5 Year Old Takes 45-50 Minutes to eat....sometimes Longer

We suffered through this. I personally do not like drama at the dinner table. We finally told my son that if he wasn't finished by the time the adults were, he'd have 15 minutes by the timer to finish his food. WHen the timer went ding, he was done. Now, the first night, we showed him how long that would be, and let him finish on his own with the caution that next time his plate would be cleared from the table after the ding. We also explained that he would not have any other food for the rest of the night. It broke my heart to do it, as I like to feed people; but it seemed to work.

Another thing that worked before homework was a big deal was play time. If he took too long to eat, he got ready for bed and went to bed without after dinner playtime. Interestingly, this didn't work as well as the timer.

Kids do not have the same concept of time we do, sometimes something they can actively see as a reminder that isn't a parent can do wonders.

Now that my son is 6, he finally eats his dinner with the rest of us, and only rarely needs a few minutes at the end to finish up.

I had the same problem with my 5 yr. old, and we resorted to the same thing(yelling) which made dinner stressful for everyone. It is healthy for them to take alittle time to eat so they dont learn to hord the food. But with my 5 yr. old we finally told him, "you have 20 min. to eat, or until dad and I are done to finish your food. Otherwise your done and you wait till the next meal!" after about a week or so of having to be done before he wanted, he started learning to eat alittle faster. The more I thought about it the more I realized how I was also helping prepare him for school. I explained to him that once he hits first grade and starts eating lunch at school, he was going to only have about 15 min. to eat his lunch or else he was going to find himself going hungry. Good luck

I had to laugh when I read the subject of your post. I have been dealing with this issue w/ my daughter who is now 6 her whole life. She is in 1st grade this year so it's her first year eating lunch at school. She comes home the first day of school and says, Mommy, I didn't get to play on the playground today at school. I asked why, she said, Because I took too long to eat my food. I couldn't help but to bust out in laughter. Guess who finished her food the next day at school pretty quickly? :)

Although she eats in a timely manner at school now so she can go play, We still have this issue with her at home. Pretty much with everything, getting dressed, brushing her teeth, taking a shower, etc. So, What I started doing is setting a timer for pretty much everything she does and it works for her. This morning when she was getting ready for school she asked if she could get ready without the timer and I let her. She did pretty good. She's learning time management.

I would try a timer. It's like a game to them, Gotta beat the clock! :)

My son has always been a slow eater. He started 1st grade this year and all summer I tried to prepare him to eat faster b/c your on a time limit in school and he didn't listen. On the first day of school he came home starving with half his sandwich in his lunch box and all his snacks minus the one for snack time. I asked him why he didn't eat his lunch and he said he didn't have enough time. He learned then that Mommy means what she says. He is still slow to eat breakfast and dinner but hasn't come home with lunch since. To speed up dinner I set a 30 minute timer and if he doesn't finish in that time he doesn't get anything else to eat or drink until breakfast and dinner is taken away breakfast is timed just by having to be out the door for the bus. I felt bad at first but I spoke to the Pedi and she said this was fine to do and he wont let himself starve and when he is hungry he will make sure he eats. I also give dessert when he does finish in time. Once this time is in place my husband and I do not nag him or discuss it, it is there in front of him to see and his responsability to eat. At first he would cry to see if he could get us to give him more time or a snack later but now he knows having a fit doesn't get him anything and we won't budge. Once the kitchen is clean the kitchen is closed for the night!

I am a bit late in responding and offer a different perspective - I guess it's hard for me to see what the rush is? If she's taking awhile to eat why not simply let her rather than getting mad about it? I guess I don't understand what it is interfering with, and I think eating slowly is considered a positive trait for managing ones weight so is there really any harm? It doesn't sound like your complaint is about being a picky eater, just a slow eater. So let her take her time and you move on to your other activities of the evening. When she's done she can join you (and by done, I hope you aren't trying to insist that she clean her plate - that's been shown to be counterproductive as far as food issues go).

I am not trying not be judgemental, just offering a different perspective, a more go with the flow perspective. And of course I don' t know the whole story, it just seems to me the issue here is more that this is interfering with something else you want to do after dinner so if you just go ahead and do that you might feel better.

good luck.

I'm starting to believe there's not a family in America that has a stress-free dinnertime! Seems to be a national battleground. LOL
We, too, used the timer on the microwave for our little lollygagger.
It's a battle I just never wanted to fight.
Also, if he said he was done--goodbye! I hate begging kids into eating more, and you never know--maybe they ARE full. Those nights especially--only healthy snacks before bedtime: fruit, cheese, milk.

Probably many will not agree with me. I was a slow eater and as a result, I have been told by a couple of doctors, eating slow is better for the metabolism. Basically, I have never had a weight probably and the little I had was about 10 lbs in my over the 50's.

I did not read all suggestions, but I do agree with one, which is, offer a dessert when they are done - one of the child's favorite of course in a small portion. If everyone else is done, leave the child there to finish alone. Also you may want to offer less on her plate. I had a child who, just like me (pay back), was not a big eater and the pediatrician advised to let her eat what she wanted; a child will not starve.

Another thought is to let her help with the cooking. Like adults, we are proud of what we do and let her tell the family what she did and how good it is. Now of course, if you have other children, they will probably want to help too, and if that is the case, everyone can have fun tasting what the other helped prepare. If dad can't help, then dad will have the most fun telling everyone how good their dish is. :)

I feel your pain! Even when she is eating, 20 minutes would not be enough time for my daughter to eat.
I was tired of hearing nagging reminders from me and my husband, so we made a Dinner Plan, which outlines expectations for dinner behavior: stay in seat, face table. It limits the amount of time she has to eat (we're still at an hour!) and the number of reminders we are allowed to give (5). It also says that she will be reminded of the time every 10 minutes, the last 5, 2, and 1 minute.
It hasn't really helped her eat any better, but it does limit the amount of talking we do about it.
I do try to keep after school snack very small so she is hungry for dinner. And, against popular recommendation, eating a protein and fruit/vegetable is required to get dessert.
Good luck!
J.

I had one son that had this problem. We tried lots of the things already mentioned. What we finally did that worked was to tell our kids was that the last one eating had to do the dishes. Why? Because we had the dishes done every night, at least that was our goal. After a several weeks he finally picked up the speed and no longer had to do the dishes until it was his week for dishes. Its just a phase. Have patience.

Good luck to you and yours.

Was my 5 year old eating at your house too?! We have been working with this issue as well. Dinner at our house is usually fun and conversational. It's either my 9 year old, my husband and myself with him or just the two kids and me. Sometimes we star the meal with holding hands and saying what we are thankful for, this just changes the energy and helps everyone transition from the last thing to dinner. We often take turns going around and talking about our roses and thorns from the day. (A favorite thing and something that made us sad or frustrated or worried or so on) Some of the other things I've found that help my son focus and eat more efficiently include: I've been trying to get dinner on the table earlier and forgoing a snack. That's made a difference. I have planned (in my head) for longer meal times. That's helped me not get so frustrated, especially at breakfast when we need to get to school and dinner when I am thinking about the nightly routines. We've also implemented a stay in your chair policy. If he leaves the table to get up and show us things or just to bounce around we've asked him to leave the table. He doesn't like that and often settles down. He understands that he can't do whatever he wants during circle time and this is like circle time where he's either participating actively or quietly but he has to follow the same rules as everyone else at the table. If he can't shift from the suggestion of leaving the table, we make him leave the table. It seems counterintuitive since your trying to get her to stay and eat, but It's a time out of sorts, but it has set a clear tone for what we can do at the table and what we can't so he know we are serious. We use 1,2,3 Magic for helping set limits without the yelling. That's helped overall.
Good luck.
I'd love to hear what works for you.

Ah, the dinner table - such a place of struggle in the household. My son took forever to eat a meal at that age. Heck, he still does - I have no idea why as he is able to eat in record time during the short lunch break at school. But at home, meals seem to be "dining experiences".

There are two ways you can go with this:
(1) If you have nowhere to be, and your evening schedule allows her to dawdle at the table just let her.
(2) Set a timer, say 20 minutes, and if she has not finished her meal when the timer goes off, pick up the plate and call it done.

{I personally don't like the 2nd option - but I offer it as an alternative.}

Other thoughts:

Do you involve your daughter in meal planning? At 5 she is old enough to help pick out foods for dinner. This would help ensure that there is food she likes at dinner. It would also help you learn her preferences. Does she help you grocery shop. I have always let my son help select food - at first, when he was a toddler, he was limited to picking anything he wanted from the produce department - I have to admit, I tried some fruits and veggies I had never eaten before!

I agree that she may not be telling you that she dislikes something so you need to explain to her that it is okay not to like the food, after she has tried it. But don't fall down the rabbit hole on this and fix her separate meals - if mine didn't like something his stand-by meal was a PBJ sandwich, fruit and milk. Heck, it still is.

My son did not like yesterday's lunch offering...at 14 he was basically playing with the food on his plate because he was afraid of hurting my feelings. Hunger won out though, and he finally told me it was not my "best dish" and fixed himself a plate of leftovers from the prior night's dinner. (Which I thought was not my "best dish" but he loved!)

Try not to get overly frustrated with her at meal times - this should be the time when the family sits down together and catches up on each others' day and spends time together. I think the key is involvement in the meal planning (and preparation) process. It is way more fun to eat something you helped pick out and prepare!!!

~Good Luck

You don't want to start up eating issues here, but some things you might consider..

If it is because she doesn't like some of the foods, getting her to help plan and make meals (as appropriate... there are a bunch of things that 5 yr olds can do safely in the kitchen) can help her have ownership of the meal. It might be better that way. She might enjoy eating more if she helped select or prepare the meal.

Also, talk to her (in a non-punitive way, at a time OTHER than dinner) about how long it takes, and maybe set a time limit? Or.... as a "trial", say something like "If you can finish eating (not just skipping the meal) early enough, we can go to the park for a bit!" If she chooses not to eat, don't fix her a meal later... she had her chance.

Also, look at how her eating habits are during the day. I have nothing against appropriate snacks, but if she is filling herself up on empty calories during the day, she may not feel like eating then. Does she eat better when you restrict her snacking during the day? What do you give her when she says she is thirsty.... milk, juice, soda, water? I know milk and juice are healthy, but they don't need that every time they are thirsty.

Also, some kids may have sensory/texture issues. I've not had to deal with that, but I'm sure other parents could chime in here.

Set a timer. 20 minutes max. Set some rules.

1. Even if she doesn't "like" something, she has to eat a bite. After she has tried everything and still doesn't like it, she can make herself a sandwich.

2. When the buzzer goes off, the table is cleared.

3. If she doesn't comply, she can go to her room for the rest of the evening.

Good luck!

go with the timer option. put the timer on the stove on. when dinner time happens put her plate out with yours. eat dinner normally then set the timer for 10 or 15 minutes. tell her when it beeps she is done. it will be hard the first few times but she will get more into line with time frames. she needs to get it together before she gets to school and has to complete her lunch time in a 20 minute time frame.

I think forcing a kid to eat is likely to backfire. You don't need more stress in your life. I'd keep the conversation going about fun things, or do the "roses & thorns" idea suggested below. Periodically take turns commenting on the food - "gee, these peas are great!" Now and then, ask someone else at the table (not always the 5 year old) "How are your potatoes?" Sometimes ask her how her potatoes are. This gives her the chance to say if she doesn't like something, in which case say "Sorry to hear that. How about the chicken?" This may get her to focus on what else is on the plate. Then go back to the regular conversation.

When everyone else is done, ask her if she is done. If she's not, give her 3 minutes to eat something. If she hasn't touched anything for a while, assume that she is done. Get up, clear the plates, and store the leftovers. Have her take a few things to the sink - everyone helps clear. Then it's playtime or book time or bath time, whatever your routine is. Dinner is over.

If she is hungry later, you can either get the SAME meal out and maybe zap it in the microwave, or tell her dinner was over and we don't eat again, whatever your routine is. (Whatever you choose, do it the same way every night for the next week. Don't keep switching it around.) Do not make her something new or give her a snack. If you don't feed her, she will eat the next day, believe me. If you do get the same dinner out again, make sure she understands that she eats alone and that this takes away time from book time or family time - she'll miss out on whatever else you usually do. Just say this matter-of-factly, not with an edge to your voice (tough as that is!). It might take a week, but she'll get the idea that dinner time is for eating.

What's important is to not yell - I know it is frustrating to cook dinner and have someone not eat it. But turning dinnertime into a battleground is bad for your nerves, and it can ultimately turn into a problem with eating overall for your daughter. Try to keep it really calm and almost businesslike, if you know what I mean.