Need Help Letting Mom Take Care of My Kids

Would they be completly separated from you? Or does your mother live in the same state? I would say if they will be somwhere else, they are not quite old enough to understand why you are leaving them. They might have abandonment issues as they get older. Wondering why mom would want to go to school rather than be with them. I'm sure being a single mom is very difficult, but don't give up these precious years while they are young. Maybe you could do some online classes. God Bless, A.

Is there any reason why you can't stay with your mom also while you are going to school? That's great that you are going to school to better your situation in the long run but as a mom I couldn't see leaving my kids for that long of a period of time, unless you are mentally unable to deal with them right now. If it's just having the time to study, maybe you can go to a library or coffee shop to get out of the house, then at least have dinner with your kids or see them off to bed at night.

I'm sorry, I'm not trying to down what you're doing but I would have such a hard time with that, and I'm sure your kids would too. If you do, try to visit as much as possible and talk on the phone as much as possible so your kids don't feel abandoned.

Good luck.

Congrats on go back to school. Keep in mind that this is a short term solution that will benefit you both mentally and financially in the long run. If you are able to, buy a webcam for yourself and your mother, so you can see and talk to your children everyday.

I think it would be extremely difficult to not stay at the same house together, so can you stay with your mom too? Maybe take online classes or attend a community college if there isn't a university near her? I would just do everything in my power to keep the family together. It just sounds a little too traumatic. When my mom was a baby her mom was very sick and she was sent to live with an aunt for several months. By the end of that time she was calling her aunt "Mommy," and was very confused when her parents took her back. She attributes some of her lack of coping and depression to that sense of abandonment (but there are so many other factors that also contribute to depression). I know you have to do what you have to do, but I would be real careful, or make sure you come to visit several times a week and stay there on the weekends if you absolutely cannot live there and attend college. My husband traveled during the week for work and it started getting real hard on my 2 1/2 yo son, so he made some adjustments and only travels every other week for a few days. There are many options out there, so I am sure you will find an arrangement that will help you get back on your feet while also meeting the children's needs.

N.,

It is really great that you are making positive plans for yourself that will help you and the children in the future. It ia also great that your mom is offering to help out with the children, as not everyone has that kind of support! I will tell you that a two year old is not emotionally prepared to be separated from his mom for an extended period of time. The five year old will cope better, but still not good for them to be away from you 24/7. I strongly encourage you to stay with your mom, or have her stay with you so that you will be with the children when you are not at school. You definitely will need support, but you are right be concerned about being separated from your children. I don't know how close the children are to your mom right now. If they already have a good relationship with her that will help, but as I said, no child welfare or social worker would recommend separation from the children. I lived with my mom for two years after I got divorced and it was the best thing I could do for me and my son! You and your mom can work together to make it the best for all of you!

-Jen

N.,

Good for you for returning to college and finishing your education. That is so important and will benefit you and your kids forever.

It will be hard for all of you. They will miss you and you will miss them. But keep reminding them that there is a specific end-date, when they will return to your care. Find ways to stay connected regularly (phone calls, visits) and on a predictable schedule. If they know you will call/visit every Tuesday night, and you do, they will be comforted and feel more secure.

Stay strong and remember how important your education is to your entire family. You are great!