My Son's Birthday Is March 19Th.

K.,
Here's the thing,
Just because you and your husband are getting devorced does not mean that you have to devorce everyone you have met during your time with your husband.
Keep in mind, you may know how SOME people feel about this separation, but don't jump the gun to quickly to think others are writing you off.
I have had experiences and lost great friends because of break ups and them thinking I had an opinion of them when infact I did not.
And no matter what the circumstances, you may be divorced and perhaps the neices and nephews may not look at you as their aunt anymore, and maybe they do, I don't know, but no matter what they will ALWAYS be your son's cousins. And that's exactly how you have to look at it.
To me family is family, you don't have to be blood related to be family, so there is no reason to disconnect yourself from all of husbands family (if they choose to not treat you badly) If it were me I would just mail out invitations to the cousins and then you aren't going through anyone and putting anyone in the middle of anything and then the parents have the first hand of being invited and can decide rather to come or not.
In the end it boils down to the party is for the kids, sometimes adults have to really be the bigger people, if they choose not to come or choose not to rsvp why they can't make it...well so be it...at least nobody can say that you're keeping your kids away.
Best of luck to you. I hope your son has a fantastic birthday party regardless of who attends :)
S.

K.,

I just read both of your posts. Tihs one, and the post about your son getting in trouble at school... I am confused. H is getting in trouble every day at school, but you still want to throw him a party? Could your situation be that you want to remain in the family that your separating from, so this is a good time to get together? I don't know all of the story of course, but I don't think rewarding your son with a party is a good idea. Also, If their mother says "she's done with you," then it is not a good idea to mess with her kids right now. Let everything settle down. Divorces are just so messy. People stick their noses in a messy sitaution, and it is just hard on everyone- ESPECIALLY the KIDS. How was your son's behavior before when you and your ex-to-be were getting along? That seems to be the commmon denominator with both posts. (the relationship- separating). There are places for children whose parents are going/have gone through divorces can go. Maybe look into that. Good luck to you all.

A.

Giving your son a birthday party is your decision and yours alone, despite how he is doing in school. I've always thought birthdays are special, and although I don't give my kids a party every year, I always make sure their day is special nonetheless. That being said, I would just ask your niece's and nephew's parents if they would feel comfortable bringing them to the party. You are divorcing your husband, not your children's cousins. I don't see anything wrong with it. Good luck! =)

i always try to defer to the landers sisters when this problem comes up for me: invite who you want; it's their loss (or their parents, in this case) if they don't want to come. it's not your kid's fault (haven't read about his behavioral problems, so can't speak to that) or the cousins. business as usual on this front, imho. now i don't know any of the details of your divorce, but dang, your in-laws sound awesome.

Another thing to keep in mind is your husband's side may be throwing a party of their own, so your son will be able to celebrate his birthday with that side of the family. Talk to your ex about it - if they have plans, especially if its not going to include your family, let the cousins celebrate then.

In the meantime, be patient with the kid - after all, his world's being turned upside down and he didn't do anything to cause it. He has every right to be upset - he just needs a channel to express his anger.

Obviously, this is the 7th grader who is not behaving in school. Forget about who to invite - no party.
If you think this is harsh, believe me, I know that you need to get this kid on the right path NOW, or his high school years are going to be unbearable - for you, for his fellow classmates, and for the school system that has to deal with him.

HI K. - Your son is in the 7th grade! Let HIM tell you who he wants to have at the party, and let him do the inviting. If he chooses to invite the cousins, fine! If the cousins choose not to come b/c of the divorce, fine!

I don't know what to say about his behavior problems except that there are lots of experts on this subject. I would think the school should have offered you some advice in this regard. But maybe if you talk to the principal or the councelor they can give you some assistance.

I'm with Suzi K on this one; especially if a party is a normal occurrence for them. You all are going through stress with the separation, you might want to keep other stuff as normal as possible.

You can explain to the nieces'/nephews' parents that you still like them and would like to keep in touch with them despite the separation/divorce. Then the ball is in their court as to what they want to do or allow their kids to do.

Good luck!

K. Z.