My Worst Fear Is Coming True

Just want to send you lots of love and support. I am hoping you have a wonderful family who can shower you with hugs and kisses. The one thing I will say is there is no tougher fighter on this planet than a mother so I am wishing you the very best with any decision you make.

Its hard....but...please be positive.

I think you will have this baby. I think you will be alright.

I dont know why I think this...I just do.

HT, I am SO sorry. I was faced with a similar situation a couple of years ago. The day I found out I was pg was the day I heard my specialist say, "maybe cancer." My husband was gone for a few months on work and could absolutely not talk about it on the phone with me (he was leading a mission trip and Abortion was not something he could talk about on a public phone.) I had two small children and the diagnosis would not be in for a few weeks, still a lot more testing to do.

I had one week to decide if I wanted a medical abortion (via pill) or wait and face a surgical abortion (you know, the pics the pro-life folks show you). I could not stand to do a surgical abortion but I did not know for sure that I had cancer, either. I just couldn't wait for the tests to decide. I had to make the decision alone b/c my husband could not be reached by phone.

I chose to stay alive for the children I already have. My worst fear is leaving my babies without a mother. I could NOT NOT NOT. I couldn't. So I asked my mother what she thought about abortion and she said, "It's a sin. Period." Then I told her I was going to have one. She held my hand and sat by my side for 24 hours straight. She loves me in ways only a mother can.

I hated myself for about a year and a half and it was an issue in our marriage. My husband knew what had happened, but he wasn't there with me. He did not hold my hand. he did not understand how broken I was.

I am lucky to belong to a church community that welcomes me without judgement. It took a long time to really understand that God forgave me and the real work I had to do was forgive myself. But all along, I knew I made the best choice I could with the information I was given; and no, it turns out I did not have cancer. I had been very sick for months and to this day we don't know why.

I am sorry for what you are going through, and I hope my story shows you that you are not alone. Women face really tough choices. Do not let anyone stand in judgement of you -- honestly that has been the hardest thing. I feel like I SHOULD hate myself more because so many loud people hate what I did. But in the same situation I guarantee you that a good number would do what I did and just not talk about it.

I was going to PM you about this, because I am hurt by the pro-life folks who have never been in this situation, but I guess that is exactly why I feel the need to post it openly. Who among them would have raised my children for me?

I hope with all my heart that you are healthy and I wish you peace with whatever you decide.

Do NOT listen to the posts that are sending you a guilt trip about having the baby and that they think it will be OK. Wow. Easy for someone else who doesn't have to make a life and death decision to say. Talk to your doctors, listen to them. No, they do not know everything and miracles happen all the time BUT they know cancer better than you and anyone on this list. Good luck with you treatment and your decision. It is your to make and whatever you decide will be the right decision.

I'm so sorry that you are going through this and I will pray that it all works out for you. I remember when I was pregnant with my son who is now 3 years old I met a women who was dealing with the same issue. My pregancy was high risk so i met quite a few women who were facing challenges with their pregnancies. Anyway this women was 40 years old, pregnant and had cancer for the second time around. we both would have our appointments regularly where we would sit in these big recliners and have these monitors attached to our stomachs to fetal movement could be monitored. She was about six - eight months along at the time and was doing great. I'm sure she delivered a healthy baby. I thought she was very brave and strong to do what she did. I know everyone's situation is different but I don't think its impossible for you to keep your baby. Miricles happen everyday!
I know whatever decision you make everything will work out in the end. I'm not one of the pro-life advocates. I think a women should do what is best for her and the family. Because I was told that I would never have children it makes me lean toward having the baby.
Good luck in your decision

I really feel your pain and your fright. It's never easy to consider having an abortion even for those of us who are ardently pro-choice. I know and have been there. Not having a lot of time to make the decision puts extra pressure on us. Mixing fear and anxiety with hormones and hopes is a lot for anyone to bear.

This situation is exactly why we need to let each woman make the decision her heart and head tell her to do. It's wonderful to be hopeful that you will have a 2nd child and be alive to watch it grow along with your 2 year old daughter. But do the tests and prognosis support this? You will know more on Monday when you get your results. Your doctors should be able to connect you with a counselor who can see you on an emergency basis and help you sort out your options, risks, feelings.

My neighbor got cancer during her pregnancy and was not able to get treatments. She died, leaving her daughter without a mom. It's not been a good situation. You and the daughter you have are top priority.

I am thinking of you and send you my support, whatever decision you make.

I don't have an answer for you, just wanted to say that you and your family are in my prayers. Just fight...fight like hell!

Kim

I am so sorry you are going through this. I truly hope that everything works out for you.
I have never been through cancer myself and can't imagine how awful this must be for you. If I was in the same situation, I think I would terminate the pregnancy so that I could get the necessary treatment and be there for my little girl. But, of course, that decision is so incredibly hard to make.

I would recommend talking to a therapist and, if needed, have your OB and oncologist talk to each other to see if there are any other possible courses of action you can take.

I wish you all the best.

I am so sorry for you. I am sure your crushed, I would be also. You have a 2 year old daughter .... how wonderful for you. I cannot give you any answers ...that will come to you. Please what ever you decide have no guilt. You decide what is best for you and your family. I am sending you all my support with your decision.

you have to do what's right for you. Could you live with yourself if you terminated this pregnancy? Is there no way to treat it without harming the baby? What would be the outcome of delaying treatment? I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. I've heard of other mothers delaying treatment during their pregnancy. I'll be praying for you, mama.

Follow your docs on this on. Non-hodgkins can be reeeeeally aggressive, and any delay in treating a relapse can be deadly FAST. My very very dear friend went from fever to funeral in 4 days after being in remission for 3 years. He was told on day one that he needed to be admitted immediately, but he had a "thing" to do that was important to him... so he delayed treatment for 48 hours. It cost him his life, and he was only 24.

PLEASE take care of yourself in the EXACT way your oncologist recommends.

I know it's hard. I have a kind of cancer that skyrockets when pregnancy hormones start flooding my system. Absolutely out of control. With my son I had to have surgery almost once a month in order to keep it under control... and had lost a baby prior since it couldn't be controlled. ((Needless to say, I'm strongly recommended against getting preggers again :( ))

Wow. I am so very sorry you are going through this awful experience. At 11 weeks, you don't really have much time to get extra opinions and weigh all your options. You are right that there are no "right" answers here -- you need to do what is necessary to save your own life. Just know that we're out here pulling for you, praying for you, and sending warm hugs in thought your way -- especially those of us who are both Moms and cancer survivors.

Wow, I am so sorry to hear what a hard time you are having. I will pray for you for sure. Maybe, if you are struggling so with a decision to terminate, you could talk to your Dr about letting your baby grow until the age of viability out of the womb. I know having a preemie is not an easy choice but maybe it would give you both a chance medically and leave the outcome to God. Again I am really sorry, I wish you weren't faced with such tough news and I am with you that you are going to beat this thing! I know your two year old needs her mommy so much, but I also think this little one you are carrying needs you too and I so hope it works out that you get to be mommy to both. I wish you all the best, a happy life, and a healed body. Hang in there!!! HUGS!!!

wow, I dont even know what to say. I am so sorry that you are facing this disease, and this heartwrenching decision. Just know that if it comes down to your life, or the pregnancy NO ONE should judge you, not even yourself. As heartbreaking as this would be, if you would need to terminate in order to fight for your life, and to see your daughter grow up, thats what you should do. I'm sure that would not make it any easier. I wish I had some wonderful words that could somehow make this make sense, but I dont think thats possible. I pray for strength for you, and just know that I, like many other mamas here support you and will be praying for you and your family. And if you need an ear to bend, we are here!!! {{{{HUGS}}}} And love to you. Please keep us all posted, and take care of yourself!

I have no advice for you but please know I am sorry to hear about your situation and no matter which choice you make I will be praying for you and your family.

Oh, my heart is wrenching for you! I have no answer, just support. Pray hard and hopefully God will let you know what's best. I'll keep you and your family in my prayers.

I am so sorry! Please know, that in your case, there is no right or wrong answer. It is one you will really have to educate yourself on and pray about. You could have a healthy baby and be fine if you delay treatment, or it may be aggressive and the treatment can't wait. My heart is aching for you and will be in my prayers. Please build a good support around you who can help you through your choice.

God will never give you anything you can not handle. You must be a very strong woman! :)
Please know that I will keep you, your children, and you husband in my prayers!

God Bless,
A.

I just wanted to say how sorry I am. Any decision you make will be the right one!

you're right no one can give you the "right" answer, but our hearts and prayers are going out to you. god bless...

And I thought that I was having a bad week...! I wish I knew more about this cancer, but if you need help with ANYTHING, please send me a private e-mail. I have family at Karmanos who can get you in right away and give you their thoughts.
HUGE HUGS and I will be praying for strength for you all ( I know it may not be much, but it works for me so I am helping this works for you).
XOXXXXXXXXXO

I am absolutely 100% pro-life, EXCEPT when the Mother's life is at stake. I think this counts. I am SO sorry to hear that you even have to make this decision. I can only imagine how heartwrenching this must be for you and your husband. I am a breast cancer patient and my youngest was 18 months when I was diagnosed in December. I have an aggressive form of cancer and I have sometimes wondered what I would have done in your situation. I'm so very sorry that you actually have to face this. I agree with one poster who said to get another opinion or two. I'm not sure what kind of relationship you have with your Oncologist. If you trust them 100% and know for sure that they wouldn't steer you in one way or another for convenience sake, then maybe it isn't necessary, but for your own peace of mind, you might just make an appointment with a couple of others to be sure. I know you probably don't have a lot of time to make a decision, but try to be as informed as you can on this issue and find someone that specializes in these situations, if possible.

I can't imagine how terrified you must be on top of the sadness, so I will be praying hard for you. God gave me an incredible amount of peace about my cancer. I think our situations are very different, but I know I love and serve a God who heals. Pray about this and let Him speak to you. As you said, nobody on earth can give you the "right" answer, but He can. I pray for your peace and healing and comfort as you face this horrible disease again.

Many Blessings to you and your family.

I will be praying for you and your little ones. I have never been in your shoes, but I have held my 16 week baby. He had died before his birth. It was pure agony. I would never wish that on anyone.

If the cancer is back maybe you could carry the baby long enough to get the lungs developed. Babies have survived being born as early as 21 weeks. That may not be ideal, and hopefully you could carry longer. It would be hard for me to not at least give the baby a chance.

I know a woman who had cancer AND a healthy baby.
It is possible in some instances.
Wait for your test results before making a decision.
I will pray for you and hope that you receive a healing miracle, not only for yourself, but your baby.

Try to relax and take care of yourself as much as possible this weekend before your test results. There is nothing you can do about anyting until then.

I assume you trust your doctor, but get a second opinion.
Hang in there. Taking care of you is the most important thing right now.

Best wishes.
Let us know how it goes.
I pray, really, that you will sail through these waters.

Its a hard call. Your older daughter needs you. I think abortion in some situtation like this one is needed. What if you took the baby to full term but the cancer was too far gone in you to do anything. What would your family do without you. I will pray for you in whatever decsion you decide.

Dear H.T.,
I am so sorry you are going through such incredible stress right now. You said you are looking for support right now and I think mamapedia is a great place to get it. I am sending you positive thoughts of healing as I write this. This is such a tough and heart wrenching decision and for you to have to decide it seems so unfair. That said, I know you will make the very best decision for your whole family and that, should you choose to terminate this pregnancy, you will find a way to remember your "littlest one" in different ways for yourself and your daughter. Keep fighting. Ms. Lee

http://www.healthline.com/sw/cpd-non-hodgkins-lymphoma-du...

Non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma (NHL) usually affects older adults and, therefore, women are seldom found to have NHL when they are pregnant. Most non-Hodgkin’s lymphomas are aggressive and delaying treatment until after the baby has been delivered appears to lead to a poor outcome. Immediate treatment is often recommended, even during pregnancy. Children who were exposed to doxorubicin (a chemotherapy drug) before they were born have been monitored for up to 11 years, and they do not appear to suffer from side effects of the drug. Long-term studies have not been conducted to determine the effects of other chemotherapy drugs on children who were exposed to them before birth. Ending the pregnancy during the first trimester of pregnancy may also be an option for women who have aggressive NHL that must be treated immediately. Early delivery may reduce or avoid the fetus’ exposure to chemotherapy drugs or radiation therapy. Women who have indolent (slow-growing) non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma can usually delay treatment.

http://www.revolutionhealth.com/articles/lymphoma-non-hod...#

I'm not familiar with the above websites.

Best wishes to you. Lots of hugs.

Here is what I would do, though western medicine frowns upon it:
http://www.rawpaleodiet.com/lex-rooker-usa/

Good luck,
Maureen

I just want to say you will be in my thoughts I hope the best for you and your daughter. Good luck to you hopefully Monday will bring you some better news.

I am so sorry you are faced with such tough decisions. My suggestion would be get a second and/or a third opinion. Visit with another oncologist and seek out a high risk OB doctor who has dealt with non hodgkins lymphoma during pregnancy. Is the oncologist wanting you to terminate the pregnancy because it would make it easier for him to treat your cancer or have less liability?? or do pregnancy hormones cause your kind of cancer to spread out of control?? What are the options of delaying treatment for a few months? Doctors are not God, they do not know everything! So get several opinions, pray about it and make your decision. I will be praying for you!