This is a bit long, but I wanted to make sure it all makes sense. I have a beautiful and very intellegent 3 1/2 year old boy who is the light of my life. He has had a variety of small issues with food since solids were introduced at 6 months. The big issue right now is that he takes so long to eat any meal. We sit him down with a prepared plate well before the rest of us sit down to give him a head start. Usually he gets a good start and eats steadily but then seems to "peter out" well before finishing the meal. When he was younger and just getting into his numbers and letters, we would try tricks like counting the bites left or working through the alphabet for the remaining bites. He has progressed well past these strategies at this point. We have tried encouraging, taking away privileges and using a timer to put a time frame on when he should finish. Just so you know, we are not being unreasonable in our time frame for a meal. The rest of the family will complete the meal usually in about 30 minutes. My son will take close to an hour to eat his toddler portions. He does not seem distracted nor does he have any other attention issues. We would just like to have a family meal that doesn't end in a struggle or one of us feeding him his last course in its entirety. Does anyone have any ideas about what may be going on and/or how we can bring him into the "normal" range of meal time?
Dear T.,
I would also just let him eat until he's full and let him stop. Give him fruit and veggies, yogurt and cheese for snacks and make sure he takes a daily vitamin. Unless he stops gaining weight or growing properly, I wouldn't worry. It's not a good thing to make food a battleground in a family. As long as he's eating healthy and not eating junk food or candy for snacks, I wouldn't worry.
take care, S.
I'd say that when he "peter's out" he is most likely done, and only eating the rest of his food because he is feeling "pressured" to, once he has petered out remove his plate and excuse him, he will not starve to death. I have a few slow eaters and they just sit at the table until they are done while the rest of get up and go about our day/night if we are out and they aren't done they take it home in a doggy bag and finish later. One other thing, especially with mine, there are times where they barely eat anything for dinner, but eat a good breakfast or lunch, even if it takes forever, sometimes the harder we push the more they resist, and meals aren't a battle I feel like "fighting"! Good luck!
I would get a Time-Timer. It is a really cool timer that helps kids "see" the time. When you set it, it has a red portion that gets smaller as the time passes. We used to use a timer with my daughter, for getting ready in the morning or cleaning her room, but it never really worked until we got this one, because she can understand it. So, get the timer, and show him how it works ahead of time. At dinner time, set it for 30 minutes, and make sure he understands that when the timer is done, so is dinner. You can keep reminding him to look at the timer through out the meal. Take your son's plate when the timer goes off (and try to get everyone else to be done eating around the same time if you can). 30 minutes is a long time, and unless he is goofing around, he should be able to finish a toddler-sized meal in that amount of time. If he learns that when the timer is done, dinner is done, he should start speeding things up.
We too used a timer but in a little different way for my now 4 1/2 year old. It was set for 30 minutes (she did not get a head start). The plate was taken away at 30 minutes and everyone else got dessert. Some days she was fine w/it and others she pitched a fit but we held firm. She still takes a long time to eat (a full 30 minutes, longer if we let her) but we don't sweat it. It was scary to do at first because she's thin (she fell off the growth chart for weight at 15 months) but kids won't starve themselves. She's still thin but back up at the 12th percentile. We have never made her finish her plate but there is NO food between meals and snacks (7:30, 11:30, 2:30, 5:30). and to get dessert, she has to have a reasonable portion of veggies and protein and try everything that has been served. If we think she is too hungry to sleep and she didn't eat a good dinner, she gets plain, instant oatmeal (and it is as horrible as it sounds). If she is hungry, she'll eat it. If she's hungry at bedtime and had a good dinner, she gets bread and butter (a favorite) or oatmeal w/cinnamon and sugar. One other note, we have gone almost completely vegetarian over the last few months and that actually seems to have improved the issue a lot. She has issues w/the texture of food and she absolutely hates the texture of all meats (we say she was born a vegetarian) but likes all dairy, beans, lentils, etc. It's not because of her that I've done it but it took away a source of friction. (of course, it has added one w/my husband who wants meat more often than going out for lunch.)
Just take the plate away after 30 minutes. I mean if you are letting him have a head start, he is eating at least something then as everyone else is done, take away what he hasn't finished. If he comes back in a while saying he is starving, then bring out what he didn't finish and tell him that he needs to finish his dinner before anything else.
I have a rule that my kids do not have to finish their dinner, they however will not ask for anything else after dinner. I don't mind if they leave potatoes on their plate, pasta or really bready type things, they must finish their veggies and a large quantity of the entree that is served. I know how to gauge what they usually eat so I don't give them too much, they must also finish their milk. Both know that they will want something later and typically ask how many bites before they can be done. Which is fine, as long as most of the healthy stuff on their plate is done I am fine with them not having a completely clean plate. They say it is fine to do this as it teaches kids to read when they are full instead of eating mindlessly which can lead to eating issues.
Just take away his plate. He is testing you and it is something you cannot force him to do, he either eats with everyone at dinner or he doesn't, but he doesn't get to come back and want dessert or a snack after dinner either. After a while he will figure out what it is worth to him to eat all of his dinner. Make sure you don't give snacks up to three hours before dinner too so he comes to the table hungry.
Good luck.
If he's had eating problems, you might check with a speech therapist or feeding therapist to make sure there aren't continuing eating difficulties. We have a very slow eater. We also gave him a timer, but when the timer when off, everyone done eating got desert. It only took missing desert once or twice to speed him up. We still use that as he tends to be a picky eater and often will choose to go hungry rather than eat something he doesn't like. Jello is a great incentive for him. We don't force the issue of eating all his food, just a resonable portion. Our 20 month old with feedign issues often eats more, but our 4 year old's portions and speed have greatly improved. We do have to remind him often of the time remaining to keep him going. GL!
I am a slow eater (my DH eats twice as fast). A toddler should only be expected to sit and eat for about 30min. He should also not be expected to eat much more than he can in that amount of time. when he seems to be slowing down he is probably just nibbling to keep you happy even though he if full. As long as he is healthy and growing don't worry. "Forcing him to finish could cause him to learn to eat more than his body needs.
Kids are much better at listening to their bodies than we are. If you all sit down to eat together, let him eat with you and when you see him slowing down ask if he is done. If he says yes. Excuse him and let him play.
My parents used to make me eat alone (I either started earlier or ended later) and I remember how aweful it felt to be eating alone. It felt like punishment to me. Even now, I hate to eat alone.
