Based on whatever standing rules you have (ours explained below) I explain how I handle my children’s whining. Standing house rules are important and even toddlers can understand and remember – but need reminding. Stick to the rules in your home, whatever they might be. Also, always remain calm. You want your children to exhibit that behavior, so be their role model. When she is whining and there are rules about whining, remind her “Remember what happens… Yes Maam, Put on Ignore, and then Regroup Time”. Once they get it then only remind them of one or two steps. LOL… sometimes they will remind you of the missing steps…LOL!
In our house, the rule is that two full cups is the maximum number of sweet drinks any child can have a day and others drinks must be water or milk. (For us, there is a history of diabetes.) Juice is laden with calories from sugar and may causes diarrhea. Soda eats away the enamel of childrens' teeth if they drink it often, no matter if it is caffeine or sugar free.
Say, she wants Kool-Aid yet has already had 2 cups so far and is whining for more. At her age, I believe it appropriate to say to her, “Whining will not get you what you want. Say ’Yes maam.’ You know the rules.” Later I explain that the world does not work that way. After you go through the progression, less and less steps will be taken. The “Yes maam or Yes sir” usually works immediately once the cycles are worked through a few times. If she does not say it (if she hasn’t done this before, have her practice saying the words with you). Then that might be just the thing to get her mind off of whatever it is and you and her can talk about other choices.
If not, tell her, “If you are not able to say ‘Yes maam’, you know what is next. (Never offer her what she is whining for -that reinforces her negative behavior). Next, you’ll be put on ignore.”
If it continues, announce, “YOU ARE ON ‘IGNORE’ NOW,” and stick to it! That lasts for about two minutes. If she continues, then I simply inform her that the next step is that she will be ignored until she regains composure and if she continues then she will be asked to go to her room to relax and to regain composure.
If she continues to whine or throws a tantrum, repeat the rules ONCE and if she does not stop immediately, then I say, “TO YOUR ROOM TO REGROUP,” and immediately send her to the comfort and safety of her room to calm down and regain control of her emotions.
If my children, either going to their room or when in the room, are being loud and disruptive to get attention, I say, “PUT YOUR FACE IN YOUR PILLOW”. Beforehand, the first few times, I advise them to put their face into a pillow because their negative behavior is not tolerated and should not disrupt the lives of other family members. Sometimes, I hand them their pillow. At this point, since my kids know what is coming and they will not elicit a response from me or other family members, they usually calm down within seconds and accept the situation.
Drink situations usually does not create going through all these different levels of discipline. However, I wanted to share with you the progression I use for most disputes. As this is used, there are usually only one or two steps used. Nevertheless, for the first month or so, it might be all the steps. Also, expect some tantrums to be thrown. Be patient. Realize it is normal. Let them work through it. However, what is key and something that is not often shared by pediatricians, is that children should not be allowed to disrupt the home. This lesson is essential, one that is not taught enough in today’s society. Crying into a pillow teaches them just that – not have their feelings burden others around them. Certainly, if consoling is needed (such as if they hurt themselves or are sad because their friend is unable to play with them), being warm and comforting children is necessary. However, when it comes to selfish whining and crying… well, that is a different story.