Trying to Divorce Civilly but My Husband Is Losing It and Starting to Getviolent

Please call a woman's shelter for advice on HOW to leave.

This is when women are killed. When they finally leave.

Be careful.

when he threw you to the floor last night - you should have called the police.

Go to the JAG office on base in the morning and file charges against him and get any pictures taken. Then you need to tell them that he is having an affair.

Guess he should've thought about his military career before he threw you to the floor and whipped his small head out.

I'm sorry. I'm truly sorry you are going through this. In July when you posted my friend who was the previous base commander at Peterson gave me the information to give you - I gave it to you. why didn't you go on base then?

Stop worrying about him not having a job and worrying about your safety and that of your daughter. GO TO THE JAG office in the morning. Call the police NOW and file charges in C-Springs. Get the ball rolling.

Are you kidding? Please tell me your not actually going to let him get away with hitting you like that? Everything he has done is classic abuser: cutting off access to money, internet, work. And then there is the classic begging for forgiveness. He had already broken the UCMJ by committing adultery and now he is abusing you. What do you think he will do to your daughter when she gets out of line? You need to take your daughter and pack your bag and go directly to an abused women's shelter and file a report with the police. that is the only way you are going to keep yourself and your daughter safe in the long term. They will guide you to help from attorneys and everything you need to get through this. There are programs that will retrain you to help you succeed at your own job. There are SO MANY resources for abused women and so many people willing to help if you will just reach out and ask for it. You can see your base chaplain. You can see the Sgt Major of his unit. There are domestic violence counselors at EVERY base. You need to make a report. Period. Or do you want your daughter to be alone with him when he has custody rights? You have to be the strong one for her. I am a fellow military wife from a very loving and peaceful home. Please don't think that this man is in any way in the right. He is wrong. Also his command will make him move out of the house or else pay the BAH to you for support and move him into a barracks. At least that's what the Marines do.

From your past post it looks like you have had this problem before. I hope you are serious about getting help this time.

Your safety and your childs safety come first! You have to get away from him. You have been in a physical fight with the man who is supposed to be your husband. The one who is supposed to protect you.
Jealousy is a big green ugly monster. That monster can make any sane man do things insanly.
My aunt was in the middle of a divorce, she met a new man, her husband was not happy she had moved on. So one day he brought over my aunts favorite family member of his to visit, so my aunt would come out of the house. Her husband then went to the back of his truck, grabbed a gun and shot her in the back. My aunt ran in the house shoved the door closed, as he was pushing on it. He jumped in the window jumped on top of her and said, You will die b&*%!. She did die, and her 5 kids witnessed most of this. The oldest 11 years old had enough sense to take his brothers and sister out of the house. My cousins have grown up without their mother. :(

For heavons sake you are in a situation that can turn worse. Jealousy is no one persons friend.

This is a hard post to respond to since I am not entirely sure you are serious? You have been posting about leaving him and needing to get a job since at least July...if not longer yet you seem to be in the same place you were back in July?

You really told him to get a GF?

If you ARE for real...get out now, like ASAP!

I looked at your picture. You need to print that and take it to the police.

Do not worry about your husband losing his job. That's HIS problem. If I was still in the USAF and stationed there, I would be more than happy to come get you and take you to a shelter. If I had done that to my wife? I'm sure she would have found a cast iron pan to hit me over the head with.

From looking at your older posts, this has been going on for a year. You need to take charge and stop letting him control you. Don't let money or the lack thereof stop you from getting out.

Call your dad and tell him to come get you and your daughter. If your dad isn't around. Call your local chaplain, pastor, priest or rabbi. Do not let this go on one day longer.

Are you for real? There is nothing civil about your situation. Why would you tell your husband to get a girlfriend? He is yoyo-ing you around and now he's hurt you. You need to press charges. You need to get out of this ridiculous relationship. If he knows that he can hold the money over you, he'll continue to hit you. Normal divorces, even those that are not on good terms, do not involve violence. You need to worry less about him and his job and the money, and more about your life.

Sorry I must break from the herd, you two sound like two peas in a pod. I am more concerned for your kids.

You have somewhere in your house the divorce papers so if you really wanted to you could have signed them. Instead you pick a fight? Just so you know since it is a one of the courts will ignore it and assume it was a ploy on your part to get a better settlement.

I really want to help but your story seems so out there.

Get an attorney, there are free ones and divorce him. Games do nothing but damage the children.

No more sex with anyone. Get on birth control in case you don't abstain.
No more dating for you. Your behavior WILL be used against you in a court of law. Judges are many times very much against "loose" women.
You don't want this affecting custody.

Get a lawyer tomorrow. File a police report and get a restraining order that forces him to move out. Do not give up your house.

You really need to get a free cell phone that has free 911 on it. Domestic violence shelters give them out.

I get that you will need child support money, and that you don't want to get him in trouble. I don't mean to be blunt here but.... child support money won't do you any good if you're dead. He WILL do this again, you absolutely need to file a police report. You should no longer be living with him, you and your children need to get out now- go to a friend's or a shelter, but get the hell out of there. Take this seriously, he is a violent person and will repeat this offense. You need the report to get a restraining order, and you need that to help you with custody issues. I know you had hopes of an amicable divorce but HE screwed that up, not you. Please accept that this is now ugly and violent, and get out. If not for you, then for your children. Good luck.

Go get pictures of your brusies. Contact his first shirt. Don't worry about his career he f**ked himself by hitting you. Get the checkbooks and anything else you need and do have him placed on the base. Call the SPs so that they can pick him up.

He can't have his cookies, pie and cake and keep them all. He made the choice(s) now HE is going to live with them. DO NOT let him talk you out of anything. I don't know how long you have been married to him. But if it is over 10 years you get part of his retirement. Trust me on this one get the hell out now while you still have your life. He won't stop until he kills you end of story.

Please there are many places to go in the Springs for help. If need be I will drive up there myself -- son lives nearby. Think about you and your child he is done in more ways than one.

The other S.
PS Run for the nearest exit!!!!
Retired Air Force Wife

EDIT As long as he is service you can have child support. They first sgt can have him make an allotment out to you for the care of the child. So don't think you can't get money. I know of one woman who had a baby by another man and her husband wound up paying support for it. So it can be done. Ohh!!! Colorado is a community property state so half of what he has is yours. Get that money and put it in an account in a different bank than the one he has.

There's a reason he will get in trouble with the military. And you need to document all your bruises and go see a doctor. He can't just cut off your access to funds. If I were you, I would clean out the checking account and open your own account that he has no access to. Time to go see a counselor on base and take your divorce proceedings seriously. Chances are that he will get a reprimand and have to go to counseling -- which you'll want him to do no matter what if he's ever going to spend time alone with your kids. The damage that he did to you phyically is SERIOUS and he needs to understand that. Good luck to you!!

Go to a domestic violence shelter-they will photograph your chest and bruises that cannot be seen with the naked eye will become visable in a photo. For your safety and dignity-get out of the house-don't sleep in the house with him-it is part of his sick game and you are in danger-don't be a victim-he is ill-get away-you can't help him-you are not the solution. Take your child and get away now! He is not going to miraculously change!
http://www.aardvarc.org/dv/states/codv.shtml

First, get your belongings, yourself, and any children (hopefully, you don't have any yet) out of your place and into a domestic violence shelter. Then go to a doctor and get your injuries documented by a medical professional. You will need this for evidence. Second, file a police report on the incident you just spoke about. Third, get an attorney to represent you in your divorce. If you can't afford an attorney and you live in Utah, go to Utah Legal Services. They do divorces for indigent people leaving violent marriages. If you are not in Utah, check out any comparable organizations where you live. Fourth, proceed immediately with your divorce, including getting a restraining order against him physically attacking you and any children and dissipating your marital assets. Fifth, STOP sleeping around with men you are not married to and never get married to anyone who thinks that sleeping around with someone other than who he is married to is OK. It isn't.

Get out of this relationship NOW! It is not going to improve. It will get exponentially worse, particularly if you have the misfortune of having any children with this creep.

Good luck.

Get all of it documented by medical professionals and the police ASAP, please. This has to get reported and paper trails started because if he kills you the next time the police need to know exactly who to go to as the prime suspect.

You shouldn't be protecting him at all. He doesn't deserve it. I realize that you think it's protecting future child support issues but child support doesn't work that way. You've got to protect yourself and your child legally and physically and that means getting out of there and reporting this. Figure out the details about how to pay a lawyer later.

I don't know how much more rock bottom you can go before you're willing to call the police and go to the hospital. Anything lower and your child could end up motherless.

This is beyond you and your husband sleeping with other people and having an open marriage and working things out before... this is about how things are now and things are abusive. Dangerously abusive. Your child is growing up thinking that this is normal.

You need to report this immediately. If you don't the court will have no reason not to give him joint custody - unsupervised. Would you like your daughter alone in a house with him? Get pictures, get a lawyer, go to the police and get to a women's shelter. They will be able to tell you what is next. If you don't report this, you are putting your daughter in danger. Forget worrying about the child support - your safety and the safety of your daughter are your main priority. If he continues to stay in her life, she will choose someone just like him. The parent of same sex shows us how to be and the parent of the opposite sex shows us who to choose.

Sweet heart, if something happens to you no body will be there to take care of your offspring. You have to do what is best physically & emotionally for you, the next step is to make a plan. You need to leave that relationship because the respect is gone & no much is really left. File a emergency protective order, gather your documents & leave without turning back. Don't be the next body found after missing for days. No body has the right to judge you, and you are the only one with the pot by the handle. BREAK the Silence!

You need to call the police and press charges. Who cares if he gets in trouble with the military? That's his problem, not yours. You also need to gather all your stuff, your daughter's things and move out. If your friend will let you stay at his house for now, then do that. When you're there, talk to an attorney, find a job, open a new bank account and get on your feet.

If he continues to cut off your access to money, then you need to talk to our attorney about it so he can get you access. There are a lot of things the military can and will do to him for the way he's treating you. They don't tolerate that at all.

Good luck!

Go to the police. That's domestic violence, and that is NOT okay, by any stretch of the imagination!!!! It's true that he will be in Huge trouble with the air force (they DON'T look kindly on that at ALL. Think About your daughter, do you want him to fight for custody in the divorce? What if he gets her? Abusers ESCALATE, next time he freaks out, you will come out worse. Call military one source, you can file a claim directly through them. Militaryonesource.mil Him asking you not to call, you worried about future finances, this is another form of control that you are letting him have over you. Enough. You know he's NOT okay for you to be around anymore. Good luck, and I hope everything works out