I Need Help Learning How to Survive

You seem to be occupied with the question of how you handle knowing that "he" will not be able to see her until she is 11 and "he" will miss her first words. I'm sorry to be negative towards him, but maybe "he" should have thought about that before he did whatever "he" did to get "himself" into the situation that he has gotten himself into. Maybe you should concentrate more on what you can do for yourself and your daughter and maybe your daughter would be better off with a better role model.

Father, J. is struggling through a really difficult time right now. She needs your comfort and hope in this trying time. Our words can seem so empty when you feel all alone. So I pray that Your Word will bring her comfort. You said:

But you, O God, do see trouble and grief;
you consider it to take it in hand.
The victim commits himself to you;
you are the helper of the fatherless.- Psalms 10:14

Your Word promises that:

The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears them;
he delivers them from all their troubles.

The LORD is close to the brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

A righteous man may have many troubles,
but the LORD delivers him from them all; -Psalms 34:17-19

Help her to set her feet to the road that is right and to walk with integrity so that their daughter can trust her and find You. Let J. know that Your Word says you are full of compassion and abounding in Love. You love her and her daughter and J.'s husband as well. Please reveal yourself and your great love to them. Place people in their lives that will give J. strength and courage during the years ahead of her and her daughter. Right now J. is needed. Right now she is her daughter's hope. Right now there are those who depend on her for her strength. So Father to the fatherless be J.'s strength and hope and provider. Let her see (Genesis 16) that you are The God Who Sees. She isn't alone or forgotten. We never are forgotten by you.

J. I am praying for you to see hope! Hang in there!

I wish I knew the right words to say to you, but I don't. I don't know what your beliefs are, but truly God is with you. He never puts you in a situation you can't handle. Just ask Him for help. You'll be so surprised and what He sends. I will pray for you and your family. You can make it through this, and it is an awful situation. You could video as much as you can so he can see it when he's out. We all have to face the consequences of our decisions, and unfortunately this is what happened to him. I don't mean to sound harsh, so please forgive me if I do. I'm sure he doesn't want to miss any of that time, so a video and/or journal of the milestones would be such an awesome way for him to be there without actually being there if that makes sense.

I can't imagine what you're going through, but I know that you shouldn't do it alone. Accept any help that comes your way. It's so hard for us as women to do that. We want to be independent and do things on our own, but let people help you. If you need anything, there are so many mamas here who would love to be there for you. Just let any of us know what you need.

Hi J.. I pretty much have the same problem. My baby's father is also incarcerated and maybe facing 20 years. He still has to go to trial. She is only 2 months old. He missed the whole pregnancy and the labor. But the only thing we can do for now is take plenty of pictures and send them to our babies fathers. Let him know everything about your baby. And any chance you get take your little girl to visit him. If you take her often she will remember her daddy's face and voice. It's hard to be a single parent but we have no choice but to be strong for them. Try not to show any weakness infront of her because in the long run your baby could be affected by your emotions. I also have an 8 year old son and i'm not with his father. I used to cry when things got really hard for me and he used to see me and it will bring him down. He would cry to from seeing me. So try not to cry infront of her. Hope everything goes ok for you.

Dear J.,

Hate the sin, but not the sinner.

It's a time to become convicted yourself, to turning to God, and leaving your sin, and all it has cost you, behind.

I speak from experience, sin has cost me much. Mine sin as well as others sin. O had to become convinced that, MY sin causes pain to my children! And, will continue for as long as they live.

Start a new legacy for you and your, put God first in your life, and he will reward you in ways you can't even imagine yet!

God doesn't care where you are in your walk of life, He loves you just where you are at this EXACT moment.

Embrace him, and ask him into your heart daily.

Your Servant,

P.

Dearest J.,
My heart goes out to you. It's hard being a single parent. I became a single mother when my daughter was around 18 months or so. It's tough but don't worry, you will get thru it.. It's true, God would never give you more than you can't handle. If you need to vent, feel free to e-mail me ____@____.com..Take care and God Bless...

P.S. You live for your daughter,yourself, and your husband. Right now, you have to be the strong one for the family. My sister in law waited 5 yrs. for my brother. And she had 2 small ones at the time - if she can do it so can you...

It sounds like her father was involved beofre hand so just take lots of pictures and write down everything. Also just remind her she does have a dad that loves her and that one day they will be able to live together again. As long as your daughter has your love and support that will really help her out. Hang in there and try to find someone with the same situtation so that you can talk with someone who really understands what your going through (thats what I did when my baby came at 24weeks and that helped me the most).

you can video all her first for him. and record her talking, don't punish your self for what has happened to him, it's ashame but you can and will make it thru this. now you need to live for your daughter, and that makes it much better. I was single and worked two jobs to be able to give my daughter everything I wanted her to have. It can be done. just take a deep breath and do it. and there is no shame in letting your daughter see you cry,she will one day understand and know then what a strong mom she has, and she will want to be just like you.

J.,

I'm so sorry to hear about your situation. My only advice is (for now) to live life one day at a time (or one hour at a time) and try not to bog yourself down with the next 10 years. However, this is a normal reaction to something you found out - give it some time and this will be a little easier to deal with. You will make things work. Just don't get bogged down with everything at once.

You need to cry - it's okay for her to see you cry but make sure she sees you get over it and smile too. Maybe once he is sentenced, you should seek counseling, just to help you deal with this.

Good luck,
T.

It is so sad when the deck seems stacked against us and we just can't breathe. !!! But life goes on. We go back to basics and handle the every day things just like we always did. Once this shakes out you will be able to see him every week and take her if you like. It won't be quantity but it will be some time.
Asking for help is the first thing to do, then get together with some other moms and that will help you have someone to talk to, and probably work is another way of just making your days seem like they are flying by. your little girl is lucky to have a mom that loves her daddy so much and you there to care for her. Focus on your relationship with her.

Then breathe again.
____@____.com

i am so sorry that you are in that situation. First, I am a strong believer that everything happens for a reason and God doesn't put anything in our path that we cannot handle. Secondly, I don't know about the other moms here, but I don't really feel qualified to give you advice on your questions. I really think it is a great idea for you to talk to a counselor to help you work through some of those questions, and especially the emotions you are feeling right now. I do know one of the worst things you can do is hold back all of your tears to be "strong" for your daughter.

As a yoga teacher and massage therapist I know that if we do not release negative emotions (fear, anger, resentment, frustration, hopelessness, etc) that we internalize them and store them away in specific areas of our body which can later manifest into dis-ease. There is NO shame in getting a little professional assistance in working through what you are going through right now.

I wish you the best of luck in finding a great person to talk to and my prayers go out to you.

H.

((Hugs))

I became single when my son was 22 months and I was 7 months pregnant with my daughter. They turn 4 and 6 this weekend. Their father is not involved much at all. You will be SURPRISED and AMAZED at the strength you have. Take care of yourself, and the rest will fall together. Don't neglect yourself; it's easy to do when you feel like everyone is counting on you. But when everyone is counting on you, it's even more important to take care of yourself.

J.

I can not even begin to imagine what you are feeling. However, your husband made his choices and now it's your time. You have every right to be sad and worried about you future, but know there are many support systems out there for you and your daughter.

From the tone of your message, you are worried about him and the stuff he is going to miss. J. he had the choice not to miss that stuff, you didn't have a choice.

You need to take care of you and that blessing you have, and then everything else will fall into place.

It is okay to cry, it's okay to be sad, and heck it's okay to be mad too. But know that you are not alone, you have daughter who adores you and yes she is probably is exhausting but I'm sure yesterday when she said mama it filled your heart with more love then you thought was possible and you forgot about all the stress. Kids are amazing like that..

Take care of you!!!!

Many Blessings

Well he is in carcerated....more to story i am sure....i have done it....but he never got ''put away''///mine a little different-he should.i attend some meetings.email me --and i will give u my email.hang inthere,,,,
my son said dad first-never saw him at all!!!then
praying for u

Take little steps. Concentrate on you making a good life for you and your daughter.
When you weigh yourself down with thoughts of all he will miss, you just dig a deeper hole for you to climb out of. Ther is nothing you can do about all the things your husband will miss, so put all your energy into a good stable life for you and your daughter. If you concentrate on the positive all the negative things will shrink and settle into a very small corner quietly.
Be strong and keep your chin up.

It is always hard even with a husband to survive. Educate yourself every way you can so that the challenge you face in being alone can help you make good decisions in life. You probably married too young, but only you will know that as time goes by. My first husband walked out one night never to return for someone he met at work. He left me on his 2 yr old daughter's birthday, and 31/2 yr old son. I was devastated. I did have hairdressing experience behind me and I was about 30 years old.I had not worked for awhile and hairdressing stats out not making money until you build clientele. The stress of having then found out my daughter had a kidney that did not grow and we had to go to speicalists over and over. My son was dyslexic. I am too. I was never as poor as then. I got a job and had a home. I worked one time three jobs. I grew a hair salon at home and after being self employed for three years remarried a man I thought was going to care for us all, for the rest of my life. After chasing me for 23 yearswe met before I married when I was 18.We married and joined out teams. His two girls just all about 18 month raging from 11-16. Teens, all trying to act out and break us up. After I was happy and all the children were gone, married 11 years, he left me for women he was talking to on the internet. This was another pain. He was smart executive and could pull anything over on me with his money, attorney and I had a stroke just three years before.

6 years later, I went to College online but that did not get me the corporate job I wanted. It did live me financially hurting. I however was able to pay it off because of the money in my divorce. I have opened a Day Care at home. I am raisng my granddaughter and a single parent again.

I think holding on to faith, knowing Jesus and getting into a Christian single and support group or married but Bible Study any place you can vent and brainstorm your situation. Get advice and grow your love of Jesus. He is the only real thing we have on earth. I know we usually seek him when we are afraid or lose someone but on a daily guidance is where we need and get the strength. You will cry until there are no more tears. You will be afraid many times. He is the only peace we really have. I looked for a new daddy for my children and now realize that is not where peace comes from.

I still struggle building this business only open less then a year but my peace always is in the love and grace of God.

We deserve the best life has and to give the best to our children and when a man does not provide that strength to his family I have no sympathy. I would have married someone different at 30, 40,50 and I am almost 60. Continue to work on you and believe you deserve the best and that love will spill over on the child. Take care of you always emotionally, spiritually and physically. Excersize draws energy. Go to the internet and look up the "Secret" basically tells us to focus and be grateful every day for what we have. Your daughter. Believe we deserve the best because God wants us to draw our strength from him. God Bless

J..... I was your age and a single Mom. It was under different circumstances, but still hard. One of the best things you can do for yourself is join a church where you have a community of people around you that will be loving and supportive. It's okay for your little girl to see you cry ( my daughter must have seen me do it a thousand times!) Since this is happening so young she will accept as she gets older that this is the situation.... and for both you and your husband's sake document every little detail you can ( videos, pictures, and journaling). I can tell you now that I am married parenting never gets easier however it does get more rewarding as you have seen first hand by her saying her first word! If you ever need anyone to talk to feel free to email ____@____.com I would me more than willing to listen!