My Mom Is Having a Hard Time

Your mom needs to get to the welfare office asap. Most likely she can get TANF and food stamps right away.

http://al.welfareinfo.org/

She can call a local women's shelter and get guidance and advice on her next move. Here's O.:
North Jefferson Women's Center
1016 Mulberry Ln
Gardendale, AL
###-###-####
http://www.njwomenscenter.com/

Your mom needs to start legal divorce proceedings asap for support and child support. She may not get anything right now, but it will ensure that if he DOES work she WILL get paid....the court will garnish his wages and pay it to her.

Best of luck.

If he has taken the bank account down, do not add any money to that account, you/your mother need to open a NEW account that does not have his name on it, even if it is very little. Check into banking that has interest bearing or free checking. Look into low income housing in your area, may not be most desirable, but may get roof over your head.
You have had good advice from other posts!

So sorry about your dilemma, I even feel sorry for what he is creating with the new family too, they are doomed for disaster. I hope things turn around for you soon!

You sound like a responsible person, maybe you can help by looking after your brother and sister, help with a part-time job, (don't know if you are child, teenager or young adult).

Know that you are not alone. We here at Mommasource are behind you. Do go to the police, contact the women's shelter, YMCA or a church for help and explain what has happened.

Momma needs to get a separate bank account in a different bank so that dad can't say it's his. You guys have to protect yourselves against him at all costs. Get mom to contact the welfare department, the children youth and families department, and the police for the restraining order. If you can babysit or something to help with income try it. Can you walk the dog or something like that? I know it is not much but it might just be enough to get you to the next step.

I have you all in my prayers this season that something good will come of what you are all going through.

The other S.

If you have a YWCA in your area go talk with someone there. They have excellent womens programs and can give you the information that you need to get back on your feet.

She should have a restraining order on your dad and so should you and your siblings.

She should have some sort of spousal support, what you dad did is wrong and he has possibly crossed some lines of the law. Talk to the police, find legal aid and see what you can do legally for her.

I don't know what to say about your landlords ... that's just wrong.

Our go to quote is... Never, ever give up.

There are lots of women's shelters out there that can give you guys shelter and necessities. Churches, Salvation Army, all those are possible refuges. Hopefully, she's gotten the police involved. There needs to be a restraining order on your Dad. This is crazy behavior. I am so sorry for all of you. This is tough on you, your siblings as well as your Mom. You need support too!! I'm proud of you for reaching out. There are alot of good people in your area that would be glad to help you. Go to a trusted family friend, pastor, SOMEONE, just get started. My prayers are with you!!

Your mom should contact the tenant's rights group in your area to find out what recourse she might have for the landlord not paying the mortgage. I'm sorry that the landlord let you/her down.

Even if she never gets child support (my mom didn't), your mom should focus on things like legal separation and getting his name off any and all accounts so he can't deplete funds. She should also start new accounts in her name only. She can see if legal aid in your area can help with any of it. Turn him into child support enforcement. My father worked under the table and didn't pay anything til he got a state job and they caught up with him. By then most of it went to our state to pay back benefits Mom had to use while he slacked off but...your mom has until the youngest child is 18 to settle up, so let it start to accrue and let them find him for her.

Is your brother in school? She could talk to the guidance office there and at the very least ask them to keep an eye on him and report any weird bruises. They are mandatory reporters and maybe if the school knows his home situation, they will not overlook changes in behavior like they might under different circumstances.

My mom struggled a lot to raise 2 kids on a teacher's salary. Tell her to be strong, find out her rights, and don't give up.

I also urge her to get the legal separation and divorce ASAP. My SIL put it off and when her estranged husband died, the bill collectors tried to saddle HER with HIS problems. It was a lot of heartache to get through it.

First off contact the Police, if your mom wont/cant then please step up and do this for her. Second contact your local food bank and shelter. I'm so sorry that you are all going through this at this time of year. I would get out of that house as quickly as yall can and get into a better situation. If this isnt an option right now, contact a local church or friends to see if anyone can help. Last but not least Pray, God will guide you.

I definitely suggest that you start by opening her up a new bank account in her name only. Also, she should file for assistance. Contact your local Salvation Army to see if there is anything they can help with over the holidays.

As far as the divorce is concerned, he doesn't have to sign anything to complete the divorce. He should be served by the sheriff's department. If he doesn't respond within the given timeframe (decided by the judge), the divorce is granted in your mother's favor.

I am so sorry. In my own personal life when the road is almost too hard to bear taking it I usually turn to God. Perhaps God allows terrible things to continue to happen because He needs you in the place He has set for you to be.

If your not a God person it still helps.

The old "were going to get through this", "your going to be stronger for this" , sometimes we have to live the hard life so we can truly appericiate the good life" " it will get better, we just have to make it better for ourselves", " it sucks that others can put such burrdens on our lives with us having no controll over it at all. hopefuly we can now find better choices and lifestyles to get out of the mess others stuck us in.

She should really file for child support or spousel income. something.

Sorry about your rent house hope you find something better for your family.

Hi C.,

First of all, if you get the opportunity, call the police. If he comes around, call the second you feel threaten. That is what the police are there for and they are good at their job. They know how to handle domestic disputes. If you are scared, they will be able to identify the situation and be on your side. And it will give you legal precident.

Your mom needs to find a support group through the local domestic violence program. It doesn't matter if she was physically abused or not. There should be free programs for victims of domestic violence and your family qualifies. My ex-husband was abusive. The biggest lesson I learned from that experience was how to establish personal boundaries. Your mom should know to open her own bank account. Knowing does not make it easy to do. The psychological framework your family is in is tough for anyone to relate to unless they have been there themselves. I have a tremendous amount of empathy and know it is difficult to change your circumstances. Only your mother can make the choice to protect herself from your dad. There is only so much you can do for her. But there is a lot you can do for yourself. I know your focus is on your mom, and that is more than understandable. My concern is that you will continue in the dynamic that has been established in your family... overly empathetic of someone else and sacrificing too much of yourself. You can not save your mother. You need to take care of yourself. This is the best thing you can do for her. Seek counseling. My heart is with you, your mom and your siblings.

"You, as much as anyone else in the universe, are deserving of your own love and affection." ~Buddha

I'll add to the advice saying your mom needs her own account. Personally I use the Walmart money card and have my check deposited to that. For things like rent where I can't pay with the card I just make an ATM withdrawl for cash and get a money order.

Call 211 and see what resourses they reccomend, they out to at least be able to give you the number to your local family violence shelter.

And if your dad is there and you are at ALL threatened call 911!!!

If you haven't already, open a new bank account he doesn't have access to. If it's in a joint one, legally he can use the money for whatever. If he puts money in to a joint one (or has any money anywhere that you/you mom knows about .. get it out before he does!). Call the police and let them know what he's done physically and let them know. Ask if there's any suggestions they have to help you be safer. If anyone sees any violence and will be a witness, that's proof too. If you are talking to him or he's in the room, record it on your phone, with a camera, etc., without him knowing. Do some checking online or maybe someone will give you a suggestion for the child support. There may be a help line to get this moving without hiring an attorney.