my husband is verbally abusive and throws things, kicks doors, slams doors, yells, swears, and says stuff to me. I need to have some sort of proof when things go really south. I'm preparing to leave but if I don't tape what's happening then it will be just my word against him (other than my mom who's seen/ heard stuff) If he were to find out I'm taping or something he would probably get very physical with me so I'm in panic but I am willing to risk it if this will help.
How can you record someone? Is a video camera my only choice? Voice recording device? Will this even be able to be used if we go to court if he tries to fight custody? I am in the mid of finding a lawyer but I can't wait any longer need to start now...
Please help.
I think Shane B had great advice about contacting a women's shelter 1st for help and support. I am so, so sorry you are going through all this.
Best wishes!!
Um...not sure if anyone has mentioned this...but you don't need "proof" that he is an a$$ho!e to get a divorce OR to leave him......GO!
Next time he gets loud & threatening, call 9-1-1 and file a PFA. That will stand as evidence in court.
All the best!
p.s. Great advice to call a women's shelter for advice and guidance!
Well, some type of nanny cam or something wouldn't hurt.
I actually had a small voice recorder that I kept in my pocket when my ex came around. And...when I talked to him on the phone. My attorney told me that it's technically not legal to record phone calls, etc without the other persons permission, but it is legal to record things to "use them for transcribing purposes".
In other words, if your husband were to threaten you with physical harm, you type that out, verbatim, to document it. If he says it never happened, you just so happened to saved the tape you transcribed it from. My attorney told me that I would be in far less trouble for recording something that maybe I shouldn't than he would be in for threatening me.
That was MY attorney's advice. Obviously, you need to consult your own in order to have your bases covered.
I would contact your local women's shelter not only for emotional support, but they have some pretty good tips on dealing with things when you're trying to get out.
I would contact them first. They have lots of resources.
I wish you the best.
Let me see if I understand this? You want to get beaten up to prove a point? contact your local domestic violence shelter-now would be a good time.
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Voice does not hold up in court like video does. If you have any money try to find a nanny cam. They look like stuffed animals and the like.
Cali Mom:
Get a nanny cam and place it in a place where he might be able to see it and record away. I am sure there are other cameras you can get.
I don't know if you can use it in court - you may be able to - it IS proof..but I am not a lawyer...so talk to one and get things rolling!!
I'm sorry you are in this mess. I can tell you NOT to panic..take a deep breath and let it out slowly. DO NOT stoop to his level and say nasty stuff back...I don't think you are or will - but don't!!
As someone who has been a victim of domestic violence, I can assure you that you don't want to get beaten up, which is where this is quickly heading and what will happen if he finds the camera. A normal man would probably never notice the nanny cam or whatever. . . but these people know that what they are doing is wrong and they are VERY suspicious. First, contact a lawyer. If you can't do that, contact a domestic violence shelter. Actually, contact them anyway. When you leave, he is going to flip and you will need a safe place to be. Still, you need legal advice, not a camera. Sorry you are going through this. . . very difficult. You will get past this and move on with your life - keep the faith.
A lawyer would be the one to tell you if video would even be admissable in court, it may not be. You could call 911 and create a police record. But, even an extensive police record doesn't guarantee any particular outcome in court about custody however, unless you prove that he has been abusive to the children.
Find a lawyer. Or even better, leave now.
Jo is right. You need video for sure, not just voice. Nanny cam is a great idea.
You need to contact a domestic violence hotline, they should be able to give your resources... as for taping, here in Calif. I don't believe it's admissible in court without permission, but I could be wrong. I would contact an attorney also. There are some that may be able to work with you financially, considering the situation your in. Just call around... Sorry to hear you're going through all this... hang in there. If you have a smartphone... most have a voice recorder on it, so you can use that without any new devices for him to be suspicious about.
I don't recommend purposely putting yourself in harms way but If, god forbid, he does end up getting physical with you then be sure to have it documented, the police, hospital, etc. even if its just a slap and even if its hours later.
A friend of mine turned her phone on to record while he was on a rant. It was what got her custody of her daughter because he had tons of stuff on her, that she has supposedly been doing. In the tape he mentioned how he had her set up so she would never see her daughter again.
I would also investigate at Radio Shack how much those tiny camera's are that fit in odd places and send a recording to your hard drive on the computer. We did this for a short time with a person who was threatening us. They eventually moved away but we had it on the hard drive, then a thumb drive or two, and in our email accounts. That way if it was discovered they could erase it but they would not know about the other sources of it.
