My Two Year Old Son Is Not Minding His Daddy

Hello G.,

I am in the same boat as you are my son who is 2 1/2 years old doesn't listen to his daddy, he does wine and throw tantrums when his daddy gets home but it isn't all the time. You are definatly not alone!!! What we are doing is when he starts to get unruly I tell him in a gentle listen to daddy ok. And he says okay but this only last a couple of mintues but his dad is really patient with him and after a while he starts to listen and not wine.

This is perfectly normal. He can't Communicate what he's feeling due to vocabulary limitations and emotional overload. Maybe having the dad call during lunch and talking to him and at any other opportunities in his day. This may make your husbands coming home less emotional for him. My girls do the same thing sometimes especially interupting while were talking. We try to decide wether what were talking about is important or can it wait. Trust me I understand your need to talk to your husband (adult conversation). My husband tries to make time for me after we have put the kids to bed. There are times though that we just deal with the fact that our conversations our filled with interuptions. I do try to teach them not to interupt but I also understand their desperate for daddy's attention. Their intention isn't to be rude.

When I was nannying I took care of a 5 yr. old and a 3 yr old they would be playing very quietly no problems then mom would walk in and the 5 yr old would chase his sister and tackle her. He was screaming for attention and knew that making her mad would do it. Otherwise she would say hi and then go to her office and jump on the treadmill for an hour and then shower, then make dinner. She tried to blame me for the behavior but I talked with her and her husband (who was much more rational and understanding). She after that started getting up earlier in the morning to excercise or if she had to do it after work she let the kids come into the office with her. They would play the keyboard or draw and talk to their mom. Mind you they are older than your son so being in the room and talking to her was good enough.

I hope I've helped.
A.

Yes! it is because daddy is at work and you are home with him all day. This is a stage and it will get better and yes he does need more time with daddy. He misses daddy and doesn't quit understand why he is gone for so long. I told my son that if daddy didn't go to work we wouldn't have food to eat or toys to play with a house to live in daddy needs to work to make money so we can have these things. Try greeting daddy at the door. You should be able to include your son when talking to daddy, if it needs to be private save it for after his bed time. Hang in there this too shall pass. With the tantrums and the whinning. I told him if he couldn't talk without whinning then I couldn't hear him. I told him if he didn't stop kicking and screaming I couldn't see him. They do it for the attention and when you stop paying attention they find another way. Reward good behavoir with upmost attention. Hope this helps.

Yep, I totally agree with the responses that speak of missing the parent that's working- even though it's not really fair. It's definately a difficult problem but in my experience there are ways to deal with it, as some responses mentioned - spending special time with that parent is very important and goes a long way for bonding and relieving that need.

I have 3 kids (11,7 and 4) and they aren't toddlers anymore, but still need that one on one Dad time or they separate from him in a way and can still act out toward him. It is a phase, but what I've noticed is that the phases come back and you have to readjust as the kids age. For instance, our 7 yr old was getting that way all over again and it took me leaving the house for a few nights a week (grocery shopping, bookstore etc) to leave her with Daddy in charge of bedtime, story time etc. After a few nights here and there with her Daddy, she was all cuddly and responsive to him again (and he totally gets to bond with her as well).

It seems like a lot of work - well, it IS a lot of work - but it's worth it for both the kids and parents to keep up that relationship! I've noticed that if you put in the work with the kids then the time for spending with your spouse (or by yourself) appears because your not constantly battling for time with the kids.

Lots of luck! Hang in there, you're at a tough age, but it gets better.
Jenn K

I do not have any advice for you but I wil let you know your not alone I have been having the same problem with my two year old son. At times it can be so hard because my son doesn't want my husband to do anything for him change his clothes, get him food, or play games. He'll tell my husband that he does't like him and that he wants mommy to do it. I have consider the same reasons as you because my husband works at least five days a week sometime six. I fear that he is angry with him for not being arround. It is hard for me to leave because my son gets upset and doesn't mind my husband while I am gone.My friend whose son is now four said that when they experienced this problem it helped to have her husband do one on one time on his days off like going to the park or to a museum. she said after a few weeks this was extremely helpful. Good Luck!

Maybe daddy can take him out on a saturday and go to the mall just the two of them and get something to eat, make it a special day of every week for just the two of them and your son will be satisfied. Sometimes this age is really tough but every child is different so find out what makes your son happy and stick with that. I wish all the family the best.

This is a phase. In about a month or two, it will be all about daddy and might not be about you. I've been going thru that for a year now..it's always daddy daddy daddy..

I don't really have any good advice for you, but I'm going through the same thing, only reversed. My husband is a stay at home daddy and I go to school during the day. My daughter is four and she has these horrible fits and won't mind when I get home. My son is just one and he follows me around the house crying and pulling on my legs and arms from the moment I step through the doorway until he goes to bed at night.
We just keeping muddling through and trying to be patient (which is definitely not always easy). I've noticed that their behavior gets a little better over the weekends when I'm home all day. So maybe it is just that they miss the parent who isn't there. (I always joke that they are trying to get back at me for being gone all week. LOL)
Good luck, and if you do happen to find anything that works, please clue me in. And know that you guys aren't the only ones going through this.

I would suggest a sign language video and the book or DVD, The Happiest Toddler on the Block. You can find them both at:

http://astore.amazon.com/motherandbabe0c-20/104-###-###-#...

Good luck!