Need Help Getting 11 Month Old to Sleep on His Own

I just recently stopped my little girl (10 months old) fromw aking up twice in the middle of the night to nurse. My ped assured me she was not hungry. Dad stepped in and would get up with her, and be silent, and offer her a bottle with water and rock her. After ONE NIGHT, this cut out one of her wake-ups. Then after a week it cut out both. We live in a one bedroom apt and she is in our room with us!! I was awake the whole time but we would let her cry 10 minutes the first night, then 15 then 20 ,and then the final night she would cry for like 5-10 minutes and then put herself back to sleep-now less than that if she makes a peep at all. Thank goodness we didn't have to go longer than that!!! I also love the Weissbluth book and took it and sort of made it my own. Good luck!

wow, after reading everything you are doing, i don't know that i have anything different to add! i used the sleep lady system which worked for a while. i have twin boys and started using her system when they were about 9 months old. i can't say i used it consistently, but it did help us. i guess all i can say is it will get better and to keep trying!

I'm not sure my answer is an answer but...
My son (my one and only so far) is almost 2.5yrs old and I still have to put him to sleep. My husband and I go back and forth about really needing to just let him cry it out so he can learn to sleep on his own. I can never go through with it. He cries for 10min (increasingly madder and desperate) and throws up. We go in to clean and he usually passes out when we're cleaning it up. The next day he refuses to go in his room because now it's 'not safe' or scary for him. And he sleeps much worse at night too. It takes a good 4-5 days for him to feel safe to go in his room willingly and sleep well. I don't think it's worth it. I don't mind that his sleep routine can take up to 1.5hrs some nights. My husband disagrees and thinks that I'm enabling him. My argument is that he will eventually learn to sleep. I know my parents never made me 'cry it out'. Since he is older, I do talk to him about it and tell him that he needs to go to sleep on his own soon and that mommy won't and can't always be there to put him to sleep.
Like I said, I don't really have an answer for you but hope it's comforting to know that there are others going through similar situations!

PS. I asked our pedi for advice and he said that letting him cry it out was the only way! And his reply to throwing up is to go clean the mess quickly and not to make a big deal of it. And that most babies/toddlers do throw up! Great doctor but definitely don't see eye to eye on this one!

I also highly recommend "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child!" My husband and I waited until our daughter was a year old to read it--I definitely wish we hadn't! Rebecca (a few comments below) seems to have summed it up pretty well; all I can add is that it was the most informative and balanced (i.e. it doesn't tell you that you MUST do things a certain way or your child will be ruined; rather, it explains why sleep is important, why it is a skill, why sleep patterns change at different ages, and what you can do about it at this stage of your child's development) sleep book I picked up (and I, like you, picked up quite a few!). I wish you and your husband well; good luck!

Hello,
I'm so feeling for you. My first son was a lot like yours. Cry out didn't work, made him more nervous, anxious. After crying for 4 hous (he comes down for 15 min just to have a brake and to start crying again) i gave up. My solution was to be with him in the room untill he falls asleep. There were nights i set next to his crib half of the night when he wakes up in the middle of the night, sometimes i slept next to his crib on the floor. That lasted till 20 months old. He is almost 5 now and his sleeping is still not very good. Sometimes he wakes up crying from having nightmares.
My second son was compleat different story - at 5 month old he slept through the night in his crib, i could put him down with his bottle and go.
My 11 month daughter is the same as my first son. i don't know what to do with her, I rock her to sleep in a chair, move her to crib, it works for the half of the night. i don't have all that energy now to stay up half of the nights with her and all she wants is a boob. so i just take her to bed with me, it's not a good thing to do, but i do what i can. Sometimes crying out works but she get very cranky after that and it's harder to get her to sleep later on.
I don't know if my post will help but at least you know you are not alone.

Hello, I am also a first time mom to a 1 year old little girl tomorrow! We didn't have as much trouble getting her to fall asleep by herself in her crib or the playpen (in our room), but I did have trouble with the feedings too. A lady that works for a program with the hospital suggested I give her a snack such as a gerber fruit jar or baby cereal or oatmeal to fill her up before bedtime, and that would take care of the nightime feedings. It worked! it took a few days, but it worked. I guess it fills them up longer than breastmilk or formula. Now she falls asleep between 8:30 and 9:15p.m. and wakes up between 6:30 and 7:30am (usually because she's hungry), but no more during the night. Once in awhile when she doesn't want to go to sleep by herself, I let her lay with me in bed and when she falls asleep I just move her back to the playpen. Or if she doesn't fall asleep within 15 minutes, I put her back in the playpen, sometimes she falls asleep right away and sometimes she cries for a little bit but then falls asleep. I hope some of this helps you, good luck.

My husband and I rocked both our children to sleep until they were 2-3 years old and currently sit with my 3 year old until he is asleep. I see no problem with it. Both my kids are great sleepers. The 11:00 feeding is something that needs to go, so you can get a full night's sleep, but he may just not be ready to give it up. Has your husband tried to go in and comfort him until he falls back asleep, so he does get the comfort, but not the feeding? Once he gets used to not having the feeding, he will probably sleep right through until 5 am. It sounds like you are second guesssing yourself about your routine and I wouldn't. I listened to others too much when I had my first child and wanted my son to follow all the books and advice and do what I thought I was supposed to do, but I realized with my second that we do what works for us and who cares what everyone else is doing or thinks. Are you and your son happier now or were you happy with your old routine? Why make life hard? Your son won't be breastfeeding at 11 forever, so don't stress about it. Sounds like your doing a great job to me!!!

Hi N.!

Well, everyone has a different parenting style. I always tell people "do whatever works for you, and if something stops working - change it!" :) On that note, it sounds like your bedtime routine isn't working for you anymore. I'll share a little of what we did with our girl (who now LOVES her naptime/bedtime...truly!).

We did sleep training with my daughter when she was 5.5-6 months old. We did do some "Crying It Out", but for us, that meant leaving the room and going back in at intervals, lengthening the time between intervals. She took only 2 nights, but was already sleeping through the night for the most part. We did find that she stopped waking altogether once she was putting herself to sleep...I think it helped her figure out how to "roll over and go back to sleep". :) Naps took a little longer, I think a week or two, but we were SUPER consistent with timing of everything for those weeks so we could establish a good pattern.

You can't spoil a baby - they need all the lovin' you can give! But at this point, it sounds like you are wanting things to shift so that your nights belong to you again, and that is OKAY!! My favorite sleep book is "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Weissbluth. For older babies, he usually recommends the extinction method of crying (close the door at bedtime and go back in when the sun comes up). I didn't feel good about that with my daughter, so we went in at intervals, but didn't pick her up. But again, she was younger and fairly immobile, and I know that makes a difference. You may want to try "extinction" for the middle of the night wakings, or at least really limit the number of times you'll go in there. There will probably be some crying, but in my opinion, there are worse things in the world than crying! ;) You know your baby, so listen for changes in the cry, but some of his tears are likely exhaustion...haven't you ever been so tired you cried? I know I have...

Good for you for working on it now. It doesn't get easier as they get older, and sleep is really important for brain development/recovery (for ALL of you!!). Check out that book - it has comments on all ages/stages. :)

Take Care,
R.

have you tried a paci? this may help him comfort himself while trying to go to sleep. i would not stay in the room with him after you put him in the crib...he can smell you which means he can smell the milk. maybe the paci would help to soothe him and prevent the gagging.

I second the Dr. Weisbluth book. We followed it with our son, and he is an awesome sleeper. He would go down aroudn 6:30, and he was getting up at about 2 to nurse, and then back down until 6:30. At 8 months I decided he didn't need to nurse at 2, and just would go in his room and rock him and give him his paci. We called it "stare it out" becuase he was wide eyed staring at me, for up to 45 mintues:) After a few nioghts, he stopped getting up. Good luck!

"Sleeping independence" is an ARTIFICIAL, UNNATURAL constraint put on our children by the social norms of a 1950's middle-class that developed after WWII. When my father was an infant/toddler his crib was in his parents' room. He was moved out when the next sibling was born. My father grew up sleeping in the same bed with 2 brothers. After the war, the middle-class experienced a new affluence. Young ex-soldiers went to college on the GI bill, and got good jobs. They said, "Look, we can afford a new tract home with a separate room for the "nursery" just like rich people have always had." But what got forgotten & left behind was the nanny that rich people always had. Nannies attended the children in the separate "nursery" all night long. Read the book callled THE FAMILY BED. It shakes up the paradigm that children should be left alone in a dark room to cry it out.