Need Help for Hubby and 6 Year Old

One thing that has helped my children's relationship with their dad is to have good stretches of time with their father when I am not around. They do fun things. They work together. They have their own relationships that are completely unrelated to their relationships with me.

This can be especially challenging to us homeschooling moms, since we tend to be so central to the lives of our entire families. All the same, your children are old enough. You could join a book club, knitting circle, scrap booking group, take a class, or start having breakfast with other mom friends on Saturday mornings. If that doesn't suit you, then what about encouraging father and son to spend time sharing a hobby they both could enjoy on a regular basis?

Good luck! Perhaps this phase will lead to a better relationship between the two of them in the long term.

Have you tried some "time-out" situations yet? What are some of the things you have done to correct the situations? Are you at all critical around your husband (of him)Do you elevate him and praise him around you 6 year old...is your husband critical of his behavior rather than ignoring the "bad" and noticing and praising the "good"? Is your son
high-maintenance...aka, very emotionally active? Does your husband back down when the boy ignores him? Do you think that it is due to his feelings about men in general? Has your husband sat down with him and let him tell him how he feels, without comment, just let him "spout off"?
Are you giving you son EFAs'(essential fatty acids)also perhaps some good quality vitamin supplements? If he is eating a lot of "sweets" and "junk" foods, it could be a major cause of the behavior problem. Could it be a "control
thing" if your husband is agressive toward him...do as I say
because I am your Dad. Just maybe a few things to think about
life is pretty complicated for these little people...there's a lot of "stuff" that they have to deal with.

Just love him for who he is...and praise him...tell him how great he is and he will become whatever you "label" him with.

God Luck. SG

Boys basically have 3 questions that they need answered.
1. Who's the boss?
2. What are the rules?
3. Will you enforce them? (This is the biggest in my opinion).

When your husband and you answer these questions for your son life will be a lot easier.
A.J.

C.,
My children are younger than yours. But from all the good parents I'm around (and whose children are good examples for mine to follow), the consensus is that dads need to discipline their children as well as the moms. And even though some parents may differ than their spouse on what kind of discipline they prefer, they need to support each other in front of the kids. IE: Dad tells son to do something,and mom says,"listen to your father." Or visa versa. That way it's always both parents dealing with one child. The other consensus is that you NEVER disagree in front of the kids or correct your spouse in front of them (or intervene when they try to discipline or correct a child) because children learn mostly by observation. They will respond to their parents the way their parents respond to each other. The most important thing is unity. I often catch myself trying to control my husband rather than supporting him when he deals with our children--and I realize my children have figured it out and are copying me. Yikes! There's tons of advice out there, but I guess what matters is that your son obeys, even if he doesn't "feel" like it. Sometimes as parents we want to discover the "why" my child is not obeying. But we need to remember that when they are young we train them to be self-disciplined when they are older. If he can negotiate on obedience as a 6 year old, it will become a habit. And what happens when he's 26 and wants to negotiate with a boss or has a problem with authority? He'll get fired or worse! The world is not a soft place for our children and it's important to prepare them for the future world we're sending them into. A side note: Raising the bar on discipline means raising the bar on love too. A good quote is "Rules without relationship = rebellion." Rick Whitney
Best of luck!
J.

Try reading "Sheparding a child's heart" it was very helpful to me, mother of 3,( 10, 8, 5 ).

How much time does your husband spend with the kids??? If you are the more hands-on parent, then your children are going to listen to you. If your husband isn't very involved, they are not going to listen to him. Sounds like this father-son relationship needs to be nurtured. Encourage them to do activities together. It will take time. Your son will listen once they've bonded. Just a guess.

Well, do you and your husband have the same rules and consequences? That is essential. Your husband cannot allow him to ignore him, it just isn't okay. He needs to get a plan with you on what punishment you use and you both need to implement it. Your husband needs to show his authority more even when you are around, if you stand united and you allow your husband to step in when there is need for discipline then they will respect him more. Taking priveledges away, time outs (not too effective with a six year old), early bedtimes and so forth until he learns to listen.

Does your husband and your son spend much quality time together? What seems like disrespect may really be a lack of connection. I know that all of my kids listen better to my husband after he has spent some real time with them. Have your husband give your son some one on one time. Of course it helps for you and your husband to be on the same page as far as discipline is concerned, but I think you may be surprised at what a little relationship building can accomplish. good luck!

A.

C.,

It would drive me crazy also.

What is the main difference in the way you ask and your husband? What consequences are there for not listening?
Is there something in the way that your husband asks that
your 6-year-old doesn't take it serious?

I realize I am not offering a solution, simply an invite to look at what is really going on in this situation.

With Joy, C.

These are signs of classic power struggle - deafness, paralysis, doing the opposite. Your 6 yr old is tired of having 2 Siblings and 2 parents always telling him what to do. He has no control or power, so he takes it when he can by going deaf. So... what to do. The love & logic way is to share control with choices. Check out the audio from the library "avoiding powerstruggles" or "helicopter, drill seargents, consultant parents" It will give you the proper way to give choices - YOu'll be amazed with the results.
1.You want him to do his homework, give him choices on how he does his homework. "Do you want to do homework befor or after your snack, at kitchen table or in bedroom, with music on or music off"
2. You want him to do the dishes, "Do you want to clear the plates or glasses first?, do you want to wipe the table or empty the garbage next?"

Giving choices builds up a power bank and you can make withdrawls.. "don't I ususally give you choices? This time I get to make the choice..."

Give 2 choices, both happy with, give 10 seconds for him to decide and then choose for him.

If you expereiment for 1 week and innudate him with choices instead of giving him commands, you'll see a difference.

More info? Take my Love & Logic Parenting class. Schedule info at www.shellymoorman.com.

First off, there is a problem between the hubby and the son of some sort. Your son believes that he doesn't have to listen to your hubby...that is just wrong. I would make the husband be the one who your son has to deal with when your husband is home until your son can learn to do so freely. I would explain that he is to deal with your husband until his attitude changes and I would ignore your son like he is your husband. Then when he complains about it I would just simply say that,"If you don't like being treated this way, quit treating your father this way" and continue on like nothing was said. He will get the point after a while. I also would prepare the husband to be able to deal with your son in a manner that is positive but as a parent not a friend.

I just finished reading "How to Behave So Your Children Will Too" and I thought it worthwhile. I had a similar problem with my girls and followed the guidelines in this book using Time Out and it has greatly improved listening and respect in a peaceable way. I recommend it.

maybe there is a lack of connection there. he should try spending more time with just him. If the only connection he is having is an authority one, your 6 year old may be feeling a little rebellious towards him. Either way, there is a reason behind this. It has to do with their relationship and you can't realy get advise for some underlying emotion that is between two other ppl. I think they have to figure it out themselves... lil help from super mom of course

Your son obviously doesn't respect your husband's authority. If they can find a way to connect and have quality time together that may help. I've used the "Smart discipline" and the "Love and logic" methods with my kids and they have worked wonderfully. You can check both books out at the library. Maybe your husband can start this with your son. Good luck!

Hi C.....your son's behavior towards his father is totally unacceptable. For help in how to handle this, check out nogreaterjoy.org and buy the $5.00 book titled To Train Up A Child. You can also order their free newsletter that helps with all areas of family life. No need to have misbehaving children...if you know how to handle it. Best to you!