Need Advice for Potty Training Almost 4 Year Old & 2.5 Year Old

Have you tried stretching the diaper across the potty and have it catch her poop? It sounds strange but my sister was having the same problem and would just stretch the diaper across the toilet. Then, while they were out one day, her daughter had to go number two and she didn't have a diaper to put on the toilet so she put a small pile of toilet paper to "catch" it. It's just a way to transition to the potty without a lot of stress for the child. It worked wonderfully.

Hope you find something that works for you, and congrats on the new little one!

In my opinion, none of your children wll be potty trained until they want it as much as you. So, your job isn't to get them to use the potty but to want to use the potty, cuz trust me, both know how to use it. They just don't know why they should. I had tried rewards, praise, charts, etc... with first & it just seem to become a power issue more than anything else. One day, I just had a revelation and I told my daughter what I wanted & expected. she was 2 3/4 yrs old. I then told her that it was her choice whether to use or not, but her choice had consequences. I explained that I was tired of cleaning nasty poo poo & that if she chose to poo in her panties, then she would help clean them & she would help clean the mess. So I would strip her down from the waist & put her in the tub & I woul;d have her help clean her nasty panties. She did not like this, nor did she like the cold water that I used to clean her & I would have her help clean as well. I explained that warm water was for bathtime only. Obviously I was trying to make the ordeal of pooing in her pants very uncomfortable. Cold water does not hurt anyone. I never got angry nor did I act smug, just matter of fact. I explained that as a person grows, their poo gets bigger & messier & that is why big kids & grown ups use the potty. When my daughter would ask for non necessity for life things, such as chocolate milk, I would answer with one question, "did you poo poo on the potty today?" she would say "no" and I would tell her that she already had her answer then. She got it! It took 4 days of her testing me to see if I would stick with it, but I will never forget the day she yelled, "i did it, I did it" Mom come look" I went in & there she was, just beaming. I was thrilled & I helped her wipe & she looked right at me and asked Can I have some chocolate milk now? I asked did you poo poo on the potty? she screamed with delight "yes" & she EARNED herself a nice big cold glass of chocolate milk! That was it for her. She got it & we never looked back. My son really just followed suit since his sister did it he really didn't fight it & when I told him he was big enough etc.. consequences etc.. he tested it once then easily went with the flow. both of mine were trained 2-3 months prior to their 3rd birthday. Now night time was harder & with first I used pull ups etc... I didn't want to rush her etc.. but honestly, I got tired of the pull ups & tired of doing laundry with all the sheets. she slept so hard she'd just sleep in the pee. disgusting! So I decided to have them go at 8pm (bedtime) then I would wake them both & have them go at 10pm right before i went to bed, then I set my watch alarm for 1am & I'd wake them again then they would make it till 6am at which time I'd wake them again. After about 2 months, they started begging me not to wake them that they would do it themselves. I cut out only the 1am time & tested them & sure enough, they did it! we've rarely had any accidents & they go on their own & don't disturb anybody else & go back to bed on their own. It is great! daughter was about 4 & son was 3. they are both now 4 & 5 & I can't remember the last accident. Hope this helps you. Best of luck.

This happened to a friend. She went to the pediatrician. He told her to stop making a big deal about it -- no need for a huge power struggle with your daughter. Basically, sooner or later, your daughter will realize that she is too old to do this. For my friend, the ped told the daughter that it was okay to wear the diaper, but she was going to have to wear a swim diaper every time she went to the pool in the summer if she couldn't learn to go poop in the potty. She learned fast because she didn't want anyone else to know.

Definitely take away the diapers and you must stick to your guns. Ultimatley, they'll potty train when their ready, but giving them outs with the diapers will just delay their natural progress. I have twin boys that I potty trained at age 2. It took one weekend to potty train one twin and 3 months to potty train the other. Just be patient and consistent and they'll get it.

Buy the potty movie on Amazon.com. It comes with doll, minipotty and teddy bear. My daughter loves it still, and she has been potty trained for a while.
Potty training for me was a combination of progress and regress, sticking to my guns and letting it go, just like all parenting. But your four year old is wise enough now to probably push your buttons. Stick to your guns with her, without emotion. Let her poop and pee on herself if necessary. Her little sister will watch all this and make decision for herself.
Most importantly, get your needs met as a mom who is understandably overwhelmed. When you are feeling more fulfilled, then you will have renewed stamina to give each kid the attention she needs. Maybe this is your 4 year old's way of dominating your attention?? Give her your undivided time in other ways and maybe the potty thing will ease up. Good luck; you can do it!

I didn't have this problem with my two girls. However, my sons were the worst. I ultimately had to take the diapers away. As long as the diapers are there, it will be their crutch. However, I wouldn't worry about the 2.5 y/o until you get the older one under control. They usually follow suit with the older one.

I have 2 kids... and for me and my friends' kids... they will do it when they are ready.
And, regressing will/can occur at any time, and more than once... if they are not ready or are stressed about it.
Pooping in a toilet, is the 2nd stage of attainment/mastery for a child for potty training... if she still only will poop in a diaper for now, that is fine. She will learn to do it in a toilet, not just yet. AND, if not, the child can get constipated... because they will start to withhold pooping, even if they have to. And constipation is a bigger problem and a painful one for the child.

Next, for expectations of night-time dryness... this can take even up until 7 years old. Normal. But, accidents will still occur. Night-time dryness is a separate thing from daytime pottying or mastery.

Peeing in toilet/pooping in toilet/dryness during sleep... does not occur at the same time nor quickly. It is a process.... a continuum.

All the best,
Susan

Better learn now to stick to your guns because once they learn how to play the game of getting their way it only gets worse.
Stand strong Mom.

I agree that it might be best to wait until the new baby has been around for a few weeks. So take a break, and then get the e-book at www.3daypottytraining.com. This method worked like a charm for my daughter (at almost 3). It is a cold turkey, no pull-ups ever method. She was potty trained in 3 days and after a week or so it seemed like she had always been potty trained. The first day will be horrible, but you just stick to the plan and it just gets better from there. I bought a whole bunch of cool things at the Target dollar spot for the end of each of the three days to show how proud I was by her progress. I agree you don't want three kids in diapers and this method will deliver results. I just kept thinking how much money I would save and that kept me going.. :-) Good luck!

C.

wow, tough scenario. with you 3 wks out from delivering i know you must be tired and frustrated with them doing this! at 4 yrs old she totally understands the concept of peeing and poopooing in the potty, right? when did you start training with her? have you tried peepee and poopoo prizes ) a few skittles or something? do you make a huge deal out of it i.e. calling grandmad to tell her? sounds to me with the 4 yr old its a battle of will so whether or not you stick to your guns and toss the diapers or transition her into it with some good tricks as suggested below is up to you. do what works for your family! now, with the 2.5yr old i would not stress too bad yet. and with you about to deliver i would just choose your battles. especially for the toddler her world is about to be rocked with the new baby, so if it were me in the situation i would just go easy with the training for a few weeks until you get settled into 3 babies.my 2 yr old was in the middle of training when i delivered and so we just coasted a few weeks. then once things settled down we cranked the focus back up on potty trainig. i have not read this book but the author of baby wise and growing kids gods way(things we have read and implemented) also has a book called potty wise. i would check that out. i have friends who swear by it.

I just want to say that the birth of the new baby will definitely change things for your family, and big changes like that USUALLY result in issues with potty training. Almost like, they were doing so well, and then baby is born, and you're back to square one, all three in diapers. So what I would do is wait until one month after the baby is born, then get hardcore. You certainly don't want all your hard work to go to waste. This is what I would do if I were in your shoes. Congratulations on the new addition to the family because the baby is all but "arrived!" Good luck with your girls! Yes, stick to your guns once and for all when its time.

What about talking with your 4 yr old about "giving" the diapers to your new baby? Maybe you can tell her the "diaper fairy" is coming to the house to see if the baby is born yet. And that if she is willing to give up her baby diapers so the new baby can get some, then the fairy might leave her a big girl present?

That way, it IS going cold turkey, but you would have some buy in from her and she would also be forewarned that all her diapers are gone from the house.

Then stick to it. Don't look back. Tell her how proud of her you are. Call Dad at work when she finally does it. And keep reinforcing what a BIG GIRL she is.

Your 2 yr old may even be so impressed she too may be willing to try. She'll come around eventually. Personally, I like potty training when it's summer time and I can put the potty seat outside on the deck.

Good luck with the new baby!

J.,
Yes, I think you should have a big talk with your daughter about how she's a really big girl now, and big girls don't wear diapers, and let her know that you will be taking them away. Have a fun event planned or reward when she finally goes ON the potty, and stick it out. It's only going to get harder in a few weeks with your newborn, so stick it out now and go for it 100%. Have you read the Potty Training Bootcamp book? You can download it online for like $7. She talks about making it your focus for several days, and I bet if you did this with your two girls, you'd make a lot of progress in a couple of days. At this point, I would say your oldest won't come around without some incentive and gentle pushing from you, and it's only going to make your life easier, though a little tougher for a few days. There's a light at the end of the tunnel! Push through and you'll get there!

Good luck!
T.
Barefoot Books Ambassador
www.ReadandGrow.com

Let them keep their diapers; cloth diapers with plastic pants! They'll change their minds real quickly. They are just regressing because you are having a third child and this is a good way to keep your attention.