help, i have a mother in law who seems to refuse to listen to me, like when she babysits, i really appreciate the help, dont get me wrong, i just wish when i say no juice after dinner for my toddler, she would respect my decision, she also takes it upon herself to change the babys outfit if she doesnt like it etc...it drives me crazy, she makes me feel like i am not doing a good enough job, i will cut up my daughters pasta pickups and she will cut them up even smaller after i walk away,my husband and i argue over this constantly because he doesnt seem to think it is an issue. we see his parents on a daily basis and he likes to vacation with them too, i am like, enough already...any advice would be appreciated, am i overreacting? (i know i am a lil oversensitive due to my pregancy, but come on)
T.,
I know exactly how you feel. My mother in law is the same way. She is always telling me that I am wrong, no matter what it is, when it comes to my son who is 4. We do a lot of stuff together, vacations, and shopping, and everything else. As the child gets older it gets a little easier, but I don't think that she will ever fully change.
Have a wonderful weekend. Hope this helps.
Jenn
I think your reaction is very normal but it is only hurting you. Juice after dinner once in a while is not going to harm your daughter as much as it is going to make you crazy. Same for the outfits and cutting of the food. Don't every make anyone feel like your a bad mom because they dissagree with what you do, it happens a lot. All our parenting styles are different and we all think we are right. So don't sweat the small stuff and choose your battles. It will make things easier. Who knows maybe because it gets to you might be the motivation. I used to go through the same aggrivation with my own mother with my first. Once I had my second, I let it all go, I know what I am doing and so does she, we are just different.
I feel like I'm living my life over again! I went through the same thing with my mother in law. When my oldest started eating table food, I only wanted him to use a spoon. I'd walk out the door and she'd give him a fork. Things like this happened all the time. We actually lived with them for 4 1/2 years. We finally moved out of their house, only to move across the street from them! I can certainly understand what you are going through. The big thing is getting your husband to back you up. If I said anything, it's like I was speaking another language. Once I got my husband to finally speak up on my behalf, things got a little better. I also had a full time sitter outside of the home when I worked. I only asked her to sit for certain occasions and if we ever went out at night, I always had him fed, bathed, etc. before we left. That way she had nothing to do but put him to sleep. We now live 2 hours away, but that doesn't stop her from calling everyday!! Talk honestly with your husband and let him know how difficult this is for you. There's something about mothers and sons, so be prepared for him to defend her!! If you need to vent, feel free to contact me. I can tell you some stories!!!
I understand completely! I've had problems with my mother-in-law because my husband and step-daughter lived with them for the first few years of my step-daughter's life. I think that blurred the roles and my mother-in-law saw herself as almost another parent. Since they moved out when we got married, it's gotten better, but i've still seen the things you're talking about... so i don't think you're overreacting! it's hard not letting it get to you (even though it's good to try and not let certain things bother you...) like you said, it's really made me feel like she thinks i'm not doing a good enough job sometimes. the little things, like changing the outfits is annoying but not going to hurt your child, but I DON'T agree that none of it hurts the child. I think that with most things the parents should have absolute authority and the grandparents should respect that. There's nothing wrong with spoiling the grandchild, that's what grandparents are for!! but NOT if it directly opposes what the parent said. And I think it's more important as the child gets older because they begin to understand it. They need to be spoiled by grandma, but I think they also need to know their parent's rules/limitations are final and consistent.
I think the most important thing is getting your husband to back you! when my husband and i talked about it and decided to unite in showing his parents we were perfectly capable and very serious about them not being "parent" figures and start being "grandparent" figures and that we wanted them to respect our decisions, it got much better! Good luck!
It sounds like maybe you and she need to go to lunch or just spend the day together. Talk to her. I go to NYC every year just my mother-in law and me. we love it. I also go to her house for lunch quite often and every other sunday and holidays my parents and she come over. We get alot of time to talk things out is what I am saying. It sounds like she is just trying to help. Ok I understand she is trying to hard in your book. Give her jobs she can do that will help you. Try explaining why no juice after dinner. I know your answer is because you are the mom and you say so.... But To keep the harmony bend.. I hated my mother-inlaw. Now I look at her as another mother.
Hi T.,
It seems like she doesn't respect you as a mother, but you just have to let her know how you do things in your house. Just tell her politely "I would appreicate it if you please do not give (your daughters name) any juice after dinner and explain your reason for your decision.
As far as chaging your daughters outfits that is just disrespectful. Next time she does it just ask her "What happen to her outfit?" or ask her "Why would you change her outfit after I got her dresses? and tell her how it makes you feel. If you don't it will never stop. My mother-in-law use to be bossy with my 2 kids then I started to let her know "in a noce way" how I do things.
