My Sister in Law Doesn't Buckle Her Son

Updated on May 12, 2008
J.B. asks from Roseville, MI
17 answers

I am having a really hard time keeping my mouth shut. My sister in law has a child still in an infant carrier. She does not buckle him in!! He doesn't move or get out, he just sits there but he is just lying in there, NOT BUCKLED! I am always getting yelled at by my spouse to stay out of it. I'm sure my in laws think I am a hoity toity Beeep. But when I feel strongly about something I usually speak up. I have tried subtle hints but it doesn't seem to be working. What do I do?

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R.M.

answers from Detroit on

No way! You are doing the rt thing. That child is not the adult and doesn't know any better. What is wrong with her? What if they got in a car crash. Have them visit the emergeny room/ not a pretty sight.
That is just awful. My heart goes out to that child.
It is the law. Hell I would report her.
That really upsets me.
Stay on her.

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K.V.

answers from Detroit on

Not buckled while driving or not buckled while the carseat is on a table or floor? If it's while driving, I'd definitely say something - as nice as you can. She wouldn't forgive herself if something happened.

If it's unbuckled while on a table, let me share a story....my sister works with someone who left their 6 month old in a carseat on the table and the baby kicked and flipped it....and broke it's little leg. :( I believe that child was buckled in, but even so - never leave a child unattended on a counter/table/etc.

I wish I knew the right way to go about it. Perhaps expressing concern to your mother in law and she'd agree and say something? Or just approach your sister in law and say "I notice that...". I see you work at the hospital, perhaps share some scary stories of the dangers and say you know how much she loves your child, and you love him, too and you just want to keep him safe.

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M.G.

answers from Detroit on

Hi J., I was just wondering if your sis-in-law has the carseat base strapped down to an anchor in the seat. The van we bought a year ago has metal anchors in the seat that we were able to hook the base of our infant carrier to, without using the seat lap/shoulder belt, and it didn't budge. These are supposed to be safer than using the regular seat belts. When the seat is attached to the anchor, it can look like the carseat is not buckled.

If that is not the case, then I believe very strongly that something needs to be said to her. This is not a matter that needs to be taken lightly. I'm not saying that you should get in her face or anything, just ask her next time "Hey, aren't you going to buckle the baby in?" and see what happens.
Just my .02

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J.C.

answers from Detroit on

i've read the other advice you've been given and as you already know, driving without the child buckled in is a HUGE violation. here's my suggestion... know where she is driving and call the local police station and tell them you were concerned because you were driving next to a vehicle (give license plate #) and you thought you witnessed a child without his/her protective harness. it is anonymous and they will investigate immediately. if you're not comfortable making the call, have someone else do it. you could be saving this child's life! i had to call before because a very small child was riding shotgun on an adult's lap and the police were on it in less than a minute. you will have to know where the car is traveling, so it involves some investigative work!

you have every right to bring this to their attention... good luck!

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R.P.

answers from Detroit on

OH MY GOSH!!! My husband is a cop and you would not believe the horror stories! What is wrong with those people. I would definitely have to step in on this one if it were me. Be nice about it of course or they'll blow you off. Most police stations have someone trained in infant carriers to show them exactly what to do. Not to mention they could get in a LOT of trouble. If they got pulled over it's a huge ticket. If they got into an accident and the baby died there could be criminal prosecution. That is grossely negligent! Good luck J..

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N.B.

answers from Detroit on

I would by all means say something. That little child that is in that car seat unbuckled is your nephew. Your husband says stay out of it beause he is a man and they don't like to cause any kind of conflict. (which it may) but isn't the bit of conflict worth the safty of your nephew? Plus it is illegal and she could get in trouble for neglegnece. I would put it to her that way too. By Michigan law an infant under 20 lbs and 1 year of age must be buckled and rear facing.

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A.F.

answers from Detroit on

Depends on if you're talking not buckled in the car or not buckled in the seat in a restaurant or the house or some place else. I would definitely say something if he is not buckled in the car. That's a law. As far as other places, I'd probably leave it alone.

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K.D.

answers from Detroit on

Well if it is when she is driving which is illegal then maybe you could contact your local police dept and find out what the consequences are because I believe it is child endangerment which means she could lose her child, and politely pass it along.

Or if it is when she is at a house maybe simply buying a bouncy seat and bringing it along, then she may use it instead.

There was a email going around about children in car accidents maybe on youtube. It really reinforced that I was doing the right thing by buckling in my baby.

I'm having a hard time believing any responsible mom wouldn't do what is best for her baby so I hope you can convince her. I'd hate to think what would happen if the child suddenly decided he wanted to move, and slide right out, which we all know can be anytime you least expect it.

Good Luck and God Bless you for being a responsible Mom
K.

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T.L.

answers from Detroit on

This is NO time to keep your mouth shut!! What happens if she gets in a car accident and that little baby flys out the back window and dies? I work in an ER and things as horrfific as that DO happen all the time because of ignorant prople like your sis in law. Maybe you could start by making up a story you "heard" at Beaumont about a baby that was ejected from a car and is now brain dead. Maybe that will get her thinking! It just amazes me how lazy and dumb people can be, even when it comes to their own babies.

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S.L.

answers from Detroit on

J.,

There is a time and a place for everything. Now is the time to express how you feel about your sister-in-law not buckling the carrier. SPEAK UP for your nephew! Not buckling an infant carrier could be dangerous.

Much success!

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L.W.

answers from Detroit on

She is family, so just ask her why she chooses not to buckle her child in. Her child will become mobile and will fall out, she must know that. And who cares if she gets upset if you say something, you are just asking a simple question. Or have someone else say something. If she is married to your brother then say something to him or your mom to mention it. If she is married to your husbands brother then ask your brother-in-law or your mother-in-law to say something. Apparently she is completely stupid to do something like that. It does not take commonsense to know that a child is supposed to be buckled in. So mention it, it needs to be addressed. Is she a good mom otherwise??

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C.L.

answers from Detroit on

um... isn't that against the law. not to mention completely unsafe. I think you should say something.

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T.A.

answers from Detroit on

All you can do is say something once. It doesn't have to be mean, maybe even form it as a question. It is against the law and I pray they nothing happens to the innocent child, but ultimately you can't make them do it.

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K.A.

answers from Detroit on

Everyone will regret it the day the baby gets hurt because of not being buckled in. Speak your mind in as much a kind and non judging way as you can, and then it is up to the baby's mother and father.

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C.C.

answers from Detroit on

J.,

I had a similiar situation with my sister-in-law. She had the straps on the seatbelt waaaaay too loose. The poor child could have just fallen out of the carseat and my brother-in-law drives very fast and crazy.

I finally had to ask myself how I would feel if something happened to the baby and I hadn't said anything. I love my sister-in-law dearly but she is sometimes hard to approach with sensitive issues.

Well, I had a great opportunity when she asked me to buckle the baby into the seat (infant seat) so I took the time to tighten the straps properly. Then when she came back in the room I casually told her the straps were a little loose and I tightened them. Then I went on to say how important it was that there is only a finger width at the shoulders. I included her as if she already knew this information and how we both knew it was really important. This seemed to work.

If this approach hadn't have worked I would have talked to her about it more directly. It's really upsetting to see people take unnecessary risks with their childrens lives. I know they love them and would hate for something to happen to them. But, maybe it takes people like you to speak up.

Remember, if it protects yours niece or nephew don't worry about it if she gets mad for a little while. Explain to her that you have her childs best interest at heart. Good luck!

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N.W.

answers from Detroit on

If he is not buckled in the car I would say something. If it is when he is not in the car, I wouldn't say anything.

As an FYI, Michigan (finally) just passed a new booster seat law requiring all children to be in a booster seat until 8 years old or 56 inches (I believe). The law takes effect in July...maybe you can tie it into a converstation somehow, like, Can you believe Michigan finally passed a booster seat law....I'm glad, buckling up kids, esp infants in cars is so important. That way you get your point across (unless she is really really dense) w/o having to directly tell her...buckle up your child.

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M.M.

answers from Detroit on

you cant be serious - is it all the time or some of the time? does she have a reason for this. I am not the worlds most perfect person and I drive long distance with my baby to see my mom and he hates being buckled in but can you just picture what would happen to a baby in an accident?? Its unfathomable. My car gets out of the shop today - a lady took a left right in front of me - its not always something you can prevent ya know. I would almost be tempted to call the cops :) poor helpless defenseless baby.

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