My 41/2 year old son is a nice boy. He plays well with other children. Sure, he gets a little 'selfish' at times, but that is part of his learning process. He has an older brother that he plays with all the time so they cooperate together.
Here is the problem: My son started pre-K back in the fall and about a month later, another mom and me became friends. I enjoy her company. Thus, we were "all" hanging out all the time for a couple months. We went to church together, shopping together, parks, etc. The boys wanted to spend a lot of time together. It was great.
My son is more outgoing. Her son might be a tad on the shy side. My son made other friends in school and wants to play with them now. As a matter of fact, my son's teacher said to me, about the issue, "Your son likes different flavors."
The problem is, I would like to have another playdate with the mom and my son. I talked to her and she was agreeable but then my son came in and heard me talking to her on the phone about it and said to me, "I don't want to have a playdate with him."
She, the mom, heard my son say that. She asked me if he said and I said he did. I understand if it 'irritates' her, causes her to be protective and/or defensive. I don't know what to say to her about the situation though.
I feel like if we all went to the park and we kept the boys busy with activities, the playdate might be okay.
So my question is: Should I encourage my son to have a playdate with the other boy and encourage him to play nicely or do I just forget it and do as my son wishes and not schedule the playdate. We don't have a terribly active social life. There aren't little boys on the street for him to play with. There are a couple other kids we plan to have playdates with next week from my son's school.
Thanks, in advance.
Call her and have coffee. I would leave the kids out of it. But that's no reason you can't socialize.
that's a tough one..
maybe you could talk to the other mom. It's nothing personal. I wouldn't be offended if another mom told me her kid was being weird and particular about other kids lately. Just give her an honest heads up and ask if she'd be open to giving it a go. Who knows- maybe he's just being weird because he's got the space to do it and voice to say it- once he's in the situation he might change his mind.
kids change their minds so often that it's hard to take most of what they say seriously.
just give the other mom a heads up. if she's offended what can you do?? at least you were honest and didn't try to turn into something weird.
good luck
I think a little play date might go a long way in teaching a life lesson about inclusion and the simple fact that we can't have our favorite "everything" at all times. It's O. time, for a few hours. I think your son could be expected to play with a child of your friend.
I think "breaking up" with your friend because her son isn't your kid's BF is ridiculous.
You ARE picking YOUR friend. That's the point here.
Some kids just get tired of each other. He probably got burnt out with all of the hanging out and prefers he new friends. But really, your child isn't the boss of you and should be expected to play nicely with guests. I would continue with the playdate, just keep it low key. Eventually, your son will have to learn to deal with kids, at school and assigned group assignments, classes at church, he needs to learn that he can't just cast people off for no reason.
Well, I might treat this more as your playdate - tell son that you want to go out with these people and he will play nicely because they are OUR friends. Normally, I don't encourage pushing our kids on social situations like this, but this is an established relationship AND your friend, and so I think it is a no brainer.
The same thing happened to me when my son was in preschool. He was great friends with a kid and I really got along with his mom. We had a great time going places and getting together. Then one day my son decided he wasn't into this kid anymore. I tried for the life of me to find out why and he wouldn't tell me-but he would NOT get together with him. It was embaressing to have to "break up" with the kid's mom. I didn't really know what to say. We still see them around and my son, who is 9 now, still does not want to deal with this child. And I should mention that my son is one of the nicest people that I have ever known so it is very uncharacteristic. So, if I were you I would not encourage the playdate unless your son wants to. I isn't fair to him. He gets to pick his friends just like we get to pick ours.
Try the "well, we're going to go and play" approach, and just see how it goes. If the boys aren't interested in each other, just gently acknowledge this to the mom, and invite her out for coffee or drinks if you want to nurture the adult relationship.
Sometimes, too, it helps to build the bridge between the children, to bring something novel out for the group to work on. Sometimes children need a common goal or idea to spark their working, if not together, then side-by-side. Playdough, sandbox play, block play ("can we build something as tall as X?") are good activities for both parallel and group play.
I should also say that my son is sometimes the kid who is excluded because he's a bit less socially mature than others his age. Your son may see this dynamic at school in how this other child plays, so maybe they're not at the same level of sophistication in *how* they play. Parents might not notice this, but kids do. It might be worth checking in with the teacher to see *who* your son plays well with at school (likely a cluster of kids) and then go about pursuing those kids for playdates first.
You sound like a very nice mom. Good luck!
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For whatever reason, your son doesn't like playing with this other kid. Don't force him. Find a time that you and your friend can visit without the kids.
Schedule the playdate. Don't let him start telling you want to do. You are the parent. It is not only for him but for you too. The mom is your friend. Mommy needs playtime too!
I would have a talk about how this boy's Mom overhead his comment and it made her sad. I would tell him it is OK to choose to play with other friends at school and have playdates with his favorite friends of his own choosing, but it is not OK to say unkind things about anyone. I really don't think it was a good idea to start asking for the playdate without asking your son if he was interested. especially since you knew they really didn't pal around together anymore at school. If he really doesn't want to play with this little boy, it's not right to force it. In fact, young children have a hard time hiding their true feelings when forced to do something, and forcing him to get together may very well end up hurting your friend's little boy more in the long run. Why not apologize to the Mom that your son said what he did, tell her you would still love to see her, and suggest a Mom's dinner out instead and wait and see if the boys would like to re-kindle their frienship in the future before planning a playdate.
Did you ask your son why he does not want to have a play date with this boy? Maybe your son sees something you don't see in this boy. Talk to your son to find out why he doesn't want to have a play date with this boy. I agree that you should not let your son dictate who your friends are, but if he and this other boy truly don't get along than having play dates with him could make the day uncomfortable and not fun for you and the other mother. See the reasons he doesn't want to have a play date are things that can be modified or fixed so he will want to play. Like if he says he doesn't like playing the games the other boy wanted to play then maybe you can set up some things that you know your son enjoys.
You and the Mom can still be friends.
Kids, at a certain age, do "choose" their "own" friends.
It is developmental.
And they are cognitively changing, and in their skills to choose friends.
They are learning this concept.
Which is good.
Having a get together, with your son and her/her kid, will not be pleasant, if your son does not want to play with him. It will be awkward. For him and for you. But you consider the Mom as your friend.
For me, I make the distinction, with my kids about it this way: they have their friends. I have mine. Some have kids. We get together with their kids because, Mommies have their kids with them and cannot leave them home sometimes. Nor can your own Mommy. THEN, I also teach my kids, that we have "family friends"... and then there are their own friends. I teach them that with "family friends"... we are family friends because I consider them as "family friends" and their kids too. So there will be get togethers. And as such, my kids need to learn to be "family friends" too, with others and be hospitable. But at other times, we have play-dates, that is with THEIR friends. Of which I also may know the Mom. But these are THEIR friends.
My kids, understand that.
My kids are now 4 and 8 years old.
