Need Advice on Pre-teen Issues

I agree with Chris, give her honest, age appropriate answers to her questions. American Girl has some great books for girls. I gave my daughter "The Care and Keeping of You" and "The Feelings Book". She enjoyed reading them and we have had several discussions about things covered in them. Plus, many times I have seen her looking up info in them.
Good luck.

I don't have much advice, but my 7 year old granddaughter has been the same way...she has gotten in trouble in school twice this past month, once for chasing boys and another time for attempting to "depants" them while playing. I had all boys, so I was on the other end of this issue. I did once have to talk to a child and her mom about chasing and squeezing one of my sons. This was in first grade and he told me it was a problem he was having. I think it was was the little girl's way of showing that she liked him. But my son didn't see it as play.

I had a huge crush on a little boy when I was in K or 1st grade. So obviously it must be pretty routine developmentally.

Perhaps you can assure your daughter that there is nothing wrong with feeling crushes on little boys, but that there are bounderies that one must respect and not go beyond?

I told my granddaughter that it was ok to like boys, but that she was too young to be liking them in "that way" but to like them as friends is fine. But that she wasn't to play with them in such a way that she went beyond the boundery of what was ok. I explained to her what was ok and what was not.

Another problem is that she has 2 older sisters by another marriage and they are 12 and 15. There mom (ex wife to my son) is pretty liberal as far as what the older girls wear and so on. So Rebecka is influenced by this. The 15 year old has a boyfirend who is at their home quite often, so she sees them together.

Then when I watch some of the "preteen" shows on tv now, It's pretty clear to me why between everything Rebecka is exposed to she is growing up faster than she should be.

I think that unfortunately a lot of that is societal. I'm not sure that it's possible to censor everything. I guess all we can do is communicate bounderies, try and keep as much of the television influence our of our own (as granparents) home, and so on.

I also think that getting children at an early age involved in something they are passionate about helps. We have horses and if my husband ever finishes our barn, I'd like to get Rebecka a pony and have her start riding lessons and get involved in 4 H .

But I welcome any other suggestions that come in, N..

L. K

Hi N.,
Take your time with your daughter. I have 10 year old daughter and we have girls lunches. We talk about changes in our lives and changes with our body. It takes good communication!

Little about me: 34 years old, a Health Educator with great family communication skills, and love the out doors.

Okay Nicki, think back to when you were a little girl. You liked "boys" and you and your friends were little "giggly girls" right, so what's the harm, I have an 8 y.o. dtr. We have our girl talks (something I never had with my mom) and I've always answered her questions with age apporopriate answers, and usually the short simple answers are good. I love the communication and the trust that I have w/ both my kids. When she writes that she loves someone maybe it's a reflection on her outlook on things around her, maybe she is just very happy, and that is transfering to her feelings to the other kids around her? Just a thought. Have a great day!!!

Several rules to keep in mind when talking with preteens or teens: Do NOT PREACH. Keep it SHORT and SIMPLE. Walk away before you are finished if your child starts to turn you off. If they want to know more, they will ask. Don't be afraid to ask a nurse (School or friend) for helpful books. Ask the doctor or librarian. If you can't explain something, ask your child some questions. This may lead you in the right direction. Do not expect your child to think the way you do. She might, but she might not. She will probably change her mind a few times but if you keep the door open, she will come back to you with her concerns and questions. Good luck.

Yes I agree- We attend Crossroads in Parker and they have great activities for kids and an awesome youth group for middle school kids (6-8) I think if you explain what love is to her, and make sure she understands the difference between love and like. Being a kid today is difficult enough and the pressure to belong and be like everybody else is so great. My kids are 12 and 10 and I am still learning. I guess you learn as you go, but you follow your heart and address what concerns you and always know that if you leave the door open for your daughter to talk to you more than likely she will.

The american girl books are great and I actually read some of them with my daughter so we could talk about her feelings afterwards.

Have a great day!
C.

i think all the moms that suggest giving her books is a good thing but it is important to read them with her and be there for when she has questions. i was given a book but i had no idea what was going on. then we had that dreaded black and white movie at school and were giving sanitary napinks but i still had no idea. it is important that she ffels that she can talk to you because that wont last long anyway. once she gets older she wont talk and if you start now maybe it willbe easier. i had al boys but i still talked to them. i was always very open since they wer e little, about the differences between all girls not just momy and boys.i know that i can control my home environment but icant the outside world and i wanted them to be prepared. when my oldest son turned 13 and got his first girlfriend again, we talked about sex and what could happen and i encouraged abstinence but i also told him that i knew that not all people could do that. so i bought condoms and we kept them in a special place and i showed him how they were used he was embarrased at first but i didnt become a grandma until this year,. he is 28 now. my youngest had an 18 yr old girlfriend when he was 14. there was nothing i could do to keep him away form her so he also got the talk and thak goodness, he is 17 now and i know he isnt sexually active becasue he feels comfotable enough to joke about being the last virgin. but at least he has the tools to take care of himslef.

HI N.,
My name is K. and I have a ten year old daughter who is starting to get curious as well, I have gotten the best advice off of this web-site so I will pass it on to you.........the best thing you can do is NOT PANIC!! (pre-teens sense this:)) and try waiting until your alone....in the car, out to lunch, shopping and in passing conversation ask her what she knows and thinks about periods, boys, babies, shaving etc. etc. the most important thing is to let her know the truth and not to believe what she hears on the playground or in the girls' locker room. Making light of the situation helps too, if you remind her of things that your mom told you at that age it helps. Let her feel comfortable asking any question she wants, my daughter was horrified when she found out that periods come every month for the rest of your life! She asked if she could still swim or if she had to stay home from school you would be surprised some of the speculations other girls have but at least I know that she is prepared with the truth!! GOOD LUCK I know how hard it can be to have a pre-teen and mood swings just keep getting worse!!!:(