Nanny Issues Advice

I would sit down with her and with a concrete list, and go over your concerns with her one by one. Just say it's her 2 month review to see how everyone is doing. Tell her her positive points, ie. how your little girl seems to really like her, how she is prompt and reliable..., and then go over her bad points, she doesn't get the toys out, keep daughter's hair combed, follow all of the rules you have set. Ask for her input and then say, let's see if we can work together on making a more positive experiance for my daughter. Tell her in 2 weeks, you will have a follow up review, and if things haven't changed then let her go. Make sure she understands before her follow up review that you are serious about a change.

I kind of agree with everyone. Let me tell you my perspective from your nanny's side. JUST on what you have posted it sounds like it is maybe just some minor issues. I have been in childcare for 10 yrs, the last 4 of which I have had my own in home daycare. I have learned A LOT doing it on my own, as opposed to working at a school. Like someone else said, there will always be SOMETHING you don't agree with when it comes to who is helping you raise your daughter. I have been on your end too as a working mom and I think sometimes part of it is jelousy ... PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE don't take that the wrong way. I am saying that I have personally felt that and had to step back and realize that the things that were making me "upset" weren't really a big deal, but I was just jelous I was not the one home with my child and felt I needed to have TOTAL control over the day. NOBODY can take your place and do things the absolute way you would. Only Mommy can be Mommy. The families I currently sit for I have been with since their children have been infants (6 wks old) and some are almost 3 now! I know that there are things we see differently but I KNOW they trust me and they have no reservations when they leave their child with me. There have been things in the past we have had to overcome and I had to bend or they had to bend. You have to meet in the middle and find a common ground. Just because things are done differently doesn't mean they are bad. Now not letting her play with toys could be that maybe she feels like YOU expect the house to be very tidy and she feels like that is a main concern of yours... make it clear you are okay if you come home and the toys are out, you would rather her be playing than the house be spotless. I had a mom once who always fussed if her daughter was not clean and put together when she got here to pick her up... I had to help her see that it wasn't fair to her daughter if I made her sit out when we did finger paintings b/c her mom wanted her to be clean. Sometimes a messy child is a sign of a "good" day! My parents know if their kids are sandy, finger painted and have messy hair.. that just means we had a very productive day and they didn't sit in front of the tv all day.

The BEST thing to do is to go with your instinct... if you don't feel comfortable with her you may just be looking for something to pick on... if these things really bother you that badly, then find another nanny. You have to feel 100% comfortable that your child is taken care of and loved and make sure all of your expectations are clear from the beginning.. also ask the nanny what she expects out of the job. Things she feels are important and not... you may not have the same values when it comes to raising children and that is important.

sorry to be so long... I just know from experience on both ends that communication is KEY! If mom and sitter/nanny aren't communicating and getting along, it isn't a great environment for your daughter. You want your nanny to be happy and she will be more patient, loving and nurturing for your daughter. If there is friction she will just be ready to go home at the end of the day and not really care.

Good luck with what ever you choose to do!

Lisa wrote down exactly everything I wanted to write down! Seems like your nanny is not really bad, but you have to make her follow your rules. So I think Lisa's advice is very good. Make clear to her that it's important to you to follow the rules. Maybe she thinks it's no big deal to comb the hair of your daughter.
Remember, if you change nanny's, the next one will comb the hair, but will be always late. There's always something, the only person who can do it exactly how you want it is ... yourself. Unfortunately you have to work, so I think you have to compromise a little (not too much)

Good luck, I.

It's usually true that you get what you pay for. Are you paying this nanny a high enough salary? The going rate in Dallas for a nanny (not a babysitter, but a nanny) is about $12 to $15 an hour, more for someone with a lot of experience or a degree. Legally, live-out nannies who work over 40 hours a week should be paid time and a half. Does she receive any benefits such as paid holidays and sick days?

A nanny should follow your instructions, arrive on time, provide love and care (including hair brushing) and then expect a fair wage in return.

You might look at www.nanny.org and download a written job agreement so that both you and she know what to expect from one another. Take it from someone who has been in the business for over 20 years: good communication and trust are two of the biggest keys to a successful relationship with your nanny.

By the way, if something doesn't feel quite right with her, terminate her.

S. -

You've already made the decision, you don't want to keep her, so maybe you're just looking for confirmation (?) The only good thing you said about her is that she shows up when she says she will. This is not in my top 3 list of someone to watch my child (it's important, sure, but if I had to choose between a great nanny who always ran late and a bad one that was prompt, I'm going with the great one and I'll just start telling her she needs to be there at an earlier time than I really need her)

I had a nanny for my son when I first went back to work and I never once felt uncomfortable about what they did during the day. I don't think it is normal to feel the way you do toward your nanny. Sure you could sit with her and go over things, but honestly, from your post, again, the only redeeming quality you've put out to us is that she's on time. And that's just not sounding like a good deal, you know? If there was just one area of frustration, like your daughter's hair being a mess, then great - sit down and hash that out - but it sounds as if you'd be sitting down and asking her just to be someone completely different than who she is. That's not fair to you, her, or your daughter. So maybe you should just cut your losses and find someone that you can establish a better rapport with.

It's very tough, though, because the prospect of finding new care is overwhelming and is probably hindering your decision. Don't let it. Just as we somehow find money in our budgets to afford babies we were sure we couldn't, you will find the time in your schedule to find a better care situation for your daughter.

Good luck!

S.

It sounds like she is not interested in doing what you wish. Interesting that she would feel that way, since YOU are the EMPLOYER, paying her money. Never in any job that I have had, have I had the option of doing things contrary to my employer's instructions and still keeping my job. Couple that with the fact that your daughter doesn't get to play with her own toys, and just the basic fact that you are not comfortable with the situation - that is all you need to know that this nanny has to go. Your daughter deserves the very best - you know this, otherwise you wouldn't be asking what to do! Go with your instinct and fire the nanny. You will NOT regret it. If it were my children, I would fire her TODAY.

Of course you find another nanny. If she refuses to follow your requests, there's no other way to deal with her. You might give her one last warning; but I really feel you've given her time to understand your wishes. I'm sure the right caregiver is out there somewhere. Start interviewing again. You need to feel like you can leave your daughter without a moment's worry.