Need Advice About Buising on My 15 Mo Old from Daycare.

I'm normally one to say "it's a common phase, don't worry about it," but what concerns me here is that the childcare provider didn't tell you about the injuries and isn't taking action with her grandson. Red flags to me. Our daughter's home-based daycare had a biter and she often came home with marks, but the provider always told us what happened. She didn't always witness the situation, but most of the times she did. And I felt like she was doing the best she could to deal with the situation, more than just saying "stop." Personally, I would look for another daycare provider. You may not be able to avoid biters (they're everywhere in daycares), but you can at least feel like the provider is doing the best she can to deal with the situation. And bruising, with no explanation? Yikes ...

It does not matter how long you have been using her services , she is running a business and you are paying her money to take care of your child , and clearly this is not being done as well as it should be , what should happen is , the child that is doing the biting should be asked to leave the childcare , but as it is her grandson that probably won't happen , so you have no choice but to look for alternative care.

Don't feel guilty about it , you have brought it up with her and she seems as though she is not doing anything about it , so take your business elsewhere , she is the one is losing out.

I hope you find something else asap.

K.

I agree with the other responses. I have five children at home, and I know it's not always easy to witness everything that goes on, but with that many marks, she should have noticed *something*! At the very least, she should have heard them fighting. I'm betting your son doesn't just sit there quietly while someone bites him five times! Does he not cry or yell when someone hurts him? How did she not notice that his ears were red, at least after the fact?

So either five children is just too many for her to handle, or she's not telling you the truth about what happened because she's ashamed of her grandson's behavior--but either one sends up a red flag for me. The parents should always be notified when things like this happen, with an explanation of how or why it happened! Was she in the bathroom? Busy with another child? Or what?

And certainly something more needs to be done to discipline the biter or it will just continue, and may get worse.

I would definitely switch daycares, and I'd tell her why you're switching--you don't feel that your son is safe with her anymore.

HTH!
--A.

I agree--you need a new babysitter. As other moms have said, the problem is not the biting per se--there are biters everywhere. The problem IS how this sitter is handling it. For comparison, a little boy at DD's in-home daycare went through a biting phase a couple of months back. DD came home with bite marks twice--one on each day, the days about a week and a half apart. Each time the sitter pointed it out to me or my husband as soon as we arrived, and told us what happened. The biter was stopped immediately every time he tried it, and got a time out. We're friends with the biter's parents, and the problem was solved within a couple of weeks--with proactive actions by the sitter and parents, the boy learned this was not okay, and stopped. There's no way a kid should get bitten 5 times on the same day, and ABSOLUTELY no way the sitter should not know about it--if she doesn't see such a thing, it means she's not supervising properly. Get your son out of there, and find someone better! GL!

That is just awful! Your poor little baby is defenseless. If that were me and I saw that my son was in an unsafe place, I would take him out immediately and give the babysitter a piece of my mind! As the parent it is your responsibility to make sure your son is in a safe environment. Obviously that has changed at your babysitter’s house and you are making the right choice here in taking him out! I wish all parents were like you. When I hear these complaints from parents about their kids getting hit, kicked, bitten etc but they are STILL at the same daycare, it just blows my mind. Take care of your baby and good luck in finding a safe environment.

Your childs health and wellfare are your responsibility. If they are being abused it is your responsiblity to take care of the problem. They cannot do that for themselves. When my son was small, I went through several places before i found his final placement that he stayed with until he was in school. Whew! glad I don't have to go through that again.

Your present sitter is going to have some serious problems if she doesn't get control of her grandson before a child is seriously hurt or killed. Get your son into a place he is safe.

You are absolutely not wrong for changing. My son also goes to daycare (not in a private home), and biting/hitting/etc. does happen from time to time, but any time anything happens, they write an incident report, sometimes they have even called me right after it happened. Kids go through stages, but at the very least, the care-giver should be aware of what's going on. Our daycare is serious about preventing something like this from happening, even if it is "a phase". 5 bites in one day seems incredibly excessive. You are responsible for your son, and it is your right and responsibility to move him if you don't think this is a safe and trustworthy place anymore. Your loyalty is to your child, not the business. Good luck!

Ok I am an in home daycare provider as well and I do not tolerate biting I watch my niece who just turned two and she went through a biting phase which taught my daughter to also bite her back when she would bite her. It only lasted a little while but I did put her into time out and explained to her why we don't bite. If you don't feel your daycare provider is going to take action with it then yes I would change your son to someone you are going to feel comfortable with cause sitting there and worrying all day is not going to be healthy for you! Good Luck

I wouldn't think it was a big deal if he was just getting biten occasionally, this happened to my daughter several times at her MDO program, BUT (1) they always told me about it when I went to pick her up and pointed out the marks and apologized and (2) it didn't happened all that often, they obviously located the kid(s) that commonly did it and tried to keep them from getting to that point, intervening earlier in arguments, etc.; (3) unknown bruising at the same time would also worry me - again, no big deal if it happens on occastion & they know and tell you about it, but are they watching your child at all if they didn't notice he was bitten 5 TIMES and had bruises??? Either that or they were hiding it from you, which is even more worriesome. I'd pull my child. I also have a nanny and again if my daughter has a bad fall or scratch she always tells me the story, how it happened and lets me know to keep an eye out for bruises or to put medicine on the scratch, whatever. It is just nice to know they are paying attention and have an open/honest relationship.

this is how economics works. If your current babysitter wants to keep her clients, she needs to keep control of the grandson. Your child's safety is more important that how she feels about you making a change. Better safe than sorry!

I've had all of my three children in a day care setting for at least a little bit while they were younger. To have bite marks, bruised ears, being kicked while an adult is present by another child who looks like he is going through terrible twos and wanting all the attention, I would most definately move to another babysitter. You are not wrong and do not apologize for keeping your child out of harm's way. If she is not willing to discipline her own grandson and put him on time out, she is leaving your child out to be hurt and that is not right.

Move on...

You are never wrong when it comes to your child's safety. I believe God gave us that "feeling" for a reason. Too many people ignore that feeling until something really bad happens. Your first concern is your child, not the care giver. Good luck!

No your are not wrong for changing. I say take him out asap. I agree with everything Michelle said, biters are in every daycare, My daughter happens to be the "biter" which is driving us crazy, but the Red Alarm for me is your babysitter said she knew nothing about it. For your son to have 5 bite marks & bruises and she NOT see it then there is a problem. Our sitter knows my daughter has a biting problem & she pays attention to it and usually stops her before she actaully bits. She has never "not seen her" bite. And the other big alarm for me would be the kicking this morning. Your poor son, he's still so little & to be "beaten" up all day is not good. And think what it is teaching him. He will think it is OK to bite & hit. I say take him out asap...

Your number one responsibility as a parent is the safety and welfare of your child. It appears the babysitter is not watching the children properly and/or is overlooking the negative behavior of her grandson. Finding a new, competent sitter at the earliest opportunity is warranted.

i would change too. but im also known for having a huge temper when it comes to the well being of my kids-- im sorry but i would have slapped her face off had she dismissed her grandson pretty much abusing you LO. you should have been told immediately that your son was hurt ... i would definitely changed sitters- dont worry about her feelings she damn sure wasnt considering yours.

All kids- even your precious angle is going to go through a stage of hitting and biting. I can't tell you how many times both of my kids have been bitten or how many times my kid has kicked another child. This is called being a child and learning what to do or not to do. Maybe she did not know how to handle her grandson while she was in front of you. Maybe she spanks him and didn't want you to see how she handles him versus others. The only way to feel better about this is to talk to your sitter about the way she handled her grandson. And keep in mind -there is no way your eyes are on your child 24/7 while he is with you and you expect her to watch 4 kids 24/7 while helping with potty training, eating, cooking lunch and her own time to go to the bathroom. I wouldn't want her job- it takes an awesome person to want to watch other peoples kids and help raise them! Good luck finding a daycare where these incidents do not occur!

No, I don't think you are wrong for changing. If your current babysitter isn't doing anything to keep the kids in her care from getting hurt, then you need to protect your kids!

If that was happening at our daycare, the child doing the biting would be sent home for repeating biting. If a child is hurt, the usually at least call the parent to let them know after it happens.

The babysitter needs to learn to discipline the children better, or it's just going to get worse!

You should follow your instinct and remove your child from this daycare situation. Your child should NOT be bruised on his ears and have 5 bite marks on him! This is inappropriate and abusive. If this provider cannot intervene before this type of escalation, they should not be watching your son. good luck!

You are absolutely not wrong for changing. The welfare of your child is most important. If you are unsure about the safety of your child while you are at work, then you will be less productive. Tell her that you will not tolerate your child being bitten and have bruised ears, and her not knowing about it to tell you what happened. I used to work at two different daycares and we had to do "boo boo reports" for each incident, and for each child involved, that's something that she should be doing as well. Good luck with your search for a new babysitter!

No, you are not wrong for removing him from that situation. If she can not discipline a grand child for an act of a kick, what if he gets worse, since he does not know it is wrong. He is a bully in training. You should tell her your feelings, and since she clearly prefers grandchilds actions or being a bully, you don't feel your child is safe in her care. 5 bites in one day, red flag. Red ears with bruising sounds like he was hit upside the head.
Remove him asap.

Keeping your kids safe is your number one priority. Don't feel guilty for doing that. Juat explain that you appreciate what has been done for you in the past but because of the biting incidences that you think you may have to seek alternative care for you children. Hope this helps.

P.S. If alarms are going off, you have to leave the house.

No you are not wrong. She is playing favoritism to her grandson and is not taking action when it is required. It is never good to mix family with other children. To protect your child, it is time for change.

Get a new sitter. Seriously- this lack of awareness is unacceptable especially when your son is too young to tell you what is going on. Is this a licensed sitter? If so, consider making a call to the regulatory agency.

Your child's health and safety is your priority and this situation puts both in jeopardy!

Nope, you are not wrong for changing..sometimes a change is good to give a wake up call that she can't take her duties for granted. Even though they get familiar with the kids, she is taking advantage of your situation, so move to another one if you can and don't feel guilty about it. If she knew about it and nipped it in the bud, you would feel more comfortable that she is "taking care" of your child, but she seems unconcerned and that's why you change..not because of the bite, cause things do happen especially with the age range of the children she takes care of.

You should not feel bad about changing. If the current baby sitter is not properly caring for your baby that you are paying for then she shouldn't be taking care of him. Your first priority is your child. She should be more aware especially when he has 5 bite marks and she had no clue. HOW IRRITATING!
Find someone that will make sure he is always in tact. Bruise free from head to toe.