My 3 yo DD is a s-l-o-w eater. (There is that parent's curse... I was a slow eater too. Lol. Now I know my dad's frustration.) She doesn't have any delays or medical issues causing this, she simply takes after me and daydreams a bit or gets distracted while eating.
Normally, I don't care too much. But now, we are on a set schedule for getting out of the house in the morning, and I want her to be done eating well before bedtime. Plus, she will likely be starting preschool next year and I don't imagine she will have all day to eat there.
Right now, we wake up about an hour and a half before we have to leave. I will wake her up, give her a chance to use the bathroom, then give her breakfast. I have tried giving her different kinds of food... Oatmeal with berries in it, eggs, pancakes, cold cereal, etc. no matter what I give her, she will STILL be eating on it an hour later. (I usually go get myself ready for the day while she is eating.) I KNOW she is hungry in the mornings, because if I don't feed her within 30 minutes of her waking up she will tell me so.
She does the same thing at dinner... I will give her dinner around 6:30, and at 8 when it's time for bed she is still picking at it. Unless I take her fork and feed her like a baby, which I hate to do at this age.
I don't make her clear her plate.. She knows that I will let her be done if she tells me she is full. She gets upset if I try to take her food. Lol. She gets one small snack (a fruit of some sort for one, and a random whatever for the other.) between meals, which she needs as she is outside and active pretty much all day.
For lunch and dinner, we sit and eat together. No TV. (I tried sitting with her for breakfast too, but good lord I would be late for class! Lol.)
So, I have decided to implement a timer for her meals. My iPad has one that shows a circle, slowly being filled in as it counts down. I use this timer when she is in a timed time-out, so she already understands how it works. I figure that I will set the timer, and tell her that when it goes off meal time is over, and her food will be taken away. this has *kind of* worked in the mornings... when I tell her that she only has 5 more minutes she will start shoveling her food in.
so... after all that backstory, I'm just curious as to how long I should be giving her to eat before she loses her plate. I am also open to other suggestions as to how I might handle this.
Eta: She isn't just chilling out. She will look around, tell stories, play with her utinsels and cup (I did get a very entertaining video of her fork explaining to her cup what the difference between white and chocolate milk was. Lol.) She will try to get up occasionally, then get mad when I try to take her food. (At which point I tell her to sit back down and eat, and remind her that getting up from the table means that you are done eating.)
Also, she eats her breakfast in my room, at a little table I put there for that purpose. That way, I can see her out of my bathroom door, and keep her on task with the eating.
Most schools give about 20 min for meal time.
My son takes more like 30 min to eat but has to deal with the shortened time at school.
timers = a parent's best friend.
by all means, use it! You're allowing her waaaay toooo much eating time. :)
with my daycare kids, they have to be finished when the 2nd to last one is done....then the last child is given 5 more minutes to finish. (did that make sense?) & if you think about it, they're only given 20 minutes or so at daycare/preschool/school. Need to pick up the speed, Mom. :)
When she takes an hour to eat, is she sitting at the table the whole time? Or does she try and get up and meander about? Most kids would go nuts sitting at the table for an hour or more! lol
I think the timer is a great idea. But because she's so used to having so much time, I would decrease the time slowly. So, for about 2 weeks, set the timer for 45 minutes. Then decrease the timer by 5 minutes every week until you've found your "magic number" that gives her enough time to eat without taking up the whole morning/evening.
I'd argue that she's just not hungry. I'd cut down snacks and give her just 30 minutes to eat meals. 1.5-2 hours is ridiculous. Take the food away after 30 minutes, and DO NOT give it back, not matter how much she complains or cries. She needs to know that you mean business.
I had weight loss surgery last year and the surgeons said it should never take more than 30 minutes to eat. Less time was eating too fast and longer was allowing yourself to eat too much - I asked if that was for non-weight loss surgery people also and they said yes.
So I'd give her 30 minutes. But I wouldn't make it a hard and fast rule right away. I'd work with her, let her know it's coming, and then keep it to 30 minutes.
My 8 year old is the same way and sometimes we let him take his time, other times he has to be hurried along. He does fine at school though, so she will get it eventually.
I have a friend that sets a timer for his DD. (she's 4)
She has 30 minutes to eat her meal, starting when they all sit down.
If she is not done in that time, he takes the plate away.
Only took her losing it 1x to fix this issue.
Yes, use the timer and set it for 30 minutes. When the time is up, take the food away. After awhile, she will realize that if she's hungry she better hurry up. Change her habits now before she goes to school.
My son is a slow eater as well. He had a hard time last year in first grade where they get 20 minutes total for lunch (including the time it takes to open their lunch, or get their hot lunch and start eating). He became faster, but would still bring some things home that he didn't have time for. This year he seems to be bringing less home so he's adapting even more.
My suggestion is that you give her less food more frequently. Although she is "hungry" at mealtime, she might not be hungry enough to eat the serving that she is getting. Cut down the amount of food until you find what she can reasonably eat in the time you have. As an example - instead of giving her a sandwich at noon, which she might "eventually" finish, give her a quarter of the sandwich at noon. Get finished, go do other things, and give her another quarter of the sandwich at 2:00.
She will ultimately get the same amount of nutrition with less time sitting at the table.
I would give her a reasonable timeframe. If you know that preschool will only permit 30 minutes, then start winding down her window of opportunity around that timeframe. You may find that she doesn't eat much there and comes home for a snack instead. Give her really easy/quick foods for her lunches away.
Also, look at the distractions. Is she watching TV? Talking to the dog? Playing with her fork? My DD is so distractable sometimes and I'll set a timer on the oven to tell her she has x time. If she wants to watch a kid show in the AM, she must be dressed and finished breakfast before I'll even think about it. Now that she is in K, she has 30 minutes for lunch and has no PM snack til she gets home. That's a long day to go hungry.
For dinner, DD gets to eat while we eat and chat and if she's not done by the time I've finished, AND cleared the table, then she's done. I pack it up. That is PLENTY of time to eat, even slowly.
You may need to adjust your schedule so that you are ready before she even gets up, so you can keep her on task without the bedroom setup.
maybe start her at 45 minutes, but work it down to a half hour. that's plenty of time to eat a meal.
good solution, mama!
khairete
S.
I had a dawdler when it comes to eating. She would sit and pick at her food ALL DAY if you let her.
I would set a 30 minute timer and make sure she understands that you will take her food after 30 minutes and she will not get it back and she will NOT be allowed to have snacks. She will complain at first, but if you stick to it then she will figure it out very soon. I think 30 minutes is a reasonable amount of time!
My 3 YO eats a meal in about 5 minutes, so I'm no help.
Also gets up 30 minutes before we have to leave. But no problems. We fly.
Set a time. Tell her this is dinner time from here to here on the clock. When it dings supper/breakfast/snack is over. A few times and she will start eating and quit playing. And that's what she's doing is playing.
You have answered our own question in your own post:
"when I tell her that she only has 5 more minutes she will start shoveling her food in."
Give her a 5 minute warning then take the food away. Make her wait at least 2 hrs and if she wants something to eat, give her what she did not finish.
My kids are up about 45 minutes before we leave, and eat breakfast in about 15-20 minutes, because there is a lot of chit-chat.
Well if she sits at the table for an hour or more, like you say, I don't know what more you can do. My kids never would have done that. Even if they didn't eat much they still would have preferred to have been with us, the rest of the family.
Doesn't she want to get up to play? watch TV? run around?
Maybe you should talk to her pediatrician. Sitting at the table for 60 to 90 minutes sounds strange, unless for some reason she feels like she can't get up (?) And so what if she eats nothing. That's fairly common at three, they often have little to no appetite between growth spurts.
I don't know that I would insist on a time frame for a child this age. I'd make sure she was ready to walk out the door then get her eating. When it's time to go tell her to load up. Toss her dishes into the sink as she gets up. This will give her as much time as she needs and it has a natural consequence.
If you give her a couple of warnings during the time you're getting ready that should prepare her for the coming end of her meal.
For example:
Honey, it's 7am, you have 20 minutes to eat all your breakfast and be done because that's when we're leaving. I am going to go brush my hair so eat up.
Then after you brush your hair you walk back through the kitchen and say Honey, it's 7:15. You have about 5 minutes to eat the rest of your breakfast because it's almost time to get in the car. I'm going to go brush my teeth then it will be time to load up. Can you put your dishes in the sink for me please?
This tells her time is up and she has to lose it or eat it now.
If you do these walk through warnings and make sure she has a good idea the end is coming she might speed up, otherwise just take it from her and leave.
BTW, one of my biggest pet peeves is leaving kids alone while they're eating. When a child chokes to death they don't make a sound, they just turn blue and fall down dead.
I have literally had to turn several kids upside down and bang them on the back to get them breathing again so it's one of those things that just doesn't happen in my home. The kids sit at the table to eat and they are never alone while eating. My grandson has been turned upside down at least 3 times so I know this is something that I can't allow.
Since you're off getting ready for school while she is eating I suggest you try doing something she can eat in the car that will clean up easy by vacuuming or wiping the seat off with a wipe. This way she can eat while you are present. If she starts to choke you can pull over and flip her out of her seat and help her get it up.
That's what I would do or I'd simply eat with her and make the time. I wouldn't like that though.
When you're eating tell her she has X minutes to finish because you have to get ready for work. Then when you're done her food is gone too.
M.:
I'm sorry - this is going to sound harsh - but set a timer. One kid should need to get up 1.5 hours before they have to leave to accommodate for breakfast...
I would tell her she has 20 minutes to eat - PERIOD. Set the timer for 20 minutes and if she's not done - then too bad - she needs to eat faster. She does it BECAUSE SHE CAN. ENOUGH already!
Our dinner as a family every night is 30 minutes....that's grace, eating and talking...we can stretch it out to longer with talking - but we are eating...
My youngest son who is SSSOOO not a morning person can be done eating in 10 minutes....even when my oldest daughter - now an adult - was a kid - if she didn't like what was prepared - she would mush it around her plate - her dad was more strict than I and would make her eat it all (I don't do that and we fought many times over this).
My kids are up 45 minutes before they have to walk out the door for school. That is time for showers, breakfast, bathroom, getting dressed....I'd be truly all kinds of frustrated if I had to get up 1.5 hours before we were leaving just so my kid could eat. NO FREAKING WAY.
Tell her the rules are changing and she needs to be on board or she will be hungry. She has 20 minutes to eat. If she's not done in 20 minutes, she IS done. PERIOD. STOP ALLOWING her to do this.
If you want to wake up 1.5 hours early to work out - go for it. But really?! That's insane to get up that much earlier all to factor in a child who is allowed to eat slow. The idea of eating mush for cereal that's sat that long - my stomach is turning..eeeww...cold eggs? cold oatmeal...DISGUSTING!! Sorry...
You are the parent. Stop allowing her to dictate how long meals take in the home.
Good luck!
20 minutes is the average.
You decide if you are going to time her and say "times up". Or give her 15 minutes and then tell her, "you only have 5 more minutes" and then this meal is over.
I have to agree that at 3 you need to be able to see and hear her in case she were to choke. Once she is in kindergarten this should not be such a worry.
If you have a video baby monitor, maybe you could keep it close to where she eats. This would allow you to do other things around the house, but I suggest you just be there with her.
When my son is taking too long to eat I get the spoon/fork and quickly feed him myself.
