Nap Nightmare

Have you explained it to him, really told him what and why?
We learned this from YokaReader.com- has worked for us, best, K

It may be easier at school because all the other kids are doing it AND you're not there. Kids know they can get away with things if mommy and daddy are there!

It will be easier for him to do nap time at school because that is what all the other kids will be doing to. And he may not need a nap any more. Not all children are the same. There were a lot of days when my oldest daughter would not nap at two years of age. She potty trained herself before she was two. Her sister was born when she was 11 months old. A lot of days when her baby sister was sleeping we spent Mom and Me time instead of napping. He will be fine.

My 3 year old son has always taken a better nap at daycare than at home. They see everyone else going to sleep. Naptime at home is a different story. I would start letting him take a nap at daycare.

I used to work at a preschool. We took kids from 2.5 to 5. I could tell that some were either still nursed or bottle fed. Anyways, they each transitioned very well. I don't remember even one of them crying at naptime. We'd dim the lights, lay out mats, and put the kids to sleep on the mats. Many brought their security blankets. If any had troubles falling asleep, we'd pat their backs until they fell asleep. It really was a peaceful process. Don't worry about your son napping at school. He should be fine as the other kids will all be napping as well.

If you don't think he is transitioning well just yet maybe just stop everything and go back to the way things were for another month or two....this may prove to be easier on everyone. Kids change, develop, mature even sometimes over short time periods like a couple months. Also, he may very well start reducing his nursing requests as the milk starts to change....this would allow the problem to be easily solved at his own doing :-) My daughter had just turned 2 when I got preg and within 4-5 months into the preg she had stopped asking all on her own....the taste and supply often changes and many kids don't care for it. I never refused, she stopped asking.

The other thing to consider is that we are just coming upon flu season and your 2 year old will be at a better advantage to still be nursing through the sicky season and stay low stress.... however you can get it to work easiest for all is going to be your ticket but I would not recommnend crying it out....Sure, he will eventually give up and stop, but the side effects of losing some of his trust and confidence in the comfort and security he has been receiving up till then. I don't think that you are babying him at all....You sound like a wonderful mother!

Hi JP,

I think kids can be surprisingly adaptable given a new circumstance at a day school, especially when he's already comfortable at the school and he sees all the other kids getting ready for nap time.

I would go back to the old routine for a few weeks, until things feel like they were always that way, and then describe to him the change you will be trying (ie to nap at his school) and when it will begin. I'd remind him the day before, and again the morning of the change, and see what happens.

If he's not ready, try to wait a month or so and try again when it feels right. I was there myself recently, weaning a 2yo when pregnant. It worked only with baby steps and respecting her needs.

Best of luck! And thumbs up for breastfeeding your toddler. :)

One can tell that you are a caring mother.
However I think you are trying to fix a problem.
That you are not even sure exist?
Think it would be a good idea to listen to your hisband on this one.
P. G.

I am a BIG fan of Super Nanny. I love her method of helping children learn to sleep by themselves. Sit by his bed not looking at him and do not allow him to engage you in conversation or speak to him at all. If he gets up you just pick him up and lay him back in the bed and then sit beside the bed again. It may take SEVERAL times, MANY minutes and a bit of frustration but I really believe it worked for me and it doesn't leave them alone to cry it out. Each day work yourself to be a little farther from the bed than the day before, inching your way to the door and then out the door and soon he should be able to do it on his own. I agree with you that a school AND nap adjustment may be a lot for a little fellow to understand and also, as a pre-school teacher myself, a lot for the teacher to deal with. Good luck!

I think your husband may be right, which is funny because MY husband and I have these conversations all the time. I think and worry and stress about how to make it best/easiest for the kids and my husband says, "Oh, just do X, they'll be fine." And I get mad because he just doesn't get it....

But they usually are fine!

In your case, the teachers at school have done this before with lots of kids, it will be a new, interesting situation, and there will be positive peer pressure. And since it's a Montessori school, you know they'll respond to his needs.

This is a tough time for napping--my son's 23 months. He still needs and loves his naps, but he loves talking and playing too. Don't worry, though--I bet the school can handle it!

Congratulations on the new baby!

I would recommend setting a goal with him to fall asleep on his own. Then work towards that goal. For instance: If you usually lay down with him, then lay down with him for 30 minutes, then leave and say you will be back to check on him in 1 or 2 minutes. Then do, check on him and keep coming back until he is asleep. Only stay to hug him, then leave and come back in 1 or 2 minutes, then repeat. After he gets this down, up it to 3 minutes or 4 minutes, etc. I did this with my kids and it works, but you can't give in, they will digress. I would just keep checking on them, and they know I will come even if I have to set a timer to remind myself. I hope this helps.

JP,
You have gotten some good advice here (especially from Heather B). I just wanted to acknowlege what you have done with your son. Breastfeeding him for a extended time and not being willing to break the bond and the trust you have with him (letting him "cry it out"), is a gift that will serve him in his well being and his ability to be independent for the rest of his life. So I guess I just wanted to give you kudos and encouragement, staying attached to your child like that is sometimes hard work, but totally worth it. Stick with your gut and it will all work out!

I would guess that he will do pretty well adjusting to napping at school if you are not there. My 2 year old still nurses to sleep, too, but when it's Daddy putting him to bed he's much different, or if I'm not home. He just knows to follow a different routine. Sounds like maybe his afternoon nap is a spot where he still likes his "mommy time". It won't be long before he drops that, too, so maybe just enjoy it while you can? Good luck!

The adjustment might actually be easier at school than at home. When I first put my son into daycare, I seriously doubted that he'd nap for them. I was shocked to find out that he lay down quietly and went to sleep, mainly because all of the other kids were doing the same thing!

Good Day,
With my son and the 2 nieces I am raising-I stopped the nap time all together; and started letting them go to bed at 8 pm every night, so that they'd be ready for a school schedule! All were Not required to take a nap after they were 2 yrs. old. If they took a nap, I timed it for only an hour and so far this has proven to be fine in our lives! I have no problem getting them to bed or up for pre-school, ect. I believe each child knows when they need a nap or not need one. His awareness may be because he is willing and ready to continue learning about everything! Maybe a little study time/ book reading ect would be beneficial! I wish you all the very best! This is just a suggestion. God bless you!
Kathy N

From my experience of my three year old daughter who has huge separation anxiety with school and also does not like to go to sleep by herself (and by the way I breast fed or more comfort fed her until she was past 2) I have found that her Montessori school is able to do things that I cannot. Whether it is the ALL the time spent with our children, the unconditional love or just the fact that our children know that they can push us and we will always love them, they push us to the limits. They do not have that power at school. That teacher has more control than we do in that respect.

I agree with your husband. Give the school a try. It's amazing how our children react with "strangers" in that safe place that we put them into. I always tell my daughter I only put you into places that are safe and she trusts that. She trusts and listens to her teachers far beyond her listening to me.

Worse case scenario. . .it doesn't work out and you write to Mamasource and ask again. No harm no foul I would imagine.

Good luck!

H.

It is amazing what peer presure can do. Dont worry about naps, it will take a few days but he will adjust to taking naps with the other kids. I had a similar concern and the preschool people told me its not uncommon and the teachers know how to handle it.

one thing you may also want to do if you haven't already is find a special stuffed bear or toy or a special little blanket that he can sleep with. maybe he can pick it out himself. My daughter goes to montessori and she is 3. they allow the children to bring a special item if they have one to sleep with and they only give it to them at nap time. could be worth a shot then he can have that same item when he naps at school.

My daughter was about your son's age when she started daycare. I was still nursing her at the time. I had pumped milk for her to drink from the bottle, and had sent it with her. I was most concerned about nap time as she also is difficult to put down for a nap. I had a very long explanation written for her teacher about nap time along with suggestions, etc. There was no flexibility with my job to go there during nap and help her get to sleep. I worried about it all day the first day, thinking that she was probably going to get kicked out of daycare.

When I went to pick her up my first question was, "how was nap?" Her teacher reported that when nap time came, and she saw all of the others climb into their little cots, she did the same and fell right to sleep. She did not want her bottle, and so at that point was weaned from her naptime nursing, and I was able to stop pumping. She continued to do so the entire time she was there. I was totally shocked!

Her daycare director reported that it happens all the time (Mom or Dad is freaking out about nap time, and the kids just falls into the routine with no problems!) Maybe your son will surprise you, too:)

I was shocked to see someone respond that you are "babying" your son. What??!! He's 2!! He IS a baby! Holy cow the next thing you know we'll be marching our kids off to miltary school at 6 months!

He likes his time with you and you should give your time to him. Do what feels right to you. If he has to go to school full time, he'll probably be fine. Take your cues from HIM (and from your own feelings).

I think the general consensus is keep your routine until it has to change because he'll be going to school full time (make sure that's a choice that's right for you both too).

Kids do listen better and conform when in a school setting. What else CAN they do? I think your son is too young to be in school at all much less full time unless you need to work and then you have little choice.

Good luck, I'm sure he'll be fine - it sounds like you have a nice relationship with him.

A note about Super Nanny-itis that many moms seem to have. Imagine getting in your bed only to have the person you love most on this earth refuse to interact with you and stare stone cold into space without talking to you. The only interaction you have with this person that you thought loved you is to have them shove you down onto your bed in a silent (menacing?) way. How frightening and confusing for a child! What are we thinking???

You can't let (or don't feel right about letting) your child cry it out because you know it's wrong. Be proud of yourself that you can trust your heart (gut). We do so many things because we think we "should" and not because they are really right for us or our children.

And you lay there the entire time? Oh my, you are in for some major problems with sleep if you do not start letting your son fall asleep on his own. At night, as well as for nap. Sitting with a child, reading a book for 10 minutes, talking about the day for 5 minutes should be enough at 2 to prepare him to get to sleep alone. He is going through transition, which is never easy at this age and you are likely to see some horrible effects in his behavior as well, especially when you get well into your pregnancy. Put him in school longer now and get him settled with it before the baby comes. Too much change is too much for them to handle. Get him settled with the change in school fast.

As far as the crying it out goes, you may have no choice or you will be laying with your son for 2 hours or more in the future (and I mean the farrrrr future). This problem will only get worse. Get a backbone and let him cry. You are not doing your son any favors by not cutting the cord. If you want him to be an independent, self sufficient adult someday, start now and do whats best for him, not what feels best for you. Also, dont you find it kind of ironic that as soon as you left the room he fell asleep. Maybe he wants you to leave but cant express it. You laying with him is your issue, not his. Allow him to grow up.

That being said, its never easy to hear your baby cry, so good luck and stay strong. You can do it. You obviously love your son very much and I know you will figure out the best thing for your whole family. Be well.

I agree with your husband. Kids often willingly do things at school that they won't do at home, because the environment is different and all the other kids are doing it too. They also behave better for other people than they do for their own parents.....especially mom. This is because they feel most comfortable with mom and know they can "get away with" doing stuff that other people might not tolerate.

I'm concerned that you are "babying" your son rather than allowing him to go thru the natural stages of growing up. At some point, children need to learn to self-comfort....it is good for their own growth, independence and normal development. Also, he may have a hard time when the new baby comes along and your attentions are divided. He will then have to deal with feelings of jealousy toward the new baby, which will happen anyway, but will be worse if he expects you to lay with him for 2 hours every afternoon. My kids are 23 months apart. We used the cry it out method with my daughter with great success. They do stop crying and learn to adjust to what is expected of them! Kids need limits....it actually comforts them to know that someone is in charge. My daughter is almost 17 now and is a very well adjusted, socially appropriate, academically successful child....and happy too! And for the most part, my kids get along well with each other. When her baby brother was born, she took on the role of big sister and still acts that way to this day. My kids always knew their place in the family according to traditional roles....dad was in charge, parents room was mostly off limits, people slept in their own beds, they had bedtimes, mom and dad had time alone together. My husband wouldn't have had it any other way, and I respected that. We were together almost 20 years before he died, and I would say we were successful parents. It all begins with setting limits.

My daughter hates to take a nap at home. However, she does great at daycare. I think it is because she sees the other children doing it. You might be surprised at how well he adapts to taking a nap at daycare.

I would try your husband's idea and just let him nap at school and see what happens. You never know....kids often do things that are very surprising to their parents just because that's what everyone else in the class is doing. It can be a HUGE motivator to see all of your friends doing something. Also, he doesn't have those same associations with napping at school as he does at home, so it's different. It's worth a shot! Best of luck to you!!

I think your husband is right. Even if napping was a breeze with you laying with him, he still has to transition to napping at school without you there. So I just can't understand why you are putting yourself (and him)through this torture. Since he has been OK with the weaning, why not try letting him nap at school? I would think the weaning would be the hardest transition, so now that you've done that, the rest is a cake walk. Explain to him that he will be taking a nap at school the day before you start, then go for it. My first 2 kids went to Montessori. If your son has adjusted well to the strict way they do things, he will fall right into step with laying down at naptime, too.

I agree with your husband. If you are going to change his whole nap routine, you may as well do it all at the same time and let the teachers handle it. They are well equipped to do that.
Best of luck,
Jen M.
Mom of 3 boys 5.5 yrs, 3 yrs, and 1.5 yrs.

I am going to agree with your husband on this one. The fact that you are there is making it harder on both you and your son. I know that mine acts completely differently when I am not around, and he will do things at daycare that I cannot get him to do. The other kids will serve as models, since they are all used to it. Not an easy situation, but try letting him nap at school and see how it goes.

I don't think you should stress out too much about this. Since all the other kids are taking naps he is most likely going to go with the flow and take a nap too. I went back to work for a whole 3 weeks(great job but got laid off) and put my daughter in daycare ( she was one at the time). I always nursed her to sleep and at the daycare she went to sleep just fine like the other kids. I am not a big cry it out mom either. ( I did wean from her naptime nursing first)
Now that we are completely weaned and not nursing to sleep it has all worked out. All the other moms told me if I didn't do the cry it out way that it would only get worse. Well it didn't. It all worked out.