Seeking Moms Who Have Been Through a Similar Situation

My advice to you is to let the child live and do not add to the confusion anymore than the situation already is.
You would not want her to live her teen years as you did yours, because of that confusion.
By law, she is theirs. I know it is hard my dear to accept that, but we have to live with our mistakes and current responsibilites.
Once your daughter becomes older she will natually gravitate to you if the relationship is postivive. Do everyone a favor, as Jesus loved us, so you must forgive and make your family whole. Why alienate your parents from your life and their grandchildren? Those people who helped you in your troubled years. Reestablish those bonds and see how the family benefits, you may get what you seek out of that love.

Hi J. -

I have never been through anything like this, however after reading your update, if your daughter is at risk you should contact CPS right away and let them know what happened to you. Your daughter could have already had the same things happen to her. Many attorneys have sliding pay scales that they may work in. I would start checking inot that right away.

Does your Mother know of what happened to you? Did you ever discuss it when you were living at home still? It souns like it's past time that you discuss it as a family and prevent the same experiences from affecting your daughters life.

GOOD LUCK AND GOD BLESS YOU DAUGHTER. Pray the 91st Psalms over your daughter (and sons) it's a great prayer for children!

"Father, I believe that you fight with him who fights with me, and you give safety to my children and ease them day by day. I confess that according to Psalm 91, You give your angels special charge over my children, to accompany and defend and preserve them. No evil shall befall them, no accident shall overtake them, nor shall any plague or calamity come near them. And Father, I thank You that you keep my children's feet from being caught in a trap or hidden danger. And I know Your Word says they are taught by You and great is their peace. I commit my children to Your care and Protection. You are my confidence, firm and strong, and I am persuaded that You are able to guard and keep that which I've committed to You. In Jesus' Name. Amen."

You need to mend those family broken fences!! I would try to get everyone to family counciling sessions. They have loved and raised your daughter as they did you and with more care and experience.
My best friend went through this and was angery at her birth mother/sister when she drove a wedge through the family and it had to be her waya or the highway. Most of all its what is going to make your daughter happy and stable.
Good luck and God Bless

I must say I truly feel sorry for your daughter. She is the only one being hurt by all of this. I know from experience of working with HR and insurance that you do not have to have legal custody of a minor to provide insurance or even get the tax breaks from the IRS. You were a minor child being provided for by your parents, therefore the minor child belonging to you was also being cared for financially and otherwise by your parents is classified as their dependent and qualifies for insurance, tax breaks, etc for your parents.

For whatever reason you signed over your rights to your child and now you are regretting that decision, I don't blame you for the wanting her back now. However, after 10 years you should look at the picture from your daugthers point of view, not your own. I will say that if you were abused, physically or otherwise, you should contact CPS, because this could be happening to your child. If not, make amends with your family and do right by your child, whatever that may be.

I know this is harsh, but you have to put her best interest first, not that of your families. I think that if she was in danger, the judges should have been informed from the start and the decision might have been different.

Good Luck and God Bless

Have you asked your daughter what SHE wants? Where she wants to live? It could be that she wants to stay where she is and your parents are honoring her wishes. Its a tough situation you're in, I had a child when I was 20 that I gave up for adoption at birth, similar as I do get time with her, but not the same as I'd never try to take her out of the home I gave her.

I agree with the person before me, go talk to a counselor, alot of places you can do that for free, and some insurance will even cover it. Mend things with your folks, they took on a big burden when you got pregnant so young, and have raised your child, probably paid for everything for her as well, to me it would only be natural that they would think of her as theirs and not want to give her up.

Best of luck, family is all we really have in this world that we can always count on, if you don't mend things with your folks, it will end up being a lifelong regret for you. Maybe in the end your situation heals with your folks but doesn't change re: your daughter and custody, but just be thankful that she has a good home and you do get to see her and she knows you love her.

J., I'm answering from when you responded again to what happened. If your parents are unstable, and your daughter being a girl puts her at risk of what might happen to her thats a whole different ballgame especially if your mom started this whole thing from being emotionally unstable, which could lead to controlling, possesive, and fear of being alone. First I would talk to my daughter when its your time to have her, do this in away where she doesn't feel like she is stuck in the middle, let her know you support her with what she thinks and feels, if you notice signs of things that you yourself would recognize then you may want to tell her your experiences when you were her age living with your parents then she'd feel like she can open up to you. You may want to have counceling for yourself and her when its your time to have her. If she gives you any indication that shes not in a safe enviroment I'd make a move. If she wants to live with you, Texas law is 12 yrs. My ex told my son they changed it to 10 that a child can make the choice. I don't know about that though since my son wants to be with me I didn't have a need to look into it but if not its definately 12. Either way you have to go to court because the judge will have to approve. From what you wrote I'm guessing that you cant talk things over with your parents. Maybe your church and community can help you with a benefit to help pay for the attorney, but you need to contact an attorney so he/she can let you know your chances. Some employers offer free consultations with an attorney. God bless and I'll pray.

This child may know you as mommy, but granma has been mommy. Your parents are the ones who stepped up and took care of this child when you didn't. Now you have grown up and have it together - you are thinking about yourself.

Most children from split families look forward to non-custodial parent visits (unless that parent is just a total you-know-what) - so that is not indicative that the childs life should be pulled out of all orbit to make you happy. As for the younger brothers - why are they so confused - children are completely flexible and if this is all they have ever known - the only confusion would come from what they have been guided to think.

I say - develop a relationship with your parents who are the real heros in this story and make the most out of your time with the 10 year old child - and realize you created this situation.

I don't mean to be harsh - but my sympathy goes to granma and granpa who became parents again, through no actions of their own, and the 10 year old who has had a stable life -whose biological mother thinks her needs supercede everyone elses.

After reading your post the first thing that comes to mind is that there is so much healing to be done for all of you! Bless your heart, what a difficult situation. Have you thought that perhaps if you can work things out with your parents that it may free both of you up to work something out between you that's best for your daughter? If she has been there all this time, the best thing for her may be to continue to live there in the same home, with the same friends, at the same school for now. She's no longer a baby, but at 10 adolescence is right around the corner and she's going to need everyone's help to survive that in today's world. And if she continues to live with your parents it can only benefit HER to see all of you working together to parent her the best way you can. Custody issues are always painful for children, no matter who the "parents" are.. they always feel pulled and guilty. I know you probably already know all of that, and I can imagine how much pain everyone has gone through. I would bathe it all in prayer and work on settling things with your parents. It doesn't mean anyone was right, or better, or "won". It means you agree to disagree and open the lines of communication as open as you can and leave the rest up to God. I'm sure others here will be praying too.
Blessings,
S.

There are lawyers that will work with you as far as payments. I've looked into one myself. He is in Corpus and I would recommend him to anyone in need. He only requires so much down and I know,trust me, I know that if you dont have the money to spare, then you just dont have it, but you need to open an account and have a certain amount automatically deposited into it every time you guys get paid and that will take care of the down payment for the lawyer. Even if it is $50 every two weeks. If it is automatcally taken out, the its like you were never even paid that amount to begin with. Just get with the bank, get with that lawyer, and start saving your money. If you just sit there saying what am I gonna do? How will we get the money, it'll never get done. How long have you been trying to get her back? If you have saved a little bit everymonth from the beginning, then you would've been that much ahead right now. Do you or your husband have a 401K plan? If you do, then borrow against it. Do you guys have retirement? Take it out. Do what you need to do to get your child back. At lot of lawyers offer a free consultation. Start flipping through the yellowpages until you find someone that will fir your budget and is willing to work woth you. Also, just because you get a free consultation, does not mean that you have to commit to that particular lawyer. Dont laugh, but you coluld also submit your story to nancy grace, montel, someone. Good luck....T.

My heart goes out to you. Does the "law " know they "tricked" you? you are her birth mom, she should be with you. Has the court asked her where she wants to live?
Good luck.

Just a little fyi...not sure what your father did too you but, once a predator then always a predator. I would seriously think about what is going on and contact an attorney...plus..i would try to find legal aid. You need to protect your daughter not your parents remember that.

J. just pray about it let go and let God.I dont think that its right for not talking to your parents because life is to short.Why dont you just sit down and talk to your mother about why she wont give you your child back.Let her know how you feel and maybe she will understand.B. F.

Wow, that is a really tough one. So sorry for all you have been through. The first thing that came to me was that you must forgive your parents even if you still feel hurt, forgiveness is the path to fixing everything. Next pray for God to change your parent's heart. You know the Lord really can fix anything no matter how broken it is. I don't know how it will all work out, but I believe if you put it in God's hands and ask Him to heal your heart He will work it out in a way that everyone wins. He may give you a strategy that in a million years you never would have thought of. I think in the meantime, enjoy your time with your daughter and I know it sounds so hard but try to work on your relationship with your parents. Take care!

Awww J., You know how I feel on this subject. Just want you to know I still pray for y'all and love you!!!

Bless you. What does your daughter want? Does she want to live with her mom. 4 years ago her opinion didn't count. But she is reaching an age where legally she has a voice. Check with a lawyer, a consultation should be minimal or no cost.

Yah insurance purposes sounds like money hungry to me. Too many benefits from a kid. Had something kinda similar happen to me. People took my kids for financial gain. Now they dont have a real mother any substitute is not the same.Your daughter should be old enough to decide where she wants to go. She can tell the courts where she wants to live. Dont know where you are but there is a certain age in different states where they can decide. Dont know why you spent so much money before. Talk to your daughter and see what she wants to do. Search for a lawyer that knows what your talking about and not just one that is the highest payed. Use all the free resources you can. Call lawyers and get your free consultation. No need for counceling. Maybe only for them to provide reports for the court that you are a good mother and have your daughter talk to them if she too thinks you are.Too few people have been there and dont understand.

Good Luck with all of it.Sounds like you've been getting good advice.When I was 16 I also had a baby.I'm now 49. I kept him and raised him.My parents did help but they didn't take him away from me.I love him but I sometimes think he would have been better off with a stable family.I was a kid and everyone told me to keep the baby. I didn't finish school.My life has been a host of bad decisions.We made it and I'm so proud of my son.I know it hurts but ask your daughter what she thinks.You were a bit young to understand what was going on.

I know it's hard but I would try and make amends with your parents first. Then I would ask daughter if she wanted to come live with you or stay with her grandparents. If she said she wanted to live with you then I would find a way to come up with the money to take them back to court. I believe your daughter is old enough now that if you went back to court and she stated she wanted to live with you then the courts would return custody to you.

First, I have not been anything like this, but....my husband has a daughter who is about to be 15. He didn't know he had a daughter until she was 1 1/2 yrs. old. He has visitation rights, but she lives in PA and we live in TX. I do know that for "normal" custody, a child can choose who to live with when they reach a certain age. That age changes from state to state. In TX, I think it's 14. Check into that in you state. Also, I would just pray about it.
Good luck!

I am sure at the time your parents were just trying to do the right thing for your child and you. I do not know what your past was but you are the one who does and you need to look back at that time and ask yourself what you would have done under the same circumstances. It is not easy raising your own children and then thinking you will raise your children and then enjoy your time when suddenly you are thrown into this situation and have to make some tough decisions for the right of the child, the right of your own child and to become parents again at an older age. It isn't easy on your parents either, but I am sure they did what they did for you both. It sounds to me that they adopted your child and if so then the child is theirs legally. It is hard for me to believe that at the age of 17 you didn't fully understand what was happening. I am sure you went along with it because you knew in your heart you could not raise your child as you knew they needed to be raised and I am sure you agreed with the arrangement. Since you were under 21 didn't you have an attorney to represent you? I am sure the court would have provided one for you in your best interest and the childs. That said, you need to heal the relationship with your parents. If counseling is what it takes I suggest you all attend and heal your wounds. It will take time but all of you need each other, not just for the child's sake but for each and everyone of you. Life is to short and one day you will look back and wish you had mended the fences. Be greatful that you had parents who agreed to raise your child vs. put them up for adoption where they would no longer be a part of your life. If your child is happy and a good child you two can have a relationship and I am sure it will get better with time. But please don't play the blame game as it falls on each of you. Paying $30,000 in legal fees and you still did not get your child back tells me something, so it appears more work is needed to mend these broken hearts. Become a family with the situation you have. It can be done. Good Luck.

I do not know where you live... But.... What does the child want.... In the state of tx they can have a say so at 12.. Actually my step daughter wrote the judge when she was 10... Saying that she wanted to be with us.. And was going to court to talk to the judge alone in his chambers... And her mother backed out of the case... And i know it is expensive.. We battle in court for 3 yrs after she walked out on her daughter at 2 yrs old..i hope that this helps in some way... Have a blessed day

J.,
When you try to uproute a child from the only thing that they have ever known it causes confusion for the child. Please if at all possible work this out. Think of the child and how she feels. This can cause a tremendous amount of emotional problems for the child in the future.