My Teenage Girls?

Have the aunts or the sister talk to them on the phone. Trust me.

My father was a single dad to 3 girls and a farmer as well. He had my aunt (1500 miles away) talk to us over the phone about it, because he just couldn't do it. They need someone to talk to them, even over the phone.

You can talk to them and give them something no mom , aunt, or big sister can. You can give them the guys perspective. Tell them all the tricks guys pull to trick them into doing what they want.....like it's not sex if it's oral - you'll still be a virgin. NOT! and they can get stds in thier throat that can lead to throat cancer. The way guys pressure girls by calling them a tease and all those other tricks guys pull. Dad can talk tough to them about those things that a mom would never feel comofrtable with. Tell them the truth and be blunt. Let them know your expectations of them. If your daughter has been seeing this guy for a long time and you haven't mentioned sex and your expectations, that may be seen as a form of approval - "dad knows we love each other and he never said anything, he does care if we have sex, he just doesnt want to know about it." Talk to her and tell her I love you and I know you love him, but it would break my heart if you got pregnant. I want you to come to me and I will take you to get birth control if you feel you are ready to have sex." That will scare her straight for a while!

You're just going to have to get over being weirded out. You just need to talk to them. They will balk, but it's something they will remember... :-) The best place to talk about that stuff is in the car. They are stuck. They can't go anywhere.
Get some good books and leave them in their rooms.
Tell them they can talk to you any time.
As for the older one - the one with the boyfriend... It's time to get her to a gynecologist for her first check up. If she is sexually active, she needs to be on birth control. Better to be on birth control than to be raising a baby at age 16...
YMMV
LBC

Talking while driving in the car is a great idea. So is enlisting the help of your daughter's girlfriends' mothers. I always had an easier time talking to them about "stuff" than I had with my own mother at that age.

My mom and I became very close later in life but not so much during my teenage years. My parents' stance on sex was well known--you don't have sex until you are married. That was the extent of our conversations of that sort. I wish I had been warned of all the ways I would be tempted to give in to sex due to my low self-esteem. You are in a wonderful position as their father to give your daughters the low-down on teenage guys.

I'm sure you already do this, but any chance you get, help nurture their self-esteem. I would've had sex A LOT later in life had my self-esteem been even a little higher than it was. :(

You can do it, Dad!!! Good luck!

Even if the aunts are an hour away, they can still talk to them - I would enlist their help and explain the situation you are in. If possible, have them come for a visit once a month or so. Try to see if their older sister can talk with them more. There are also their teachers and counselors at school if there are ones they can trust. There's their friends' moms. But I would also agree that you need to just try to get over the awkwardness of it because you don't want your daughters ending up pregnant in their teens. Like Ladybug C. said, in the car is good since they can't just walk away. Just be honest - it's not easy for you either but you are their dad and your love them and want the best for them and don't want to see them in trouble. Let them know what your expectations are - that they are to stay in school, keep their grades up, and hopefully attend college. It's been my experience that kids with concrete goals in mind, as far as college and a career, are less likely to get in trouble, for fear of screwing up their future. Talk to them about what they want for themselves and what their plans are after high school. They need to know that you care.

I would also strongly recommend you have the 16 year old start seeing a gynecologist - sexually active or not, she needs to start getting used to the idea of having her own doctor that she can discuss adult female matters with (preferably a woman if that helps her feel more comfortable).
The doctor can also talk to her about birth control if she is having sex or thinking about it.

My mother passed away when my sister and I were 15 and 13, respectively. Tough time for my Dad to become a single parent. Through conversations with him later in life I realized how much he struggled with the "girl" talks with us. He did enlist the help of our neighbor, she would often invite us over for tea and casually bring up the girl stuff my Dad thought we needed to know. But, he also tried very hard to overcome his feelings of discomfort and have open and honest discussions with us also.

So, from my experience as the daughter - please try very hard to get past the awkwardness. Your daughters know that these are tough topics for you, but pushing through and talking about them will make you closer. Ensure that they know that they can come to you with anything and that if you do not know the answer you will find it for them. Oh, and read - go to the local library and get books on all this stuff - they may be written from a woman's perspective - which would be a good thing - and help you to be able to communicate with your daughters.

As for your 16 year old daughter - it time to have the birth control and sexual consequences talk with her. Yeah, makes you cringe, I know. My Dad had that talk with my sister when she was 16, as a "bonus" he included me, because, as he put it, "I don't think I can do this twice".

Enlist the Aunts - an hour away is not so far. Talk to them about your concerns, get pointers from them, and ask them to forge a stronger relationship with your daughters so they too can be part of the dialogue.

Are their any neighbors that you are close to? Our friend's Moms were invaluable to us - they often lent an ear and a life lesson when we needed it. So get to know the Moms of your girls friends also.

Basically, expand your network of Moms - starting here is good :) so that you build a base of support for your girls and yourself.

Do you daughters help you on the farm? While I grew up in the city - my Dad often had us do things with him - non traditional not girly things - skeet shooting, fishing, projects around the house, stuff he needed to do, or liked to do. Anyhow, those times sometimes led to some of the best conversations that we had - it was easier to talk about sensitive topics when we were shooting or casting than sitting at the kitchen table. This is a technique I use with my teen son - most of our conversations on these topics are while we are doing something else. There is something very intimidating about sitting down at the table, facing each other, and talking about sex. LOL

Just keep trying. Let them know that you are there for them. Keep the lines of communication open.

Good Luck
God Bless

I love the idea of the car. the other thing I was thinking of is contacting your local hospital or children's hospital. I was just talking with my son's pediatrician about when to start having the talks with my son and he said that the hospital usually put out a program called "growing up Male" and "growing up female" that is for the parent and child to go to that talks about their bodies, changes that will happen, how to prevent STD's and other things. My friend went with his son and said it was great because they talked about so much stuff and half of it was stuff he never even thought about talking about. It may be something to look into.
L.

Have talks in the car while driving. It's easy to be open and honest when there is no eye contact. No one can "escape" either when the conversation gets weird or uncomfortable. And like the other poster mentioned, your are just going to have to get past feeling awkward, easier said than done, I am sure. Start with small things and work your way from there. If the girl problems with your 13 year old are relationship, middle school drama problems....no one knows how to have those talks, we all just muddle through. If it's about her body - periods, and changes. Those are just a fact of life and nothing to be embarrassed about. Chances are your 16 year is having sex or thinking about it. Either way, better an uncomfortable conversation now, than wishing you had the talk later. Hang in there!

Try having some of these conversations in the car where she doesn't have to look at you. My DH enjoys times when he knows he'll have uninterrupted time with his kids, especially SD, in the car because then he gets to hear all the stuff that happened at school, talk to her about life and the universe, etc. I know it's hard, and maybe even say, "I know it might be hard to talk to your dad, but this is important stuff" and don't feel like have to say it all at once. Next time the 16 yr old mentions her BF, talk to her about him and about love and relationships and sex.

They are not easy talks, generally, but if you can open the door to them and remind them that you are their dad, you love them, and are there for them, it will help all of you get through the next few years.

Friend of my DH's was a single dad to 2 girls (his wife died) and they are well-adjusted women now. Dads CAN raise daughters.

The aunts can still be enlisted, but don't discount your own abilities to raise your girls.

Have you tried books at all? There are many out there that cover everything from just the basic body changes in puberty all the way to birth control. You could maybe find some that are appropriate for each age. The girls could read them & come to you with questions or maybe even phone female relatives with questions if that would be more comfortable. Is there a teacher or counselor at school who your girls would talk to? Do you belong to a church that may have some female members that the girls could talk to? I know it can be an awkward topic. If you are talking to them, maybe try doing it in the car so they can talk without looking directly at you as it may make them a little more comfortable. Or you could have them write down questions/topics they would like to know more about. You could try checking with their doctor to see if he/she will talk with them or has any literature they could read. Sometimes hospitals even offer free or low-cost sessions, usually just an hour or two on a Saturday. Good Luck! They are lucky to have a Dad who is willing to talk with them & it is definitely OK to be worried about your 16 year old with a boyfriend. Any good parent would be.

All the responses so far have been great and I would only add that maybe you should plan a bit for the conversation. Write down what you want to talk about or make a mental list, but it will feel awkward again and you may forget. Your daughters will surely feel uncomfortable but you have to suck it up and have this very important conversation.

And you should assume your 16 year old is having sex with her boyfriend and she needs to understand birth control and STDs. She should see a gynecologist very soon even if she is saying they are not having sex (would she admit it if they were)? If you talk with the gynecologists office before the visit letting them know it's her first and if they could pay special attention to discuss birth control and the various STDs that will reinforce what you have already discussed with her and give her maybe a more comfortable outlet to ask questions.

Good luck and when they are adults you will laugh about your awkward talk. She and her friends may get a good giggle out of it, but she will know you love her and care about her well being enough to muster through it.