Need a Lil Advice on My Childs Feelings

Hello A.!

In my past experiences with kids teasing any of my kids, I go straight to the teacher. I feel that it is important for the school to know how all of this is affecting Gabrielle and you should name the children involved. The teacher shoud talk to those children and tell them that it isnt appropriate for them to tease, etc. You can also speak to the guidance counselor. In my situation, the guidance counselor pulled my child out of the classroom and had counseling sessions. It was a good thing because my kids new that they could go and speak to the guidance counselor whenever they needed to, or had a problem. That is something that you need to sign a consent for. Another thing that you can do is volunteer in her classroom. It will help A. feel supported and you can also make observations in the class. My kids love when I volunteer and the kids in the class got to know me as well. Good luck!

J.

Oh A., I am so sorry for her!!! My 9 year old just went through this and I made them change her class!!! I assure you, there is one person in that class in charge of making the others behave that way. There is always a leader of mean pack. I suggest reading a book by Barbara Colorosa and then taking charge of protecting your child. It is called The Bully, The Victim and The Bystander. Your school should have a policy on bullying. If they do not, go to your school board. There should be something in place to protect her from relational agression and covert bullying. Name calling is bullying. Take no nonsense and make no excuses for the other children. There is not excuse! Do not accept on. Girls will be girls is an excuse to allow emotinal bullying. You have a right to demand it stops.

With all due respect to the other posters, I do NOT think throwing a party will stop the kids from picking on her or make them become her friend. These children are bullying her, and most schools have zero tolerance for bullying. The problem is that her teacher more than likely has no idea this is happening. I would start with an email to the teacher and be sure to copy the principal on it. There is so much at stake here-- your daughter's self esteem, academics, love of school, etc

Maybe you could ask your daughter if there are any girls that she talks to, even a little bit, and you could host a little party/get together at your house or at the mall (Libby Lou is at Coral Sp and Town Center Mall) they do little parties and such (hair, makeup, etc. all age appropriate) or do something where you can get some girls together on a neutral ground or a place comfortable to your daughter to help them get to know her out of the school setting. hope this helps.

Hi A.,
You need to bring this issue to the teacher and the teacher needs to communicate that such behavior is unacceptable. She must not, however, pinpoint your daughter as having complained or else it will get worse. I am at a loss because I work with some pretty hardcore 1st graders and they have been exposed to some rather yucky things but they aren't that cruel to each other. You do need to talk to her teacher because that is a school issue. Best of luck!
-M.

This type of thing is one more reason why people turn to homeschooling. You leave all this drama behind - drama that weighs on your child mentally. Have you thought of homeschooling?

I have a 6 year old and she does the same thing. Not always, but on occasions. It seems a lot harder now to make friends than when I was little. I was friends with everyone when I was little, they could be nerdy, fat, ugly whatever, I didn't know the difference. I just try to focus on taking her and the friends she has and i like out to do things, movies, bowling, parks, sleepovers. I don't know where your from. But if you ever want to set up a playdate, I am in melbourne. Hope this helps

Hey A., what about throwing your daughters classroom party? You can talk to the teacher about doing it in the classroom or you and your daughter can have fun togethar making invitations and whatknot and have the party at home or at a fun place like a skating rink or pizza place. Make your daughter the center of attention, let the kids get to know her. I know how hard it can be, kids are so cruel. I went through almost the same thing in adolescence... Good luck!!

I know how you feel, my daughter goes through the same thing. My daughter isn't shy, but we move so much that she never has time to make good friends. Every school that we've been to, the same thing happens. I had to sit down with my daughter and explain about good body image, because she was certain she was fat (which she's not) and she understood for the most part. She still gets upset when people call her fat, but she knows that she isn't and its just the kids trying to get a rise out of her. I don't know how to get the kids to stop teasing her, I never even figured out how to get kids to stop teasing me when I was little either. Just make sure that you are accessible to her and that she has at least one friend.

I am so sorry to hear about your daughters predicament. It definitely doesn't sound like she's being oversensitive!

Have you spoken to the teacher and principal about the problem?
If they can't help make some significant changes in that classroom environment I would consider changing schools. Or... have you ever considered homeschooling? There are a lot of great programs out there to make homeschooling fun and easy.
The school really should bend over backwards to try to make the situation better. Everything from special lessons on respect and empathy, and also severe punishments for bullying including suspencion. Bullying is a really big issue and schools are supposed to take it seriously. Your child shouldn't have to get an eating disorder just because the school is too lazy to address the problem. Let them know that you expect them to do something significant to change the situation. If they don't you can change schools or even start a lawsuit. This isn't just a matter of "kids will be kid" people need to take this seriously.
Sorry...I'm ranting. I hope things work out for you and your precious little girl. Remember you are her protector, do what you have to do.

My daughter went through something similar after changing schools. She had been in a private school for pre-school and had lots of friends. On her first day of kindergarten, while the school was letting out and kids where being picked up, a boy from her class tripped her and made her fall. I saw it and told the school and they thought she just fell. (She has always been very coordinated and athletic, so no, she doesn't just fall.) The boy was being raised by his grandma, and was a major behavioral problem throughout the year. While my daughter got along with other kids (being one of the smartest, too), she had to deal with this kid. While I had lots of talks with her teacher, she had no clue what was really going on in her classroom. It turned out that she had severe hearing loss, but I didn't find that out until last year and my daughter is now in the 5th grade. (and the teacher is no longer at that school) A teacher that isn't aware of the things that her kids are doing is not in control of the classroom. That is a recipe for disaster.
We changed schools because that school was doing an experiment using her class, to keep the same kids togther from k-5th grade. They wouldn't consider changing teachers. After 1st grade with the same teacher, we returned to her old school and have been there ever since. Do have joint conferences as necessary with the teacher, guidence counsilor and/or the principal. Most teachers will try to address the problem, as they do care about their students "their kids", since they see them for so much during the day. Shy kids tend to withdraw from others instead of reaching out and need more help to deal with social situations. I know, I went through it, came out the other side!!! With loving parent(s) and supportive adults at school, your daughter with learn how to better deal with other kids. Of course, it is ultimately up to her.
congrats on the new baby---let us know when she's born!

Does she have friends outside of school? You could tell your daughter just not to worry about it because school is for learning and not about what other kids say. If you make a big deal out of it I think your daughter will also make a big deal out of it.. I am not saying not to comfort her if she is feeling down. Or to make light of it. Some parents just don't teach there kids how to be nice (manners). Or for that matter how not to be rude. If you think that your daughter is depressed I would maybe call a counselor or ask your pediatrition what they think....

A little about me:

My name is C. I am 27 I have been married for 7 years. I have a 7 year old daughter in 2nd grade. and a 2 1/2 month old son. I am a stay at home mom. I am a FL transplant. I am originally form Rochester, NY. Our family has lived in FL for 3 years.. In NY I was a stay at home mom and an EMT. I chose not to be an EMT in FL due to the shift work that is involved... My friend and I are entertaining the Idea of returning to school for recertification when our son's are 5.

Hi A.,

This strikes a chord with me -- my 7 year-old went through the same thing, -twice- (we switched school in K and then at the beginning of this year). So I am pretty much an expert on being the new kid now. Here's my advice:

1) play dates, play dates, play dates: I know it's a pain, but since kids have so little free play time in school now, and even after school don't get to see their classmates the way we used to, you have to schedule playtime. Consider trying a play date with one of the kids who's giving her a hard time -- most kids aren't evil, and if given a chance to get to know her they may ease up.

2) don't be afraid to bring it up with the teacher. I don't know about you, but I am often afraid I'll be seen as overprotective. I wouldn't go to the teacher every time your kid gets teased, but if there's a pattern, the teacher can really help at this age.

3) tell her she's not fat! repeatedly. And discuss how it's hard to be the new kid. Tell her stories about when people picked on you when you were a kid (my kids eat this up).

Good luck -- I know exactly how you feel right now.

J.

talk to her teacher & then set up an appointment with the school guidance counselor, either alone (just you & her/him) or together w/ the teacher...each school has a guidance counselor (public schools and many private schools do as well)
& this is their job :-)
plus, after you meet w/ the counselor, ask her/him to meet with your daughter, too. it feels nice to get extra attention in school :-)
the counselor could also meet w/ your daughter in a group setting so that she can get to know others this way as well

~L.

This is something you need to bring up to her teacher. Set up a teacher-parent conference. She or he may be noticing this and may be able to help you. Teachers love there students and don't want them to feel that way either.

At home, you can encourage your daughter with as much positive thought as possible. Teach her how to handle these problems. And most of all that God loves her no matter what anyone else thinks!!

Hi there, I'm a teacher so I have dealt with this kind of thing before. First, have you spoken with your daughter's teacher? She might not know what is going on, and that can be a big factor. If the teacher doesn't know, she can't do anything to help. Sometimes it can be as simple as moving her seat in class. Also, maybe her teacher can assign her a buddy to help acclimate her to class even though she has been there all year. All it takes is one person to be her friend for her to feel better in class. Another suggestion would be to get her involved in activities outside of school where she can meet and befriend kids with similar interests. If she knows she has friends she can count on elsewhere, it might not be as painful to not have great friends in class. I hope that helps you a little bit!!