My 4/y old son is slow in doing everything. He’s slow on talking, on eating and on doing his homework ect. I have told him to speed up when doing things for many many times, but it’s no use. Sometimes I can’t help myself yelling at him when his slow action drives me nuts, and it really works. But I’m afraid it will hurt his feelings. Do you guys have any better way to help my son?
I personally am a fan of cattle prods..... seriously kidding here!
Yeah, I would echo the opinions of many here to rule out any sort of attention issues (which are as common as breathing, might I add!).
I like the "trying to beat the buzzer" thing someone suggested. That sounds like a lot of fun both of you could have with this issue.
Cheers,
E.
Rule out any medical issues for it, and if you find it is just 'him', find a way to slow yourself down and deal with it. 4 year olds (especially boys) have their own agenda. It is actually very normal for children to move pretty slowly doing things you want them to do - to a certain degree - again, rule out anything medical.
Allow yourself extra time to go places, do things, etc... and build that into your day. If it takes him 10 minutes to get his shoes on, then start heading out the door 20 minutes earlier - you'll never be late! ;) They want to do things at their own pace too because they are learning. Just because we lived a hurried stressful not-enough-time-in-the-day-life doesn't mean we should put that burden on such a young child.
Only you can control you. You can guide your child and help them learn but you can't make him be something he is not. Being a mom means having more patience than we even think we have. Instead of yelling at him pull all the patience you can from your being and use it - remembering that he is just a 'baby'.
I think to a very large extent, you have to just wait at his age. I have 2 EXTREMELY well behaved, well disciplined kids 3 and 5 (and one 19 month old kook) and BOTH of them are very slow at stuff. Like getting ready, getting to the car, finishing food if it's not their favorite thing. Often it's not rebellion or intentional, it's just slooooow. Pressuring them does no good and adds to household stress. Try your best to be patient. Yelling is very destructive over time as it erodes the child's respect for you and they learn to tune you out. Less is more. Real consequences for real misbehaviors (which "being slow" isn't) and keep the yelling to a very rare minimum. You want him to think of you as his fun mom as he grows out of this phase, (he won't even remember he was ever slow, he'll just get used to your pressure), not the person who's yelling and pressuring him to hurry all the time. Good luck, I know how frustrating it can be!
Maybe set a timer when you are on your way out and make a game of it. See if he can beat the buzzer getting his jacket and shoes on. Same for homework...maybe set a timer and give him a "reward" if he gets it done before the buzzer goes off.
Have him evaluated by an occupational therapist for Sensory Processing Disorder.
My girl (4) is wonderful, brilliant and slow as all get out. Walking, eating, everything. Drives me up the wall! But what I've learned, darn-it-all, is that it is my problem, not hers. I give her advance warning when we have to move it, like if there has to be a quick transition, but other than that, I've had to learn to give her extra time for EVERYTHING. Pre-school has helped (somewhat) with that. One thing I've done is had her wait for me when she REALLY, REALLY wants to do something. I ask her how she feels. "Mama, I just want to GO." Yeah, that's how someone feels when they have to wait for someone else.
And like L., thought of the cattle prod: ) Oh, the imagination takes us places when we are frustrated.
Seriously though, some aspects of her slow nature I wouldn't change for anything. She's also slow to anger, she doesn't get frustrated very easily, she's methodical. She's just on a different speed than me.
Oh! My son is still pokey--he's 8! Not to discourage you...lol
BUT what did help us was setting a timer for meals, homework, etc.
And dig deep. Breathe even when you feel like your head is going to explode from frustration.
That was the reason why I began doubling my planned time allotment if we had to be somewhere at a certain time.
I'd do little reminders when he really does need to hurry up on something but for the most part it's best to let them go at their own pace otherwise they become conditioned to your cues to hurry and will require that for their entire life.
I have a 11 year old son who has always been the same way. You can't speed him up for the most part as this is the way God made him. I found out many years ago that kids with the spiritual gift of compassion work at one speed. No faster, no slower. As he got older, he started to move a little faster. And there are instances when he can go faster, but for the most part, he remains at one speed. Remember though that getting upset with him will make him feel like the way he is made is not right. I just learned to walk slower, this makes him feel better about himself. I apologize when I go too fast for him. I naturally move at mach speed, so this has slowed me down a bit, and has not always been easy. But my son was made this way, so I figured it can't hurt to slow me down, I just get ready for things earlier as a habit and it all works out. I hope this helps.
One small suggestion: get down at his level, and look him in the eye when you speak to give directions. Make sure you have his attention before talking to him, that will help him focus and not "drift off."
Be careful with the timer suggestion...we tried that with our daughter (now 6), and it just stressed her out and made her anxious. even though we tried to make it fun. Definitely backfired for us. Plus, our 4-year old observed the time "game" and now he tries to compete with her for everything, and they argue more...for example, "I can get out of the bathtub first!" or "I can finish my dinner faster!" The competition is not always friendly, and just causes more stress for me. It might work for you, but I just wanted to throw the caution out there! I find that being patient and allowing her more time when possible has been the best approach for us. Good luck!
Back off- why are you so nuts about this- can you grant him the space to be the way he is?
Yelling at a 4 yr old- or anyone for that matter- I mean what is with that?What I'd like to do is help YOU. why is it that you think that your speed of doing things is the best, maybeslow down and smell the roses.
In the blink of an eye he'll be a teen, and another blink and out on his own. Slow down and enjoy this time, it goes very quickly.
Treat you family with your company manners.
Best, k
