My Stepson's Mother Wants to Move Him States Away from us...South Fl to Texas

It sounds like she's just trying to have the discussion as its unlikely that legally she could just up and move with him. Review the decree though as not everyone has restrictions on moving. I, myself, am the school placement parent so I could move and my children would attend school wherever I live.
Don't go into the meeting with guns blazing but be open to the discussion. Yes, there is what you can legally do, but it sounds like you'd like a resolution rather than forcing the "legal" part.
Talk to her about moving closer to you and job opportunities as you seem to have first-hand knowledge on that. I would even offer the additional money to have them living in Naples as that sounds like it would really be the best option for all of you and it would be offset by not driving or potentially flying. That would put him in the same community and afford you the option of attending games, conferences, doing sleepovers, etc. and truly sharing more time with him. Especially with his mothers issues, you would be right there to observe and step in at a moment's notice.

Wait a sec... Let me get this straight:

Your husband is threatening to sue for full custody, rather than let the custodial parent move.

4 days a MONTH???
And he's pulling a show stopper, "I'll take your kid unless you do what I want" JERK move.

Let the poor woman move to Texas. Without gutting her. "School Breaks" will be more time than is currently spent, even summer break would be.

If you guys had full custody. Sure.
If you guys had half custody. I can still see that.
But being UNWILLING to look at "How can we make this work" but instead

"Nope, you move, you lose your kid."

She takes holidays, she loses 80% of her time.
YOU take holidays, you GAIN time.

This just feels like manipulation on your husbands part.
He'd gain more time with his kid by doing school breaks... But doesn't want THAT.
Oh no. Its the only thing she won't agree to?

If my ex offered me almost double my current time with my child, the only caveat is that he'd be in Antartica/ Portugal/ NY (wherever) during dad's time?

Id LEAP at that chance to be with my son more.

What kind of game is your husband playing?

I don't think she can just up and move because it will violate the custody agreement. I would suggest that you reach out to your attorney and find out what your husband's rights actually are and go from there.

You could petition for full custody, but you would have to PROVE that she's unfit to be his mother.

I do believe, though, that she cannot just move without a judge agreeing to redo the custody agreement. If you feel that it is not in your child's best interest, then be prepared to justify that.

Any move beyond a certain travel time has to be approved by the court as an amendment to the child custody agreement, with both parties signing off on it.

You sound very nice and thoughtful, and that is really great, but I think you need to let the mother decide what she wants to do, and then work something out from there. Its not right for you guys to be able to dictate her life like this. She has a right to live her life where she wants to, just the same as you do. What you are basically saying here is that if she wants to move somewhere inconvenient for your family, you will claim she is an unfit mother and try to take custody from her. That is just so wrong. Because if she REALLY was an unfit mother you would have dealt with that already right? So, she is not, but you are ready to pull that card on her if she does not do what you want her to do. Think about that.

Look, I get that it would be very sad for you guys to see SS move farther away, but and the end of the day she is his mother! And he lives with her the VAST majority of the time. And she deserves to be able to live her own life. Extended family can be a wonderful support system. Its not like you guys could not work out a visitation schedule, and in fact with longer visits you might actually net more time spent together.

If you do nothing else, please re-think your whole idea of trying to take custody away based on if or where she moves.

be proactive and make sure its in your custody papaers how far someone can move. if its not go to court and have it put in there. i would think offering to help with rent if its higher then x amount and offering to help her find a job is more than fair. hois relationship with his immediate family trumps aunts and uncles who he doesnt know. she can visit them if she wants but not move your son away J. because she wants friends.
in the meantime see about trying to get her to go to the doctor. taking your son away from his mom isnt going to be good for him either. she needs to get healthy for him and live in a good distance to you guys.

Unless your husband gives his permission, in writting to the courts, she can not move out of state. However, like you mentioned, that leaves the whole state of Florida to move around in. She can try to petition the courts to overrule your husband but she would have to prove that your stepson's welfare would be much improved if he moved and that he would be better off with reduced time with his father.

Sounds like you guys are all well on your way to handling this like adults :)
She wants to meet an talk it through with your husband. Awesome.
You should talk with your husband first and work through some options that you would be okay with so that when he meets with her he has it all thought through.

Legally, she has a right to move anywhere she wants to. The question is whether your step-son moves with her or moves in with you. If she has primary physical custody (and if you're only taking ss eow, he's physically with her about 87% of the time... and the fact that your dh is allowed more time, but cut back because of scheduling is more likely to work AGAINST him than for him because he's willingly not spending the time he has), the presumption is that he will go wherever she goes. Your husband can petition for a change in custody, but If she's had primary physical custody up until now, it's unlikely that will change simply because of the move, unless you can show that it would put an undue strain on his relationship with your husband, or that his mom isn't able to care for him in Texas.

When I moved from California to Maryland with my son I already had full physical custody of my son. The process was basically that I said I was moving, filled with the court, met with custody mediator, and judge amended custody to sole legal (even though I didn't ask for that) because my son's dad behaved badly at one hearing and then skipped the next.

It's in everyone's best interest to work together to figure out how a)they might be able to stay closer or b)you and your husband can stay connected with ss when he moves.

Good luck with this.
T.

This is a question for a very experienced lawyer who handles custody cases, not for us. If you don't already have such a lawyer -- get one immediately.

You will need a good attorney who can make the legal case (not an emotional case, a real legal case that willl stand up with a family court judge) for the mom's instability and its effect on the son.

Don't be afraid to go to court. Parents who are afraid to get good lawyers and go to court are parents who sometimes end up having to go to court anyway if the custodial parent makes the move without consultation. If she is as unstable and depressed as you say (and you don't give details) she might make poor and emotionally driven choices such as just leaving with him. I'm not saying she'd do it out of spite or anger -- it sounds more like she is lonely and that might cause her to do things based on her loneliness and depression rather than on good sense.

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As long as it's in the custody agreement that she can't move without your husbands concent don't let her guilt him into saying yes. To me it sounds like you need to take her back to court.

How old is your SS?
If he is an older child... can he not, also, "say" or write, what his wishes are?
Don't know if the custody courts take these things into consideration.

Ditto the reply below.

If she just ups and moves with him, she can't just do that without legal approval right and change of custody etc.?
Then she'd almost be "kidnapping" him etc.

Your Husband needs an Attorney.
Doesn't any custody changes, require court, approval?

Come on, no step mom is THAT concerned.