My Very Active 3 Year Old, Wont Sleep or Eat... HELP!!!

Hi, I don't know if this wil be helpful or not, but you might try to find out a little more about what he is eating at daycare.

Sometimes what they eat - especially if it is something loaded with preservatives or coloring, can affect a child so that they are more hyperactive. Since he eats at his daycare- you probably don't really know what he is getting into his system- may be something worth looking into. Preservatives are everywhere. I had a friend whose child quickly calmed and was a lot less grumpy after changing her diet. Like I said- don't know if it applies or not- but something for thought!

Hi S.--

Not sure if you're still checking responses since I got to this late, but I thought I'd throw in my own thoughts. Neither one of my boys are sleepers, so I understand.

A few things--it could very well be food allergies. Typically ADHD type behavior is related to food allergies (sometimes environmental). Does he have eczema? Get rashes? Have a consistently stuffy nose? Puffy eyes or dark circles under his eyes? Do you notice behavior changes with certain foods or around certain people?

You say he's not over or underweight, so I wouldn't worry about his eating. Kids this age are pretty good at regulating their calories.

As for sleep, have you tried sleeping with him? Have you tried some natural remedies? There are lots out there that work great. I'd be happy to go through them with you.

I'm going to throw something out here that may sound confusing, but here goes. If it's not food allergies then you might have a crystal child. It would take some explaining, so if this thought interests you then let me know and I'll fill you in further.

Hope I can help!
J.

My advice is similiar to Ann's. At three and a half, I'm assuming your son knows his numbers. Our son has always been an early riser. We put a clock in his room. Except to go to the bathroom, he is not allowed out of bed until seven. Even at the age of three, he knew to look at the first number and if it wasn't a 7, he had to stay in bed. You could also change this a little and tell him he has to play quietly in his room until he sees the number you decide on. You do have to follow through on this rule, though, even if it means some crying. Kids cry when they don't get what they want. When you give in, you are teaching him that what you say doesn't count. Stay strong. You can do it. Parenting is hard work.

I definitely will not call you selfish. You are the mom, however, and with dad gone a lot, you need to be twice as strong. The patterns you establish in your home now will continue all your son's life. If you are not the parent you want to be now, you will not be the parent you need to be when he is thirteen and beyond. (Sorry, that sounds so mean when I write it, but it is true!) YOU CAN DO IT!

I wouldn't worry about his weight. Just offer only healthy food and he will eat enough. At three and a half, you might want to consider having him stay in his chair until you have finished eating. That is just good manners and if you are sitting and visiting with him, he may take another few bites.

You might want to check into the ADHD things. If your doctor doesn't seem to listen, find a pediatric neurologist. They have a lot more experience and can give you lots of good advice.

Good luck,
T.

Our daughter is a very early riser, so we wound up putting a bright night light on a timer in her room. The rule is if the light is on, it is time to be in bed. In our case it is set to go on at 6:45 pm, which signals that it's time for our "lets get ready for bed, brush teeth, read stories" routine. It goes off at 5:45 am, at which time she can go out of her room. She is allowed to get up to go potty, but that's the only exception. Sometimes I can hear her singing or talking to herself in her room before the light goes off -- but at least she isn't in ours telling us it's time to get up and play!

As far as eating, if he isn't underweight, I wouldn't worry about it too much. You can give him a children's multi-vitamen if you think he isn't getting enough fruits or vegtables.

Very Best Wishes,

A.

When my son started to stay awake for several hours during the evening instead of sleeping and getting up at five, I started to watch his activity. My son happens to be ADHD and needs help getting to sleep. He still gets up at five-thirty but he goes to bed earlier.

My kids have always been good eaters. Good luck!!!

S.,

I've been there, and you have my sympathy. I agree with some previous advice about finding out what he eats at daycare and also strongly advise taking him to a specialist to check for ADHD or other issues.

My son is also very active and athletic and bright. He had trouble sleeping and sitting still long enough to eat. He was referred for testing by his preschool, and diagnosed with Sensory Processing Disorder. The therapist told us his body craves extra sensory input. She gave us activities to do throughout the day and before bedtime to help fill that need for sensory input so his body could relax and fall asleep. She also had us put light ankle weights on him at night to help him sleep. He's still not the world's best sleeper, but it did improve.

It was also reassuring to talk with the therapist and find out which of his traits were common in children with sensory-craving issues (athleticism, sleep issues, and eating issues are all common), and to find out why some of the "standard" suggestions for helping children sleep weren't working for him and sometimes made it worse. He, too, could cry and scream for hours, so I quickly gave up on the "cry it out" method. He could be put back to bed over and over again with no change in how frequently he woke up in the night. Making his room dark and quiet, trying to calm him down before bedtime, and other things actually made his sensory cravings and his sleeping worse. My husband works out of town often, too, and accused me of NOT doing those things to try to help him sleep, so it was becoming a source of tension for us.

Getting the proper diagnosis and understanding what to do about it (requires no medications, just some therapeutic activities and NOT doing some of the standard things) has been a huge help for us. My son is doing better. I get more uninterrupted sleep at night and don't feel so tired at work during the day, and I feel much better. I hope you can find some answers soon, too.

Good luck!

I don't have a solution, but I feel your pain. My 3yr old boy is the same way. But I stayed firm on the being in bed (there are zero toys in his room for this reason) by 9:30pm (that's our family norm) and to not come out until 6:00am. He just lays there. It took work to get him to be quiet too. Like weeks of insisting. My son NEVER slept the amount they claim they are supposed to, not even the minimum. He's not hyperactive. He's just focused. :) Seriously focused. Anyway, just know you aren't alone! I wish I had better advice.

Chances are he has at least an hour of nap time/quiet time at daycare too (its state regulation in many states that kids under 5 who are in daycare for more than about 5 hours have a dedicated nap time). Ask them what they do to get him to nap. (Don't try to cut out the nap, being over tired can make it harder for him to sleep).

Create a schedule. Dinnertime is at a set time; he doesn't have to eat, but he needs to sit at the table. Start with 5 minutes that you expect him to sit. Have conversation. If he gets up, bring him back to the table. Have a set bedtime - he doesn't have to sleep, just be in his room with the lights out (maybe have a dim lamp or a nightlight). Start at 9:45 and after he's used to that, push it back by 15 minutes every few weeks. When he wakes up at 5, he should also play quietly in his room.
When my husband was out of town or working the night shift, I would let my kids in my bed. Sometimes the boys still come in (they're 5 and 7) but they're pretty good at going back to their bed when I tell them. But it may be that this will save your sanity and help him sleep a bit better - it's totally your choice.

You are going to have to stick to your guns. Choose your battles, but be firm. You don't have to just lock him in and let him cry, you can be with him if it helps him calm down. He may have learned how to push your buttons to get his way. You want to give him the security of knowing that mom is the one in charge.

It's challenging right now, I know. But it won't last forever. Hang in there. You can do it!

I wouldn't worry about eating as long as you are only offering healthy choices, not just his favorites and if he is hungry he will eat.

As for the sleep, put him in bed at 7pm, period. No exceptions. See how long it actually take him to fall asleep.
He should be up and walking around at 10:30 by any means at his age. Put him in bed at the good time for a three year old and leave him in his bed telling him he cannot get up.
If he lays there starting at the ceiling or talking to himself for three hours, so be it. He can be overstimulated and wired out which causes insomnia, not good for a three year old.
At his age he should be getting at the VERY LEAST 10 hours of sleep to 12 hours each night, with or without a nap included.
I would talk to your Pediatrician, seriously. Lack of sleep can cause all sorts of issues, lack of growth, learning problems, behavioral issues.

7 hours isn't enough for a healthy grown up let alone a 3.5 year old. Also if he wakes at 3am, he isn't to get up and have him lay there, I hope you really stress that! He needs to go lay back down and rest his eyes not wake up and play.

He is eating at daycare, so you know he isn't starving and he won't starve himself. Don't always let him choose either. Make healthy meals for your whole family, sit at the table and have him sit with you! He doesn't have to eat, but has to sit down with everyone until the meal is finished. I am sure that is what he is seeing at the daycare too which could help encourage him to eat as a group. If he choose not to eat, don't offer him anything else, cut down on snacking before meals too.
Call your Dr about the insomnia. It could be hyperactivity which can lead to learning issues down the road. Some kids don't need as much sleep as others but 7 hours is not enough at all for him.