My Mother Is Fighting Me for Custody of My 9 Year Old Son.

It seems like you have your life together. Is there
something that your mother stands to gain by keeping
custody of this child?

B. G.

I take it that your son is living with you now. I would tell your mother if she didn't stop harrassing you about your son living with you that you will see to it that she would never see her grandson again. This is your life and chance for happiness not hers. Just because she couldn't take care of you when you were 4yrs old doesn't mean that you can't take care of your son. You sound like you have a very sweat husband. Remember that you mother only has the power that you allow her to have. She is trying to make your life misrable just because she was probley misrable since you were 4yrs old. Do not give your mother the power to make you misrable. Sounds like she needs some pschological help. Hope this helps. Let me know and maybe I can talk to you more about this.

Does your son live with you now? You didn't make that clear. Is he still with them? If so, why hasn't he been living with you these past years? Just curious, it seems you are in a difficult place but your post is unclear as far as the facts so it's hard to give any kind of constructive helpful advice.

A., first don't ever second guess yourself by saying if there is a God!! God has the fist and last say so. Sometimes people put God in things when really it's there doing, and God will not take your son away from you, I pray all works in your favor because if you and your husband are awesome parents he belong to you. Keep your faith and don't let your mom make you say anything or do anything out of character.

Hi A.,

Have you gone to court and filed a petition for custody?

If you have, and the Judge did not award you custody, why didn't he?

If the Judge has awared your G Grandparents custody, contact Social service and see what you have to do to get your child back.

Another option is set up an appointment with mediation to see how to resolve your conflict with your family.

Good luck. D.

if you now have custody and there isnt anything you are doing wrong she wont win. you just do what you think is best and the courts will see it too.

First of all know that God is good all the time. Get your self an attorney and fight for your son. Do what you have to do.

I would take it slow. if they have been taking care of him for a while, then they hopefully have his best interests at heart, and also would miss him when/if he woudl leave them to live with you full-time.

if i were you i would go with them to a conflict mediator, who can help come up with a solution that will be beneficial to both parties because i think your son has a right not to be torn away from the home he's known all this time either, just as you have a right, or at least a compelling interest, to want to raise him and live with him.

maybe a plan can be reached and agreed upon that would gradually move him to living with you full-time, while you shared him with them, bearing in mind that he will probably miss them and the life he's known up till now if he were to very suddenly come to live with you full-time.

Hi A.,

I am sorry that you are going through this, I know it must be hard. Let me first say that I don't think GOD is the one to blame we sometimes no a lot of times act on our on and your parents may be using GOD, I am a Christian and have been born again for 10 years, the fact is if it were GOD's will for your son to be with them he would be, but he isn't. And also remember that forgiveness is not about the other person it is all about you the only one we have control over is ourselves (unfortunely LOL) just walk with JESUS and he will take care of it, he loves you and wants you to trust him even when life dosen't make sense. As for your parents and court I would research everything you can on how custody works in the state your in, Jesus also tell us to prepare and still trust, what state do you live in, I am here in Maryland, and did do a bit of research when my husband went for custody of his daughter, which he did win. Being prepared and having the knowlegde will also help you greatly to. I will pray for your family and remember just love them that's all you can do let Jesus do the rest.

R. S.
send me a message if you would like to chat some more

Hi A.... First I'd like to say that people have loved and hated in the name of God... destroyed and built in the name of God.. so don't let your "mother"'s confusion (or craziness) deter you from believing that God exists. Secondly, I don't know much about the courts but I do believe that they always favor the mother.. he is your son, you have provided for him, loved and cared for him, fed him.. Why would they take him away from a loving mother for a psycho super religious Grandmother??!! I don't think so. Don't worry, worrying does not help, just get a lawyer. The grandparents should be thrilled that you are out of that abusive relationship and now with a great man and providing a good life for YOUR son! I pray everything works out for you A.. Definitely let us know what happens. L.

I really do not think you have anything to worry about. The court system is very strict about keeping the child with his birth parents. Unless you do or have done something to specifically harm the child, are incapable of caring for the child or pose a major risk to the child then there is no reason they would award him to his grandparents. My ex is an alcoholic, verbally abusive to me in front of his child, physically abusive to his former wife and the court sees no reason that he cannot have full visitation. I know of another woman whose ex physically abused her in front of the child and he has full visitation. Children need their parents even if they are not the best influences (not saying you are that person) and the court feels very strongly about this. What county are you in? I know Loudoun County is very strict. Grandparents are occaisionally awarded visitation but it wouldn't even be as much as a natural parent would get. I don't think you have anything to worry about but I would seek legal advice if they are taking you to court.

I know all about the "holier than thou" attitude, my ex mother in law is a born again christian and preaches what she does not and has not practiced. You just have to tolerate it, just nod and smile and go about your life as you want to. Have you thought about contacting her minister/pastor/priest from her church? They are usually very open to counseling families. If you got him to do a session with your family maybe he could explain that it is not right to try to take a child from his parents.

God does not rule the courts of the land, and therefore is not a legal basis for a custody challenge. Get a lawyer and put an end to these pointless lawsuits. And congratulations for getting your life on track and getting a good person to putter around with!

By the way, the 30's are awesome - it just keeps getting better!

But for real, look at your conscience. If you are a good mama and you don't have anything compromising in your life *right now*, then you are golden and she needs someone to tell her to stop harassing your family. Past is past.

If you have a compromising situation in your life, address it and document everything. Fix it, and then you are golden and she needs to stop harassing you.

I'm glad she could step in when you had a tragedy and help you, but that was a long time ago. She needs a therapist and to work through her own issues. This is harassment and is dragging your family through stress it doesn't need. Get a lawyer and put a stop to it. Contact the Vienna Women's Center - they can help you with a free consultation with a lawyer, for a set period of time, and lawyers who work for a sliding scale according to your income.

from http://www.thewomenscenter.org/
In Northern Virginia
133 Park Street, N.E.
Vienna, VA 22180
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In Washington, D.C.
1025 Vermont Avenue, NW
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Good luck!

H.

Girl! I've been where you are! The grandparents who are instrumental in raising a child;particularly that generation, think we are idiots and they know everything. But fear not! I don't remember where the story is at in the Bible but it's the one about the 2 women who had children. One baby died and that mother stole the other woman's child. Then the king said to cut the child in two. That story helped me thru my harrowing ordeal; my husband and I were fighting his mother for OUR biological daughter! We have custody of our daughter and ten years later
-she still thinks we don't know what we our doing.She's 17 now,works 2 jobs, and goes to college full time,on her second year of school to become a paralegal. I guess we didn't mess her up too bad after all. And! She's not on drugs or ever been pregnant.Not bad for 2 partying teenagers who conceived out of wedlock. Don't fight with her and don't give up. Do your best to protect your son's emotional state thru all of this. Trust in God and pray for the courts. Your son will be where he's supposed to be.Stay strong!!

Hi A.: This is my personal opinion and I hope it helps you in your situation. I am not having legal custody problems, but I go through simiiar situations with family and how "God has led them to say and do certain things" and how they try to interrupt how my husband and I are raising our son. This I know for sure, people who say these things are using God as an excuse for their own personal motives. Your parents are going through their own issues and unfortunately taking it out on you. Perhaps they can't deal with the change. I say fight for your son. You are ABSOLUTELY correct when you say that God has forgiven you. Now it is your mother's responsibility to forgive you. EVERYONE makes mistakes and no one can judge you except for God. It seems like God is giving you a second chance. Enjoy it and fight and get custody of your son. Life is no dress rehersal, it's only a one performance and I think your co-stars should be your husband and your son.

If you have a clean "past" there is no way the courts will seperate you from your son. You seriously need to have a shadey past in order for a mother to lose a child.

Stay strong and be honest, and this mess will be over.

A., my heart bleeds for you. My son saved me from myself when I was 25 praise God & since then, I've made many mistakes but my drive for him to have better, even if I had to sacrifice has never waivered. He sadly was the product of a casual relationship that left both me & the biological father tethered to someone we had @ best, luke warm feelings for in the first place. Having said that, I can honestly say that I've risen to the occasion day in & day out for almost 9 years and the blessing has been all mine. I can count on my hands the times his father & paternal grandparents have seen him. I was orphaned at an early age & have no no parents or close siblings so it is pretty much me & the kids(I have a 5 yr old girl too). We have an amazing support group of friends, a church, my coworkers & people who love us and are our "makeshift extended family". Dad & Granny & Gramps show up or call on the holidays & birthdays, (I usually leave dad a message to remind him of the B-day) & buy him things that I can't afford & disappear again leaving me to answer "why doesn't Daddy call me Mommy?" & "when can I see Granny again?" while they go on their merry lives. This past month, they had the nerve to involve Social Services and file a complaint of neglect. Apparently living the merry life has left them too busy to save him from his ogress of a mother because I haven't heard from them. This is something that can never be undone. What people don't realize is that once you involve the system, it is hard to get your life back & creates stress on the child & everyone who loves them. You are tainted & the assumption is that whatever was said about you is the Gospel. It also takes resources away from children who truly are in danger due to petty vindictiveness & bitterness. The irony is, with all my faults, he has never done without or been treated poorly. They are so concerned & yet never call or answer our calls. I told the Social Worker if they can tell me his teacher's name, they can have him. That's how sure I am that they have no clue about his life & don't care unless it is to hurt me for having the poor taste to trap their son with a baby he didn't want. Fight for your son & I commend you for hanging in there. A lot of Mom's, particularly one so young when their child was born, would have walked away to their freedom & left their child, albeit in good hands maybe, but not Mom's hands. My mom died when I was 12 & many people tried to love me and have loved me but I can tell you first hand, if she could have been their in a loving, parental capacity, it would have made a difference in my life. THERE IS NO SUBSTITUTE FOR A MOTHER NO MATTER HOW "WELL-MEANING". If you have it together & are a good mom, your family should want that baby to have his mother. They need to start thinking of what is best for him. Sometimes you have to love something enough to let it go. Your child deserves his mother & no matter what folks may try to make you feel, you deserve him too. By the way, this "direct line to God" that she has sounds a little fanatical & scary. I belive in the Good Lord as much as anyone but he doesn't share his agenda with me specifically or any other God-fearing Christian that I'm aware of. God's natural order calls for one to "honor thy father & mother" so in helping a mother do the right thing to be a good Mom, she would truly be doing God's work. Perhaps these people are looking to make up for their own mistakes. Good luck A. & God Bless.

Hey A.!! Thank you for sharing your story girl!!I will be believing and praying for God to bless this situation out to His Will!!! God is so good girl and I know you know that. And yes you are so right, God has forgiven you!! Sometimes, it is hard for man to forgive. But that's why God is so good and His thoughts of us should be the only one we care about! God will work this situation out in your favor! Just continue to honor them okay. (Ephesians 6:2) And God will take care of the rest. Keep your faith A. and don't give up okay girl!!!!

The Lord also will be a refuge for the oppressed, a refuge in times of trouble. And they that know thy name will put their trust in thee: for thou, Lord, hast not forsaken them that seek thee. (Psalm 9:9,10)

Take care girl and be blessed okay!! No worries!!! God got it!! Trust Him!!

P. :)

Hi A.,

You are right to trust God. He gave you that wonderful son and I believe He is quite capable of helping you and your husband to raise him. (Psalm 127:3) The Word of God says to pray for those who persecute you. (Matthew 5:44) Express your gratitude to your mother for helping you through a difficult time. But the Lord has now blessed you with a wonderful husband as well. And the two of you are able to raise him. Stand your ground. Be firm, but kind. I will pray that the Lord would speak to your mother's heart. And I will pray that God would pour out His favor and mercy on you and your husband. (Psalm 23:6) Be strong. God loves you and He will help you, only believe.

Be Blessed,
K.

If you do not already have one, you need to hire a good lawyer specializing in these issues. If there is no basis for their claims, the back and forth in court should stop.

Do they really want full custody or just wide visitation rights?

Unfortunately, you may have to distance them from your family or out of you life all together. Maybe even get a restraining order. I wish you the best of luck.

Keep fighting and I will pray for you! I'm going through similar issues with CPS's involvement with my husband's child who has mental issues. We took her to them for help but instead of helping, the case was turned around on us. Now, my other two children are going through issues and the family is under a great strain. The real kicker is that after almost two years she is finally getting the therapy we requested for her in the first place!!! Sometimes people say they want to help the child but it is not always the case. Keep fighting, keep your head up, and GOD is with you! There is an answer coming and the end will come but you must persist and in the meantime, be THANKFUL for the love of your son and husband and try to forgive your parents. DON't give up! GOD IS WITH YOU!!!

God's Love, Peace, Blessings and Protection be with you and yours,
Nikki

A.,
First off your age is nothing more than a number, I'm getting ready to turn 40-so I understand. However, if you and your current husband provide a solid, loving, nuturing home for your son, than your "mother" has no grounds, legal or otherwise to fight you. And, if your real mother wasn't able to care for you-than what happened on the part of your grandmother in raising her? Not trying to be the meanie here, but look at that aspect too.

Fight them. I hope you have a good attorney too. If you parents think they are better than you for this task, you won't be able to change their minds. I am a Christian too but unless God is personally speaking with your mom, she's using the 'religion thing' as a way to stengthen her position to herself. She may just be thinking that she won't see her grandson anymore and has overworked her thinking into the position of her keeping him.

If you wish to keep a decent relationship with them, you may want to see if they would be interested in family therapy. Maybe they need to be convinced that they will have a big part in the kids life - just stress as grandparents, not as parents.

Good luck.

I would suggest to her that you would like to sit down with a pastor/priest/whichever and talk about her concerns and yours. It would be a neutral party and since she is using "God's will" as her reasoning it would seem like a smart way to approach the matter. I hope this idea helps you all.