Need Advise on How to Handel a Break up When My Son Is Involved,

if you have been dating for four years and this is your second fight I would call that amazing. You need to talk to him sit down in a room with the door closed and talk to him. Find out if he really wants you to move if he is really "done" If he is then the two of you need to work out how long it will take to get you into a decent place, then both of you need to sit down with your son and tell him what is going on. Four years is allot to just walk out on. If you love him you dont just pack up your stuff and walk away if there is an option to try to work it out take that first.

I don't really have any advise. If you have only had two arguments in all this time, you need to give me advice !!! lol. I hope everything works out for your family. I will keep you in my prayers. One thing, I feel I need to say. Your son will be okay. No matter the outcome. And so will you.

hey well i have a 11yr son and the do all they can to pretect us and i think you guys need as many friends as you can around you its going to a rough road for him you just need to talk to him and let him know it wasent him and if you need anything let me know

Hi! first of all I jst want to say everyone fights once in awhile and that it's normal also How can he just tell you to get out like that omg you have a son and he is willing to throw away what you guys have that easy. something just doesn't sound right to me you do not just all of a sudden break up or leave someone alone. that easy. I know you love him but that is a red flag for him to just be done like that out of the blue. I wish you all of the luck in the wotld. because I have been single for awhile and it gets really lonely. but I am sure that you are so worth everything that you want and desire.

Sulky men suck. Yup, they do...once in awhile, everyone does it but to sulk and sulk and then tell you to get out...well, I would then. Especially if he is unwilling to discuss why he is sulking/giving the silent treatment, whatever.

Communication is VERY important and if you can't talk about things then there really is no relationship at all. If you really love him, try going to couples counseling together...is he willing to do that? If he is, that is a good sign that he's just going through something and might not know how to discuss it. If he's not, well then, be strong and leave but make sure he knows that it is for good...and stick to it. You and your son would deserve better and believe me, your son, with open and honest communication from you, will be just fine. There are a lot of programs and activities where he can find a good male role model.

Good luck...and remember, you ARE stong enough to go it alone if that is what it comes to.

Something is NOT right here with him not being honest with you about something. Arguing twice is not excessive by any means. It sounds like someone or something else is on his mind or whatever. If someone told me Get out! Hells bells, I would walk out in a moments time even if i had to shack up on a friends sofa or even a motel. There are many agencies that help women with kids and put you up free. Although they are not the best places to hang out(usually cheap motels with other homeless families) who have some major problems... Well, someone gave me a copy of Dr. James Dobson's book about relationships going badly like yours presently. It is the best book I have ever read on this subject with real case stories. Very interesting ones by the way. It is called:"Tough Love" and you can't put it down for long! I have lent it out and told many young ladies about it. He is a Christian Psychologist. and very well respected in his field, even by non Christians.I'm sorry for your son, but this guy is being selfish and does not deserve a good boy like yours in his life. Nor does he deserve you~ to talk to you like that and repeat it. Never cry over someone who does not cry over you. Move on and you will meet a better man who will love, honor , respect and cherish you BOTH. Call his bluff and move out without another word asap. Do tell him this is not what you wanted , but you will NOT stay and waste your precious time with someone who does not appreciate you and your son! Cut off ALL contact with him even if it hurts big time. No phone calls, no visits, etc. He will either come around soon enough realizing that you are NOT CLINGY and do NOT need him(even if you do).Nothing makes a man run faster then a clingy whiney woman. You must put on the performance of your life like: "I do not care and the heck with you buddy"! I can meet someone better and new too. Adios dweeb. See what happens then. IF he comes back , make some rules of your own of what you will not put up with. Then would be a really good time to say no underwear on the bathroom floor , toothpaste top off etc. When you show him that YOU ARE SECURE and can move on because you respect yourself this much and are happy and content with your life with or without him, it usually makes them very insecure and he will want You back in his life- perhaps. Men are still the hunters and persuers by nature. Thats normal. And be sure to tell your son, this has nothing to do with him, that he has not done anything wrong here. Tell him that so and so has made some bad choices not you! His loss. Not yours. You"ll always have each other, you"ll always be a "team" a winning team! East Hill Church in Gresham, Oregon has alot of restoration classes for every conceivable dysfuntion in both personal lives and relationships affecting the whole family. The classes are open to the public . You can be an athiest for that matter and still be welcome. Their number is listed if you need it.I feel for you and your son.I will think and pray for your situation . Good Luck.

I mostly wanted to say I'm sorry that this is going on. How awful for you and your son. My personal opinion is this. There's an underlying problem that he's not teling you about. If you've only fought twice in your relationship then there's something else wrong. My husband and I have fought about once a week for the entirity of our marriage and I've never been told to get out. Scratch that. I've been told to get plenty of times but he'd said it out of anger and apologized later. Maybe that will be the deal with you this time. I hope things work out for you and your son never has to know what's happened. My thoughts are with you.

HUGS
Cami

It sounds like a really tough place to be. If you think you could use support while you are working throught things, Abundant Life Church on 172nd between Sunnyside and Foster has a class on Tues. evenings called "Changes that Heal". It deals a lot with healthy boundaries etc. Many people who don't even necessarily go to church on a regular basis have found this class to be a wonderful place to get support and work through difficult places in their lives. Not sure when the next class starts, but it might be worth a call.

Hey J. I know what your talking about to a certain degree. I was divorced a couple years agoe and I found Mr.Right in by best friend. We went through the same situation about 9mths ago.It was really bad. He has two kids both under 5 and I have three under 9. We were a great family until he started going through some life crisis. We fought for months until I couldn't hack it anymore. He would just tell me if I didn't like it to leave and guess what...I did. It was the best thing I culd do for us. I packed up and moved to a friends house. For us it didn't last long because we discussed a lot of problems that we had and decided to compromise and heal our selves. I know that it doesn't always happen that way but I know that for us it took me leaving to put perspective in our lives.

You have been together for a long time and he sounds like he is becoming hostile. He could have dealt with the things that were the issue, but he wants you to do it instead. Every kid deserves happy parents rather than living in an ugly situation, you may even find that you will be healthier and happier after you finish crying. My ex pulled the sulking (including silent treatments that lasted up to 6 weeks at a time) and we never 'argued' but when the sulking and silent treatment is normal in the relationship it is not normal or healthy. If the invitation to leave is coming up more often maybe it is time to go and get on with your life.

Nobody needs to live life waiting for the other shoe to drop, or the significant other to snap. Go before your son learns the bad behavior you are experiencing.

I have never been in your situation but here is what i'd do. just like the saying "If you love it set it free if it comes back it was ment to be."
Leave and make it for good in his eye and your head. Your son will be fine. Just explain to him what's going on. He is old enough to understand. Don't start dating right away just get on with your life and focus on your boy. he is starting puberty and you need to give him your full attention at this stage in his life.
I understand you are thinking of your son not having a dad but you have to understand this man is not his father and you can't change that. You are his mother and father so as long as you focus on him you will both be fine.

If he comes back after you leave and lets you know how he realized how much he loves you and wants you back let him know your son is the most important thing in your world and if you do come back then your not going to play anymore games with him because your son deserves a stable home. Let him know if you come back it's for good or your not comming back at all.

Time...I wouldn't involve your son but don't lie to him if he asks what is going on..just tell him you and your bfriend are trying to work out some problems...every relationship has problems and if you don't have problems something is wrong.
Don't feel crazy, it is confusing and you are going through a hard time right now. Things can change in minutes, days or a couple of weeks. Make sure things are truly over before telling your son, with luck things will work out the best for you, and you won't ever need to tell your son anything. Good luck..keep loving

Hi J.,

I think I can sort of relate to what you are going through. Before I married my husband in March 2006, we had been dating for about 4 years and I have a 10 year old daughter. He moved us out here from Hawaii for his job last July with the knowledge that I have no family or friends here so we are pretty much on our own. Well, last year in the later part of the year we were fighting quite a bit and he would yell that we should move out as well, and I thought that was really horrible (what a jerk)! And I was thinking do I really want to marry this person, but we would eventually calm down and talk about what the real issue(s) and it really helped and we both agreed that leaving my daughter out of our fights was best for her and we still think that.

When I got divorced from my first husband, before I left I constantly reassured our daughter that it had nothing to do with her and that both he and I loved her very much, and I would just keep saying that and the teachers in her school noticed that when I was with my ex her school work was having trouble b/c we were fighting so much but after we moved out it actually improved. I am not saying this will be the case for you but what I am saying and other Dr.'s have said this that never put your child in between and try to reassure them that it is NOT their fault at all. This is in case you should decide to leave.

When some men say "Leave" they can mean so many different things - my husband means - you are hurting me so stop it or I/you have to get away, some may mean I have things going on and don't want to disappoint you so go away, I am just saying it may not mean for you to actually "Leave", you have to talk to him and ask him what's really going on.

If you ever want to talk here is my number, I would like to make new friends here if I can and what better way than to commiserate sometimes. ###-###-####.

Take care,
C.

"Get your butts home."

YIKES!!!
Not a family-man material....... Stay away by all means.