Need Help on Weaning My 15-Month-old Who LOVES Nursing

Updated on February 18, 2009
A.R. asks from San Francisco, CA
15 answers

I have a beautiful 15 month old daughter who is addicted to nursing!! She still wants to nurse 4-5 times/day and at night too but I am trying to keep it down to once per night at 5 am. If I don't nurse her at night when she wants it she will scream, often for more than an hour. It's excruciating. She is very demanding during the day as well, throwing fits when she can't have "boob"! I've reached the point where nursing has started to become a chore. I've started to resent it honestly. I love to make her happy, but the constant demand is driving me crazy. I feel like I still have a newborn! She has never taken a bottle or pacifier, and barely drinks from a cup. (I offer it to her constantly.) My question is, how do you wean a toddler who loves nursing so much? An additional complicating factor is that we just moved in with my parents for a few months (not sure how long), and my daughter is having a tough time with the transition to a new bed, home, etc. And her daddy is not with us for the rest of the month. I don't want to force too many changes on her at once but I am really going nuts and wondering how I am ever going to wean her. Can anyone give me detailed information on how you weaned a highly demanding toddler? How to deal with the tantrums? Should I try to do this while we are in transition, or wait until we have moved to a new permanent home? Please don't suggest that I wait until she is ready to wean herself because I am pretty sure that day won't come for at least another year or two!

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V.R.

answers from Redding on

I feel your pain. I thought my son was going to need a 12 step program to wean off my boob.

I actually did have surgery on one breast and I did the broken boob thing but first I started removing one feeding at a time and kept the feedings that he really was attached to like before nap and bed.

Then, at the end of the treatment for the surgery on the first breast, the doctor suggested that we tape up the other breast. I told my son on the way out of the doctor's office that both boobs were broken and the doctor said we had to stop nursing. He started yelling (he was 2 1/2) and said the doctor didn't say that. The doctor came out and took my son back into his office and talked to him. It worked.

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J.G.

answers from San Francisco on

If you can handle a few nights of crying, I would wean her at night first. I did this with my oldest and am planning to do this next week with our 15 month old. I'm not an advocate of CIO, so you will have to comfort her in another way or enlist the help of your parents since your hubby isn't around. Nurse her before bed, then tell her nursey is going night night, and she can have it when the sun comes up. Then stick to your guns.

During the day, when she asks to nurse, try to distract her with a fun game or toy that you can do together. If she's really persisting then you could go ahead and nurse her a little bit. Also, you can make a no nursing rule for when you are out and about.

The point is you are going to have to replace nursing with something that is just as enjoyable to her. This gets easier as they get older, their world gets bigger, and they are not so focused on mama.

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E.W.

answers from Portland on

Sounds like you are doing such a great job! I recently went through the transition of staying with my parents with my little one. It's a big change for everyone and if you can handle it, keep nursing so she still has some normalcy. I know it's tough, some days I feel a bit rough for wear and my boobs ache but it's really only a small fraction of what we can do as moms in our children's lifetimes! It looks like there is some good advice on weaning here as well. Good luck to you in all of your endeavors.

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R.F.

answers from San Francisco on

I have 27 month old who is now down to 1 1/2 nursings a day. What I did for the 4 AM feeding once she was about the age of your daughter was to offer water at that feeding. She got mad. She hit me, fussed, and threw the cup back at me. She would eventuall take it when she realized that was the only option I was offering her. Once she got used to having water at that feeding, she began sleeping through it a few days later. Hang in there. The important thing is to be consistent with the feeding you are dropping. It sounds like you've done all the right things up to now for her to still be nursing & should be commended. It just sounds like time to begin a gradual weaning of one or two feedings so that you both will continue to enjoy the relationship.

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B.R.

answers from Sacramento on

This one is difficult! Do you have any clues as to why she's so demanding? Is nursing the only area where she shows this tendency? These are things you need to ask yourself, and see if you can get a clue from your answers.

I agree with those who've said you need to go slowly while you're in this transition stage, living with grandparents and Daddy isn't there. My suggestion is that you choose some times of day (or night) that you feel you can best handle her nursing, and make those the ONLY times she can nurse. You may want to consider times when her crying and getting angry at being denied will be least disruptive to you and the rest of the family. Then, let her know that she isn't getting to nurse the other times, and be firm about it. Offer alternatives, and if she refuses them, just let her figure it out that it isn't going to get her the nursing she's trying to demand.
At some point in their little lives, children need to begin to learn the meaning of the word 'no' and that life really doesn't revolve around only them. I know - they are still pretty much ego-centric for a few more years, but if we don't begin to show them something different, they never will grow out of that stage.
As I read your request, I got the feeling that if you don't take charge on this, you may end up exploding at her one day, and that would be far worse than putting up with the fussing she'll do during the time you're training her to change her habits. Hang in there, and best of luck!

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T.J.

answers from San Francisco on

I haven't gone through this, but I just recently got some good books about weaning and nursing toddlers. One is Mothering your Nursing Toddler by Norma Jane Bumgarner (has a chapter or two on weaning) and How weaning Happens by Diane Bengson. I haven't actually read that one. Also Kathleen Huggins has a book called something like the Nursing Mother's Guide to Weaning. Sounds like a tough position -- recognizing that she needs it more right now but resenting it. The books might also help you with some of those feelings too.

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E.B.

answers from San Francisco on

It sounds like you are doing great. I urge you to try to ride it out while you are in this stage of transition, or until your toddler feels some more stability. Changes are scary.

I have not tried weaning my 20-month-old yet, but I have gotten a little less patient, and so I often say no to a particular request. I usually offer something else (favorite food or toy or book) and this generally works. Sometimes I explain that my nu-nu's (don't ask!) are tired or empty, so we have to wait until later. I try to be specific about when later is (after dinner, before bed, when we get home, etc.)

Every once in a while, she will cry and I give her hugs and comfort her until she is over it. Sometimes I can see that it's really important for her at the moment, so I take a deep breath and offer the breast.

My daughter nurses through the night generally, but lately, I have stopped offering the breast when she wakes unless she asks for it. She has started asking sometimes for water instead or even just wanting to cuddle and going back to sleep with her head on my shoulder. I'm going with this for now, hoping that she will become less accustomed to nursing throughout the night, so that night weaning,w hen I decide to do it, will not be such a shock for her.

Best of luck to you!

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H.J.

answers from San Francisco on

4-5 times/day at this age is totally normal--especially with the upheaval of just having moved! My 21-month-old still nurses 2-3 times/day, often another time at night, and would like more, especially because she sees me nursing her little brother (4 months), which keeps it from being out of sight out of mind.
The easiest way to cut the nursings down in the daytime is simply to be busy when she asks--put her off for a little while, and live with the screaming. Telling her when the next nursing time will be may help. At about that age (especially since I was also 7 months pregnant right then), I started working on cutting her back to naptime, bedtime, and maybe first thing in the morning (the times that seem to matter most to her). I like my sleep, so the night nursing fight isn't worth fighting yet. Nurse her--you'll both get more sleep, & the daytime thing will go easier. Address the night nursing later (I usually won't nurse mine more than once in the night.
With the moving and everything, this sounds like a BAD time for you to do any major weaning.

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H.D.

answers from Redding on

Hi, I'm doing the same thing. I just started eliminating a feeding a week. The first week was the 10am feeding. I distracted him and offered him his cup. If he pulled on my shirt, I said we don't do that anymore and here's a toy! LOL. Next week was the afternoon feeding, and so on. We're down to just the 4 am feeding and he's fine with it (NOW!, lol it took a minute).
She's not going to be happy, but you have to strong.
Also, know that babies won't let themselves starve, if she can't have your boob, she WILL take the cup, eventually.
Good Luck

J.A.

answers from San Francisco on

First I'd say don't try to wean her compeletly right now - especially since you know she needs the comfort with all of the transitions that are going on, but do put some restrictions on it. Nurse her before bed and then nothing more until morning (this really only works if your inlaws are willing to help because if you go into calm her at night but refuse to nurse her it may be worse than grandma or grandpa putting her back to sleep since she has different expectations from them.
Secondly, on way to "drop" a midday session is to make sure all nursing is (from now on) done in a "special chair" or with a "special pillow." Then make sure you are out and about during one feeding time. When she asks to nurse tel her - not now, we only nurse in our special chair remember? We'll have to wait until we get home." She may or may not remember once ou get home. If she forgets, great; if not you've set some boundries.
Good luck

G.M.

answers from Modesto on

That's a tough one. I nursed both of my boys. But both were also willing to eat finger foods and drink from straws by the time they were walking so the demand for nursing sort of diminished on it's own. So I can't tell you anything from "experience" but I can give you a suggestion. Lets say "what if for some reason you stopped producing milk?" what would you do then? You would have to stop nursing. I figure you are trying to not feed her tantrums and are not into letting her cry it out..... but it looks like that's exactly what you will have to do.
At 15 mos you have done a wonderful job of nursing. Lots of moms don't make it that long. The transition of the move may have made her a little insecure and she is looking at the "boob" as comfort. You just need to replace the boob with other comforting things. You have to be patient as you give her other options to eat or drink rather than suckle. Trust me when she gets hungry or thirsty enough she will finally take on the other options you have provided for her. I think I would nurse her in the morning when she wakes up and while you are nursing her you need to talk to her and tell her she wont get any more boob until nap time or bed time, explain that to her while she's suckling. She's old enough to understand certain things. You may want to put a bandaid on your breasts and show her that you have "owies" right now and that they are "broken" and give her a cup of milk and some dry cheerios to keep her occupied. Play the "broken boob" game with her during the day but at night let her know they are "all better" and nurse her to sleep. Repeat the next day, slowly she will transition.
That's about all I can think of right now. Hope it helps. Good luck.

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J.H.

answers from San Francisco on

I know how you feel! My guess is that she feels the changes and so she is clinging to what she knows, you. My son was very frustrating for me to the point he would scream and throw himself on the floor if I didn't carry or nurse him.
I told my son that he was now a big boy, and soon mommy would have no more milk. I said to him soon mommy will be all dried up, and we wont nurse anymore. Tell her every time you nurse her. Be very consistent about which nursing times you cut. Cut one every few days to a week depending on how she does. Tell her the whole time that soon she will be big and soon you wont nurse together.
Then once she is down to nursing only one time a day (before bed probably) give her a gift of something she really likes. Tell her she gets this new book because she is big now. With my son it was a new book because he really likes to read. Then make a routine for bed time. For us it was bath, pj's, two books as he nursed, then into bed awake.
Then once that is going well tell her ok, tomorrow we are not going to nurse anymore. Stick to your guns! Once you tell her it is it you must not cave! You need to win this one. Stop nursing her and then just read. She will be mad, but stay strong.
Good luck, and if you ever need to talk let me know. It will be hard, but you can do it!

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A.A.

answers from San Francisco on

Hi there! I also had a little girl that wouldn't 'give it up' until after 2 years old,although she would accept a sippy cup, she disliked bottles. I finally more or less made her quit cold turkey, knowing full well she was well fed and drinking other fluids. But, you have an entirely different situation where your little one is all mixed up and confused over your move, not having her dad, and being in a strange bed. She's probably regressed a little bit. Give her some more time, when you think she's more adjusted, before attempting to wean her. Hope this helps, Sincerely, CJ

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W.L.

answers from Sacramento on

I have a 16 month old grandson and when it was time for him to be weaned we had him stay the weekend with us. That way Mom and him could deal with the effects on their own. He did very well because he would take a cup from us, if it was to be her offering it of course he would throw a fit because the alternative was there.

You mentioned that you are living with your parents right now, maybe they would be willing to help you out like that? Maybe you could stay with a friend for the weekend?

If that would not work for you then you will just have to be strong and put away the boobie. :) Of course your daughter will get mad but she will get over it. I think it is much harder on the parent as it is the child.

Good luck to you!

Have a Blessed Day,

W. L.

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K.H.

answers from Modesto on

I'd wait until you're in your permanent home.

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