Need Advice - Almost 7 Year Old Spending the Day Away

He goes to school all day without you, doesn't he? I assume he has also been on school field trips so he has been to 'new' places without you as well. Would he prefer that you come along too (perfectly normal) or would he really not want to go otherwise? I would tell him how much fun theme parks are and if he would want to go if you were going, he should go.

I felt the same way the first time my oldest went but she did amazing and the parents sent me pics. Don't go. Send sunscreen or water or money or whatever but just relax. Many more of these to come. He will do great!

He's going to be okay...and what it comes down to? He needs this as much as you do. Nobody is "cutting apron strings." He's still 7. But he's going to be with caring adults. For the day. He'll be just fine and so will you.

Do refrain from going with him...and also refrain from messaging and calling while he's gone. You want his friend's family to be able to keep their attention on the kids and not be concerned with the overbearing mommy (and regret even offering to bring him).

Breathe. Your son will be okay. Meet up with some friends or have a day with your husband...don't sit at home nervously biting your nails.

Let him go and have fun without you.
Seven is plenty old enough to spend a day without his mama.

Do NOT insert yourself into their day and their celebration. If it's that much of a problem for you to let him go without you, then don't let him go at all. If I were the other mom, I would have said okay too, because really what else are you going to say. BUT when I got off the phone I would be one unhappy camper and I would be thinking I wish we had invited someone else. Being gone for the day is not, IMHO, an "extended period of time." You have already conveyed your worry to your son when you asked him if you could go. You can't unring that bell. IMHO, you've already ruined it for everyone.

Three questions:

1) Has he hung out with this child and family before - like going to their house, etc.? How did that go?

2) How do you feel about the parents? You must know them well enough to know whether or not you would feel comfortable letting them care for your son in a theme park. Trust your gut.

3) How would your son do? Is he going to freak 1/2 way through and want his mom or will he be ok? You would know best.

I would consider those three things in making my decision.

If I had only met the parents a few times, I might not be ok with it but if it's a child and family he's regularly hung out with .. that's different.

My 7-8 year old would go off for the day with friends (we were still getting to know) and go to the beach etc. and to excursions. He loved it. But the family was one we were comfortable with (we just felt that way right off the bat). Years later, we are good friends with the family.

I read your profile too - I am so sorry you lost your daughter. And I don't think you are being unreasonable here at all. It really is a comfort level thing. I would trust your gut. If it helps you could talk more with the mom just to alleviate any worry or concern. I see from your SWH that you already emailed her. You could just say this is new to you and you just are a little nervous (laugh about it). No harm done.

Good luck :)

Honestly, I think it would be good for both of you. Your son needs to learn independence and so do you. If you hold on too much, he will resent you and I know that is not what you want. No Mom wants that.

I would present this to him in a positive light and let him know its okay for him to be excited about this new adventure. That is how I would present it to him. Cut away!!!

I am not trying to be rude to you or mean in any way but do yourself a favor and stop the hovering right now. I have an 18 and a 21 year old so I remember the days of them being young like your son is but you are not doing him any favors by freaking out in regards to an amusement park trip for a friend's birthday celebration! The other boy's parents are taking them....not dropping them off at the gates and picking them up at midnight! You need to start letting your son build a life that consists of independence from you and also some responsibility on his behalf. He is old enough to start that process and build on it gradually over the years. If you don't do this, watch what happens. He will become inept, irresponsible, completely dependent on everyone but himself, and also will have no friends because of it. It's about BALANCE. Give freedom and take in the result. If he messes up, there is a consequence immediately and also less trust for the next time around until the freedom levels are working for the both of you. I am not a helicopter parent at all but I am also not overly lenient and certainly not careless. I use balance as the moderator of my parenting. Let your son go to this day out and enjoy himself....without you interjecting yourself into the fun. It's okay to let him have a life. You also mentioned losing a kid and feeling a bit nuts and over protective to this child now. That has to stop. As painful as it is to deal with the loss of a child, you cannot make the child that is still here with you pay the price. You have to fix that before the damage you are inflicting is beyond repair. Hovering, helicoptering, and over-protecting are all forms of emotional baggage that is carried by the child. Children are meant to grow and learn, not be sheltered and kept under a rock because of guilt or emotional pain. Please, please try to modify your parenting behavior now or ask for some help to do so. Coming onto this forum was a good thing and I applaud you for asking your question and getting some other opinions to help you make a decision. This tells me that you really don't want to be "that mom" who raises a son who can't have a life! Give your son a thumbs up on the birthday festivities and tell him you can't wait to hear all about it when he gets back. Then, go put your free time to good use and look forward to the talk you guys will have about his fun day on all the rides with his friend when he gets back!!!

Um..no...don't go.
Set him up for success at this first big friend outing.
Those parents are going to watch him just like they're watching their own kid.

Let him go and have fun with his friend. You need to take a step back. Do not inflict your insecurities on him. Do not go with him. It will be good for both of you.

The best parenting advice I ever received was to push my kids outside of their comfort zone. Maybe you need pushed a little outside of yours too. It's never too late to learn...

My vote - he goes and you stay home.

Please let him go, it will be good for BOTH of you.

I would let him go. It is a day at a theme park with a buddy which sounds like fun for your son and a break for you. Mixing up the routine is good for everyone. Good luck.

It's just for the day. I'd let him go on his own. It's an amusement park and I'm sure he's going to have a great time. Seven is definitely old enough to spend a fun day with a friend without mom there. Honestly, what would you do, other than sit on a bench while he goes on rides with his friend?

Sounds like it could be a great growth opportunity for both of you.

Many moons ago, when I used to babysit in my teen and college years for some pocket money, I remember that certain parents had a list with emergency contact phone numbers, primary care physician name, the kid's blood type, a list of allergies if any, a photocopy of the health insurance card, $100 cash and a set location in case of emergency evac and a second set location for rendevouz; numbers for the utility companies, police and fire department etc. It seemed a bit much at the time, but it was useful. Another parent had a laminated picture id with kiddoes details i.e. height, weight, eyecolor for me to take along for outings in case I got separated from the kid and needed to alert the police. Another parent would slip their contact info into the kid's sock so that the kid (very young) could find an officer and be returned home.

While you need not necessarily go, you can do some or all of the above, and hand them to the parents saying, because the unexpected sometimes happens, you want them to have this on hand.

Best,
F. B.

My kids have rarely gone on a field trip without a parent, aunt. uncle, or grandparent - partly because we want to and partly because the kids don't want to go solo. My oldest is finishing 6th grade tomorrow and my husband went to DC with her last week...she didn't want to go without one of us.

However, if my kids were invited to a theme park with family friends, I would let them go. And encourage them to go. Is it King's Dominion? Or Busch Gardens? We LOVE, LOVE, LOVE BG and had season tickets there last year, even though we passed KD to get there. I'd let my kids go alone...because I know if I took someone else's child I would be even more protective than I normally was. But if the parents came it would be awkward, if we weren't friends.

We did do Hershey last summer with 3 family friends of ours - we are great friends with all of them so it was 100% normal and fine for us, but if it was other people it would have been awkward.

Let him go, encourage him to do it solo, and find something to do that day so you don't freak all day.

He's been away from you for an entire day on many occasions, right? He goes to school, he's gone with relatives. So he separates well from you, he navigates his space and his social relationships well. That's great - it's partly due to his personality and partly due, no doubt, to you fostering confidence and independence. Now you need to trust that. What is the absolute worst that could happen? He'd miss you? He'd dissolve in tears and be inconsolable? Then they would leave and bring him home, or they would call you and you would go get him. But I doubt that's going to happen.

The only other issue is safety. If they are going to some big water park, you need to address swimming safety and vigilance. Does he have any major life-threatening allergies? Then you need to discuss epi-pens and so on with the other parents. Otherwise, he just needs to know his name and phone number. If you feel insecure, get one of those ID bracelets with your name/phone number on it. They make them for runners who don't carry IDs, for example, and I'm sure you can buy one at children's stores or even pharmacies (they have some with different "charms" on them for different medical issues and you just snap on the ones you need, so you could just use the ID part of it). Identify your fears, then have a phone call or a cup of coffee with the parents, and lay it out there. The more they understand, the more vigilant and reassuring they can be.

I think you should start to rethink the "ask him every time" philosophy. It's great to get the kid's input a lot of the time, but it kind of prevents you from pushing him to try new things. What has to occur for you to be comfortable? Will it miraculously happen at 8? 10? Let him know you've talked to the parents and you feel great about them and the good time he will have now that he's a big boy and can enjoy this big boy treats.

I remember visiting my mother with my young son (about 7) - my aunt died while I was there, and I had to send my son home on the plane to my husband while remaining with my mother for the funeral. I was fine until he marched down the jetway with the airline attendant, and then I lost it. Partly worried (not about the flight, but about him connecting with my husband at the other end) and partly emotional that my little guy was old enough to handle this. My mother reminded me that he was doing fine because I'm a good mom.

You gotta give your kid wings - it's the greatest gift you can give as a parent. If he can't function without you, you've handicapped him. Start small with fun things like a day at a theme park. Then do a sleepover. Work you way up to sleep away camp! It will get you ready for college!

What about splitting the difference? Perhaps if you email the mom and share why you are worried (if you feel comfortable sharing personal information like that) and set up a plan of some kind that will ease your anxiety. For instance - since it is only an hour away, perhaps you could meet them at the park with your son and see him in the door, spend a couple of hours shopping nearby, meet them for lunch, and then take in a movie in the afternoon, meeting them to pick up your son at the gate at the end of the day. Or asking if the mom would be willing to set a schedule that your son can call you on with her cell phone to ease your anxiety. While I think that working on letting go is a great idea, it isn't something that is going to happen overnight and baby steps is a great way to work on this slowly. Don't be embarrassed that you feel overprotective - you have a great reason and you recognize it, which is the first step in gaining control of the situation. If you really, really feel that letting him go is too much for you to handle, then by all means go with. But set up a plan for the next time this comes up - or purposefully set up a smaller scenario that you know you can handle. You have years to work on this so no rush.

Good luck!

He has been going to school for a couple of years already and survived all day without you, right? The week after my son's 8th birthday he left for a week of sleep away camp four hours from home. Seven is certainly not too young to spend the day away from mom!

I am a helicopter mom. I would say let him go. It's only an hour away!

IMO, either you trust him with them or you don't. If you don't, then he doesn't go. If you do, then he goes, and you remind him what to do if he gets lost, figuring that you trust them so he won't get lost. If my DD's BFF from school invited her to a theme park, I'd let her go, but that family is on my short list.

When you say, "when you lose one kid" did you lose the kid temporarily or did one pass away? I can understand the concern either way. So it goes back to - are they trustworthy or not? And is your son ready for such a day? If he is, let him go.

Let him go and you stay home.

He does go to school, correct? He makes it through days at school with you hovering, right?

Please don't raise him in a bubble such that he can't be independent. He's old enough to go with a friend and have s good time.

What do you do when he's in school all day?? I'm not sure if he really wants you to go or that he feels sorry for you. You go realize that he notices and picks up on your insecurity here.

Let him go and you go treat yourself to lunch and a mani/pedi or movie or something!! It will be good for both of you.

do you not know the parents at all? i guess i might feel a little hinky if it were a complete unknown. but my kids were free to spend days with friends and family other than just us.
my kids are kind of mama's boys too, i guess, in that they enjoy my company even as grown men. but even at 7 they didn't need me nearby to feel secure. they were encouraged to be independent from the time they could toddle off. so yeah, i think there's a fairly strong degree of helicoptering going on here.
but if you don't know the parents well and are genuinely concerned that they won't take good care of him, it's not the end of the world to invite yourself. in their shoes i might roll my eyes a little, but i'd certainly accept your company graciously. they probably will too.
khairete
S.

I would thinking letting him go would be a great thing for you and him. The only thing that would concern me is if he would if he would be swimming or not. If he was going swimming and was not a strong swimmer I would discuss what he would be doing at the amusement park waterwise. If they where just doing a splash pad, lazy river, water slides I would be more apt to let my son go vs the wave pool. My son went to overnight camp after he had just turned 7 for a week during the summer. He had a great time, he went 3 wks last summer and is going 3 wks this summer. It is sometimes good to be away from mom and dad.

I have a 7 year old son. He has been away before with his dad to see in-laws and stuff...and I've left him with relatives for a few days while I traveled. I'm fine with him being without me from time to time (EVEN THOUGH I HATE IT SNIFFLE).

For me it would be all about safety. I would have to have a good gut feeling about the people. Are they drunks? Are they flakes? Or are they people who would take it seriously that they are in charge of someone else's kid? PROBABLY-they'll be CAREFUL not to lose your child: Who wants that kind of headache? "Woopsy, we lost your child!"

I just took a day away with my 7yo son to a theme park. Usually I have to watch all three of my kids for the rides and the massive pool, so it was a luxury to only have one. There were a couple of rides he wanted to go on by himself! And he would walk right up to other kids and pair up and have a blast...(sniffle). I was most struck at his maturity. He's finally old enough to follow directions, meet me outside the locker rooms of pool, stay where I say, etc. He's not a wily toddler who could just scuttle off. So with trust-worthy adults and a friend to hang out with...it would be sad for me, but I would feel it was safe.

HOWEVER. My son is not a strong swimmer, so in the hectic, enormous pool there where I don't think people could watch him every second...I'd feel scared about that and maybe specify to leave that out..

So anyway. It depends on his maturity and their character. Not so much that "you know them well" since you do have ties to them through daycare so they aren't gypsies...but that you know they aren't people who would carelessly lose your child.

ETA: Does he want you to go because he's nervous or does he just enjoy having mom along? One of mine really liked having me along on outings through middle school, not because he was afraid to be alone, he just enjoyed my presence. So I accommodated him as much as possible. He stopped wanting me there in high school and he's quite independent as a young adult.

Orig: He's old enough to go alone, if you trust the other parents, but if he wants you to go, and you want to go, then go. You should be going because you want to have a fun outing with your son and his friend and the friend's mom, not because you are uncomfortable with the other mom taking care of him. A responsible person can handle someone else's child at an amusement park.

They are young for such a brief period of time. Enjoy going to the theme park with him, try to really relish it and stash it away in your brain, for a fond memory later.

If he didn't want you to go, then I would say it's time to push your comfort zone a little and trust the other parent's ability to care for him, but since he wants you to go, you don't need to push independence just yet.

Have fun!

Since it sounds like you don't know them well and you are anxious, I would pass and let the birthday boy choose another friend. If it was one of my close friends I would let my kid go but someone I don't really know that our kids happen to be friends - I would totally pass.

I wouldn't compare this to going to school that is a contained environment much different then an amusement park.

My girls have been invited to sleepovers - doesn't mean I have to let them go.

No way. He's still too young. It's not like he's going to a birthday party down the street for 2 hours. He's going out of town to a huge amusement park without you. Nobody will watch or care for your kid like you will. He's only 7 years old. It's not like he's 15. That would be different.

I'd definitely say no. Who cares if someone calls you a helicopter mom? That's your baby! You do what you want to protect him. He's still very young.

I'd say no and feel just fine w/my decision.

At age 7 I would not have allowed casual acquaintances to take my child anywhere in a vehicle. At that age, my kids were quite small in stature and still in harnessing carseats, not even in boosters yet. An out of town birthday would definitely require my attendance, or he wouldn't go.

Now at age 15, I'd be like, "Here, take my kid!" lol

My son is 7 and separates from me with out any problems. He goes on school field trips, to daycare, etc. He goes and plays at other kid's homes whose parents I know and have been to their homes. I know what their parents do for work, where they're from, etc. There are some parents who I'd be ok with my son going with for the day because I've known them and already had several get togethers. I would not let my 7 year old go with a family for the day if I had not met them or had never been to their house. Sorry, but especially to a theme park because of the safety issue...all the people and the bathroom's. I don't think you need to feel bad for asking to go along, to me it seems appropriate given the fact that they're only 7 and you've never met hem before. I would just be up front about how you feel with the parents and go along if you want. I know a lot of parents who feel the same way as you, I don't think you're overreacting at all. I would actually be a little surprised if my son got an invite like that from a family I did not know, I'd be more comfortable with something local first. Who knows, they're probably really nice people...but you have to go with safety first.

I didn't understand what you meant about 'lose one kid' and when I read your profile I did. I am so sorry. Before i knew that however, I was going to say no one can be too helicoptor mamaish these days and if the kids don't like it they can go to therapy when they grow up. It is your child and you call the shots. There will be plenty of time to do far away all day activities when he gets older and personally I don't think I let my sons out of my sight until they were about sixteen. Ok, kidding there, but seriously when I was little my sister was with someone who was kidnapped and she had to go to court to testify. (Child got returned safely) but you never forget these things and the fear we feel. So if your guts tell you to wait a little more, then do so. Theses people aren't paying your bills.

II would tell the parents you'd like to get to better know them. Then arrange a time for coffee or a visit in their home. Most mom's would understand your anxiety.

A thought about him going. He is not going with strangers. He knows the kids and likely the parents from school activities. Perhaps, not these parents but he's likely to be more comfortable than you with other kids parents.

I initially judge character of others by where they live, their occupations and interests, and if they have car insurance. I don't ask about insurance and make that judgement based on the above. It helps that insura sd js required to own a car that is legal to drive on a road. You can learn all of this in a short social conversation. I get a sense of who they are during conversation.
One of the reasons of many that I volunteer at school is to get to know kids and parents.

I've had few parents ask me specific questions about what their kids will be doing. I assure parents I'll let them know if their is a problem and enter their phone and text info. When my child is going without me, I am sure they have my information. A couple of times I was called to ask about their change in plans.

It's normal to be anxious when starting to let your kids be with someone else. I was the first few times. That's why sche dulling an activity for yourself at the same time is helpful to reduce the amount of anxiety.

If you haven't done play dates, now it's time to arrange them. When we took young kids to play dates where parents stay for awhile you'll get to know parents. With experience you'll be more comfortable.