Help - My Family Is Rejecting Us!!

Hi J.,
There are intolerant people in every religion. As a Christian I hate it when people who have issues make their "baggage" look like its about religion. Does that make sense? In other words its less about your parents being the particular religion they are then it is about them as people, and what kind of hurts are in their history to make them the way that they are. I am so sorry that your family are being unloving to you and your husband. You deserve for the new shape of your life to be celebrated. Maybe writing down your feelings would help? There is a part of me that wants to say put your energy and focus on your new family and let go ... but then I remember that you wrote that prior to this your relationship with them was a good one.
Hope it gets better
~A.

Dear J..

I am in the exact same situation. I have been married 8 years now and what has worked well for me is that I just gave up trying to be a part of their life. I decided if being over there makes me miserable and my kids dont feel comfertable that its just not worth it. Im happy with my immediate family we have a great life together. My husbands family is very supportive, so who needs em. They are the ones who are missing out on something great not you or your kids. They have grand kids now. You will see either, they will come to their senses or you will realize that you are better off without em. I know its hard letting go. But lifes too short to be unhappy. . Trust me, just leave them alone, they will have to come to you on their own. Good luck, I hope things get better.

I am RIGHT THERE WITH YOU! My parents raised me in a Pentecostal Church of God (similar to Assembly of God) and I married a Jewish woman. Needless to say my parents were NOT pleased. I truly feel for you b/c I have turned my back COMPLETELY on Christians for the way they are and how they act towards people! They talk about love and then their actions are completely opposite of that. I was always under the impression that Jesus taught to love NO MATTER WHAT, but somehow Christians miss that!

My advice is to be patient (which I lack) but move on. I love my family b/c they are my family but I simply can't be around them for more than an hour or two. They've come to love my wife but we are TOTALLY DIFFERENT PEOPLE. If you move on, they will do one of two things, say bye or come find you. It's the age old saying at it's finest..."if you love something set it free...". For your own emotional and physical well being you can't be around them b/c it will bring you down. I am sure you have a GREAT family. Live in THAT space!

JE

Hi J.,
I wasn't going to comment, until after I read some of the other. I'm a christian and not all christians are "religious". You can't categorize people based on the only people you've been around. Not all christians are hypocritical. I once was in an environment where everyone wanted me to take on their beliefs because we were all chrisians. I soon learned that thats is definitely not the case. We are not to be judgemental because we all sin and fall short. We are by no means perfect as human beings. In your situation, you cannot be in the midst of "religious" people that will judge your situation and your character. I believe that you make a wrong a right and tried to make resolution to your situation by doing the "right thing" and if you and your husband love one another you can do all things through christ who strengthens us. Some people tend to focus on the mistakes of others when we all make some sort of mistake and may not get caught in it or it may not be a noticable one. Sin is sin not matter how great or small. So consider a persons character don't just bulk them in a religion and think that they are all the same. You have to be careful bringing your child in a hostile environment because you and your husband are now one. You daughter should not have to hear negative about her father and if there are future visits, you tell them that your husband name and their thoughts are off limits. If they proceed anyway, then you leave. If you don't stand for somethng you will fall for anything. Be blessed and prayerfully your family will come around. Your husband and your child comes first.

Its time for tough love in my opinion if your family can't accept it tell them until they can be happy, supportive and everything you want them to be they won't see you or your family if they can't support it why do they need to see it. It will be hard but they love you they will come around.

Dear J.:
"I'm not going to celebrate the fact that you aren't sinning."
It's hard to comment on this without badmouthing your father. If he is SO religious (read bible-thumper), just re-read the passage about 'forgiveness' and 'throwing the first stone' to him.
I would ask him how he sees his future with you and your own family. If that is his position, it sounds as if he rejected you. What else could you do to 'fix' the situation than marry the father of your baby - by choice at that?
You could throw his statement back in his face when he wants to see his granddaughter (and one day he will). Say something like "Sorry, the only granddaughter I can show you was born in sin, so I don't think you'd be happy to see her." Then move on. I may be harsh, but I learned that you cannot deal with 'righteous' people who value a 2000 year old book over their own flesh and blood (assuming he follows the bible, but it would likewise be true for other religions). And just think what would happen, if you had another child. Would he love and hug your secondborn and ignore your firstborn? If he is that deadset already, things only get uglier. You should demand an apology and a change of heart from him, or else I would leave and stick to your child, your hubby and his family. Sadly, sometimes a parent/child relation does not work out. Detect that early and protect your own family.
As you may realize from my response, I do not get along well with self-appointed second comings of Christ (or the like). I could see his point if you had cheated or done something really bad (religiously), but to me it sounds like you only had a timing issue, and that now everything is fine. He SHOULD celebrate the holy matrimony, even if he disapproves the time before.
Perhaps you get a more qualified answer, if you lay out the two religions involved. For example, Jews and Christians may have strong issues on Christ, whom they view totally differently.

Pursue your own happiness.
W.