My Mother Is Driving Nuts!

Some grandparents don't want the stuff sitting around all the time. Just be thankful that they love watching her. My mom-in-law didn't even want to do this.

Yeah, you are. Your mom has raised her kids. Baby stuff takes up a lot of room for not being needed full time. Your mom probably enjoys her house neat and the dogs are her babies now. I think it's great that she will watch her. My mom lives 8 hours away and the other set of gp live 2 hours away. I would love to be able to leave my kids with them. My mom has 8 grandkids and has always kept a high chair and a pack n play for them but that is her choice. I would never ask my parents to buy any of these things but I appreciate it that she does. Your world might revolve around your child but your mother's shouldn't have to. I'm sure she loves her just the same. As time goes on she may find it easier to have these things. If Grace is your first child you are both learning. Don't take your mom for granted. Car seats are expensive. If she is keeping her for a week obviously you won't need the seat, just leave it with her. What's the problem? I think you are being kind of self centered. Sorry, don't mean to be rude. I just think you are being a little selfish.

Hi Andrea,

I think that if you're asking for the favor, you should provide for your child's needs at your parents house. The fact that your MIL buys everything for her grandchildren is very nice, but is not an obligation on her part. Maybe you're mom doesn't have the funds or just doesn't want to spend the money, I don't know, but unless she does it willingly its really not her obligation but yours and your husbands.

Let me get this straight...You've only asked your mother to watch Gracie a few times, but you think she should baby furnish her house?
I am a grandmother of 5, ages 3-7 1/2. I did purchase my own crib, booster seat, twin stroller, and small wardrobe for my house, but my children lived out of town and came often for weekends. I even traded in my sedan for a van equipped with child restraint seats and DVD player so I could take all five of them to the zoo, COSI, home to my house for the weekend, etc. But that was MY decision. My children always offered to bring their own. Car seats are expensive, and if they are only watching Gracie once in a while, why not just leave a car seat with them for the day? Certainly in September you could leave yours. Why would you need to keep it?
When my children were young, my mother had a high chair and a few toys for the grandchildren (9 in 7 years), but her children always brought clothes and special toys. My mother-in-law expected us all to bring what our children needed. Only when there were more (10 in 7 years) did she get a high chair, and then only because one of the girls moved home with her little one. When we returned from overseas and lived with the in-laws, we bought what we would need. We never expected anyone else to supply our needs.
I'm sure she loves Gracie more than her dogs. Just bring what she needs, and thank her for her help. When more grands come along, she may decide it's time to buy a few of her own things...or not. If you're thinking about the expense for yourself, the cost of establishing a relationship between your mother and Gracie is priceless. And in reality, she probably actually savored having Gracie sleep on her chest. So stop feeling put out with her. When there are more grandchildren, she may feel the need to buy more stuff. (Your mother-in-law has 3 now.) Thank God Gracie has her grandparents!

If my grandchildren were closer, I would definitely want to have the items they needed available here so that their parents didn't have to bring much over. However, I also know that all of our children think we have more money than we do. We live simply and always have so when a need arises, we have the money to cover it. That doesn't mean, though, that we always have money for extras.

If you really want your parents to have the items you feel would make life easier, ask them first how they feel about having it. You might find they don't want a lot of baby stuff in their home on a regular basis. If they don't mind, go to Craig's List and look for the items for free or try Free Cycle. Both are wonderful ways to get what you need without the cost and while you are saving your wallet, you are also helping save the planet by keeping one or two perfectly good items out of a landfill.

It's nice that your mom will watch your daughter once in a while. For the convenience of everyone you should furnish the necessities for her. You can just leave your carseat with her. You can always find baby stuff very cheap at yard sales and baby sales. And, it may be that the more your mom watches her the more she'll get into buying for her.

It is obvious that you Mother thinks you should pay for all of the baby items if you want them to watch your child. I think you have to make up your mind whether you want to buy the stuff or not have them watch her. Is your MIL willing to watch her for you when needed? If she sees that you send her over there instead of her house, then maybe she will be more inclined to purchase the necessary items? My mother is not local and my MIL is. We purchased most of the items (car seat, potty, pack in play, etc) for my ILs because they watch our kids whenever we need them to which I feel is a bargain. I never even thought that they should spend the money themselves. They did have a crib from another grown grandchild and they have purchased some toys, but for the most part, we have funded everything else. Hope this helps.

Hi Andrea,

People can be so different...
My MIL for instance, went and bought 2, 300dllr car seats she always has food for them - what I feed them, and some toys that are age appropriate for when they come over.

My mom has had grandkids for NINE yrs, only recently has she made her house a little more child friendly and has accomodated the food more appropriately.
She has NEVER owned a carseat, a highchair, a playpen... she has recently gotten "some" toys.

I don't know if you really want to fight this battle.
One thing I've learned is that you simply can't make people how you wish they were, they are how they are.

Then again, she may get caught up later...

Some people don't believe in child-proofing a home, especially older people, they have this belief that you teach kids what to do or not to do by trial and error, including stumbles ;)
Maybe before leaving your dd u can go over there and make some suggestions, but when I do this with my mom or MIL I ALWAYS get the accustions: controlling, that I insult them with my rules..... that we're so anal with so many restrictions... it's really frustrating for me but I also learned that no matter how many intructions I leave them, they don't follow them, my stupid MIL even commented on "your son takes two naps a day" when he was SEVEN MONTHS and she had just kept them 6 days!
Hello!! It was written on the instructions AND told many times, what an fool that she didn't nap my son twice a day, no wonder he was sickly when I came home... quite frustrating but I have to let it go or I'll have a nervous breakdown ;)
Sorry I'm rambling.... best advice I can give you is to pick your battles... they watch your kids, they love them.... be grateful cos not having help is really stressful ;)

Yes, I think you are expecting too much. You don't realize how lucky you are that you HAVE a mother AND MIL that can watch your daughter and you expect HER to buy the extra's that are needed????

My sons dad's parents had everything at their house, from pack-n-play and car seats to food and clothes. They had him every other weekend. We lived with my mom at the time and I furnished everything at our house including a car seat for their car. Now, I live with my son's dad's parents and they still funish everything at their house for my son. My parents furnish somethings, such as food, but normally I sned clothes. They did buy a booster seat for their car, and they got an extra pair of shoes for their house...only b/c they needed a pair when he got his wet the one time.
If you think of them like a sitter, you would be supplying all of this for a sitter, that you would also be paying to watch your child. There are convertible car seats, they are great for cars that are not used often. Some can go from facing backwards all the way up to a booster seat.
My sister had her SIL baby sit her child. She filled a diaper bag every day with food and formula, diapers and clothes. She left a car seat every day and left the pack n play there unless she knew she was going to need it.
Best of luck!

I don't think it is your mother's responsibility to buy things for your daughter that stay at her house. If she is going to babysit for you, you need to leave her with everything your child needs. Leave your car seat there when you drop off your child if your mom wants to be able to go somewhere. It's nice when grandmothers buy the baby stuff for her house, but I don't think this is the norm. Maybe your mom could go to a yard sale or thrift store if she wants to have a few items at her house.

Hi,
I am watching my niece and nephew. I had just gotten rid of all of the baby stuff from my daughter when I started watching them, and I didn't have the money to go buy all new stuff. My sister supplied me with a pack-n-play from a garage sell, and I bought a high chair from a garage sell. I don't know your mothers situation, like is she on a fixed income, but some people just don't have that extra money. If you want her to have those things then maybe you can look at some discount stores or garage sells and supply them for her. It really makes it easier than lugging a pack-n-play around every day.
Be really glad that you have someone to watch your daughter. I have family that lives in town and they don't even see my kids that often. Your mother in law apparently has extra money, or she found really good deals on the stuff she has. I would say something about the dogs toys, when she starts chewing on everything that will be kind of nasty. If you want your daughter to have toys at her house then take some over there. Just keep in mind what your moms situation is.

You know, some grandmas and grandpas are perfect examples of how the storybook grandparents ought to behave. They scoop up our children and smother them with kisses and squeezes and want to spend every last waking moment with them.

But in real life, most tire easily, have their own ideas on dicipline, and even have forgotten the ins and outs of how to parent. The love is there, they've just 'been there, done that'.

I think you are fortunate that you have a mom who is willing to babysit on occasion. Not many of us are so lucky. Do what you can to help her with her task. Bring everything your daughter needs; travel yard, food, wipes, diapers, toys. Be gracious and helpful and organized. In that sense, I think it's up to you to make sure your daughter is taken care of - not your mom.

I don't think you are asking too much that your parents place be childproofed, though. But that too is going to be your responsibility. If it were a daycare, that would be something you'd insist THEY do. But this is your parents. It's up to you to make sure they know how to keep your daughter safe. Bring over all the tools you need to get their house into shape.

I think once your mom sees you are serious about your daughter and her safety, she'll come around.

I never expected anyone who watched my kids to have all the necessary gear. I have always taken the Pack-n-Play, the carseat, the booster seat, diapers, etc. I think your expectations might be a bit high.