted something that could be passed on to your baby.
That aside, please realize that even if you end up going down a different path than you had planned---the journey can be just as grand and joyous. I'm sure you have family and friends who will be more than happy to help and support you durring this difficult time.
Peace to you and your child.

Dating should be the least of your worries. Your first step should be counseling to get to the reason(s) your husband is "playing around" and to understand why you "hate your life".

Pray and find a Christian counselor. ____@____.com

Oh no! I am sorry to hear that. I will say one thing I heard on Dr Phil and always remembered....write this down and repeat it daily...."it is better for a child to be 'from' a broken home than to live 'in' one." That is very true. They know what is going on and they feel the tension. You have to teach your baby to respect him or herself and step one is respecting yourself. If your child grows up in a home that is not full of love from his/her parents, they too will grow up seeking that unhealthy relationship. My mother had me with a not-so-nice man and she left when I was 6 mos old. She remarried when I was two and I never knew he was not my real dad until an adult. I had a better life for it and I respected my mother for taking "us" away from that.

You don't need to be dating right now anyway, don't be thinking that you are immediately going to go out and date while "fat". You cannot just replace a "father". The man needs to EARN you and your child. Don't bring just any man into this child's life. Take this time ALONE to raise your child the way you want him/her raised and WHEN the RIGHT man comes along, you will know. It is ok to be alone....take the time to get to know your little one, enjoy every moment and love it more b/c you have the EXTRA love to give. Get child support and live w/ family if you need to. You can work full time and the child support can pay day care. A friend of mine did it until her son was 3 and she met and married the man of her dreams. You can do it!!!!! Don't be scared, respect yourself AND your baby.

W. M. M'boro, TN

H.,

I was saddened when I read your message. I am not sure what to say but your must think of your unborn child and what is best for the two of you. I pray that you have a close family member nearby that you can talk to.

Your comment about yourself - I hate my life. Think of one thing in your life that you love and focus on pushing your life in that direction.

H.,

Your biggest need RIGHT NOW is to TAKE CARE OF YOU AND YOUR BABY.

Your husband is a person, and not a god. He cannot define your life; you can. You need to focus on you staying healthy and sane to get through your pregnancy and not go into pre-term labor.

My greatest advice would be this: take timeto pray, figure out what is MOST important to you RIGHT NOW (future can and will change), and seek counseling from a trusted friend, minister, or therapist. YOU NEED TO FOCUS ON YOU.

You cannot go back and change what your husband has done. He must work out his problems himself, and you are not the reason for them. He has carried these issues long before you knew him, and this was how he chose to deal with them.

In the meantime, do not focus on a "fatherless" child. You CANNOT control what your husband does or does not do. YOU CAN CHOOSE YOUR BEHAVIORS THAT BETTER YOUR LIFE AND ULTIMATELY YOUR CHILD'S.

Focus on what keeps you strong, healthy, and sane. You are al most due, and that is the number one priority. It takes 12 months in NC to get a divorce and usually longer to work out the details of the divorce. I know...I've been going through this myself with 2 boys from the marriage.

Marriages hurt when they end, but SOMETIMES, the toxicity of being with someone who does not value you or honour you is justification for them ending. YOU HAVE TO VALUE YOU. Take care of your needs now for you and your baby. That is your first and most important goal.

Talk, pray, and pray some more. God will lead where you need to go without you forcing it to happen...this past year and many other situations have taught me this. Ask for courage, strength, wise people, and good decision making skills. He will provide your needs even when feels impossible and like He's so far away. He'll be there. I promise.

Another MOM

Dear, I don't even know how to express my sympathy to you. My husband had an affair when my first child was a few months old and it was the most crushing event in my life. I know the pain and the uncertainty you are facing. I don't know, however, where your faith lies. I am a Christian and so was my husband, but both of us weren't living how we should have been. Prayer, Prayer, Prayer and PRAYER got me through the aftermath and the rough months ahead to get our marriage back. God IS able to heal even what seems impossible to heal and believe it or not, He has been able to use what happened to my husband and I for the good of others later on. We now have three children, have just celebrated our 10th anniversary, and I can say that while I definitely look at women around him differently, I do trust him. More importantly, I trust God to guide me and protect my family.

I don't know where your faith lies, but I encourrage you to go to your pastor, if you have one, and talk. If you don't have a church, I encourrage you to find one. Most importantly, talk to Christ. He is everpresent and He wants us to go to Him with our hurts. He is there for everyone, waiting for us to come to Him. If you are in the Clarksville, TN area, First Baptist Church of St. Bethlehem is where I attend, and I would be happy to meet you there if you would like to check it out. If not, I would be glad to offer you a shoulder to cry on some afternoon this week if you'd like to meet at a coffee shop and cry to someone who has been there and seen how it can go on from where you are.

i know that you think that is is the end of the world but . if you go to church you can pray about it and talk to your pastor . ther is always cancaling and if both of you are will to work it out God will help you if you ask . he work s in ways you would not think are possible . ps i will pray for you if you are in the cleveland county . first baptist church in kings mt is a good church .

Here's my story... I was a mommy of a 7 month old, 5 months preggo with twins, and my husband filed for divorce. I was shell shocked, and really hurt.
During that time I met a really sweet guy, we DID date, and he made me feel like the most beautiful woman, even though I was huge. We didn't last, because we didn't love each other. I actually remarried my ex husband, even though what he did was dirty, we were both young and stupid then.
If there's love on both sides, it won't matter in the end. Love conquers all. I won't pound my Bible at ya, I will just give you the honest trust. Love lasts, even through betrayal, BUT if he don't love you, then it isn't worth it.
Please remember that there has only been one perfect human, and no-one else can ever be perfect. I'm not going to excuse him fooling around, but oops happen, and there are people that are addicts (in which case he needs therapy), either one could be it, or he could be scum, I don't know. TALK to him, don't just yell and point fingers. While extremely satisfactory, it don't get you anywhere. :)

H. I have never had this to happen to me But my friend did I can tell you what she did. She let her husband have his good time .and after the baby was born.She told him now that you have had your good time it is my turn so she left him with the baby and went on dates for a month after a month she told him now we can be a family or you can have your good time but when your done it will be my turn, He stratined up and no proplem's any more they have been married for a long time now.I'm not saying this will work for you or anyone else but just thought I would drop this in to let you see how she did it
Retha

DATING??? Easy come, easy go, huh? What to do? How about trying to rebuild your marriage??? Don't let hormone-fed emotions run away with you. Think, talk with him, talk with a trusted advisor/clergy, etc. This is not a good time to make drastic decisions.

I have been in a similar situation, except I found out earlier in the pregnancy. I had the same gut reaction as you, and I put him out of the house immediately. After some healing and realizing that I too did not want my child to be fatherless- and with a step-mother- we have worked things out. First, a counselor is mandatory if he wants to stay in your life. You both need to take a serious look at what happened. If you are a religious person, and to get through this, I hope you are, go to church together and really make it a priority. He has to own up to what he did and how he hurt you. If he is not willing to spend some serious time and effort working it out, it probably won't work. I promise you, if you both are committed to this marriage and child- it can work. I say "committed" loosely right now, because I know right now you really could care less if he fell off a cliff! Give yourself a little time and don't make rash decisions while pregnant- too many hormones already.

If you do eventually decide to part, don't keep him from being in the child's life. And definately don't worry about dating right now. You will be way to busy being a single Mom for awhile, let yourself adjust to that first.

PS- We now have 3 beautiful children and just celebrated year number 5 of marriage- It hasn't been easy but we are definately committed to trying.

I am sorry, but if your husband is acting this way now, it will only get worse. I know you do not want to hear that, but most of the times, it is true.

Leave, go back home, if you can. It will take time for you to mourn your loss, before you will be ready for dating anyway. The last thing you need is another relationship. Focus on yourself and healing. Soon, you will give birth to a beautiful child. And some women go through post partem depression at that time. So, it is best for you to be somewhere you feel safe and loved. If you can live with a parent, then that is best. They can help you with the baby and offer emotional support. Treasure your baby, for he/she will only be as young as they are, when they are. Once he/she starts walking, you will long for the infant days. It is also a good idea to get involved in church, make friends with other single moms to offer their support and help. It helps to have someone to talk to. Your child needs you, more than anyone else. And your job is to protect your child and care for him/her. After you have worked through the mourning, and are a healthy individual, then you will be ready for dating again and finding your soulmate.

I don't know if your into going to Church or not. I'm still working on that myself. BUT, a large church usually has "groups". The one here in Smyrna TN is called Frist Baptist Church ( FBC ). They have a group for divorced parents, single parents, etc. These would be filled with people who know what your going through and can offer advice and support.

Be careful to make decisions now. Pregnancy is filled with hormones that can cause us to act differently than we normally would. Try and talk to someone. Pastor or counselor. Someone who can truly be objective.

If my mother can be a single parent of three daughters and get remarried, trust me any of us can be. Your life isn't easy by any means, but just know there is a purpose. I've nbeen through the mud a few times, but in the end things always worked out.

My thoughts are with you, J.

Wow, you've gotten tons of responses! If you want to try to save your marriage, I'd suggest two really good books: "The Five Love Languages" by Dr. Chapman, and "Love and Respect" ,by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs (he has a website and you can get a lot of free information and help there). I will pray for you. Blessings!

I am living experience that you don't stay married because of the kids. I did just that and now that I can see it all clearly I realize that was the worse thing that I could have ever done. If you stay in a place where there is not love and respect, your child will grow up that same way. Get out now while the getting is still good. Raise your child in an environment that is loving and fun and respectful and you will be better off and happier. Don't ever feel bad or guilty. Your husband is the one losing out. Be thankful you found this out now.
Don't worry about dating right now. You have more important things to concentrate on right now and someone will be sent to you when you least expect it. Your baby won't be without a father long. You are still young and things will work out the way they are supposed to. Hold your head up and talk to your family and you will get the support you need.
If you ever want to talk, feel free to write more.

I have never walked in your shoes so it might be presumptuous of me to give advice, but...
The first thing I would do if it was me is try and get my husband into counseling. If he is not willing to do that then you might need to separate. Dating should not even be an option for you right now, big belly or not - after all, you're still married! My question is, how committed are YOU to this relationship? Is it just about giving your child a father? No matter what happens, you need to focus on being a mom before anything else. If your marriage works out, great. If not, then you may meet someone down the road who can be a father for your child - but that should NOT be the sole reason you get into another relationship.
Do you attend a church? If so, they should be a great help right now. If not, you should find one.

okay, here is my story, it is a long one, but maybe it will help:
when i was 8 months pregnant, i found out that my husband was cheating on me, and that the girl was one month pregnant. i left him right away, and moved home with my parents. i was convinced that after i had the baby, he would see her, and realize he was an idiot, and want me back. he didn't. he saw her one time when she was one week old, and told me that she probably wasn't even his. she was. he has never seen her again. i raised her on my own for one year, and then i met a guy. he loved me, and her. and my daughter loved him to. after we dated for about two weeks, she called him daddy, all on her own. when my daughter was two and a half, we both married her daddy. she was so excited to ware the dress and walk down the isle with my mom. she just turned five in April, and last week, my husbands adoption of her became final. she knew that it meant her daddy loved her so much he wanted to be her daddy forever. she knew she was getting a new last name and she was more excited than we were. to us, it was just a formality, because Tyler (my new husband) has always been her daddy. i am happier than i ever could have been with my first husband, and you will be too. your story may not work out exactly like mine, but it will all work out. you are strong and able, and you don't need to be in a relationship with a man who does not respect you, or care for you the way you do for him. take a deep breath and take the plunge, and pray that God be with you and your new little miracle.

hi H., I first want to say congrats on your new baby because by now you probably already had the baby. I dont know what decision you made as far as your husband and I hope that by now you two have talked and he has at least explained why. I dont know what will work for you and you situation but when I was pregnant with my daughter nine years ago my fiance ( the father) cheated on me with my neighbors sister while I was five months pregnant and I had just gotten out of the hospital like two weeks before after almost losing her. I was devastated but I packed my stuff up and left because he couldnt give me a good enough reason but I also didnt want to be around him because all I could think about was the baby I was carrying and her health and well being, plus I knew that I would be stressed enough with her that I didnt need to worry about him. But I went back after I had her and tried to make it work and we were back and forth for the next couple of years and he cheated and cheated but I found a good decent man and now I have been married for five years and we have two more children added to this blessed family. Just remember that God loves you and if you seek him he will give you the answers you need. If you do chose to stay of which is okay as long as you both work hard but both of you seek a Godly marriage because no matter what you cant change him but God can. So pray for him and seek God in your marriage and in you life and your childs life because God is the healer and he can heal all the pain. So please seek him no matter what and he will never steer you wrong. I will pray for you and your family and that no matter what happens God will be there in both of your lives.

hi H. H

Don't put all your energy on your husband, he has alot of growing up to do at the moment. You don't need to raise him, that was his mother's job. Right now, you need to raise your precious baby inside of you. Breath and picture your beautiful baby. Babies are such a blessing and in time, everything will go into place. The important thing is not to over react or get stressed out over him. Your baby needs you to be strong nd healthy. The last trimester is HEAVY so eat healthy, fresh, and be thankful that a pure innocent being will be in your life soon. Godwilling.

i am truly sorry about what has happend. i have been in that bad situation and i hated him. but it is up to you. if you think that he is worth keeping and he says he wants to make it work it is prosable to move past it. it is hard and it takes alot of time and pain. but if you want it then it can happen. but if you are over it and want nothing to do with him then you can do it on your own there is alot of help out there for single moms. you just have to look for it. if you have your parents,if they are still around i am sure they will help you. you can do it i have a lot of friends that have done it and are doing it. we are woman and we are perfect and sexy. so i am sure if it does not go well with him you will find a man or he will find you and love you and worship you for the woman that you are!!!

If he did it once he will do it again. Get out now before you invest to much time into him. You will be fine without a man in your life for awhile, focus on you and your baby. You and he divorcing does not mean he still can't be a father, but if he choses not to their are alot of great men out there who don't mind if you have a child. I married one of them 16 years ago and he raised my 3 kids as his own. Good luck dear.

I'm so sorry for what you are having to go through. I went through the same thing he actually left the hospital to go see her after i had my daughter. Needless to say I kicked his butt to the curb. it hurt like hell for a long time but I have since found the most wonderful man. and i had a 16 month old daughter so there are good guys out there i promise. you don't want your child to have to live in an environment with a lot of hostility so i would kick him outta there. good luck hun
P.S. my daughter doesnt see him either thank god

Talk to him and tell him you know about the affair and find out what he wants to do.Was it a one time thing or has it been going on for awhile?How long have you two been married?How long did you date?Go to couselling.Even if you do seperate and/or divorce you child will never be fatherless.There are lot of places and people that can help you raise your child.Do you have family near?..life isnt so bad when you narrow it down some.If you wnat to chat private let me know..good luck..
S. B

Dear H.,

I am so sorry that you have to deal with a cheating husband while you are pregnant. First, are you SURE that he is cheating? Second, are you sure that a divorce is what you really want? Third, just because there isn't a man in your life RIGHT NOW doesn't mean that you will be alone to raise your baby. Dating or marrying to give a baby a father almost certainly determines that the marriage won't last. Marry if and only if you find not the man you can live with, but the man you can't live WITHOUT. Right now do what you need to do to take care of yourself and that precious life you carry. The rest you can figure out after the baby is born. I hope this helps. I am MUCH older than you are, but if you need to talk, write me. Remember that YOU and the baby are the most important right now..
Good luck,
B.

Are you sure you want a divorce? Maybe try couples counseling? Unless you are certain you are both done with the relationship, it may be worth it for the 2 of you to try and reconcile. I know that is not easy but neither is marriage! It is not easy being a single parent and one thing that makes us human is that we can forgive mistakes. Sometimes

Good luck!

First of all do not be hard on yourself you have a precious gift growing inside of you. You must ask yourself if he would stop could you forgive him. If you cannot say yes I think it would be better for the child in the long run. I stayed in a loveless marrage for 10 years because of a child and he is now so much better off that even he will tell you that. It was hard on him at first but later I remarried and he now see's what real love is. I will pray for you.

You need to consentrate on you new little baby. You do not need to be worring about dating. After you have the baby and you are ready to date, after the divorce, you will not lhave anything to worry about. Dating sould not be your top priority. Enjoy the presious time with your baby and work on that relationship. I divorced my husband for the same reason with a 6 and 4 year old. It was three months after the divorce that I met my best firend and we now have two children. Everything happens for a reason and I was meant to have the 2 wonderful girls in my world, just not thier father. I could not be happier, things will work out for you and your child, it may take time. Best of luck.

C.

hello i know what you mean and how you feel but when we sad i do at the alter from that day things was coming not sure all what is going on other than cheating but i will say some things is worth fighting for and not physical as i know more about the issue i would be glad to go in deals on advice because i am careful with me advice and God has charge on my life as God speak i deliver the so feel free to email if you like ____@____.com

smile

I am SO SO sorry! Don't do anything fast. Concentrate on having a happy baby, and deal with him later. Kick him out, or go live with your family, or something, but don't do anything while you are a mix of hormones and worry. Take care of yourself!

my ex did the same thing. Leave him now. He will not respect you if you don't and will continue in the same behavier. Do not worry about raising a fatherless child, that was my fear too... my son is now three years old, and incredible! He has some mentor men and he has being raised with morals and integrity. Think bout what it will say to your child when he's older and learns about the fathers treatment of you. If the father doesn't respect you while you are with child, it may only get worse. Protect yourself and your child. You cild will have father figures, and not an unfaithful one.

You don't need to date now either. Don't worry about going on a date, it's not time.

Please, if nothing else, know that you CAN do it on your own. If you know this won't work with your husband, leave now. waiting until the child is born will only complicate things later. You may not be ready for this information, but if you have more questions, i would love to share more.

REading your statement reminds me of my exact situation when I was pregnant with my son, I am so sorry you are going through this. You are in my prayers.

You do not stay just for the child. I know you want them to have a father, but having two miserable parents is worse than only having one.
I'm a single mother, always have been, and its hard sometimes, but if you have family/friends around you that love and support you, and help you out, you will be just fine.
I kinda like not having to share my son with anyone.

You can't compromise your own self worth to stay with someone who cheats. You deserve and surely can get better!
Once you have that baby, you will feel a love that is waaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyy better than any you have ever felt. You can date again later.

Best of luck to you.

H.,
Hang in there....hate is a strong word....
You have a wonderful thing going on inside your body and that child needs you. Husbands come and go...brush him off and get on with your life and choose to be happy.
God bless,
Jen

Sweetheart worry about your baby first, because he or she will need all you attention for the first few years. There will be someone out there who will want you, but first focus on your child and then on yourself.

I agree with what others have said. If the marriage can be saved, that's the way to go, but if there's no remorse on his part and no willingness to attending counseling, then you have Biblical grounds (adultery) for divorce. Please, please get the thought of dating out of your mind. I've read that after a divorce, 2 years is the suggested interval before remarrying - indeed, before beginning another serious relationship. Rebound relationships are seldom successful. You need time to recover and to give your attention to your baby. Dating should be out of the question. You need to focus on yourself and your baby, not another man.
Is there a possibility of moving back with your parents? Do you have a job, a place to live if you leave your husband, or will he leave?
As a Christian, I know that there are no surprises for God. He knows all about your situation and can help you get through it if you will trust in Him. He will bring people into your life who can help you over this rough spot. Remember that God sees the whole timeline while we are caught up in the stresses and events of the moment - God knows how this whole situation will turn out, and believe it or not, you can have peace about it if you turn your life and this situation over to Him. I speak from experience. My husband left me for another woman after 25 years of marriage. Our kids were 10 and 18. That was 10 years ago, and I am happy with my life. I have not dated at all, I have a good job, and good things have happened which would not have if I were still married; I have seen God's hand at work on so many occasions. God gave me peace and my self esteem has returned.
Blessings to you and best wishes for a healthy baby. You WILL get through this. You can withstand, and do, much more than you think you can.
~C.

H. my first thoughts is wait wait wait. Don't make any rash decisions. You have just been hit with a bomb, that no one wants to go through. I would stay away from him for a good while, you think and pray about what YOU realy want. Analyze everything you can think of: if it was a one time thing, did he fess up or get caught, what was his excuse, can he work at counseling, what did you marry him for in the beginning, etc.

I would get counseling pronto for yourself. That will help you repair any self confidence you may need to model to your new little one's future.

Best of luck,
Amanda

Hi H.,
I'm so sorry to hear about this. You have a lot going on with a little one on the way, so try not to think you must date right now. Now is not the time. Now is the time to channel all the love into your little one. My gut reaction is to leave your husband, so you'll want to contact some legal resources. Hopefully you have some family/friends that can support you and get you out of this situation. I know you don't want your baby to grow up fatherless, but it would better than growing up in a family with a loveless marriage. You do not deserve to be treated that way and neither does your child. Get rid of him now before it gets harder and/or worse. Feel free to email me anytime if you need to talk. Please know that you are enough for your child, but that doesn't mean you will not find a man who is honest and respectful.
I hope that helps and stay strong, you little one is counting on you.

God bless, K.

Hi H.,
That's a rough situation and I'll pray for you. I think you should do what is best for your family in the long-run. Since I know very little about your situation, I can't advise you as to what that is. Is your husband coming clean, will he make a change and be faithful from now on? Or is he just sorry he got caught?
If you did get a divorce, it wouldn't be realistic to date and find a father for your child before the baby comes anyway (with or without the big belly). And, it's not good to jump into another relationship just so that your baby has a father-figure. You're going to need some time to heal. And remember, your husband will always be the baby's father so you'll always be connected to him whether you like it or not. Hopefully he'll straighten up and be a good father for the child.

Dear H.,
You sound like you feel desperate, and I certainly understand that. But please don't even think about dating! You sound like you are running scared, and that doesn't have to be the case.

I agree with the other ladies who have said to take it slow. Yes, your marriage MAY be over, but it may not. Talk to him. Listen to him. Go for counseling, preferably with a Christian counselor. Right now you are feeling so angry and betrayed, (I would, too), but after you've had time to think, you may realize there is a solution after all. And give it all to God. I don't know if you are a believer, but He is the ultimate help for every problem in this life.

Best wishes and blessings,
S.

H.,
Don't let him define you.You are treasure and you are about to bring into this world a little jewel. Keep your head up and be strong for your little one. Nothing and no-one is perfect. He made the mistake and not you. Don't let him try and turn the tables on you. This was something that he did to your marriage and not you. \Keep smiling\

I have not been in your exact situation but I have been close. The last thing on your mind should be dating someone else. You need to do whats right for you and your baby. If you think that if you forgive him that he would change... then you should try to forgive him and move on. But if not if you think he is going to continue doing it. It would be better for you and your baby to be on your own. B/c if your baby is a girl she would grow up thinking that it is ok to be cheated on b/c that is what she sees. And if it is a boy he would see that it is ok to cheat on a girl. Either way is not a good situation for your child. just know that just b/c you arent married doesnt mean that he is not your child's father. I hope this helps...

Dating would be the furthest thing on my mind right now.
Have you thought about leaving and your finances? pLAN FOR IT AND START SQUIRRELING THE MONEY AWAY. It won't be easy, but neither is staying with a cheater. Good luck.

FIRST of all....DO You love your Husband?

SECOND of all...DOES he love You?

Talk it over with him; and, go from there....

There are many ways this can be worked out without getting a divorce, IF, you love one another....

HONESTY has to be involved...

FORGIVENESS has to be involved...

TRUST has to be involved...

IF you truly LOVE one another and want to make this work; BECAUSE you LOVE one another ~ seek marriage counseling...

HOW long have you been married?

Throwing in the towel is not always the answer...

Do WHAT is BEST for your baby...

IF the guy is a creep and he will not be a good husband, a good father; or, a good provider then maybe you should think of DIVORCE...

However, in God's eyes you are married to him and he to you...AND the bible says NOT to seek a divorce...

The bible ALSO says God condons divorce IF there is adultery on ones part...IF you have been true in your marriage AND he has not, then, you would be free to divorce...

ADULTERY is the only way God overlooks divorce...Otherwise you are bonded to your husband in God's eyes...

SEEK the word FIRST and follow it's advice....

ARE you POSITIVE he has been running around on you?

Has he admitted it to you?

OR, are you just going on what a friend says?

YOU Have to do what you feel is the correct thing to do...

IF you feel I have not responded properly to your question, please ask more questions; and, I will try to explain in more detail....OR I can just listen to your heartache and be a listener for you...

Right now you need to focus on taking care of you and that child you're growing. If you are certain that this relationship cannot come back from this terrible thing he's done, then be up front with him about that. If you think he's seriously willing to give the relationship a shot and you are as well, then maybe a trial separation is in order. I'm not sure I could forgive such a thing, but I know many women who have. If you do choose to divorce, leaving your husband doesn't mean you'll have a fatherless child. He'll still be the father of your child and hopefully will be a loving and doting dad. As far as dating, I'd give that some time. Wait until you get yourself, your situation, and your baby settled before you even think about opening that door. Plus, if you're going through a divorce, sometimes dating can be held against you if you have a custody hearing...even if your spouse was an adulterer.

Good luck and God bless. Pray about it as much as you can...out of difficulties come miracles.

You can't date with a huge stomach----why would that even enter your mind at a time like this-your main objective should be to deliver a healthy child and raise it to the best of your ability or let let another couple adopt it as you seem to be too interested in finding another man than caring for the child you are about to deliver--just because he is worthless why should you be just like him.

Oooooooooo
H. you poor thing.
I have been where your at only i wasnt Pregers I had a baby and Toddeler in the house.
First Id take a bubble bath to bring comfort to you and the baby.Take some of the edge of your shattered nerves from this discoverey and no it wont slve the Problem it will just put you in a better from of mind and help you to think more clearly in this battel field and Mind feild you find your self in right now

Next you need to ask yourself some very hard questions and Him First is he willing to go into marriage counceling with you and can you efford it will your injsurance or his from work cover it ? If not then whatr about seeking out your Local church they can usually provide some kind of counceling services because Most pastors have to take about quarter of the degree programs in Phychology.

If he dosnt wanta work things out with you then you need to get a good lawyer but you also need to continue seeking counceling so you dont get attracted to the same kind of man again.
Hiedi unfortunily hon your not the first wife to discover you might wind up living the life of a Singel Mom . You can servive this you will get threw this this. Dont be afraid to reach out to family and friends they can be your greast source of strength and encouragment
But Most inportantly continue too look after your self and that Baby and dont do anything rashas a way of Dulling your heart ach your only going to cause yourself more heart ach and that baby if you reach out to anything to dull that pain and heart ach your going threw right now.
Chin up H. your gonna get threw this and your going to servive.
I can guarentee it.
A littel about me
Im 45 those to toddelers are now 12 and 15 an I just got remarried last September to the most Amazing man.
My ex sent me a Letter of Apology two weeks ago for the living hell he made my life the whole time I was married to him
So see what I mean there is hope

H.,
I just wanted to say I am so sorry you are going through this. I don't know what happens to men sometime.I know you don't want to leave your baby with out a father. You don't have to make any big decissions just know. The most important thing is taking care of yourself and you baby.

Just know you will be in my thought and prayers.

As for your husband playing around , get rid of him if he will do it now he will continue to do it. As for a divorce here where I live you can't get a divorce untill the baby is born and you both have to take a parenting class or you will lose your parental rights. And as for dating while pregnant you would be supprised at how many men think a woman is very beautiful while pregnant. I am married to a wonderful man whom
is not the father of my children we put his 3 and my 5 under the same roof 20 yrs. ago and now we share 20 grandchildren, and he thinks women are at there prettiest when pregnant.So
don't give up on men yet there really are some great men out there . Kathy R.

Looks like you got a lot of good advice, and I'm sure by now you've had your baby or at least made some decisions about your life in prep for the baby's arrival. I'm sorry that you're starting off stressed and unhappy. Now, more than ever, you need your husband to be a full partner and support you and the baby, and I hope he's doing that. Counseling is a must, you guys need to work to rebuild trust and strengthen communication. And if you can't work it out, don't stay with him just so that you won't be alone. That is a lame excuse for being in an unhappy marriage. You CAN take care of yourself and your child as a single mother and let Dad have visitation on weekends and whatnot. I have to wonder about any man who cheats on his wife, but especially a man who cheats when his wife is pregnant is a jerk and may not ever change. And that's not all men! My husband may not be perfect but he would never cheat, even when I was fat and we didn't have sex for like 6 months after our first daughter was born he was faithful and loving. Someday, when your child is older, you can find a man who has a good moral character, if that's what you choose to do. I hope everything is working out for you.

Rare is the man who can be a stable father to a child of another man if he comes into the child's life under a circumstance like you are thinking about... Dating now will not help your situation. It would make it a whole lot worse. If you get a divorce, you can do the next best thing for your baby to having a good 2-parent home ~ remain in an amicable relationship with the father. Children growing up with separated parents who put the child first have a much better chance of good mental health than children whose parents bicker, whether married or not. Before you do anything, get some counseling ~ the strongest woman in the world would need a lot of help if faced with a husband's cheating while she is pregnant with his child.

Sorry you have to go through this & will be praying for you.

H.,
i know now is a very diffult time. ur heart is hurting but dont throw in the towel jus yet. ask ur self a few questions.. do u still love him? is ur marriage worth saving? can u forgive him? and is he sorry for cheatin and does he want to work things out? right now u jus have to put ur marriage in gods hands the one thing we all have to remember is god continues to forgive us for our sins why do we find it hard to forgive others...we all make mistakes but is we ask for forgiveness and repent then we r forgiven...trust me i know what u are goin thru but when we take our vowels we must truly obey them. now if he is not sorry then its really hard to work on something that isnt worth savin but if he ask for ur forgiveness and u want to save ur marriage then forgive things will not go back to normal but it will get better.and ur child deserves a father if he wants to be there.remember god never gives u more then u can handle.and what can u hate about ur life u are bein blessed with a miracle u jus have the devil tryin to destroy ur marriage dont give him the pleasure fight for what u love...

god bless
kimi

I would quickly say DIVORCE THE SOB......but then you make a valid point about the fatherless child thing. But no child is actually fatherless. I mean you both created the child. Anyway, you have a ton of options. You could try to work it out and see if your marriage be repaired. You could stay until you have recovered from labor and such. You could send him packing. Ultimately you must think long and hard and make the best decision for you. So you will be happy. Your child will always have a father.

H.,
I really feel for what you are going through. But I have to ask, you are eight months pregnant, why would you want to date?
I'm not bashing you, just wondering if it is to get back at him, and make him want to be back with you, or what?

Personally, you are going to be very busy in the months to come, then once you are in a pattern with your baby, and feelings you are having now have calmed down, then start dating. Just my opinion. Take it as it is, an opinion.

I can understand too the pain that you are feeling. Being pregnant, feeling uncomfortable and if anything like me, I looked like the goodyear blimp and felt totally unattractive. But rest assured, there isn't a woman any more beautiful than that of a woman carrying a child. She glows, and is more graceful than she thinks, and is gorgeous. So, it is his loss, not yours. Take care of yourself and the baby, and enjoy this pregnancy. He will either come around or not. It's his choice now.
Why do men do this to women while they are pregnant? Another one of those unanswered questions. But sometimes I believe they are so afraid of loosing that alone time with thier wife, when they should be thinking of the great times they are going to have as a family. To bring a child into this world is an honor. I think men fear the responsibility, ("am I going to be able to do this right") ("will I be a good father") I think they run from those questions sometimes. So take it one day at a time, and think of yourself and your child first, the rest will fall into place. Good luck and God Bless.

I am so very sorry to hear about that. The best thing to do is follow your heart. It would be worse for you to stay just because you want your kid to have a father. They would still have a father, as long as you 2 can come to an agreement about custody and visitations. It would be hard on you to stay with an unfaithful man; God knows what diseases he could bring to you. And it could be emotionally traumatizing to your child to see you and your husband at odds about this and other problems it can and will create in the future. It would probably just be best for you 2 to seperate for now and do a wait and see. You will definitely get your answer then. Good luck to you on your upcoming arrival and my condolences about your situation.

If you want to get rid of him, do it now!
But if you think it can be worked out, see a marriage counselor.
I don't put up with cheating personally. And from experience, if momma ain't happy, no one is. If you can't trust him, your baby will sense that and he/she will be unhappy as well. I raised my oldest son without his father in the house. He cheated on my the first week we were married. We get along fine now. Your child doesn't have to be fatherless, you will just be without one more heart ache. Don't think about dating, you won't have the time when the baby gets here. Concentrate on everything else and the right guy will fall out of nowhere when you least expect it.

I think what blows my mind is that you're 8 months pregnant and you are under the impression that you are going to get divorced and start dating again before you have this baby? You stated you didn't want to get divorced, but even if you did, it wouldn't happen before this baby comes.

It doesn't sound like you two have too much invested in this marriage and should consider talking about where this is headed, (you two). Most importantly, you are about to give birth, you'r head has to be on straight to raise a child, especially a newborn, your head cannot be elsewhere.

I would suggest you guys sit down and have a serious talk about what you both want. Your baby will still have a father as long as the father wants to be involved, that's married or not. So, I think you guys need to either put it on hold until you have the baby or figure out some happy medium, I don't envy you one bit about to give birth with your marriage falling apart. One thing is for sure, if you can put the marriage on hold and just somehow enjoy having this child, it will do you a world of good. You need to bond with this child and not be stressed.

I wish you the best of luck...get past the birth and then deal with your marriage, maybe having a child will make him come around, who knows!

Oh girl! Men don't get even 1/2 of the pregnancy stuff! First of all,do you hate him or hate what he did? Do not stay ifyou can never forgive him. YOur child will only suffer. There are better men that will make better Daddies and role models. Shame on him! Don't worry about dating, enjoy being a Mommy for a while! The right man will come around.

H.! One thing to think about is that NC might have the same law as KY . You cannot divorce is you are pregnant. Plus there are worse things than a cheating husband. I was with one for 25 yrs. I learned to live with it. But then you have to make the choice yourself. All the advice from the others is great! you need to make the final choice yourself though. I will be praying for you, your husband and child.
praying now, F.

He is the loser. Not you, you are about to be blessed with a gift from God. Dont even think about dating..focus on your jewel!! If he is that stupid, do you want him to be an influence in your childs life?? But, if he is a good provider, doesnt beat you, and this is an isolated incident, perhaps try to find it in your heart to forgive.. trust is something he will have to earn back.

Your first priority has to be for your unborn baby, so as difficult as it may be you can not let your self get worked up and become stressed out. You have a precious life inside of you that needs you to be strong and hold on. H. I know it may not seem like it right now, however GOD is in control.(ROM.8:28)And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. What ever decision you decide to make weather you decide to stay or you decide to go make the best decision for you! God bless.

My advice is to just stay focused on bringing your baby into the world. Once the baby is here & you can feel confident in whatever decisions you need to make. Make you & your child your first priority. Please don't hate your life. Contact someone in your local church area that you can just talk to until you can get your baby here safely & can start making lifesyle changes.

I will be praying for you!
Sandra