Need Advice About One-Year-Old's Behavior

It is a control issue. My son is pretty strong-willed and it takes everything I have in me not to totally lose it some days!
Public timeouts were really effective for me. If he's misbehaving in Macy's, take him out to the front, get him out of the stroller, and make him sit in timeout for one minute. If you have to physically hold him down, do so, but don't look him in the eye or talk to him. Once timeout is over, take him back in and start again. Do it as often as it takes. I like the idea of "test" trips to practice!
You could also let him pick out a special toy from the store that is only for outings. Maybe even a different one for restaurants and one for the store/mall. It could stay in the glove compartment or stroller and be used only for those occasions. If he misbehaves, the toy gets taken away. It can be given back when his behavior improves. If he throws the toy, it goes away until his behavior improves. You get the drift.
Part of this is a communication issue. My son is sooooo much slower in terms of speech development than my daughter was. He just turned three, and we're still working on communication, but now that he understands better, I can instruct him before we go to my daughter's soccer game, into a store, or into a restaurant with things like "you must stay with mommy or we go back to the car" or "no yelling or throwing while we're eating." It's been a realllllly slow process for us, but his behavior is improving. It'll get better for you if you're consistent. Hang in there!

All kids act up at times and for a one year old that is pretty often. All kids are different, so don't compare yours to another. My first son is quiet and does exactly as I say most of the time. My second is loud, stubborn, and wants his way all the time. First, choose a time when your son is not tired, hungry, or in a bad mood. You said you went to Macy's last night. That may not have been a good idea. Better to go in the morning when a child is less tired and has more patience and you do too. Don't give him positive or negetive attention for yelling or acting out. I would ask him to be quiet and then when he isn't, I would pick him up without a word and leave the store. At home when he misbehaves, give him a warning and if he continues, put him in timeout in his crib without saying anything. Some kids will continue to misbehave for a negetive response they get from their parents, but children are not likely to continue a behavior if they get nothing out of it. When he calms down take him out of his crib and divert his attention to something positive like reading a book or going for a stroller ride. I always use distraction first with a little one. It works much of the time. Getting into a power struggle with your child is pointless. You will win. You are the parent and you're bigger and stronger. It is better to model calm, firm, consistent, and loving behavior when dealing with your children. At this difficult time, you may try outings that are easier for you both to deal with like stroller rides, the park, anything outside. Let him mature a little more and give yourself some time to get used to how best to handle the situation before you try shopping with him again and then only for very short periods of time. Good luck to you!!

S., you've gotten some good advice on dealing with your son. An underlying message is that you must be consistent in what you expect from him and will put up with and communicating your expectations to him. A booklet that I was given when my daughters were little (a long time ago) emphasized the importance of my consistency. It is "Under Loving Command" by Al & Pat Fabrizio and was available through ntmu.net or childrensbibleclub.com the last time I checked.

Hi S.,

YOu have gotten some great advice. When he cries and throws a fit do you always get him out? If so he has learned to cry/throw a fit to get his way. He is still young, don't take his behavior as personal. Make riding in the cart/stroller fun. Talk to him, sing songs, let him know he still has your attention.

Find a friend to swap playdates. You go shopping for you while he plays with a friend.

You are not alone. All Mom's have these stories.

Hope you find the answer you are looking for.

S.,

Good afternoon, I sympathize. My daughter does not stay in a stroller for very long as well and I really don't shop for myself at all any more, as its pretty much impossible. I am now looking for a nanny for two days a week so I can do some things for myself!!

Here are a few things I would recommend trying that work for me.!! Try picking him up for a while and carrying him..give him a bottle or some gold fish to munch on that works really, really well for me. Combine your shopping outings with an excursion for him..like a stop at the book store and let him run around, so he feels he is getting something out of the outings as well.

Don't be deceived by other mothers who seem to be having an easy time of it..I am sure they have other issues with their children and perhaps you are seeing them on a good day!

Also, with out being to critical..so please don't take this personally, but, I would avoid slapping, or any form of physical retaliation when you are at your wits end. The child will only associate fear and anger with these momments. Remember, he is only 1 year old..he is learning so much and is trying to understand and integrate into an adult world that is overwhelming and exhausting. Its frustrating being a toddler..try to roll with it...tickle him instead and tell him you will be finished soon. Long shopping outings are difficult for children this young..it will get better..

S.,
While he's in the stroller or shopping cart are you giving him something to play with or some snacks? My daughter, who is now almost three, used to do that. I started making her snack bags of raisins, gerber snacks..things like that or giving her a small toy to play with, her fav was a little doodle magnetic writing thing that had Dora on it.

HTH,
Teresa

I feel ya! I always save a special thing for her to play with while we're out. I have an old cell phone that I let her play with now, or I bring snacks to keep her occupied.