My Mother's House Makes Us Sick Every Time We Go!

Hmmm, might be time for the passing of the torch. Which is to say, maybe time for YOU to start having the Holidays at your house. :)

She probably has black mold in her basement. I'm surprised she's not sick as a dog! Black mold is toxic. Stay out of her house and encourage her to get the mold taken care of asap!

My mother has cats and my husband is allergic and has asthma. She doesn't understand how hard it is on him to be in her home. We have started to have holidays at our home. I told her that it is just too hard for him to come to her home. She is always welcome to come to our home but we just can't do the holidays at her home.
She has had a hard time with this but my husbands health is way more important. I wouldn't mess with the mold in her home. Even with out asthma it is dangerous.

Have it at your house. Ask your brother if anyone is sick. If so ask them to please not come. We do this and noone ever gets mad. Its common sense. Noone wants a stomach bug or the flu. We dont worry about colds and minor things though. If they cant be resonable, screw it! Your husbands health is no joke and he is your priority now.

I would tell your Mom, whether she 'boo-hoo's' or not, she's not only putting her self in danger living with mold in her home, but everyone that comes in as well. She NEEDS to get it out of her home before she can resume having anyone over. We had mold in our home, and I developed asthma from it. Its a very serious problem. Until that point, I would start having get togethers at your home or alternate with your siblings each year.

Its obviously not good for your health or your family's. I would talk with your mom and tell her that you would love to see her but she will need to visit you this time-- when she asks why, tell her the truth- you get sick every time you come and you can't afford to take off any more time at work. Good luck.

Molly

If there is mold, it is a long term health hazard even if you mother is not showing any immediate symptoms like your husband does. It is extremely inconsiderate for people to invite other or attend events when they or their children are sick without at least saying "Susie is a bit under the weather, maybe we should stay home". That gives people the option to either say "yes, please stay home and we will bring you a plate" or "maybe we'll stay away". As I am sure you have learned, you can't change other people's behavior. Since this happens all the time, I suspect that it happens even if you aren't in the basement so just staying upstairs is probably not a good option either.

Sounds like you need to tell you mom "Mom, we love you but with hubby's health conditions, the mold in the basement, and the fact that we end up sick EVERY time we come over it is not healthy for us to visit in your home anymore. It breaks my heart to say that but I have to look out for my family's well being. I am willing to host future get-togethers so we won't have to miss them altogether."

I lived w/ my aunt since I was 6-months old but have had to stop going over there because she has a lot of little dogs. They are annoying but the odor from the dogs and the fact that I have severe allergies (and my four-year old gags and almost gets sick the whole time we are there) have made it impossible to really visit. I know it has hurt her feelings but I have to do what is best for me and mine.

Not much you can do, sorry. If you don't go--mom is gonna be all dramatic and make a big deal out of it. If you do go--then you or hubby will probably get sick. You just need to decide which you would rather deal with. A sick you, hubby, and kid and missed days of work or an upset mama? Pick your poison and live with it. You can't change other people, so just make your choice and be done with it. Sorry there doesn't seem to be a win-win solution here. You could try and hold xmas at your place, but then not only will your brother bring his sick kiddos, but you'll have the stress of planning and cleanup!

You could always buy her an air purifier for Christmas!
Seriously, if it IS black mold, your mom shouldn't even be living in that house. Can you get an inspector?

Why don't you suggest that everybody take a break this year and meet at a restaurant for Christmas brunch? There are always a few places open. Then you can see the family and not go in the environment. It will also make it more difficult for your brother to bring sick kids. I used to do this with my dad, not because his house was bad but because he and his wife really couldn't take the kids at all. They had so many beautiful things and even playing quietly, they were always worried the kids were going to ruin something and it was totally stressful. So we just met them for a meal. And, yes, we exchanged gifts in restaurants.

I would be "unreasonable" and just refuse to go over there until a solution is found.

Keep in mind that these are 2 separate events - your brother decided to bring his niece who was sick, and that got everyone else sick (same thing happened to us 4 years ago when my SIL hosted Thanksgiving dinner and we all arrived to her telling us how sick her 2 boys have been the past 2 days - we all ended up with the stomach flu too!). This has nothing to do with the mold problem but I would just make it clear to your mom that you guys cannot go over there for family gatherings if they are going to take place in the basement. Let her know that your husband cannot tolerate it and has gotten sick whenever you have been there and you cannot take the chance. Because your family's health and well-being comes first, period. If she boo-hoos about it, too bad.

Is she even aware that there is a mold problem? If she can't afford to do anything about it, can you guys help her in anyway? Can you and your brother (and any other siblings) agree to split the cost equally of making the necessary repairs? Because your mother's health could be at risk too and she may not even know it.

If it is not good for your family's health then do not go there. You can either offer to have it at your place or meet up at a local restuarnt.

Mold is not good for anyone, we just got done dealing with it and ended up having to waterproof the basement because we could not keep the mold and mildew out of the basement. I was always feeling sick and put my foot down that SOMETHING had to be done otherwise I can not live in our house (ended up costing us $19,000 to fix so you are right it is costly to fix if it is a big problem). Now you do not live there but even just visiting makes someone sick because of the mold it is best to suggest they come to you or go out in her area. If it is mold an air purifier will do little to help solve the issue.

With colds & the flu, that is life with a child, once they go to school they always seem to have something. Yes you can avoid other that are sick but at some point they are going to get sick. I think that is a petty complaint.

We've had a touchy issue with my inlaws. It ended up sending my husband & I into a fight every time a family function came up. We talked to them about the issue, but they didn't want to chage. So, my husband & I decided to do what was best for our family. We stopped going. We missed them but certainly treated them lovingly when we saw them. But there were still things going on that we couldn't accept.

The fighting between us went on for years. When we finally decided not to go, it took a good 8 months or so before the in-laws started making some changes. Honestly, we didn't expect them to change -- it came as a very nice surprise. Now we can atend family functions happy & without fighting!

My best advice is for you to do what is good for your family. Say it nicely, but be firm & don't accept your mom's boo-hooing. Now that I think about it, my dad pulled something like this, too, when he watched my kids several years ago. Again, my husband & I decided not to accept it. We told him that we appreciated his effort, didn't know why he was upset (b/c he's not the type to tell us -- he'd rather just be upset), but that we decided not to ask him to watch the kids anymore. It's been almost 4 years and he hasn't watched the kids. Again, we treat him nice & lovingly -- that babysitting situation didn't work out for us.

Please take charge of your family & protect them! I hope this helps!

Keep a spread sheet of when you visit her house and the resulting illnesses and costs associated. When she boo hoos, show her the list and tell her "Sorry you are feeling hurt, but we can't afford this." then come up (way in advance) for plans with where else to host family celebrations in the future.

I know where you are coming from. When my kids were younger it seemed that every family gathering we went to we came home and the next day started in with something. I wish the ones with the ill kids would stay home rather than spread more. Now that they are a bit older so far we have not go sick from the thanksgiving gathering. Yay. My family also frowned upon me saying we always get sick and trying to figure out who brought the illness. So i sympathize with you but have no answers!

My Mom has animals and hubby has bad allergies and my youngest has bad allergies that get her asthma going. My Mom knows that they can't go inside so we don't stay long. Plus there is black mold in her basement too. Tell your Mom the truth, if she ignores you oh well. My Mom has seen my hubby and daughter over the years, it took her a while but she now understands.

Invite everyone to your house. If they don't like that, then they won't see you for holidays. Your husband ended up in the hospital, it's not something you are making up. They have to realize that. You shouldn't have to risk making your family sick just so your mother can be happy you came to her house. I'm super close to my mom, but if I had to make her unhappy in order to put my families health/needs first, so be it. Good luck.

I sooo understand, because they get so defensive!
The problem is, most likely it is MOLD :-( AND, mold is soooo bad
for you. It can cause Asthma, allergies, etc....
If mold gets to out of control, it can take over an entire house and it has to be tented. This happened to a friend of mine.

This is so touchy, because inlaws/parents get so defensive about the tiniest
things. However, I would absolutly NOT risk my families health.
It is up to them to figure out what is wrong with their house, and learn
to take constructive criticism as hard as it is.
I feel for you!! My parents get so defensive. If I say anything about dust, allergies, or cats..they get defensive too.
You are not alone! Look after your health first.:-)

Offer to have it at your house.